Girlfriend says she is going to kill herself this weekend. Not sure what to do or say.

[Jarlstown]

Hello. My gf and I (mid 30s) have been dating for four years and lived together for three. The past year things have been rocky with a lot of fights and arguments. Recently we began seeing a couples counselor which has been interesting and maybe helpful in some ways, but the problems persisted.  A few days ago we got into a big argument even though she and I both knew I had a huge work deadline and she wouldn’t let us pause the discussion, and I was not able to finish and so did not get paid and looked bad.  I was furious, and on top of all the other problems said enough is enough and said I was done with the relationship. 
 

She now is saying that she is going to kill herself.  Yes I know every Google result for this says that the partner is being manipulative, but in this case I think it’s maybe different and so I don’t know what to do. I have to travel this weekend so she is saying she is waiting until Saturday to do it. It’s been about a day that she has been saying this now, so not just a heat of the moment comment. 
 

Over the past year she bought two handguns supposedly for self protection.  She also has a stockpile of old prescriptions that would be sufficient to kill oneself. On top of that I found she had a bag with a bottle of antifreeze in it.  Right now we are sitting on opposite sides of the room and she is muttering things about how she plans to kill herself.  She clearly had thought of this before because she already had the antifreeze.  
 

It is hard to change gears from breaking up to being supportive but I have tried but also don’t know what to say.  She is threatening me that if I tell anybody that it will be very bad for me. And she refuses to talk to anybody about it.   Based on her current mental state (over this past year) and what I know of her background, I worry this may be a real thing. 
 

 

[Alpacalia]

Get your ex-girlfriend the help she needs right away.

It is not safe for her to be making threats of suicide, and it is not safe for you to be handling this situation alone. Especially with there being handguns.

Please reach out to a crisis hotline or mental health professional that can provide her with the support she needs during this time.

Tell her that you care about her and want to help her through this difficult time, but that you cannot stay in a relationship with her. Reassure her that you are not abandoning her, and offer to be there as a support system if she is willing to seek help. 

Under no circumstances should you keep her threats of suicide a secret. Seek out professional help for her and let someone know what is going on. I would also reach out to her family as well if she is close to them, so that they are aware of the situation and can offer her additional support if needed.

Sorry but you cannot fix this situation on your own. Do what you can from a distance to be supportive, but ultimately it is up to her to get the help she needs.

[ExpatInItaly]

Get in touch with emergency services/police now. 

Don't waste time posting on a forum. You need to take definitive steps immediately, and do not tell her you are doing so. Just do it and get help to your door. She needs professional intervention as soon as possible, otherwise she might hurt herself or you - or both. 

If there are weapons in the house, you need to be very concerned about your own safety.

 

Edited August 9, 2023 by ExpatInItaly

[Jarlstown]

1 hour ago, Alpacalia said:

Get your ex-girlfriend the help she needs right away.

It is not safe for her to be making threats of suicide, and it is not safe for you to be handling this situation alone. Especially with there being handguns.

Please reach out to a crisis hotline or mental health professional that can provide her with the support she needs during this time.

Tell her that you care about her and want to help her through this difficult time, but that you cannot stay in a relationship with her. Reassure her that you are not abandoning her, and offer to be there as a support system if she is willing to seek help. 

Under no circumstances should you keep her threats of suicide a secret. Seek out professional help for her and let someone know what is going on. I would also reach out to her family as well if she is close to them, so that they are aware of the situation and can offer her additional support if needed.

Sorry but you cannot fix this situation on your own. Do what you can from a distance to be supportive, but ultimately it is up to her to get the help she needs.

Thanks for the response.   I was looking up some info on the crisis hotlines on my phone and she got paranoid and took my phone and now is asking me every few minutes demanding to know that I’m not doing anything.  She is refusing to talk to anybody. 
 

[now, about thirty minutes later] She is in bed now.  I’m going to call one of the hotlines and find out what they usually do in this situation.  
maybe she will be normal again tomorrow but I kind of don’t think so.  She hid her guns before sleeping so I can’t take them. 

[MsJayne]

You need to inform emergency services. If she's announcing the intention and openly gathering methods that's enough to warrant intervention. Don't take any chances at all, she's armed. She might wake up again tomorrow being"normal" for her, but there's nothing normal about excessively histrionic behaviour and threats to self-harm. I feel sorry for her that she has mental health problems, but I have no mercy on such manipulative and menacing behaviour. If you call emergency services she'll get referred for the help she needs, and you'll be able to get on with your life. You have no responsibility to do more than call for help. 

[JTSW]

2 hours ago, Jarlstown said:

She is threatening me that if I tell anybody that it will be very bad for me.

