Author desirefire Posted August 26, 2023 Author Posted August 26, 2023 (edited) 22 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: I didn't say you have to like it. My point is that you need to be more realistic about this entire situation. You dumped him. He dated someone else, broke up with her (kind of), and is keeping you and she both at arm's length now. He's going back and forth on what he wants. It should come as no great shock that he's also exploring other options, which much as it hurts, is his right. It has been from the moment you broke up with him, regardless of what happened in between. Let this be your indicator that it's really over. In the future, don't wait around while your dumpee (or dumper) decides what they won't. Don't offer yourself up as a distraction, friend, or anything else. Keep a wide, wide distance. I do understan ofc I dont own anyone but I think people can be nore careful with their words.Thats the point. I dont like to be treated that way. Also It makes me belive he is not to be trusted either since he talked behind his gf without telling her. And then kinda misslead me and now talk to others. I think its a bit immature for a man in his 30s.... Im not perfect either I do stupid stuff to and handle on emotions bad from time to time. But not beeing honest with my words and misslead people. I really try not to. Edited August 26, 2023 by desirefire
ExpatInItaly Posted August 26, 2023 Posted August 26, 2023 46 minutes ago, desirefire said: Also It makes me belive he is not to be trusted either since he talked behind his gf without telling her. While I don't disagree, you also had no problem with this until now. Both of you are wrong.
Author desirefire Posted August 26, 2023 Author Posted August 26, 2023 12 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: While I don't disagree, you also had no problem with this until now. Both of you are wrong. well I agree with you, but at least I was true to him
Wiseman2 Posted August 26, 2023 Posted August 26, 2023 On 8/7/2023 at 8:52 PM, desirefire said: I was depressed and also gooing through a nasty loss (family suicide). I decided to contact my ex because he is the true love of my life. Sorry this happened. Please focus on taking care of yourself and your physical and mental health. Consider a bereavement support group for help coping. Unfortunately contacting an ex out of the blue, especially when you're grieving and upset isn't a good idea. It seems like he felt sorry for you and your loss and your fragile state of mind, but didn't really want to reconcile or hurt you. Please take care of yourself and leave him alone. He's not ready willing or able to date you. Try to cope with the depression and anger and stress of everything that happened and please don't depend on old BFs this much for support.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 26, 2023 Posted August 26, 2023 (edited) 3 hours ago, desirefire said: well I agree with you, but at least I was true to him Interesting caveat you've invented for yourself. I would be careful about judging him when your behaviour wasn't that great, either. You were happy to take advantage of his disloyalty until he upset you. Not a good look there, girl. Edited August 26, 2023 by ExpatInItaly
Author desirefire Posted August 26, 2023 Author Posted August 26, 2023 38 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Interesting caveat you've invented for yourself. I would be careful about judging him when your behaviour wasn't that great, either. You were happy to take advantage of his disloyalty until he upset you. Not a good look there, girl. how could I I didnt even know he hade a gf. And also He was so happy ans enthusiatic he heard from me that everything went from there. I dont hate him for upseting me but im griefing. Its fotaly normal to be sad, angry, loving at the same time. But yes I think it was false hope and I dont know I wouldt be able to give some one false hope ans specially not sit and plan future together and stuff and seem very genuine. Talking for hours about al problems and stuff. But ofc I want him all the best, iv told him so to.
