MakeMeBeautiful Posted November 8, 2005 Posted November 8, 2005 I posted a while back about a guy I was seeing. He disappeared on me so I contacted him to see what the deal was. Below is his response. I need someone to decode guy speak for me. Is he letting me down gently or was it my fault for not being very apparent about my feelings? some background info: i started seeing him after wes and i broke up. so initially he was a rebound. after a few weeks i decided to give the relationship a fair chance. after the first time we slept with each other he sent me a brief email before going to give his lecture. he said that he was still smiling from our date and to him it was the perfect evening. the next week he takes me to a nice restaurant, leaves at 11:40, and i never hear from him again. Here is the email: Sorry about being so silent for a while. I have been very busy,extremely so last week when I was finishing up a grant proposal. Regarding you and me, I've been confused. It seems our dating went really well in some areas, and not so well in others. I think our conversations were interesting, that we had fun together, the physical part was GREAT. But I found it really hard to figure out what you were thinking when we were together, somehow I never managed to "key into" you. Which I thought was odd, since I think our email conversations have been really good. So I've been very uncertain about whether I wanted us to continue seeing each other or not. Or, to be precise, I really wanted to see you, but at the same time, it seems that if we continue seeing each other at this point, then it will start to get serious; and the rational part of me tells me that would not be good ... I just postponed the whole decision blaming the fact that I had no time to think about it (which was true up until a couple of days ago), which ended up being simply rude. Sorry about that. I can only blame my very conflicting emotions ...
Art_Critic Posted November 8, 2005 Posted November 8, 2005 the rational part of me tells me that would not be good ... He just didn't feel the connection and didn't want to hurt your feelings because you guys did connect on some levels..
whichwayisup Posted November 8, 2005 Posted November 8, 2005 Sorry to say this...He's letting you down very carefully now and explaining himself too. He just doesn't "feel" the way he wants to. It's sad, but sometimes with the best intentions of wanting to be with someone, if the feelings aren't there to grow it has to end. Thank him for being honest with you and then close the door on this situation. There isn't any need to be friends with him...That's just picking a scab and will bleed.
Walk Posted November 8, 2005 Posted November 8, 2005 Or, to be precise, I really wanted to see you, but at the same time, it seems that if we continue seeing each other at this point, then it will start to get serious; and the rational part of me tells me that would not be good ... Geez... have you tried calling and asking him what he meant. I'm not sure what he meant either. He may be letting you done easy. He may be saying you confuse the heck outta him but he likes you. Personally, I'd ask. Point blank, lay it all out there. Ask him what he's saying. Someone who say's it's not good to see you, and the yet say they really want to see you.... Up to you. But me, I couldn't get heads or tails from it. He sounds confused. He really likes you... he can't figure out what you think... He enjoys your company... he doesn't want to get too deep into you... Is he not into you? Or scared he'll fall for you and that you won't for him? Or he's worried about something he saw in you....? Sometimes you have to be blunt with someone, lay the cards on the table, and stop dancing around the issues. If you can drop it at this point, then do so. If it bugs you, then ask him what he really means. Sounds as if everyone is telling you he's letting you down anyway. If that's the case, you have nothing to lose by asking him what he's really saying. that was a wishy washy email. What ever happened to men with some testicular fortitude. Just say "Hey, loved the sex, but when you screamed 'I'm your daddy' it really freaked me out, and I don't want to see you anymore."
HJNTIY Posted November 9, 2005 Posted November 9, 2005 But IMO this is classic "he's just not that into you." I've had this exact same thing happen to me. First signs are silence, followed by explanation of "too busy" for you after YOU contact him. However, I will give him points for honesty when he says he just didn't "key into" you. Translation -- "I'm not into you." I think it's very clear. I would chalk it up to experience, and get back out there in the dating game!
LN8840K Posted November 24, 2005 Posted November 24, 2005 I read your post, I am a man and all I can do is tell you of my experience and to the ladies who swear by the book " he's just not that into " may want to listen as well ............. I can't tell you what he is thinking but : there is a woman and she is all I think of , but at the same time she scares me to death and confuses the crap out of me I might go a week without calling her, even though I think of nothing else but her and I tell her i'm busy act like I just want to be friends because I dont know what she thinks .... so ladies just because a guy does not call you does not mean he's just not into you he sounds confused and let me tell you I'm there, I dont think he's trying to let you down easy .............. this is what I said to her last week : I like you but cant be around you very much because I will get attatched and I wanna give you space so I need to distance myself and thats why I dont call you that much, if I called you as much as I wanted to I would melt your phone down kinda confusing huh ? Just my .02
RecordProducer Posted November 24, 2005 Posted November 24, 2005 He liked the physical connection, but there was no chemistry for a real relationship. He could be gay, ya know... screw him! You can do better!
whichwayisup Posted November 25, 2005 Posted November 25, 2005 Actually LN8840K's post makes alot of sense. I think if you're still reading posts here on LS, why not come right out and talk to him, bring up afew points that LN88 said, call him on it. See his reaction and be honest about how you feel. Got nothing to lose, right?
CoolAunt Posted November 25, 2005 Posted November 25, 2005 I thought his response was very straightforward and polite. He liked you, very much enjoyed sleeping with you, but he isn't "into you." Dating is a hit and miss and you should appreciate his honesty...it's a lot better than if he'd simply continued to avoid you without explanation.
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