crushed05 Posted November 8, 2005 Posted November 8, 2005 Hello all I have been reading the web site for a couple of days, and it has helped me a great deal. Well here is my story; I will condense it the best I can to make it easier. I have been with my Fiancée for almost 4 years, engaged 3 years this month. Living together for about 3 years. We met on an Internet dating site. We talked for months thru the computer, then moved to the phone, then finally met in person, we both had fallen head over heels about each other. The following time together was wonderful, then aprox a year ago, sex just started to disappear; we went for about a 7-month period sexless. I was told all kinds of reasons as to why. I did ask her if she had lost interest in me, and found someone else, she said that there was no one else. Sex started coming back into the relationship and things appeared to be getting better. Computers have always been a big part of our lives; we played many computer games together (2 computers connected on a lan). In about July last year we started playing an online game called Everquest, but on an emulator server. She started staying up later and later, for months I went to bed alone. I noticed that we were really drifting apart and that we were losing the passion and quality time together and I told her so. I then told her I was not going to play as much so at least we could be in the same room. I had to go away for a week this Aug for work. When I came home I found out see had bought a web cam, with headset and microphone. I knew a way to record the conversations from in the game, and I watched her type her password into one of her email accounts. Well with in a day I had all the proof I needed. She was having cyber sex with a 20 year old guy from the game.(she is 43 years old), I saw photos he had sent, and I knew they were using the web cam for sex acts L. So I confronted her about it and she said I can’t believe I’m saying that she was cybering. She denied it, and said she can’t be in a relationship with no trust. She then emailed the guy saying that she won’t be on as much for a bit, but will still do it with him when she could. (she was previously married and cheated on him after about 3 years of being with him, but she told him the truth. they lasted another 9 years together,Guess she learned not to tell again). I felt bad because I had accessed her email so I caved and told her I was sorry for not trusting her. I knew I could get the proof from the in game log file. Well about 2 days later, I had the proof, and showed it to her. She was shocked, crying and said that she was sorry, and that things had just gotten out of hand. (I later told her it was not out of hand, she had the thought to go buy the web cam and stuff, and change things about herself, and that she knew what she was doing). That night I talked, she didn’t talk much. She said she will not talk to him anymore, and would quit the game. Well that lasted about 2 days. When I confronted her about talking to him, she said that they are just friends. I showed her the email of her talking to him (about a month later); I knew she would be pissed because I had access her email. I felt this need to be all out in the open. I might add we were just starting to look at buying a house when this happened, she was still will to buy a house together, we even got a pre approved mortgage 3 days after I confronted her. Soon as I showed the proof that they were still talking, the house was off and she wanted time and space!! She has had lots of stress in her life for around the same time period that all this has happened. Her mom, work, Kids (she has 2, one lived with us) (her kids don’t respect her at all) and now I’m a stress in her life. She doesn’t deal with stress she hides from it, which is probably why she lives in a fantasy world in the computer. Well for the month of September we tried to get thru this, but she didn’t seem willing to change at all, she still played, I went to bed alone, she still talked to him. Unfortunately, I became very needy. I was desperately seeking her attention. She told me she is in love with me, doesn’t want to lose me, wants to get thru this, and that I’m the best thing that has ever happen to her. Her actions don’t appear to support her words. Here is what she said word for word. “I love you too sweetheart, but you need to stop keep being so negative about the idea of us being apart. With all the stress around me, I just need time and space for a bit to regroup myself. If I could get away from my mom and the kids, I would. I love you Hon. Just have faith in us” dated Oct 5th So Sept has come and gone we didn’t seem to be getting anywhere. When I comforted her that she was still talking to him, she said she needs time and space. I said I can not be in a relationship with 3 people. So I told her I was moving out, I moved out last weekend. We were together for 2 months after I showed her proof she was having a cyber affair; it was not an overly good environment. She refused to talk about it, and I was driving her nuts by continually asking her if she truly loved me. She stated that she wanted to stay engaged, and that the separation was temporary (I left because of 3 people in a relationship, she left for time and space). We have seen each other 3 times since I moved out, and she has called everyday. I did access her email again, and found out that an old bf from about 5 years ago had emailed her just asking hows life etc, and is there a chance to see her before the years out.( they had always sent jokes back and forth and talk the very odd time thru email) Well this time she called his home(he wasn’t home, he emailed her saying he missed her call, and looked forward to chatting) he hasn’t emailed since (4 days ago). So I don’t know if she called back, met him etc. L I love this lady more then anyone I have ever been with, we had a great relationship, and I know we could have the same or better. I have seen a counselor 3 times, she only went once, and refuses to go back, and won’t see one by herself. This is tearing me apart, she seems so uncaring. I have been trying to take the approach of letting her call, her decide if we get together etc.(haven’t seen her for 5 days now) For one it will prove if she truly loves me or not. I’m trying to give her the time and space thing, but man its tough. I’m helping her move at the end of the month, we are both staying in the same town. Yes I don’t want to lose her, I love her so very much. This is so hard I feel so empty inside, I have lost weight, don’t sleep well, and can’t stop thinking about her. It is so hard to let her make all the moves. I know I have to as one person here said I want her to come back because she wants to, not because I asked her to. Guess this is not as condensed as I thought, but it does generally cover a 4-year period. My world is falling apart around me and I’m losing the most important person in my life . I love her so very much. God I wish I knew what she was thinking!!!!!! I would really appreciate any thoughts, comments, or suggestions.
