I'm a disabled man trapped in a different type of abusive relationship.

[Lonelyandhurt]

I live with my mother which acts as a payee who has not only intentionally ruined my life trapping me mentally in my teens friendless and unable to have a normal relationship with a woman ever. She has also sent me down a path of anger ptsd and quite possibly made me abusive. Growing up she purposely limited my freedoms and forced me to constantly sit their with niece. Nearly every day I was forced after school all the way to my last days in high-school. I was never allowed to leave the house to hang out with friends like a normal person,  I was never allowed to date like a normal person and have grown extremely sex crazed over the years from the isolation. She becomes mentally abusive towards me and degrades me constantly when I try to be normal. 

I have grown extremely depressed and angry over the years as everyone I knew left and the girls I was interested in started to degrade me and torment me because I wasn't allowed to leave or have anyone over. My mental disabilities are nowhere near the way she tells people I am. She has people believing that I am completely helpless and childish and will go as far as make me look like I'm lying will sit there and cry for people to feel bad for her. She wants me to look like the abuser

   Yet I'm the 27 year old man with no friends, no relationship, no credit history jumping from hundreds of dating sites and one night stand sites constantly growing more emotionally and sexually frustrated each time I'm blocked by a paywall. I have been doing this on repeat for 9 years of my life site after site! I also repeatedly relive and have nightmares of my teens to the point it's interfere with my life sometimes multiple times a day!

  While I do suffer from many mentally disabilities like adhd and a few others that only affect my life in minor ways. She overplays others and uses them to her advantage and will intentionally set me off to only claim its my bipolar and fight with intentionally berating me calling me a ****** and will threaten to lock me up by having me 302! Just like she would threaten me back when I was in high school  and tried to leave the house to go to a friend's, or even go on the date I made only for the girl to berate me the next day because I never showed. My friends all stopped talking to me because I couldn't go anywhere, when they wanted to come over they couldn't because I had to stare at my niece and family! Her excuse is people change! Who can change when there is no one there!

I have 0 people skills after all these years.as of years of  constantly trying on repeat to get with someone and extremes failing each time. I have gone from trying to break away to being extremely sex driven. Most days I`m so emotionally and sexualy mixed up I can't focus on anything long enough to care. With my depression I now let everything just lay including trash that just builds up on my floor.

I have gone from someone who used to dream of getting with someone hoping to have a daughter. To someone even I don't recognize. Someone who goes from sitting there crying depressed and alone and then smashes everything as the painful memories flood in. Sometimes i don't even realize I'm doing it until the memories stop.. I don`t even try to get with someone just to just hang out or be happy because of how emotionally destroyed I am and sex driven I have become.

 I don't know what to do with myself any more. I constantly feel worthless,  There's no one in my area to hang out with let alone be with. Even if there was,  no one wants a sex crazed lunatic living with an abusive mother.

[basil67]

Hi Lonelyandhurt, sounds like you need to be away from your mother.   I've got ideas, but first, some questions:

• Do you have an income of any kind?   I'm thinking of either a job or disability pension.   If so, do you earn enough that you could afford to move out?
• Is government housing an option?  (or is there a long wait list?)
• Does your mother have a court order to manage your money? 
• Does your mother allow you to leave the house on your own?
• Have you ever been in trouble with the police?

If you could give us some background into your situation, we could probably come up with some ideas. Also, are you comfortable telling us what country you live in?  

 

 

 

[Wiseman2]

Reach out to a mental health hotline. They'll listen, help you and get you to the resources you need.  

[JTSW]

First things first, do you work and earn?

Definitely take Wisemans advice by contacting an organisation that can help you with resources.

If you are earning, start looking for your own really far away and don't tell her or anyone about it.

Start saving your money and keep it in a bank account that she has no access to. 

You were abused for so long by her because you allowed it and never did anything to stop it.

As soon as you became an adult you should've run for the hills, but you continued to let her treat you this way.

Secure your own place and leave when she is not there.

Change your number and phone provider so she cannot contact you or track you down.

Start fresh where no-one knows you and get your life back on track.

You can do it!

We're here for you anytime you need us 

Edited July 28, 2023 by JTSW

[Lonelyandhurt]

I'm unable to work due to my disabilites and as someone on the lease if I moved out I would lose my section 8 and be unable to get it again without resigning up and waiting. In my area they also do credit checks before making a lease making it impossible since not only have I never been able to gain any credit but I tried to get internet in my name and they ran a hard credit check on me and refused me. 

Without credit I can't can't do most things.

Rent or buy a house

Get wifi or most bills in my name including car insurance of any kind let alone get a car

Get loan, already tried

Or even just shop 90 percent of today's stores

And it's completely impossible to use any dating or similar sites online I have tried almost daily since graduation it has completely destroyed me emotionally especially the hateful message I receive nearly hourly!

