I didnt mean to fall in love im so happy but in dire need of advice

[ih01]

I M21 have a girlfriend F23 long distance in China but met in the uk, I'm in the UK, for just over a year. I, 5 months ago met someone out of the blue and she is F16 which ik sounds concerning, but is both legal here and in the US where she resides, she is far more mature than her age, and we have her parents full approval. She is everything I've wanted in a relationship. I met her only recently in person and we just were a house on fire and I met her whole family and everyone even the grandparents approve. Her mum and stepdad met when she was 16 and he was 25 so they are more accepting and I'm sure I'll get a lot of heat for her being 16. Any younger and I would never have gotten feelings. I've never broken up with someone before and was so scared to and now I feel stuck. I wanted to travel to meet her and I haven't lost feelings fully for her and I am so terrified of hurting her and disappointing her family. I am also terrified of what my family will think of me having a girlfriend that is 16 as my stepsister was 16 and pregnant from a 19 year old. They were furious, more so at the stupidity of the more responsible male being irresponsible and her being pregnant so I hope they would approve and if not I don't really mind and will continue anyway as my parents were always so controlling of my life. And now I have my right to autonomy of course I want their approval and won't be so happy if I don't but I will do what's best for me and makes me happiest. Please help and how on earth can I let F23 down gently as I know she has suicidal thoughts etc that's the main reason I feel stuck because I do care for her as a person she never did anything wrong I just fell for someone else.

[justwhoiam]

Hi, this seems like a very delicate matter.

Being with someone with suicidal thoughts is never a good idea, because anything could trigger a mood swing and have her go down the wrong path, making your life miserable and with the risk of ending up feeling guilty. Another mistake was being her boyfriend if you've never even met her.

That said, you can just say that you don't feel really ready for a steady relationship yet, that it's not her fault, but that it's you having your own issues. She might offer to stick around and help you through whatever it is, but you need to say you want to start seeing people, going out and enjoying life more and that you got cold feet about a distance relationship.

Now about the new girl you met. It's just another bad idea to involve families, grandparents included, when a girl is only 16. You might meet another girl 6 months from now who is really the one, or in one year, who knows. So this might just be a puppy love, a crush or a fling. Do not involve families so early on. It's going to be a pain for everyone as soon as things go wrong. Meeting a girl's expectations at 16 is very easy, but doing that when she's 25 is a totally different story, I'm afraid. That's why rushing into anything would be a bad move. Besides, isn't she in the US? And aren't you in the UK? How often can you see her? She's probably going to school for the next 6 years. Will you be able to be there for her?

[ExpatInItaly]

Neither of these two presents a viable relationship prospect, OP. 

Both live a continent away, and one is essentially still a kid. She may be of legal age to consent, but that does not change the fact that she has very little life experience and is going to grow and change exponentially in the years ahead. The chances that she will want to continue with you after the novelty wears off are slin to none, I'm sorry to say. The age difference matters here, and the geographical distance is way too much. 

Break up with the one in China, for sure. You're already being very shady meeting someone else behind her back. But don't expect the relationship with the teenager to work out, either. It's just not realistic, on any level. 

Why don't you date local women? 

[JTSW]

On 7/19/2023 at 12:16 PM, ih01 said:

I will do what's best for me and makes me happiest.

What about what's best for the 16 year old girl?

What about her happiness?

She is just a child.

It doesn't matter if she doesn't look or act like it, she is a child, fact!

As a mother of a 16 year old girl this honestly makes me feel sick.

I would not condone this, especially as you already have a girlfriend.

Speaking as a mother, I do not like your whole attitude towards this whole situation.

You are thinking of yourself and how you feel rather than realising that this girl is far too young to settle down.

She has a whole life ahead of her and a whole lot of living to do.

You will end up being annoyed when she wants to party allot a few years down the line.

She will eventually mature and want to date someone her own age and who is into the same things she is.

Don't expect this to last. It wont.

Don't take advantage of a child.