Screw that.

You need to tell her family immediately about this.

There isn't really anything she can do about it is there so just call in reinforcements ASAP.

Call her bluff.

Don't deal with her dangerous manipulation alone.

Call in the professionals also, i.e, police, mental health professionals.

Get them all to come to her ASAP.

Don't just sit there and do nothing. 

Even if she is just saying it to manipulate you, you need to take it seriously,

Edited August 9, 2023 by JTSW

[Stret]

Does she have mum/dad/siblings? Call them and tell them everything. I don't think you should be carrying the burden of this alone. She put you in impossible situation. She might be manipulating you but it is apparently coming from a great deal of pain, and I presume there are things in your relationship that have deeply hurt her. She simply doesn't know how to cope with it and is resorting to extreme measures as she might feel that everything else she tried didn't work. 

[JTSW]

Please update us as this is a very highly dangerous situation.

[basil67]

Call an ambulance right now.  Inform them that she has weapons and of all the threats she's made to herself and to you....and let them take her to hospital. 

Edited August 9, 2023 by basil67

[basil67]

Is this the same woman?   If so, she doesn't sound like a good choice for a partner

 

 

 

[BaileyB]

Call the police. Call her family. 

Remove the guns, pulls, and anything else you need to remove from your home for your own safety, and for hers.

And then, you end this relationship. She has some serious mental health issues that she needs to deal with - this is above the pay grade of a couples counsellor. 

But, most importantly, call a professional and get her some help. 

Edited August 9, 2023 by BaileyB

[Gaeta]

She openly and repeatedly made threats to hurt herself and you, it's enough for police &  ambulance to pick her up and for her to be detained the necessary time in a hospital. 

Don't be another fatal drama on the 6 o'clock news. This does not only happen to other people. 

 

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, Jarlstown said:

 and lived together for three.  I know every Google result for this says that the partner is being manipulative, but in this case I think it’s maybe different 

If you live together call emergency services instead of googling. Unfortunately your relationship seems toxic. Don't threaten to breakup because you're annoyed. Wait until you calm down and find another place to live.

[stillafool]

Call her parents ASAP and let them know that she is threatening suicide.  If you don't and she harms herself they will blame you. Let them know you are going to call emergency services to pick her up.  Do it now!

 

[Alpacalia]

7 hours ago, Jarlstown said:

Thanks for the response.   I was looking up some info on the crisis hotlines on my phone and she got paranoid and took my phone and now is asking me every few minutes demanding to know that I’m not doing anything.  She is refusing to talk to anybody. 
 

[now, about thirty minutes later] She is in bed now.  I’m going to call one of the hotlines and find out what they usually do in this situation.  
maybe she will be normal again tomorrow but I kind of don’t think so.  She hid her guns before sleeping so I can’t take them. 

I'm going to say that she is making threats that's she going to wait until Saturday to do it and obviously this is very serious and concerning. I would urge her to seek immediate help either by calling a hotline (i.e. crisis 988, 911. etc.) or going to the nearest emergency room. 

Call yourself. Call her family. Word to the wise, if someone is suicidal with guns in the house, you find the nearest exit and make the necessary calls.

What country are you in?

Edited August 9, 2023 by Alpacalia

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, Jarlstown said:

. I have to travel this weekend so she is saying she is waiting until Saturday to do it. 

Please call emergency services to your house. Crisis lines will just direct you to do that. Do not put her in a car and take her to an ER. That's dangerous and won't work. 

It seems like she doesn't want you to go away this weekend. If she asked you not to involve anyone else, don't.  Especially with guns in the house.

Just get the EMS to your place asap. As you know the police can safely confiscate the guns until she is mentally stable and admitted to a hospital. If you get the EMS to your place she may get the inpatient help she needs. 

Edited August 9, 2023 by Wiseman2

[Alpacalia]

NIMH » Suicide Prevention (nih.gov)

• Call 911 for emergency services.
• Go to the nearest hospital emergency room.

Call or text 988 to connect with the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. The Lifeline provides 24-hour, confidential support to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress. Support is also available via live chat . 

Edited August 9, 2023 by Alpacalia

[ShyViolet]

You call 911.... now.  Period.

They will probably take her into a psychiatric hold.  That's what she needs.  While that's happening you call her family and inform them on what's going on.  And you also end this relationship immediately.  This is toxic and you don't stay with someone just because they are threatening you.  While she's in the hospital or whatever, you should take all your belongings and cut ties.  It's her family's responsibility to handle her from here.

[xxcazaxx]

I hope that you managed to get the help that you both need