I have 0 friends and people in my area are far from kind. Most doing illegal things on a daily bases despite being in a school zone. Infact most people in my area especially the women harass and make fun of me. Several heard my mother threatening me by trying to forcefully make me believe that all women I would try to get with would accuse me of assault! They stood outside my house after coming up from an Italian festival near my house laughing at me and loudly mocking me by talking as loud as they could about assault laughing in-between each thing. 

I also have severe issues with people because my mother constantly and I mean constantly talks about predators going as far as the last family get together exclaiming loudly that's she's excited about a new movie about exploitation coming to streaming as all of us got angry at her. People hear talk about these stupid prison movies and exploitation movies and they get the wrong idea! I cooked me and her a large dinner one day and she rewards me by talking about predators being arrested at the nearby bakery! We were on the porch with people walking by making sick comments because they thought she was talking about me! She always finds some way to chase people away from and it's humiliating especially since we live in a school zone! You can't image how much this woman infuriates me!

Edited July 28, 2023 by Lonelyandhurt
Auto correct replaced part of my sentence with previously typed making it not make sense

[Lonelyandhurt]

She does these things to break me down and make people stay away from me. She had people I knew back in school think I was dating my neice! That's why every day I was forced outside to sit with even though I wanted nothing to do with her! She had friends and runaway with them and I was still forced to sit there like an idiot! She has a girlfriend she runaway with and still lives with while transitioning to a man by surgery. I had no one I could leave with yet when she ran away my family punished me for it by making my life even more miserable.

[basil67]

 

1 hour ago, Lonelyandhurt said:

Without credit I can't can't do most things.

Rent or buy a house

Get wifi or most bills in my name including car insurance of any kind let alone get a car

Get loan, already tried

Or even just shop 90 percent of today's stores

Yes and no.  If you receive a disability pension, you probably don't receive enough to qualify for a home loan.   But if you want a smaller loan you need your own bank account and demonstrate that you can pay your bills and have enough left over for repayments.  

If your disability pension is sufficient, there's no reason you can't rent, or get wifi or shop in stores.  Instead of a credit card, you need a bank account in your own name and a debit card.  

This brings me back to the questions I asked previously:

• Do you receive a disability pension? 
• Does your mother have a court order to manage your money? 
• Does your mother allow you to leave the house on your own?
• Have you ever been in trouble with the police?

A few final questions:

• are you in contact with your father?  Is he a good guy?  
• have you ever done any work training?

I imagine that you would need a social worker or caseworker to get all this support in place.  

Edited July 29, 2023 by basil67

[Lonelyandhurt]

I was born with my disabilites so unfortunately I don't get a pension. My debit card is in her name as she is my payee.

She has always handle my money

I have never been in trouble with the police

I haven't talked to my father in years. He was a drug addict and left us when I was younger. We met him again and tried to reconnect when I turned 20 but he went back to the drugs not even 3 weeks after.

And while now I can go some places on my own it wasn't until I was 24 and everyone already left. So I have no where to go. I didn't see your question the first time my tablets keyboard covered it up. Not sure why but my keyboard acts up on here and the entire page jumps up with most covered by the letters.

[Lonelyandhurt]

As for ever trying to get a job my disabilites and newer issues such as the memories causing me emotional issues, how sex crazed and distant I have become. I don't feel under any circumstance a job or further education would be a good idea. I can't stand seeing others doing all the things I was never able to walking by because of the memories flooding back causing me depression and other emotional issues. Being in a forced situation with groups like this in a workplace or school would be disastrous and I intentionally avoid large crowds for this reason.

I feel it's better for myself to avoid these situations to avoid any possible trouble whether it be my emotional issues or someone else doing something intentionally to pick. Unfortunately like those women mocking and laughing at me sometimes issues come to me and I'm forced to sit there with no way to make them stop.

[basil67]

No problem about missing my message

From what you've written about Section 8 housing, it sounds like you're in the US. Is this correct?  I'm not in your country, buy I'd be very surprised if you can't get a disability pension because you were born with a disability.  It just makes no sense.  I'm hoping someone with knowledge of the sector in the US knows the answer.

But the upshot is that if you don't work and have no pension, then you're living off your mother's money.  And if this is the case, you are correct that you will not be able to get a loan or even pay for your internet.   You could see if she would give you an allowance which is paid to your own bank account, but you'd have to learn to budget and make the money last.

The only way to achieve financial independence is to find a way to get a pension or get a job.  That said, you keep mentioning that you are "sex crazed" and I'm concerned when you write this as one of the reasons you can't get a job working in and around crowds.  Do you exhibit behaviour, which puts women at risk or makes them feel unsafe?  Or do you simply wish you had a girlfriend and imagine sex with her? 

