I went on 2 great dates with her and she updated her dating profile. Should I be worried?

[LostInHisOwnWorld]

Howdy y'all. I (27/M) went on two dates with a super-cute woman (30/F) over the last week that went very well. We had been talking for a few weeks but plans on both sides had delayed the dates until now.

We made out on both dates and each lasted around 4-5 hours, with the second even ending with some hand-holding that she initiated. She had even suggested the second date at the end of the first one, which is rare for me from a woman. I'm on vacation for a week and I said on the last date that I'd see her when I get back and she said the same. End of the second date felt a bit awkward on my part with some fumbling of words and a slightly long silence (probably due to the booze), but she text me later asking if I got home okay followed by an x. I text back that I did and wished her a nice day at work. She didn't reply to that.

That was 2 days ago. I could double-text but I'm trying to be careful not to text too much in the early stages, and admittedly I've had some bad luck with dating, so I want to avoid coming across as needy or weird.

But, today I logged onto the dating app we matched on and discovered she'd updated her profile. She deleted some photos and changed her bio. You'll probably accuse me of keeping my options open also but I'm not, I still have the app installed but have disabled my account from appearing to anyone.

I worry that this means she isn't as interested as she acted on the last date. I'll admit that I am a big ball of anxiety due to recent dating struggles since I tend to get ghosted or sent a friendzone text after 2-3 dates, even if we've already slept together. Am I right to worry or does anyone who's been in a similar situation have any advice?

Thanks for reading!

TLDR - Had 2 fantastic dates with a woman who acted very interested but we haven't text in 2 days and she recently updated her dating profile. Wondering if this means she isn't as interested as I expected?

[basil67]

25 minutes ago, LostInHisOwnWorld said:

End of the second date felt a bit awkward on my part with some fumbling of words and a slightly long silence (probably due to the booze)

Was she equally tipsy?  If so, I doubt she would have noticed.   Ask her on another date.

If she wasn't tipsy, then your drinking would have made for a not so great date.

[Sony12]

Will just depend on how she communicates from this point forward. Them changing their profile around does usually mean they are looking for new people to talk to but it doesn't necessarily mean she is uninterested in you. Just try to set up another date and see how she responds.

[semble]

She's updating her dating profile to attract and meet new guys.

Doesn't get much clearer than that.

 

[Wiseman2]

56 minutes ago, LostInHisOwnWorld said:

probably due to the booze, but she text me later asking if I got home okay followed by an x. I text back. She didn't reply to that.

 

Sorry this happened. After 2 dates you're both still talking to and meeting others. That's par for the course. Even if dates go well, sometimes people simply move on. 

It's best to avoid too much alcohol especially if someone has to ask if you got home ok. Unfortunately getting drunk on the first couple of dates leaves a bad impression. 

[Alpacalia]

59 minutes ago, LostInHisOwnWorld said:

I'm on vacation for a week and I said on the last date that I'd see her when I get back and she said the same.

Vacation. Hmmm. Well, it is a bit awkward when one person is away and the other person isn't. But it's also important to keep things in perspective. It's only been two days since your last date and if she hasn't seen you in the past week, it's perfectly normal for that person to be exploring their options a bit. That doesn't necessarily mean she's not interested in you.

[LostInHisOwnWorld]

34 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Was she equally tipsy?  If so, I doubt she would have noticed.   Ask her on another date.

If she wasn't tipsy, then your drinking would have made for a not so great date.

Thanks for replying! I don't think I was tipsy per se (think anyway) and we had the same amount of alcohol, but I'm wondering if the booze made me anxious. Basically what happened is we made out before I got in my taxi. I said we'd see each other after our vacation, there was a bit of a silence with prolonged eye contact, then I said "If, you know, that's cool with you" to which she smiled and said "Yeah, that's cool" and I said "Of course, why did I ask that?" and I laughed. I walked away to grab a taxi and stopped halfway to say "Oh yeah, and uh text me that you got home safely". She said yep. I definitely sounded a little nervous.

So, a bit awkward. Wondering if that made her think I'm strange.

[glows]

I don’t think there’s an issue. Ask her out when you’re back from vacation. Don’t overanalyze.

[Gaeta]

3 hours ago, LostInHisOwnWorld said:

text back that I did and wished her a nice day at work. She didn't reply to that.

That was 2 days ago. I could double-text 

Well, maybe she thinks you did not communicate for 2 days do she better not put all of her eggs in that basket.

Most women expect the man to initiate communication in these early stages. I'm not saying to overwhelme her with text but after 2 dates if the guy didn't text me for 2 days l'd assume his interest in me is low.

[Ageless Wisdom23]

Without texting in those two Days, I believe she is leaving her own options open.  Text her again and ask he rout when you both would be free.  See what happens.

