BulletDodged Posted August 16, 2023 Posted August 16, 2023 Simple Question. Have you ever had a sudden bad break up in an LTR, where hurtful things have been said to eachother, then you have parted your ways. Even though the break up was a little nasty, did your ex ever reach back out?
MsJayne Posted August 16, 2023 Posted August 16, 2023 Yes, and when I was young I would stupidly get back together with them just for another nasty break up. My advice for a nasty breakup is keep the barriers up, incompatibility can't be fixed and people who behave like a child in a relationship, (saying and doing hurtful things out of spite), can't be forced to grow up. Your name suggests you feel like the victim in a toxic relationship.
Wiseman2 Posted August 16, 2023 Posted August 16, 2023 37 minutes ago, BulletDodged said: a sudden bad break up in an LTR, where hurtful things have been said to eachother, then you have parted your ways. Sorry this happened. How long were you dating? What was the breakup about? Why was it sudden and "nasty"? How long ago was the breakup? Whenever an ex reaches out it's for their own reasons. Loney, bored, in-between relationships, etc On/off relationships are fraught with unresolved conflicts and incompatibilities combined with an unhealthy attachment and lack of other opportunities. Did you block each other? Do either of you hope to reconcile?
Kassieee Posted August 16, 2023 Posted August 16, 2023 (edited) My "first" love contacted me after five years and we got back together, just to break up again. After him I learned to block and leave exes in the dust. ive had one email me after 2 years years telling me it would've been our anniversary that day. I never responded. And a couple exes I blocked have their friends reach out to me after time has passed. My advice would be to leave exes in the past and never look back. Especially if it was a harsh break up. Edited August 16, 2023 by SlimShadysWife
Lotsgoingon Posted August 16, 2023 Posted August 16, 2023 So often those sudden breakups aren't really breakups. It goes both ways. Yes, lots of people resume their argumentative relationship. But the vast majority of people do not breakup suddenly over one incident.
Author BulletDodged Posted August 16, 2023 Author Posted August 16, 2023 (edited) 33 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Sorry this happened. How long were you dating? What was the breakup about? Why was it sudden and "nasty"? How long ago was the breakup? Whenever an ex reaches out it's for their own reasons. Loney, bored, in-between relationships, etc On/off relationships are fraught with unresolved conflicts and incompatibilities combined with an unhealthy attachment and lack of other opportunities. Did you block each other? Do either of you hope to reconcile? Hi we was dating 10 months. The main problem was, in the 10 months together she did a couple of things that I found to be very disrespectful & on top of that she was a very combative person. 01. This happened around 3 months into seeing eachother. We had a date setup for 4.30pm Friday. The night before, she went to a friend's house and got very very drunk. The following day (the day of the date) I never heard anything from her all day and she didn't message me about meeting up for our date, also her phone seemed to be switched off. I was under the impression that she has Ghosted me, as she didn't turn up for the date or message me and let me know what is going on. Anyway later that night, around 8.30pm she sent me a text message, asking me how my day has been? There was absolutely no apology or even a mention or acknowledgement of the fact that we had a date set up and she didn't even turn up or text me about it. I felt disrespected about this & simply ignored her text message. She later that night sent me another text message asking me if I would meet her later tonight? Again I ignored her message as I was hurt about the fact that she slept through our planned date, due to drinking and getting drunk. For some reason, she panicked and asked her cousin to drive her 30 miles to my house and she simply turned up at my door. Even then she did not acknowledge that she had done something wrong, I had to sit down with her and explain in detail that what she did was very disrespectful to me, only then did she kind of apologize & take accountability. Stupidly I forgave her and we got back together. A couple of months later, we where having a discussion about where to spend the weekend, her house? Or my house? We ended up disagreeing with eachother.. However she took things to another level and Swore at me (I don't want to use the exact words.. but it's "Shut The F Something Up" I told her talking to me like that is not unacceptable & first thing in the morning I will be leaving her house. She didn't apologize, simply turned her back to me and went to sleep. First thing in the morning I left her house. When she realised that I had gone, she sent me a text message and ENDED the relationship. No apology.. No acceptence of wrong doing, add insult to injury, she ended the relationship. I agreed with the break up and asked her to take her belongings from my house as soon as she can. After around 2 days, she began ringing me, texting me, wanting to talk to me, telling me how she doesn't want