[37F] 37M] My friend of 20 plus years just told me he was tired of talking to me, why would he say this all of a sudden?

[Chocolatecupcakex]

I was friends with this guy for 20-plus years we met in high school and would talk on and off. (He moved to another state) Recently I had been calling him and I noticed that he wasn't picking up. So I used a different number and he answered. He asked me what did I want. I told him I had been calling him. And he said he's just tired me of talking to him about my boyfriends and telling him that he needed therapy. I don't even have a boyfriend (I would call him to vent and tell him about situations that were going on between me and different guys.). But he was doing the same thing to me and would talk to me about different women he would meet online. We talked about different things too he told me things about his childhood. And we both liked computers and would talk about that too as well. I told him about how I was going to therapy. And he said he was trying to go too as well. 

There were times that he would hit on me and would say sexual things to me. He'd tell me how he hasn't had sex in 15 years etc. And I would tell him that I only liked him as a friend. We fooled around once in high school (we didn't have sex). 

Edited August 10, 2023 by Chocolatecupcakex

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this happened. Maybe he met someone or doesn't want to be a male-girlfriend listening to dating woes etc

 Especially if he has come on to you before he's probably trying to get out of this friendzone and move on with his life.

Step back and try not to reach out. Wait until he contacts you.

[MsJayne]

He hasn't had sex in 15 years, and that means he's dealt with a lot of rejection, so who could blame the guy if he's angry at women? Maybe the truth is that he finds listening to you talking about the guys you date really irritating because he recognises himself in some of your stories, he's the guy that women don't want a second date with. Or, it could be that you do most of the talking when you speak and don't realise you're monopolising the conversation and he's had enough of the rudeness. Another possibility is that you said something that offended him, (like, for instance, telling him he needs therapy), and he's decided he doesn't need friends who insult him. Could be many reasons, but the big clue was in what he said to you - 

1 hour ago, Chocolatecupcakex said:

And he said he's just tired me of talking to him about my boyfriends and telling him that he needed therapy.

Yep, that might be the problem. 

[Chocolatecupcakex]

16 minutes ago, MsJayne said:

He hasn't had sex in 15 years, and that means he's dealt with a lot of rejection, so who could blame the guy if he's angry at women? Maybe the truth is that he finds listening to you talking about the guys you date really irritating because he recognises himself in some of your stories, he's the guy that women don't want a second date with. Or, it could be that you do most of the talking when you speak and don't realise you're monopolising the conversation and he's had enough of the rudeness. Another possibility is that you said something that offended him, (like, for instance, telling him he needs therapy), and he's decided he doesn't need friends who insult him. Could be many reasons, but the big clue was in what he said to you - 

Yep, that might be the problem. 

I wasn't saying he needed therapy in a rude way. I was telling him how I was getting therapy and he himself told me he was going to get therapy on his own. He even told me about the one time he did get therapy. And he talked to me about his childhood trauma. 

Edited August 10, 2023 by Chocolatecupcakex

[MsJayne]

4 minutes ago, Chocolatecupcakex said:

I wasn't saying he needed therapy in a rude way. I was telling him how I was getting therapy and he himself told me he was going to get therapy on his own. He even told me about the one time he did get therapy. And he talked to me about his childhood trauma. 

OK, well in that case I'll go with him just being angry at women in general. He may be feeling like women perceive him as not good enough, and that might include you . I would just leave it and maybe he'll contact you in the future. 

[SlimShadysWife]

When he talks to you about his life, do you hear him out, do you listen to what hes actually saying, do you part take in the convo or brush him off and just tell him he needs therapy? Maybe he feels judge and just needs you to listen. Are convos mostly about you?

The friendship is too one sided for him, seems like he's exhausted.

Edited August 10, 2023 by justaskingok

[basil67]

3 hours ago, Chocolatecupcakex said:

There were times that he would hit on me and would say sexual things to me. He'd tell me how he hasn't had sex in 15 years etc. And I would tell him that I only liked him as a friend. We fooled around once in high school (we didn't have sex). 

I'm guessing he was tired of being in your friendzone.   Not suggesting that you should have had sex with him if you didn't want to, but it seems clear that he wanted more from you than being  a chat buddy

[Ageless Wisdom23]

It is clear that after 20 years and Him even wanting to lie down with You------He is finding it a waste of his own time to even be a friend to the end.  That is not a friend but a Farewell Weather One, hun.  Drop this guy.  He is now rude and crude.😒

[Chocolatecupcakex]

11 minutes ago, Ageless Wisdom23 said:

It is clear that after 20 years and Him even wanting to lie down with You------He is finding it a waste of his own time to even be a friend to the end.  That is not a friend but a Farewell Weather One, hun.  Drop this guy.  He is now rude and crude.😒

You're right it's obvious that he was never actually my friend. 