Wywind Posted November 9, 2005 Posted November 9, 2005 I know exactly how your feeling. My b/f basically had pulled the same stunt. Mine just happened yesterday so i'll probably be posting in my own thread so not to steal your thunder. Its suppose to get better but its hard, it hurts like nothing ever has before but life goes on, right? Anyway i am here for you if you need to talk more.
downcydeguy Posted November 9, 2005 Posted November 9, 2005 Man, you need to get her out of your life! I can't believe that even after you busted her, she continued to mess with this guy. Don't allow yourself to be used and abused like this. All of us hate having our hearts broken but time will heal the pain. Why would you want to be with a woman that sits on a d*mn computer all night having cyber sex with another man?? You will find someone better my friend. Kick her to the curb! Maybe her kids would show her a little respect if she'd get her *ss off the computer and pay some attention to them instead of that video game!
Wywind Posted November 9, 2005 Posted November 9, 2005 Shoot, why would anyone show respect to someone that sits on a blasted computer all day long. I spend my fair share sometime but holy cow, when its down to 15 hours a day on it, skipping meals, blowing off sex, or having cyber sex in place of the real thing then eh, is anyone worth the time really? Anyway Down is right, you will get over it. I think i finally got over mine, and i just realized mine was over on Monday. I still feel love for the guy but shoot the more and more i think about it, the more and more i realized i wasted valuable time in making myself better and eventually who needs no one anyway. (Course i would miss sex but eh. lol Thats even over-rated). But yeah still other fish out there and ones that will do you good. Just take a year or two to better yourself , get over her and make the world smile around you.
Smiles0216 Posted November 9, 2005 Posted November 9, 2005 I know what its like to be hurting right now to but it seems like this woman has some serious commitment problems. You need someone who wants to be with you and you only. I don't know how to help you cope but people keep telling me to keep busy and it will pass even though it doesnt feel like it ever will.
Author crushed05 Posted November 9, 2005 Author Posted November 9, 2005 she works during the day, but when she gets home normally within 1 to 2 Hrs max then she is on the computer. She will then spend 5 to 7hrs on it. She was smart enough not to cyber while i was there, and now that i have left her i don't think she is doing it with him anymore, they simply talk. She said that they are just friends. he lives 16 hrs away from her. She uses the computer to escape from stress, which she has alot of in her life. We both use the computer alot, but she uses it for the wrong reasons. She has continued to call me everyday, and we just talk about general stuff etc. I told her yesterday though, that i miss her, and that i'm there for her, but she needs to get her head straight. She told me she loves me. Her again is the thing that gets me. Here is a email she sent me on the 5th of Oct “I love you too sweetheart, but you need to stop keep being so negative about the idea of us being apart. With all the stress around me, I just need time and space for a bit to regroup myself. If I could get away from my mom and the kids, I would. I love you Hon. Just have faith in us” Now with that said i have not seen her since last Thursday, been 6 days not seeing her so far. She doesn't even hint at trying to get togther even for a coffee I know i will see her at the end of the month as i'm helping her move into an Apt. I just don't understand it at all, and she will not open her feelings up, or say whats going on. I know if i try to ask it will be a waste of time, and do way more damage then good. Its so hard to love someone so much, and watch them dift away Thank you for your responses, talking about this helps alot. I still hurt very badly and will for awhile i'm sure. Wywind:I'm so sorry to hear that you are going thru the same thing. Hang in there. Smiles0216: you may well be right about the serious commitment problems. Only time will tell for me.
Author crushed05 Posted November 11, 2005 Author Posted November 11, 2005 I'm so depressed today I just don't understand this at all. I sent her a qucik e-mail yesterday saying " I love you sweetheart and i''m thinking of you." She sends me an e-mail back saying " I love you to hon, very busy day at work today" We are suppose to be Temp seperated, but we are still suppose to be engaged!!!. She didn't call yesterday, and today is day 8 of not seeing her. I know i won't see her this weekend as i have my daughter this weekend. I just have this feeling that she won't call today either:( I will wait till tommorrow night, if she hasn't called me then i will give her a quick call. God i hate this. You think that if she is still saying she loves me, we are still engaged, that she would at least still want to see me at least once during the week even for a coffee , something Geeesh. She is not doing anything that i know of, i log into the game to check now and then, and she has been playing it every night, so its not like she is going out partying or anything like that. She is prob just playing her game, and emailing, and chatting in msn I have this bad feeling that we are slowly going to dift apart. Why would she not put any effort into us, when she still says she loves me!!!! I want to ask her badly " if you still love me, and we are enaged. Then why don't you want to see me?????? God i still feel so empty inside, i 'am getting better slowly. But this truly is the worst pain i have ever gone through in my life. I love her so much, and don't understand why she is really acting the way she is.
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