Was it the right thing to do?

[MsJayne]

I'll quote Maya Angelou..."When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time".  I suggest you read through your post and count the number of times this person has treated you like a second-class citizen, and take into account that you've probably only mentioned the most memorable incidents of a**h***ness. There's nice men out there, why donate your time to a manipulative vampire? 

[Teddyy]

7 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

What made you think that he might be serious with you if you had only talked through DMs? Why did you settle for just DMs when it is evident that you wanted more? Are you not able to date and meet people in person? Did you become acquainted with him online because of pandemic restrictions?

Actually, he was the one who initiated communication with me 2 months before the pandemic. He knew me from a mutual friend of ours. I was trying to accept things as they were and trying to convince myself that this guy will never be serious with me while remaining in contact but I guess it's impossible to do so if the guy is contacting you everyday. I was honestly trying to convince myself to just not care. I didn't want to resort to blocking but it's just too much. I have met and dated other people but it's just not working for me when I have those feelings for this guy.

[Teddyy]

9 minutes ago, MsJayne said:

I'll quote Maya Angelou..."When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time".  I suggest you read through your post and count the number of times this person has treated you like a second-class citizen, and take into account that you've probably only mentioned the most memorable incidents of a**h***ness. There's nice men out there, why donate your time to a manipulative vampire? 

You are right. He couldn't even care less that it ended and proceeded to block me on WhatsApp after I blocked him on Instagram. not sure why though since our only communication is through Instagram.

[Alpacalia]

8 minutes ago, Teddyy said:

Actually, he was the one who initiated communication with me 2 months before the pandemic. He knew me from a mutual friend of ours. I was trying to accept things as they were and trying to convince myself that this guy will never be serious with me while remaining in contact but I guess it's impossible to do so if the guy is contacting you everyday. I was honestly trying to convince myself to just not care. I didn't want to resort to blocking but it's just too much. I have met and dated other people but it's just not working for me when I have those feelings for this guy.

It's okay. You're not the first person to fall into one of these "situationships." What you can do is learn to spot the signs of a guy who isn't serious. Commitment means different things to different people, so don't assume what he means when he says he's interested. Don't be afraid to ask questions. If he's not willing to discuss things, then it's time to move on.

Another red flag (besides the obvious of not making an effort to see you) is if he's avoiding questions and conversation topics regarding his intentions. If he's avoiding a conversation about what this all means, you have your answer. Next, pay attention to his actions. Does he only contact you when it's convenient for him? Does he make plans with you that he doesn't follow through on?

There's nothing wrong with having feelings for someone, so don't be ashamed of yourself.

The most important thing to remember is that you have the right to take control of the situation. If it's becoming too much for you, don't hesitate to block him.

Edited August 1, 2023 by Alpacalia

[Teddyy]

16 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

It's okay. You're not the first person to fall into one of these "situationships." What you can do is learn to spot the signs of a guy who isn't serious. Commitment means different things to different people, so don't assume what he means when he says he's interested. Don't be afraid to ask questions. If he's not willing to discuss things, then it's time to move on.

Another red flag (besides the obvious of not making an effort to see you) is if he's avoiding questions and conversation topics regarding his intentions. If he's avoiding a conversation about what this all means, you have your answer. Next, pay attention to his actions. Does he only contact you when it's convenient for him? Does he make plans with you that he doesn't follow through on?

There's nothing wrong with having feelings for someone, so don't be ashamed of yourself.

The most important thing to remember is that you have the right to take control of the situation. If it's becoming too much for you, don't hesitate to block him.

Thank you so much. your advice means so much 

[Alpacalia]

Just now, Teddyy said:

Thank you so much. your advice means so much 

You're welcome.

It pains me that some women make it so easy for men. That is not an attack on you, it is a statement of fact.

Why settle for such mediocre treatment. There's no need for him to date you properly, and he gets nude photos and sext messages in return.

It is not cute.

You need to respect yourself and not give into the pressure to do certain things in exchange for scraps. Start holding yourself to higher standards and requiring that any man who dates you recognize your value and treat you properly. That means showing emotional investment, treating you with respect and kindness, being consistent and reliable, and respecting your boundaries. When you start respecting yourself more, others will follow the example and treat you better.

[JTSW]

5 hours ago, Teddyy said:

is there a way to fix things?

You never had anything to fix.

He was honest with you and told you he didn't want to be involved with you but you never listened.

He was happy to get nude pics of you and use you to get off, but that's it. 

That's all you were to him.

And you let this bs go on for 2 years.

You don't have a relationship, never had one.

Time to get a grip and get on with your life

Find yourself a decent guy that actually respects you instead of a creep that only talks via insta and only wants your nudes.

[Teddyy]

6 minutes ago, JTSW said:

You never had anything to fix.

He was honest with you and told you he didn't want to be involved with you but you never listened.

He was happy to get nude pics of you and use you to get off, but that's it. 

That's all you were to him.

And you let this bs go on for 2 years.

You don't have a relationship, never had one.

Time to get a grip and get on with your life

Find yourself a decent guy that actually respects you instead of a creep that only talks via insta and only wants your nudes.