[stillafool]

It's best to talk to your girl friends about relationship issues because men grow tired of that talk fast.  I think he was insulted that you told him he needed therapy as you said in your opening post.  Probably felt he was doing you a favor even listening to your bf issues and then you tell him that.  You should have realized you were blocked and should not have used another method to contact him.  I'm sure that added to his anger.  If someone shows they don't want to be bothered, show the respect of leaving them alone.

[basil67]

1 hour ago, Chocolatecupcakex said:

You're right it's obvious that he was never actually my friend. 

Yes, he wanted to be your lover, FWB or boyfriend.  And to be fair to him, it's unkind to keep a guy in the friendzone and venting about other men when you know that he wants to be with you (in one way or another)   You should have gently ended this thing the first time he said he wanted sex with you.  For both your sakes. 

 

 

[Chocolatecupcakex]

1 minute ago, basil67 said:

Yes, he wanted to be your lover, FWB or boyfriend.  And to be fair to him, it's unkind to keep a guy in the friendzone and venting about other men when you know that he wants to be with you (in one way or another)   You should have gently ended this thing the first time he said he wanted sex with you.  For both your sakes. 

 

 

Are you saying that men and women can't be just friends?

[basil67]

Just now, Chocolatecupcakex said:

Are you saying that men and women can't be just friends?

I'm saying that they can't be friends when one of them clearly wants more than friendship.  It's unfair to the one who wants more

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, Chocolatecupcakex said:

. I told him I had been calling him. And he said he's just tired me of talking to him about my boyfriends and telling him that he needed therapy. I don't even have a boyfriend

It seems like you've grown apart and he doesn't want to keep in contact. It's interesting you called from another number as if you sensed he blocked you or wasn't picking up on purpose. 

Maybe now is the time to get a BF? 

Edited August 10, 2023 by Wiseman2

[Alpacalia]

This guy isn't a friend. If he was a true friend then he would show more respect and understanding instead of getting angry and telling you that he was tired of listening to you talk about your boyfriends. I have a male friend since childhood, it has always been platonic, and while we don't discuss the nitty gritty details of our respective love life he respects my decisions and would never become so angry over the conversations we had. Yes, it sounds like this guy isn't a true friend. He sounds more like someone who is potentially harboring feelings for you and is frustrated that his advances are not being reciprocated.

He also sounds like someone who, even though he was telling you about his own dating life (which can be a part of being a friend to someone), is more focused on sharing the intimate details of his love life with you.

So why is it okay for him, but not for you?

[glows]

It all sounds very exhausting. There’s quite a bit of venting and talking about therapy and trauma. It seems to me he changed his mind about the conversations and got tired of it. He didn’t bother explaining himself further. What happened at the end of the call? Did he hang up? Do you see how calling from a different number is pretty creepy and unwanted attention? He doesn’t want to hear from you. Take that cue.. no more calls as it’s bordering on harassment. 

[Chocolatecupcakex]

4 hours ago, glows said:

It all sounds very exhausting. There’s quite a bit of venting and talking about therapy and trauma. It seems to me he changed his mind about the conversations and got tired of it. He didn’t bother explaining himself further. What happened at the end of the call? Did he hang up? Do you see how calling from a different number is pretty creepy and unwanted attention? He doesn’t want to hear from you. Take that cue.. no more calls as it’s bordering on harassment. 

I hung up on him that’s what happened because he kept asking me what do I want. I wasn’t bad mouthing him when we were talking about therapy. I was telling him how I’ve been going. And at one point he said he was going to try it. Border line harassment? Are you kidding me? This guy has made multiple Facebook profiles sending me messages telling me to add him. And you’re saying me calling from a different number is harassment?

[JTSW]

14 hours ago, Chocolatecupcakex said:

Recently I had been calling him and I noticed that he wasn't picking up. So I used a different number and he answered.

Firstly, this is weird obsessive behaviour on your part. 

Second, this guy was always more interested in you than a friend.

He always had feelings for you and you obviously knew this.

You constantly ranting about guys must have been rather hurtful and frustrating for him and he finally had enough.

[JTSW]

34 minutes ago, Chocolatecupcakex said:

me calling from a different number is harassment?

Yes it is because you couldn't respect that he didn't want to talk to you.

It's weird behaviour definitely.

Edited August 11, 2023 by JTSW

[Lisa]

Member has multiple accounts