[Alpacalia]

13 hours ago, LostInHisOwnWorld said:

We made out on both dates and each lasted around 4-5 hours, with the second even ending with some hand-holding that she initiated. She had even suggested the second date at the end of the first one, which is rare for me from a woman. I'm on vacation for a week and I said on the last date that I'd see her when I get back and she said the same. End of the second date felt a bit awkward on my part with some fumbling of words and a slightly long silence (probably due to the booze), but she text me later asking if I got home okay followed by an x. I text back that I did and wished her a nice day at work. She didn't reply to that.

So I have to say that it seems she has been a bit more proactive towards you. She asked you out on a second date. You went on vacation, did you set something up for after you get back? Then she text you after the 2nd date.  It could be that she is waiting for you to make the next move. I think it would be wise to text her and start a conversation. Maybe plan something specific for when you get back. Show some interest and let her know you would like to see her again.

[JTSW]

She didn't hear a word from you for a couple of days so she clearly assumed you weren't interested.

If you are then tell her.

She's not a clairvoyant.

Edited August 13, 2023 by JTSW

[ShyViolet]

You are overanalyzing a lot.

You have gone on two dates.... you are not in a relationship.  There is nothing abnormal about her editing her dating profile.  What do you expect her to do, deactivate it at this point when you've gone on two dates?  If you're still interested in her, then show that interest by texting her and asking her out on a third date.

In all fairness, you haven't texted her in two days either, so maybe she is wondering if you are still interested.

[Versacehottie]

Even if she is dating and talking to others because she updated her pics on the app...you've got your foot in the door and have some traction with her. I don't get why you wouldn't keep competing for her attention if you like her. That's what other guys would do rather than drop out completely. ... Of course, I'm generalizing, but it makes no sense in life to drop out because you sense a little competition. 

If I'm being honest, you sound passive in how you are participating in the dates so far...Too much of that and of course she might lose interest..She'd be doing all the work (emotional work as well as taking the risks) and you aren't necessarily showing her you like her. I know you said you can feel anxious or are "stuck" on your past failures in dating but you can't let that ruin a potentially good thing by dwelling on it. Clear the slate, assume the best and man up.  (i know we aren't supposed to say that anymore but yeah come on---at least meet her halfway). 

[Calmandfocused]

Op, I would strongly advise that you do something ASAP . Like express your interest more clearly and arrange another date with this lady pronto. 

Your dithering and dawdling, “oohing and ahhing” is not doing you any favours right now. 
 

The impression that you’re giving at the moment is that you are not very interested in her. In her opinion. 

Look at it from her perspective: she’s clearly expressed interest in you to point that she took initiative to arrange the second date. 
 

The fact you haven’t bothered to contact her in 2 days and the fact that you haven’t secured a third date with her is communicating lack of interest. She’s therefore losing interest in you IMO, 
 

She’s updated her profile because she’s concluding that she may as well look for other men. I don’t blame her to be honest. 
 

Show your hand or you’ll be firmly out the game. 

Edited August 13, 2023 by Calmandfocused

[LostInHisOwnWorld]

Thanks guys. Yeah, I can see that I'm not being proactive enough and that, as the man, she's probably expecting me to be the initiator. I text her earlier today and she got back to me pretty quick. We exchanged a few texts which I doubt she'd do if she wasn't interested, so that's cooled my nerves a bit.

My plan is to exchange the occasional text with her to continue demonstrating interest, maybe one or two a day, then shortly before my flight home I'll try to lock down a third date.

Thanks for your advice, guys. Guess I just needed a bit of a wake-up call. xD

[semble]

Perhaps your recent dating struggles are in some way connected with your inability to be honest and open in your communication and your need to play silly dating games.

 

[Gaeta]

31 minutes ago, LostInHisOwnWorld said:

maybe one or two a day, then shortly before my flight home I'll try to lock down a third date

Text & talk is cheap. If l were you l would set a 3rd date now. Check your agenda, ask her if she is free on X day that you'd like to take her out.

In dating if you snooze you loose. While you text her some other dude will take her out. If she is scheduled for a date with you your interest will feel real to her.

 

[Wiseman2]

23 hours ago, LostInHisOwnWorld said:

 I text back that I did and wished her a nice day at work. She didn't reply to that.  today I logged onto the dating app we matched on and discovered she'd updated her profile. 

If you hit it off and want to see them again, yes ask them out. "Have a nice day", isn't really enthusiastic. There's nothing to reply to with this.

Maybe that's why she gave up and updated her profile? You could try another more engaging text asking her out when you're both free. 

[Versacehottie]

7 hours ago, LostInHisOwnWorld said:

Thanks guys. Yeah, I can see that I'm not being proactive enough and that, as the man, she's probably expecting me to be the initiator. I text her earlier today and she got back to me pretty quick. We exchanged a few texts which I doubt she'd do if she wasn't interested, so that's cooled my nerves a bit.

My plan is to exchange the occasional text with her to continue demonstrating interest, maybe one or two a day, then shortly before my flight home I'll try to lock down a third date.