He is blocked and I'm not planning to unblock him. I'm hurt but lesson learned 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Teddyy said:

 I have met and dated other people but it's just not working for me when I have those feelings for this guy.

You made the right decision ending it. Now you're free to start talking to and meeting men who want what you want.

Please remember that anything you send can go viral in a nanosecond or sold on porn sites. There's no need to send nudes or sext with strangers.. 

Get a good profile and pics on quality paid dating apps and start talking to and meeting men. Paid apps may offer more serious daters and offer better matching and screening tools.

Please screen for location and other matching criteria. Watch out for red flags such as won't meet in a timely manner or asks for nudes, sexting,etc.

When you fill the void with appropriate men, you'll be less vulnerable to creepy guys like this.

[JTSW]

17 minutes ago, Teddyy said:

He is blocked and I'm not planning to unblock him. I'm hurt but lesson learned 

Good for you for blocking him.

Keep it that way.

He doesn't deserve you.

2 hours ago, Teddyy said:

I have met and dated other people but it's just not working for me when I have those feelings for this guy.

Just keep reminding yourself that he never cared about you and just used you as a sex object.

Edited August 1, 2023 by JTSW

[JTSW]

I'm sorry your sad about this, but I can guarantee that he is not.

2 years only communicating via messages on social media?

You held out hope for far too long for a complete creep.

He does not deserve your sadness and tears.

I can guarantee that you were not the only one he was doing this with.

[glows]

5 hours ago, Teddyy said:

I think he is the type that talks to many girls and plays around after the change of behavior which made me hurt to be honest.

Watch a person’s actions measure up to what they’re saying. They need to walk the talk. When this person didn’t agree to meet as often in the first month or two those red flags should have gone up. You’ll know for future reference now. He’s not someone you want if you’re looking for something more real in terms of a relationship and real in person interaction. Take responsibility for your hand in this ignoring these red flags. That’s the only way you’ll feel empowered not to make the same mistakes. This wasn’t all on him and the way he made you feel. Walk away in future much earlier when things don’t add up.

[Ageless Wisdom23]

Three long years and nothing  ever came out of it.  You were emotionally brainwashed by this guy who never gave a darn about you or your feelings.  He grabbed your attention purposely because he knew you craved  and cared about him and with you sending Nudes and Sexting....That was the only thing he wanted from you.  Nothing more.  Look at the way he has shabbily treated you for so long.  Dry your tears and move on ASAP.  Guys like him who are nothing but players online and offline are a waste of time.

Edited August 2, 2023 by Ageless Wisdom23

[Teddyy]

I really appreciate all the advices and words. I'm still moving on from all the hurt he has caused me but reading all the things you guys are telling me is making it a little bit easier for me.. 

[Alpacalia]

That's good to hear Teddyy. It will take some time. Please feel free to keep posting. I'm glad to hear it's starting to feel a bit easier for you. 

[JTSW]

1 hour ago, Teddyy said:

I'm still moving on from all the hurt he has caused me

You talk like you have been in a relationship for 20 plus years.

It was just 2 years texting a creep and you didn't even see each other so I can't understand how this could've affected you so deeply.

You figured out early on that you weren't going to get anything out of him.

I think you just became very dependent on him.

Edited August 2, 2023 by JTSW

[Teddyy]

4 minutes ago, JTSW said:

You talk like you have been in a relationship for 20 plus years.

It was just 2 years texting a creep and you didn't even see each other so I can't understand how this could've affected you so deeply.

You figured out early on that you weren't going to get anything out of him.

I think you just became very dependent on him.

I have seen the guy almost 4 to 5 times in the course of these 3 years. You are right I have been dependent on him, and I might have been hoping that he would change. he is a friend of a mutual friend of mine. She honestly told me that he was a nice guy but turns out she didn't know that side of him. I know this is my fault and I'm trying not be hard on myself. 

[JTSW]

37 minutes ago, Teddyy said:

I know this is my fault

No, this is not your fault at all.

You did nothing wrong.

You were just hoping for something meaningful with him and there's nothing wrong with that.

You are a sweet girl and deserve so much better than how he treated you.

It's his fault for stringing you along for so long.

[JTSW]

@TeddyyI just want you to know that you have friends here for support any time you need it. No-one is judging you at all and I can sense your hurt over this guy. It's not fair the way he's treated you. Please message me any time you need to talk x

[Teddyy]

Thank you. it's nice to have someone to talk to guide me through this. It's been a week and a half since I have blocked him. I hope I get over this sooner than later. 

[glows]

Keep him blocked and avoid these kinds of people in future. You’ll know going forward what to do. Your life is precious and yes it will get better.

[Lubecke]

Yikes. I think ending this was for the best. Sounds like you were way more invested than he was in this arrangement. 
 

I say find someone that wants to give you what you’re looking for. This person just wasn’t that unfortunately. 

[Teddyy]

15 hours ago, Lubecke said:

Yikes. I think ending this was for the best. Sounds like you were way more invested than he was in this arrangement. 
 

I say find someone that wants to give you what you’re looking for. This person just wasn’t that unfortunately. 

Exactly! it's been almost a month since I have blocked him and never heard from him since. Good riddance