stillafool Posted August 26, 2023 Posted August 26, 2023 5 hours ago, desirefire said: well I agree with you, but at least I was true to him He had no obligation to be true to you because you broke up with him. He was perfectly within his rights to start dating another girl. He did misllead you when you contacted him to get back together. He was keen until he saw you had loss a lot of weight and then turned back to her: On 8/24/2023 at 3:44 AM, desirefire said: well it didnt i wanted som affection he wanted to take it slow so my feelings took over and I became inscure and asked him questins like "are your sure about this", "should you really be talking with your rebound stil if you want to try with me". He still wanted to be there for his rebound. I said I understand but I cant go through this rolercoaster. I accept you talk I just want to know if your gonna jump between us to". He has been off and when I tried to talk with him like hey do you wanna meet etc. He says I just wanna meet you a couple times before deciding if we should take it further. I was like are you sure, I cant see how this will work if we do not invest in this. So yah I was a bit puchy but also tried not to be. We meet up spontaniously I sleep over at his place, no sex and stuff like that. More like hanging out and a little cuddeling in the morning. But as the day goes on he is akward, he also commented on my weigh like your so thin.( I am but not extreme). He says you looked better when you hade curves. Thing is I lost some weight but that can be fixed. He He have been very weird on texts , like really weird. I called him and said hey I dont wanna be treated this way. What is gooing on. He says he doesnt have the romantic feelings for me anymore thats why he wants to meet and se if they are there. I said well if this is gonna work I think both of us have to be more positive, kind, honest and keep in contact. I mean I dont see how its gonna work because I want ro feel liked and appeicheated. He has changes he is more negative and talkes alot about himself. I dont know but it ended there. He said if he have the strong feelings he have for me he promiss to tell me. We talked afterwards I was so sad, he said he cares about me and are there for me. And ofc I become puchy again and ask are your sure those romantic feelings wont come back if we meet more? He says hey I cant be sure. He says if I never broke up we would be together today because he loved me so much. He still love me and cares for me but If we cant take it really slow it wont work. We like texted and it ended with like me saying but your my soulmate. Wich I now think was stupid. He is still kind to me and understanding. But I dont know he have changes. His home was a mess and dirty, he didnt have clean clothes when we meet and smelled kinda bad... He was a new person for me but I do still love him and feel attrachted. Chemestry I dont know he was more negative I was more positive. I think I ruined everything. I wish I was more cold about it and did things different. Gave him space and more time. I really tried but it was hard because of the situation. And I really missed him so I wanted to be around him. More than he wanted with me. Maby we would have a chanse. He said like when I saw you I didnt feel the same, and he have been stringing me for days. Today I feel like s***. Total s***. I dont know how to cope with this to be honest. I have so many regrets, I tried my best. Also his rebound is after him to , and me so I guess he is exuasted. And he doesnt know what he wants. The whole situation have been exausting for all of us. You need to reread what you wrote above and then decide if you think you'll still get back together. To me, it doesn't look like it. You're right he did change in that 3 months because now he thinking his worth has gone up. He has 2 girls pinning for his affection. He isn't giving her up to at least try with you and he was wrong to make you think he would. He obviously cares more about her than he let on. He does want a family one day but that doesn't mean it will be with you. You will have a family one day but it may not be with him. I'm sure you both will end up happy in the end.
Author desirefire Posted August 26, 2023 Author Posted August 26, 2023 1 hour ago, stillafool said: He had no obligation to be true to you because you broke up with him. He was perfectly within his rights to start dating another girl. He did misllead you when you contacted him to get back together. He was keen until he saw you had loss a lot of weight and then turned back to her: You need to reread what you wrote above and then decide if you think you'll still get back together. To me, it doesn't look like it. You're right he did change in that 3 months because now he thinking his worth has gone up. He has 2 girls pinning for his affection. He isn't giving her up to at least try with you and he was wrong to make you think he would. He obviously cares more about her than he let on. He does want a family one day but that doesn't mean it will be with you. You will have a family one day but it may not be with him. I'm sure you both will end up happy in the end. absolutly. I will not be shallow in my next relationship. Its not long lasting:) He really did. For what I know he is nether with me or her he is now looking for something new on a dating app. Ofc he is free to do anything he want. I didnt break up with him because his huge weigh gain. I broke up because it was best for now. But anyway no matter what. I will move on. Thanks everyone for the support
Author desirefire Posted August 26, 2023 Author Posted August 26, 2023 Just now, desirefire said: absolutly. I will not be shallow in my next relationship. Its not long lasting:) He really did. For what I know he is nether with me or her he is now looking for something new on a dating app. Ofc he is free to do anything he want. I didnt break up with him because his huge weigh gain. I broke up because it was best for now. But anyway no matter what. I will move on. Thanks everyone for the support I am moving on. I deserve better and he deserve better.
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