chocolate_boy Posted November 9, 2005 Posted November 9, 2005 Is it just me or is it really painful when the person that dumps you then initiates NC on you? Especially when you know the situation with their ex's? My ex was so supportive and guilty of the guy she was with before me... even to the point of telling me (when we first got together) that she still wanted him in her life as a friend, and couldn't bear to lose him.... She even took his birthday card on vacation with us (I took her away) and stood his card and mine next to each other on a shelf!! She also wore his ring the whole time we were together on her engagement finger (said it didn't mean anything it was "just a nice ring") she did remove it at my request and I bought her a new one. With me she is so different, she flat out ignores me, then out of the blue emails me being all "hi honey, hope you're having lovely week" and asks to meet me, so I do, then after the meeting she has ignored any attemps I have made at contacting her... and I feel 100% rejected by her all over again. I just don't understand it... maybe I was just a rebound for her ex the whole time.
flightymighty Posted November 9, 2005 Posted November 9, 2005 sounds like she needed to see you one last time to know it's not you she wants. If YOU did NC she never would have had that power over you and your dignity. Do not CONTACT her again!
Author chocolate_boy Posted November 9, 2005 Author Posted November 9, 2005 Yeah well its easier said than done at that point, we'd only been split 4 weeks, if I hadn't met her how would I know what she wanted to say. At that point I still desperately wanted her back. To be honest it probably did me good, it made me realise, as much as I love her, I don't want a person like that in my life now.
omegaRED Posted November 9, 2005 Posted November 9, 2005 Well... Like you said, we`re all pretty much in the same boat. And i`ve thought about calling or texting my ex, but i really don`t see a reason. Mine acted like a b!tch, basically, and i have nothing to gain by talking to her. I don`t want to be friends. Maybe, just maybe, in a few years time we could be, but not right now. What we need to do is free ourselves from the grip our exes have on us. That`s why i maintain NC. Think about it. What exactly do you expect to gain from talking to her? "Closure"? Don`t need it. You get your own. Explanation? Why? Does it really matter? She dumped you. You want to show her you`re the one she loves? Can`t do that. If she does love you, she does, and vice versa. Her actions speak louder than words. I`m tired of being the one who`ll jump and respond on every sms, hoping that she`ll say something i`d like to hear. She f**ked up. It`s not my responsibility to ease her conscience. Get her out of your system. And you can`t do that unless you maintain NC. Good luck, be strong. Try to take a trip somewhere, even for a few days. It really helps, believe me.
patwheel Posted November 9, 2005 Posted November 9, 2005 Hang in there man. Everything is gonna be allright. We all have our ups and down during this hard time, but at the end, itll all be allright. The most important thing to do and I mean, force yourself to do it if you have to, is not beating yourself up for what happened. I am in your situation as you know well now, and I am doing well sometimes, but at others am just dying and wishing it would end of course. In those times, I just force myself not to think about her, what we would do together, or what she would say. I force myself not to think about who did what, or what happened that went wrong. As you've told me, both parties are guilty, and since she broke it off, you have to at least respect her wishes, if not, you'll end up in a hole that will only get deeper. Our stories are very similar, and I was angry, I was desperate, I was dying inside, and just wanted her to know how much of a b*tch she was, but after a long long talk with my friend, I realized that the right and only way to go is not to be angry, it's to remember what good your relationship was and what you'll be looking and doing in your next relationship. Turn to your friends and family for some unconditional love, they are there always. I can count on the fingers of my hand those I can still call friends, but see, this whole experience just shows me how much I was blinsighted during my relationship with my ex, and how much I missed out and should have not given up for her. Everything happens for a reason, and in the grand scheme of things, everything will balance out. Be strong my friend, we'll get through this!
Author chocolate_boy Posted November 10, 2005 Author Posted November 10, 2005 I know guys, thanks for all the truths and support. The thing with the coffee has just messed me up so much more, I still just don't get it, if it was just a meeting to re-affirm she didn't want me, then why just flat-out point-blank ignore me like I don't exist after it, what a ****ing cruel heartless thing to do, at least a short reply to my email or a txt would have been human and caring, she claims to "care about me much more than I'll ever know" but damn it if she hasn't made me feel worse than I ever have over a girl, I'm really starting to hate her, and that's upsetting too
patwheel Posted November 10, 2005 Posted November 10, 2005 I know I know. Im sure that half of us got that speech too, and Im sure there are some truth to it. I still believe that people are in relationships for good reason, and that they do not have ill intentions when someone stays that long with someone. Your ex, just like my ex, or any other ex is not trying to hurt us during this process, to not only ease their mind, but also, because there is still an ounce of love in them. Of course they still care, of course they still think, no one can undo memories. For me, Im facing the facts. She does not want me, she is out partying it up. She does care, but does not want to show it right now, because it would show her weakness. Once you face the facts, you'll still be in disbelief. I still am, but time, my friend, does heal everything. The sooner you'll try to force yourself to cut contact with her, or trying to mend pieces of your relationship back together, the sooner you'll be better. In my case, I cannot afford to loose focus on school. 2nd yr of law school is killer, and I have been missing out 1 week and Im already so much behind! Try to find something to concentrate on, something that will take your mind of her. if it means being at work longer, so be it. I am at school longer to avoid being alone at night too much. If it means being angry at her, be angry at her, write about her, but do not send it to her. I did that, and boy did it release some added pressure. Friends are there, but soon, they'll tire of your depressed state/rants about ex. Dont worry too much, you'll be just fine! We're here to help you out and make you feel better!
Author chocolate_boy Posted November 10, 2005 Author Posted November 10, 2005 I know I know. Im sure that half of us got that speech too, and Im sure there are some truth to it. I still believe that people are in relationships for good reason, and that they do not have ill intentions when someone stays that long with someone. Your ex, just like my ex, or any other ex is not trying to hurt us during this process, to not only ease their mind, but also, because there is still an ounce of love in them. Of course they still care, of course they still think, no one can undo memories. For me, Im facing the facts. She does not want me, she is out partying it up. She does care, but does not want to show it right now, because it would show her weakness. Once you face the facts, you'll still be in disbelief. I still am, but time, my friend, does heal everything. The sooner you'll try to force yourself to cut contact with her, or trying to mend pieces of your relationship back together, the sooner you'll be better. In my case, I cannot afford to loose focus on school. 2nd yr of law school is killer, and I have been missing out 1 week and Im already so much behind! Try to find something to concentrate on, something that will take your mind of her. if it means being at work longer, so be it. I am at school longer to avoid being alone at night too much. If it means being angry at her, be angry at her, write about her, but do not send it to her. I did that, and boy did it release some added pressure. Friends are there, but soon, they'll tire of your depressed state/rants about ex. Dont worry too much, you'll be just fine! We're here to help you out and make you feel better! Yeah I know that all makes sense... I have been through 4 pretty big break-ups in the last 6 years so I should be used to this by now I guess! I understand what you mean about friends getting tired of it, I am myself now. I won't pretend to understand her actions, she claimed before she ingored me cos she "didn't know what else to do" but even after we got back on speaking terms and I told her how much it hurt me, she's gone back to doing it again after our meeting. I am also doing NC now, not that I have to cos I'm being flat-out 100% ignored again, just when I thought things might be looking up. I just wish she was open and honest about her feelings. That said, she's not the type of person to ignore someone, so I suppose it proves she still does have some feelings, otherwise it wouldn't bother her to send a 2 line reply or something, maybe it just opens up the wounds for her too.
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