Gagirl Posted August 23, 2023 Share Posted August 23, 2023 My husband is having a midlife crisis. I am assuming that when my daughter graduates high school, he will tell me that he has found the true love of his life and be gone. Or who knows, maybe he will wait until I’ve paid for all my kid’s cars, insurance and college tuition. What things do I need to do to prepare myself financially, emotionally, physically and mentally for that day? I have around 2 to 7 years. I would like for him to sign a quit claim deed ASAP since I’ve paid for most of the house and the maintenance and keep me on his health care coverage. He keeps pushing more of the expenses off on me and pushing me into debt. How do I protect myself from that? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 23, 2023 Share Posted August 23, 2023 1 hour ago, Gagirl said: . What things do I need to do to prepare myself financially, emotionally, physically and mentally for that day? Consult an attorney for information advice and support in the event of divorce. Marriage is a financial contract you'll have to dissolve in order to sever finances and benefits. Consult a financial planner and accountant to discuss retirement plans as well as how to start preparing for the future. In the meantime budget yourself and take care of yourself and your children. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 23, 2023 Share Posted August 23, 2023 I'm a little confused. In another post you just made, you mentionedhaving access to his wallet as one of the only good things about being married to him, so clearly there's still a financial advantage of staying with him. At any rate, why is he not paying for half of your kids costs? Why do you have to buy the kids a car each? How does he push more and more expenses on you? And what happens if you say no? And the biggest question: why are you still there? As for the legal questions, I agree that they need to be answered by a divorce attorney. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted August 23, 2023 Share Posted August 23, 2023 You get to a divorce lawyer asap. Many offer free consults and you should call several of them and go with the one you like the best (and whose prices are reasonable for you). You tell the lawyer exactly what you've said here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gagirl Posted August 23, 2023 Author Share Posted August 23, 2023 1 hour ago, basil67 said: I'm a little confused. In another post you just made, you mentionedhaving access to his wallet as one of the only good things about being married to him, so clearly there's still a financial advantage of staying with him. At any rate, why is he not paying for half of your kids costs? Why do you have to buy the kids a car each? How does he push more and more expenses on you? And what happens if you say no? And the biggest question: why are you still there? As for the legal questions, I agree that they need to be answered by a divorce attorney. If I say no, my kids won’t have a car, insurance, college tuition or extracurricular activities. His wallet is available but is small. He is hiding money from us as his paychecks have not increased in the past 8 years. He will not show me his full pay stubs. Only the deductions for benefits. He had a substantial inheritance that he gave to his brothers while his son had to take out a loan for college for the amount that I do not have the funds to pay. This is a small reasonably priced college. Not a dream school scenario. He now wants me to get my own health insurance so he can bring home more money but I will lose all my doctors. He friended and is talking to an ex-girlfriend on social media and lives in my house while the kids and I live in a studio apartment during the work/school week. He made a comment about me being his sugar mama recently. These are just a few a things that occurred since the beginning of July. He just purchased a motor cycle recently. Fingers crossed. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 23, 2023 Share Posted August 23, 2023 3 hours ago, Gagirl said: He keeps pushing more of the expenses off on me and pushing me into debt. How do I protect myself from that? File for divorce first. Seriously, stop the bleeding. I would consult a financial planner and a lawyer and consider filing for divorce. You will divide the marital assets (your home, pension plan, etc) and he may owe you spousal and/or child support if he earns more than you do. If he is pushing you into debt, you need to push back. 8 minutes ago, Gagirl said: If I say no, my kids won’t have a car, insurance, college tuition or extracurricular activities. I’m honestly not sure how and when our culture shifted such that children have come to expect and parents decided that it is their responsibility to provide a car, a college tuition (without student loans), and other entitlements like extracurricular activities for their (adult) children. Just my opinion, but I would be less worried about buying my children a car than I would be about securing my own financial security in the future. Ultimately, your financial security is their financial security… I hope that you make wise decisions. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 23, 2023 Share Posted August 23, 2023 23 minutes ago, Gagirl said: He lives in my house while the kids and I live in a studio apartment during the work/school week. How exactly does this work? Why did you agree to this? It seems to me that you are already pretty much living separately, he is flirting with an old-flame, you are fighting over who is going to pay for what - it’s time to file for divorce and make it official. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted August 23, 2023 Share Posted August 23, 2023 (edited) Is he on the house? I thought you said it was yours. start teaching your kids to be independent. As soon as they are able they should have a job - earn money and save for the things they want (car, ins and college). It’s a life lesson they will benefit from. start keeping your money separate from your husband. Why would you stay in any apartment during the week? Get yourself home and reclaim it. begin making sure all your assets are in your name only. Credit cards, bank accounts and any stocks etc - make sure you don’t have him on those at all. See an attorney now - and I wouldn’t wait until the kids are grown - the damage he could do between now and seven years could be astronomical. You may already have to divide assets by half. See if you can look at tax filings from past years - that may give you a slim idea about how much he’s earning. Mira time to teach the kids to earn things themselves and then obtain their own goals - you do not need to GIVE them everything. You need to take care of yourself. start telling your husband NO as well. You do not need to say yes to everything he’s doing. if the ex GF is married - notify her husband immediately. Edited August 23, 2023 by S2B Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted August 23, 2023 Share Posted August 23, 2023 (edited) Please consult an experienced divorce lawyer in your jurisdiction for the correct legal advice on handling your properties and assets. What do you mean he keeps pushing you into debt? Work on your boundaries and look into developing healthy boundaries. I agree about the earlier comments on teaching your children the same values and skills. If you want to buy something you work for it and pay for it with your own hard earned money. You do not mooch off someone else or grow up self-entitled. Your kids will cope without a car and they should be working to support anything extracurricular, even paying for their own tuition, cellphone and monthly bills etc. They’re not learning these critical life skills from either of you… Edited August 23, 2023 by glows Link to post Share on other sites
Will am I Posted August 23, 2023 Share Posted August 23, 2023 6 hours ago, Gagirl said: My husband is having a midlife crisis There’s a lot of odd things in your situation, they’re being addressed in previous posts. But the first line is somewhat puzzling in itself: “he has a midlife crisis” — what does a midlife crisis represent to you and how do you know he has one? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted August 23, 2023 Share Posted August 23, 2023 (edited) 8 hours ago, Gagirl said: I am assuming that when my daughter graduates high school, he will tell me that he has found the true love of his life and be gone. And how do you know this for sure? Have you found evidence of this? You haven't supplied any information that supports this claim. 8 hours ago, Gagirl said: I have around 2 to 7 years. Again, how do you know this? You honestly just sound very insecure and paranoid. Unless you have found actually evidence that supports this. Edited August 23, 2023 by JTSW Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted August 23, 2023 Share Posted August 23, 2023 (edited) 5 hours ago, Gagirl said: He had a substantial inheritance that he gave to his brothers while his son had to take out a loan for college for the amount that I do not have the funds to pay. You say 'his son'. Does that mean the boy is from a past relationship of your husbands? And he is making you pay for his college and a future car? Edited August 23, 2023 by JTSW Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted August 23, 2023 Share Posted August 23, 2023 17 hours ago, Gagirl said: I am assuming that when my daughter graduates high school, he will tell me that he has found the true love of his life and be gone. Or who knows, maybe he will wait until I’ve paid for all my kid’s cars, insurance and college tuition. What things do I need to do to prepare myself financially, emotionally, physically and mentally for that day? Why are you passively waiting around until HE decides to leave you? Why are you allowing all this to continue? A lot of things about your situation are very strange. This has nothing to do with a "midlife crisis." He is just using you and being a horrible husband and you've accepted it and allowed it for a long time, for reasons that are unclear. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted August 23, 2023 Share Posted August 23, 2023 17 hours ago, basil67 said: Why do you have to buy the kids a car each? This is a very good question. Maybe your husband's not having a mid-life crisis at all, maybe he's just angry that his wife spoiled the children and now he lives in a house full of entitled people who he can't stand. He wouldn't be the first man to be driven out of his home by this scenario. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted August 24, 2023 Share Posted August 24, 2023 Can I ask where you are from? Link to post Share on other sites
BrinnM Posted August 24, 2023 Share Posted August 24, 2023 I’ve skimmed through your old threads from way back when. What I gathered is that this has been going on for a very long time, especially the (suspected or actual) cheating. Like 10+ years. It seems like you have put up with his indiscretions for way too long, and I’m asking myself why. What are the reasons for this, @Gagirl? Because it’s not only the infidelity, it’s also that he makes you financially responsible for all your children’s expenses, which is not fair. On the other hand, you don’t seem to need him, financially speaking, and you also don’t appear to love or appreciate him as a partner. This is a marriage not worth keeping. I believe from the bottom of my heart that you would be much better off divorced & single. Your kids are older, and I’m sure they’ll understand, because they’ve witnessed first-hand how their parents treat one another. You sound very angry, and all this anger and disappointment will fester even more over the years. He won’t change. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 24, 2023 Share Posted August 24, 2023 What is the real reason you're still married to this man? Link to post Share on other sites
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