to lose me and will sort out her bratish behaviour. And won't ever cause a problem like this again. That she loves me etc etc and pleaded for another chance. I caved in, and gave her another chance. As you can tell, I already tolerated quite alot so far from her. Around 7 weeks ago she came to my house for the weekend & over something not so major, she began arguing with me, and really spoilt my mood. Around two hours later she argued with me again. By now I felt like there is absolutely no hope of a relationship with her. She has already caused so much drama and problems and I cannot take anymore of this combativeness. Unfortunately we both where upset and and angry.. Both had a few drinks too (it was Saturday night) After a few hurtful words between us, I asked her to leave my house. I offered to call her an Uber, but she chose to ask a family member to come pick her up instead. It's been 7 weeks now.. and we have not spoken since. I felt like I had no choice but to end it, as how much disrespect and drama can I possibly take, in what is meant to be the honeymoon period. Edited August 16, 2023 by BulletDodged
Author BulletDodged Posted August 16, 2023 Author Posted August 16, 2023 56 minutes ago, MsJayne said: Yes, and when I was young I would stupidly get back together with them just for another nasty break up. My advice for a nasty breakup is keep the barriers up, incompatibility can't be fixed and people who behave like a child in a relationship, (saying and doing hurtful things out of spite), can't be forced to grow up. Your name suggests you feel like the victim in a toxic relationship. I was disrespected pretty badly a couple of time and she had anger combative issues. Everything combined forced me to ask her to leave and for me to go NC
Alpacalia Posted August 16, 2023 Posted August 16, 2023 (edited) What a mind field that was.. I'm sorry for all of this that you're going through. She totally blew you off and ended the relationship, even before you had the chance to end it. She sounds young. Sleeping through a confirmed date because you're hungover? Nah. Things happen, sure, but she is so dismissive towards you any time you raise a concern. Unless you want a repeat performance of her dismissive behavior, it’s very unlikely she would reach out. You have already made a clear decision to cut ties with her. It is also unlikely she would reach out just to apologize as the pattern of dismissive behavior demonstrated in the past suggests she may not genuinely be sorry for her actions. Focus on finding someone who treats you better. Edited August 16, 2023 by Alpacalia
Author BulletDodged Posted August 16, 2023 Author Posted August 16, 2023 2 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: What a mind field that was.. I'm sorry for all of this that you're going through. She totally blew you off and ended the relationship, even before you had the chance to end it. She sounds young. Sleeping through a confirmed date because you're hungover? Nah. Unless you want a repeat performance of her dismissive behavior, it’s very unlikely she would reach out. You have already made a clear decision to cut ties with her. It is also unlikely she would reach out just to apologize as the pattern of dismissive behavior demonstrated in the past suggests she may not genuinely be sorry for her actions. Focus on finding someone who treats you better. Well in the end it was me who ended things with her. I was already uncertain about her, because of her disrespectful behaviour in the past. Yes she didn't turn up for the date due to a hangover. The only reason why I forgave her, is because she turned up on my door. When she began being combative with me, I told her to pack her things and leave. It's amazing how everything she did to sabotage the relationship, she probably feels like she is the victim right now, because I shut the door on her. 1
Wiseman2 Posted August 16, 2023 Posted August 16, 2023 (edited) 32 minutes ago, BulletDodged said: It's been 7 weeks now.. and we have not spoken since. Do this happened. You definitely dodged a bullet. She seems to have trouble with getting drunk and being irresponsible and nasty. There was simply too much turbulence and toxicity to sustain this. Hopefully you have deleted and blocked her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. Edited August 16, 2023 by Wiseman2
Author BulletDodged Posted August 16, 2023 Author Posted August 16, 2023 Just now, Wiseman2 said: Do this happened. You definitely dodged a bullet. She seems to have trouble with getting drunk. There was simply too much turbulence and toxicity to sustain this. Hopefully you have deleted and blocked her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. Not a week went by when she kept telling me that we should have children together. I met her family.. Even her family suggested, her brother, that we should have children together. Imagine if I had got her pregnant.. This is why my username is bullet dodged. Also the entire family where heavy alcohol drinkers. Her father died due to alcoholicism. She was raised by her mother and didn't really have a father figure. But alcohol was always a common theme and she was also addicted to social media. Instagram, Snapchat Facebook, Tik Tok, I couldn't cope with this type of relationship.