Thanks for your advice, guys. Guess I just needed a bit of a wake-up call. xD

no to the bolded, carpe diem!!!  Seriously, seize the day!  I agree with Gaeta. Here's the thing...why wait? You don't need to hammer out all the details exactly of the date.  You can ask for the specific day of the week or work out schedules, such as "I'll be back next weekend, we should do something as soon as I'm back, what day are you free?"  Or you can be looser about the date details, give it vaguely that week but set what you are going to do!! I like the latter better---gives each of you something to look forward to and is thoughtful .

Hey, listen, so much of early bonds within budding relationships is based on creating anticipation and momentum. I HIGHLY suggest you create some. Do you see the damage that could be done by trickling out a tiny stream of boring texts, dancing around the real issue, ie when you two are going to see each other again, to then ask right at the last minute??? It's far too calculated, for one...You know you want to ask her out (now) so ask her out now. Are you afraid of looking too eager? 'Cause in the meantime, the new guys who are getting a look at the new photos she recently put up aren't afraid!!  

You admitted to acting awkward at the end of the last date. I can tell here you are acting passively. If you mistakenly believe any of this is going to come off as "cool" or confident, it would take a miracle!  It's not--it's going to confuse her, make her look elsewhere and make you more anxious and unconfident. I mean just even selfishly you might want to ask her out right away because if you miss getting in touch with her right before your plane leaves then you either deal with the stress of the uncertainty on your vacation or you can get in contact while on your vacation--which isn't a good look and seems ripe for more misunderstanding, etc. 

[Alpacalia]

Agree with all the prior comments. I dated someone and he didn't set up a date right away after our 4th date and I stopped seeing him. Make sure you set up dates and follow through on them and show your enthusiasm for the person. If you don't seem excited about the person then they won't be excited about you either. Show her that you want to spend time together and have fun together.

I'm not sure why you're waiting to secure a third date but I suppose it's because you're on vacation. I'm surprised she agreed to a second date when you told her you would be away.

Sounds like she's keeping herself busy in the interim. 

Edited August 14, 2023 by Alpacalia

[Samantha11]

I think it is fine if, after just two dates, she is still exploring her options. She is not in a committed relationship with you, and two dates is just two dates. She is free to see who else is out there, as are you. Not sure why you took your profile down after two dates?

Basically, you have not "caught" her, and she is still a free fish, swimming in the sea. Don't worry about it, just realize this is all part of dating, and do your best. Definitely don't make her wait too long for dates though, it might read as you being disinterested and will cause tension you don't want. It might make her feel less interested too. It looses momentum. Tell her at the end of the date that you had a good time and would like to see her again, and if she agrees, follow up to text her and set a date and time.

[smackie9]

Some women test the waters quickly to determine attraction/gauge interest. Maybe she's not quite feeling it like you are. 

[LostInHisOwnWorld]

Howdy all!

 

So, an update. I had nothing to worry about. We went on a date the evening after I returned from vacation and we've been out multiple times. They've been shorter dates than before, up to 2 hours, since she works nights but we're still very lovey-dovey, lots of smooching, hand-holding, talking about the next date, etc.

Just one thing that bugs me, and it's likely nothing, it could be just my insecure mine doing the rounds. We don't text daily. When we first matched she would respond with big texts and ask lots of questions, but since our 1st date we generally text once every few days, and bar one time it is always me initiating. She responds pretty quickly when I do, but generally we only exchange a few messages before I suggest when we can have the next date.

I made plans with her for this weekend and while it was a yes, she didn't seem... Enthused? She's visiting home for a few days and I text her how it's going, she said good, how are you? Bit of back-and-forth with her messages no longer than a sentence, no emojis. I suggested one day, she said she had plans, I suggested another and she said yes. I said "Great, see you then! Hope your evening is going well," to which she replied with a heart emoji. No attempt to expand the conversation from her.

You might think she isn't a big texter which is true. When we're on dates she hardly checks her phone, but I noticed that night she was last online around midnight. I won't lie, I got a little stalker-ish and watched her go offline and back offline every 3 minutes over a small stretch, so she was definitely back-and-forthing with somebody quite a bit, while with me our exchanges usually last 6 or so messages until we agree on a date.

I dunno. We haven't had the "talk" (I plan to have it soon) and haven't gone home together, but after so many great dates, I'm wondering now if she's talking to another dude and showing him more enthusiasm. Not to mention she turned down the first day I suggested and just said 'I've plans". My worry is she may have a date with another guy that day, and it would sicken me if things between us went well and I found out down the road that she slept with someone else during these first handful of dates.

I know, I sound ridiculous and I'm very insecure, but my mind can't help but think this way. Would appreciate any advice or input from someone who was in a similar situation! Thanks

Edited September 6, 2023 by LostInHisOwnWorld

[glows]

I think all you can do is be genuine and ask her if she’d like to date exclusively. 

I’m not sure what her sleeping with anyone else has to do with this as it is just way too early. She doesn’t belong to you. Her body doesn’t belong to you. She is not an object. Be sincere in your approach and understanding of her choices. 

If you feel you’re getting too attached too fast then try bringing yourself down to earth. A little more than one month ago this person didn’t even exist in your world and you were perfectly fine.