a4a Posted November 8, 2005 Posted November 8, 2005 Fishing for some possible answers or relief that I am not just being paranoid! I have looked over the basic websites on this subject. Friends of our have a male friend that is constantly at their home. He is a single mid thirties guy that cannot "seem" to find a date or relationship (no crime there buttttttttt.....) He invites himself to all their family functions, including trick or treating, goes out with the wife and kids even if the father cannot make it out with them. He plays with these 3 & 6 year olds rather than participating in adult activity going on in the home. He has spent quite a bit of time alone with these kids in their room ect..... not just a couple of minutes but hours. His other behavior is very odd. He does not take to any form of rejection very well..... becomes hostile even towards others not causing harm but has lashed out at people with good news announcements that does not even have any concern with his own life. He also displays some serious hatred towards women in general under his "poor me, I just want a girlfriend" outward attitude. I get a gut feeling there is just not something right with all this. He actually scares me a bit on a very deep level because of combined behaviors.(too many to list here) Does his attractions and overzealous attentions to these kids, that are not related to him, put up a red flag or am I being paranoid? Is this normal behavior for a single guy his age? I truly get a Icky feeling about this. I have told the father about my gut feeling, I have not been molested nor have the education to put together warning signs, however I am concerned over this matter. Any insight? a4a
Skeered Posted November 8, 2005 Posted November 8, 2005 I haven't been molested either (THANK GOD) however I think in these situations we are all given a bit of an instinct and if you have these ugly gut feelings..I would seriously sit the family down and let them know...maybe you can confirm feelings they are having and thinking they are paranoid orrrrrr maybe you will bring to light something they didn't notice. I don't think the behaviors you mentioned are at all normal for a man his age to be doing and there is no way in hell that some 30 year old that is not related to me or my family will be alone with my kids in a room for hours...too weird.
glittergurl Posted November 8, 2005 Posted November 8, 2005 Eww, he sounds like a character Stephen King would come up with. I would definitely not trust him. From all the 30-something guys I know (most are single), NONE actually really enjoys spending time with kids; especially not if they aren't related. There's something really wrong here.
Leahh Posted November 9, 2005 Posted November 9, 2005 maybe he suddenly feels so old and wants to spend time with young children... maybe he needs counseling
RecordProducer Posted November 9, 2005 Posted November 9, 2005 There are so many molesters in this world, it's a crime to ignore cases like this where a male adult invites himself to a house and spends hours alone with little children. It's a very alarming situation and I hope I am wrong. A4a, it's good that you're concerned about this, but your mission won't be complete and humane if you feel what's going on, but do nothing about it. Talk to the kids first. Ask them about him, what games they play together, what he shows them, whether they change costumes (take clothes off)... feel free to ask them if anyone has touched their bodily parts or forced them to do something yukky... ak them if this guy has asked them to not tell secrets they share to their parents. Watch their reaction. Don't worry, if nothing is going on, the kids won't understand your questions and won't be bothered. My children are 7 and I have explained to them that these kind of people exist in this world and advised them how to recognize them and what to do if something like this should happen. They didn't seem upset about hearing it. Kids often get confused when they hear weird stuff, so don't be surprised if they act in a strange way. They are too little to lie so with the right questions, you would be able to discover the truth. If you can't do this yourself, advise the parents to talk to their children. I was molested myself so if it were me, I would even think about reporting the case to the center of social work as a last resort.
Pendawn Posted November 9, 2005 Posted November 9, 2005 Coudl be molesting, or could just be a very disfunctioing adult who gets on with children and doesn't know hwo to realte to adults 9hence teh anger and lack of gf etc). i ahd a male realtive who used to come visit when iw as a little girl, he'd come in from his work to visit ME rather than my aprents, and he'd play Othello and other games with me. i remember spending a lot of time with him but he never molested me in any way -was not uncomfortably touchy or had inapporpriate conversations with me. He just LIKED me and liked kids in general. He has kids of his own now but his hobby now is DJing and hosting parties for little kids. he just loves being around them. Think the parents should have a talk with thier kids about if anyone makes them feel uncomofrtable or does anything they don't like etc. Rather than assume the man is guilty.
933KJL Posted November 9, 2005 Posted November 9, 2005 Google "Registered Sex Offender" and see if there is an online registry for your location. Gut feelings always need to be listened to and I would mention this feeling to your friends.
Author a4a Posted November 9, 2005 Author Posted November 9, 2005 Thanks I will look to see if he is registered. This guy I felt sorry for at first, lonely ect. Until these underlaying hostile emotions started coming out. I cannot describe it or put my finger on the exact feeling besides a hair on your neck standing up when he is around. His brother also states that he is not "right". He seems very fragile. Perhaps a cross of that Robin Willams movie when he tries to take over the family and Norman Bates type personality. I cannot imagine allowing a friend to put your kids to bed and falls asleep in the room with them..... I have warned the father.... but I could not accuse him of wrong doing, just explained why I think something is not right with him and to watch him. Thanks for the ideas. I rarely take anything serious but this is serious! a4a
ANSON Posted November 9, 2005 Posted November 9, 2005 Coudl be molesting, or could just be a very disfunctioing adult who gets on with children and doesn't know hwo to realte to adults 9hence teh anger and lack of gf etc). i ahd a male realtive who used to come visit when iw as a little girl, he'd come in from his work to visit ME rather than my aprents, and he'd play Othello and other games with me. i remember spending a lot of time with him but he never molested me in any way -was not uncomfortably touchy or had inapporpriate conversations with me. He just LIKED me and liked kids in general. He has kids of his own now but his hobby now is DJing and hosting parties for little kids. he just loves being around them. Think the parents should have a talk with thier kids about if anyone makes them feel uncomofrtable or does anything they don't like etc. Rather than assume the man is guilty. I agree... though we must protect the innocent, we must remember that the accused just might be innocent as well. Too bad we are so quick to jump the worst of possible situations. I agree that this guy may just need some help as he sounds very anti-social and if this be the case, then their is a reason and he needs intervention worse than the children do. The only thing one can do is ck into I guess, but do it is a way of "WISDOM" lest this mans life be ruined though he may have done nothing wrong whatsoever. Seems to me the kids would be showing signs if he was guilty of inproper conduct. Just my two cents.
submart Posted November 9, 2005 Posted November 9, 2005 I see red flags! 1. anger issue 2. spending long time alone with kids...suspicious 3. hatred towards women (red flag x 10) Recordproducer had GREAT advice. First, you need to talk to the children. Secondly, observe this guy. Does he go out of the way for the kids? Buying them toys and such? Chances are he be registered. Very few child molesters/rapists are caught, and of those who are, many get a slap on the wrist. Good for you for looking out!!!
morrigan Posted November 9, 2005 Posted November 9, 2005 http://faculty.ncwc.edu/toconnor/428/428lect19.htm http://www.crimelibrary.com/criminal_mind/psychology/pedophiles/7.html http://www.twist-of-fate.com/MolesterSigns.html I agree with what everyone else advised: questioning the kids, looking up on your state's and any other states he's lived in sex offender registries. His behavior is definitely a cause for concern. Even if he's not doing anything to the children, his anger issues should make their parents leery of leaving him alone unsupervised with them.
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