Author BulletDodged Posted August 16, 2023 Author Posted August 16, 2023 4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Do this happened. You definitely dodged a bullet. She seems to have trouble with getting drunk and being irresponsible and nasty. There was simply too much turbulence and toxicity to sustain this. Hopefully you have deleted and blocked her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. Yes I removed her off my Facebook and I removed her family members too.
mark clemson Posted August 17, 2023 Posted August 17, 2023 (edited) I've never ended things and had an ex come back looking to get back together AFTER ending a rebound relationship or similar, nor have I gone seeking one. I HAVE had women I've broken it off with express a desire to get back together, but I think that's not what you're getting at? I HAVE established contact long after a break up (decade +) to "see how the other person turned out". Two were happy to chat with me, one never responded, at least one appears to have passed away. None of it amounted to anything of significance, although it was pleasant enough to reminisce with those who were interested. Edit: I see I misunderstood your question. Yes, when I was younger, I've had at least two Ex GF's reach out to get back together after we broke up. I wasn't interested as I have a tendency to like being in a relationship and am frankly not overly fussy. So, when I leave it tends to be for a good reason and so I recognize that and tend to stay firm. Edited August 17, 2023 by mark clemson
Bue-aidez Posted August 17, 2023 Posted August 17, 2023 Some bridges cannot or should not be rebuilt, once it's burnt, it should stay that way, especially if there was a good reason for burning it
Alpacalia Posted August 17, 2023 Posted August 17, 2023 4 hours ago, BulletDodged said: Well in the end it was me who ended things with her. I was already uncertain about her, because of her disrespectful behaviour in the past. Yes she didn't turn up for the date due to a hangover. The only reason why I forgave her, is because she turned up on my door. When she began being combative with me, I told her to pack her things and leave. It's amazing how everything she did to sabotage the relationship, she probably feels like she is the victim right now, because I shut the door on her. Good. Then the question should not be that you're wondering if exes reach out.
glows Posted August 17, 2023 Posted August 17, 2023 (edited) Block already. Block her. You can avoid “drama” by not entertaining any communication whatsoever. This is just fyi, something to change about what you’re doing now. The only way we learn is by seeing our own mistakes and making changes. You both appeared to be intoxicated during disagreements. Next time avoid too much alcohol when dating and if you sense someone drinks more than you’re comfortable with you’re not compatible. Regarding your question yes exes reach out. All the time. You are not helpless to it - tell yourself you do not have to put up with unwanted texts or calls. You empower yourself to action instead of remaining passive. Edited August 17, 2023 by glows
Author BulletDodged Posted August 17, 2023 Author Posted August 17, 2023 (edited) 25 minutes ago, glows said: Block already. Block her. You can avoid “drama” by not entertaining any communication whatsoever. This is just fyi, something to change about what you’re doing now. The only way we learn is by seeing our own mistakes and making changes. You both appeared to be intoxicated during disagreements. Next time avoid too much alcohol when dating and if you sense someone drinks more than you’re comfortable with you’re not compatible. Regarding your question yes exes reach out. All the time. You are not helpless to it - tell yourself you do not have to put up with unwanted texts or calls. You empower yourself to action instead of remaining passive. I'm an extremely healthy person, regular fitness routine, very good shape for my age. I do not smoke, or vape. On the odd weekend I might have a few gins on a Saturday night. This is usually after a long busy working week. It's just bad luck and by chance that her combativeness started after we had some drinks. Edited August 17, 2023 by BulletDodged Mistake
Author BulletDodged Posted August 17, 2023 Author Posted August 17, 2023 4 hours ago, Alpacalia said: Good. Then the question should not be that you're wondering if exes reach out. This is true.. However when you loved someone, then you live with a little hope that they might change. I know this is not healthy thinking. The break up is still early and my emotions might be clouding my judgement. From the incidents that happened in the relationship, it's pretty clear I should be closing all doors on her and moving on.