You've expressed a lot of emotional issues - do you have a psychiatrist?

[glows]

OP, are you receiving treatment for the bipolar disorder?

[NuevoYorko]

There definitely are resources for people who have been disabled from birth and / or have emotional, mental or intellectual disabilities.  From the way you describe yourself, it seems that most of your disabilities are not necessarily preventing you from working.   It seems that  you need counseling to support you developing some self sufficiency.   You've completed your basic education and perhaps really are employable, if you get some skills and treatment for your bi-polar and ADHD - do you agree with that?

 Bi-polar and ADHD are both quite responsive to medications for many people. 

To access help, there will be a lot of red tape that I am sure you'll find profoundly frustrating.

Do you have any activities outside of your house at all?  Can and do you come and go as you please?  If so, I think a good first step will be to connect with mental health services.    Your state's department of public health or county government is a good starting point.

I recognize that you are in a very bad, trapped and abusive situation with your mother.   This is not "victim blaming" but the reality is that you are the one who is going to need to make the moves towards changing your circumstances. 

 

[Wiseman2]

14 hours ago, Lonelyandhurt said:

She has always handle my money

 

Does your mother have power of attorney?  If she is handing your disability checks from social security, she needs to have that. Otherwise you are in a protected group and this is a red flag. Even if she has power of attorney due to your disabilities, the funds are supposed to be handled to benefit you.

Hopefully you have already been to social services and are getting food stamps, medical care, have a case worker and can get some help. If your mother lives in subsidized housing and you're on the lease it would be next to impossible to find alternative housing on your own.

However please check in with social services because in addition to healthcare, food and cash allowances, they can help you with housing. Please also tell someone that your mother is collecting your disability checks from the social security department.

[basil67]

11 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Does your mother have power of attorney?  If she is handing your disability checks from social security, she needs to have that.

Also interested in the answers your questions.  But as an aside, OP says he doesn't get disability checks 

[JTSW]

On 7/29/2023 at 12:21 AM, Lonelyandhurt said:

Without credit I can't can't do most things.

Rent or buy a house

Get wifi or most bills in my name including car insurance of any kind let alone get a car

Get loan, already tried

Or even just shop 90 percent of today's stores

 

On 7/29/2023 at 12:21 AM, Lonelyandhurt said:

I have 0 friends

 

On 7/29/2023 at 12:29 AM, Lonelyandhurt said:

She does these things to break me down and make people stay away from me.

 

On 7/29/2023 at 1:45 AM, Lonelyandhurt said:

I don't feel under any circumstance a job or further education would be a good idea.

So what exactly do you need advice with?

A few of us have given you some very helpful advice and directions to resources that will definitely help you.

But you have just given up. 

You say you can't work due to your disability but I get the feeling that it what your mother told you.

There are work from home jobs you can do from your computer.

There are always options for you OP.

It's time you took your life back. Research all the resources available to you.

Contact the adult protection services and tell them everything your mother has been doing to you your whole life.

[MsJayne]

I'm quite concerned by your post, it reminded me of a movie called, 'Bad Boy Bubby'. You say you have disabilities, and I acknowledge that, but yet you seem to have quite a high level of self awareness and you're also articulate enough to describe your situation. Have you ever discussed your situation with a doctor?  If not, why not? Are you able to visit a doctor without your mother? I ask because, regardless of what country you're in, a health professional should be able to recognise markers of an abusive situation if one exists. For example, if you're being deprived of liberty by your mother, the health professional should be able to glean this from what you tell them. If your mother accompanies you to any medical appointments so you're unable to tell someone what's happening, (ie; you're afraid to speak up because she'll shut you down with statements that cause others to dismiss anything you say), this is actually very serious. In Australia there are emergency services for people who suddenly find themselves homeless after escaping an abusive situation, so I will assume your country also has these social safeguards. You obviously have access to a computer and can communicate privately on it, so I suggest looking up organisations that provide assistance to abuse victims, things such as a roof over your head, mental health support, and financial assistance. If you are capable of managing your life and in fact are being deprived of liberty by your mother, (and it does happen, some people will subjugate/infantilise an adult son or daughter in order to collect welfare payments and benefits), that's a criminal offence. If all you have accused your mother of is true and correct, your "disability" is possibly the result of emotional and psychological abuse, (and there would be no prizes for guessing the probable reasons why your father is also a broken man and abandoned you). You sound like you're escalating to a dangerous level and have significant anger towards women, so please tell someone qualified to help you before it reaches critical point - it would be tragic for you to go from being imprisoned by your mother to being imprisoned in the state penitentiary.