Author BulletDodged Posted August 17, 2023 Author Posted August 17, 2023 Maybe I'm just a glutton for punishment. Two of my friends tell me, that the two incidents I described in my post are quite serious. Especially the one when she ended things with me, after being verbally abusive. Once the whole "ending things" card has been used, then I feel it's a slippery slope after that for the relationship. She claimed that she ended it with me, out of frustration & anger & didn't actually mean it. Anyway now that I have walked away, due to the drama, I won't lie I still have moments when I think, maybe I should have given the relationship more time and stayed with her. I suppose these feelings will pass over time.
Wiseman2 Posted August 17, 2023 Posted August 17, 2023 8 minutes ago, BulletDodged said: I still have moments when I think, maybe I should have given the relationship more time and stayed with her. Give yourself time to regroup. It almost seems like you got addicted to the drama.
Ageless Wisdom23 Posted August 17, 2023 Posted August 17, 2023 I am still talking to mine. I was the dumper a year ago and although I find myself venting and resenting.......We still do make up and communicate. Like Right Now.lol
JTSW Posted August 17, 2023 Posted August 17, 2023 Do you want her to reach out? I'm guessing that's the reason you are asking.
Alpacalia Posted August 17, 2023 Posted August 17, 2023 5 hours ago, BulletDodged said: This is true.. However when you loved someone, then you live with a little hope that they might change. I know this is not healthy thinking. The break up is still early and my emotions might be clouding my judgement. From the incidents that happened in the relationship, it's pretty clear I should be closing all doors on her and moving on. That is true. I know you hope that she eventually will change. I'm sure a part of you hopes to that she will show regret and apologize for how she has treated you. Remember that if someone truly loved you, they wouldn't have disrespected or mistreated you, and so the best action for you is to let this go and accept that this relationship is not meant to be. What's done is done.
Author BulletDodged Posted August 17, 2023 Author Posted August 17, 2023 30 minutes ago, JTSW said: Do you want her to reach out? I'm guessing that's the reason you are asking. Because it's early in the break up, I might not be thinking straight. There are plenty of red flags to suggest that it's unlikely me and her will work out. Some of the things she has said to me in the past, that I didn't take head of. A few weeks into dating, she was at my house & basically blurted out "I don't have a filter, when someone annoys me, I just say whatever I want" Lol and that's pretty much what I dealt with on a regular basis. A very sweet loving person most of the time, then without fail every 2-3 weeks she would have a combative agressive outburst. Some of these outbursts felt borderline disrespective. I think maybe this agressive streak is just ingrained in her personality & very unlikely to change.
Author BulletDodged Posted August 17, 2023 Author Posted August 17, 2023 11 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: That is true. I know you hope that she eventually will change. I'm sure a part of you hopes to that she will show regret and apologize for how she has treated you. Remember that if someone truly loved you, they wouldn't have disrespected or mistreated you, and so the best action for you is to let this go and accept that this relationship is not meant to be. What's done is done. This is true. By remaining in the situation, I am opening myself upto potentially more disrespect. It's best that I stood up for myself, before things got a little too toxic.
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