A Question

[Jamie92]

I have a question. I've been in relationship with my boyfriend for a couple of years. What do you think about boyfriend drawing/painting other girls, also encountered online? It's just a question. I didn't make any fuss about it. I just sometimes feel bad inside, but I don't want to act like I'm jealous. He's free to do what he wants. 

[basil67]

I think it depends on the context.  If he's an artist/student artist who is practicing life drawing, using photos from IG is a lot cheaper than going to classes where there's a live model.   But if he's a hack and is interacting with them and asking them to send nakey photos for him to draw, that's a whole different story.

For what it's worth, I'm learning urban sketching and when I can't get out, I find great images on IG to practice with.  It's a great source 

Edited July 13, 2023 by basil67

[stillafool]

Unless he's an artist who is being paid to draw/paint portraits I would find that highly disrespectful of me.  I would know that he is interested in that/those girls and probably break up.  I would not sit there trying to act like I'm not upset or jealous by him doing that.  What would I be proving by not showing how I actually feel.  If you don't show that you're upset, don't expect him to stop.

[Jamie92]

Just now, stillafool said:

Unless he's an artist who is being paid to draw/paint portraits I would find that highly disrespectful of me.  I would know that he is interested in that/those girls and probably break up.  I would not sit there trying to act like I'm not upset or jealous by him doing that.  What would I be proving by not showing how I actually feel.  If you don't show that you're upset, don't expect him to stop.

Thank you. I feel  very uneasy and very sad inside bevause I don't draw other men, but I don't tell anything since I have this notion that he is his own person and just sketches people. These are not any inappropriate photographs, just it makes me sad inside because I don't draw other men who ask me too and whom I might know. Thank you for your perspective on that, it's important to me. 

[Jamie92]

4 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I think it depends on the context.  If he's an artist/student artist who is practicing life drawing, using photos from IG is a lot cheaper than going to classes where there's a live model.   But if he's interacting with them and asking them to send nakey photos for him to draw, that's a whole different story.

For what it's worth, I'm learning urban sketching and when I can't get out, I find great images on IG to practice with.  It's a great source 

Thank you. Its nothing inappropriate, but makes me feel uneasy and strange sometimes. He's not an art student. 

[stillafool]

Tell him how it makes you feel when he draws pictures of women online.  Also inform him that men ask you to draw them and you decline.  See what his response is.  He may stop but yu have to express how you feel.  There are so many things to draw, does it have to be people?

[stillafool]

3 minutes ago, Jamie92 said:

He's not an art student. 

Are both of you gifted in drawing?

[Jamie92]

Just now, stillafool said:

Tell him how it makes you feel when he draws pictures of women online.  Also inform him that men ask you to draw them and you decline.  See what his response is.  He may stop but yu have to express how you feel.  There are so many things to draw, does it have to be people?

I agree. I just keep growing very sad and insecure inside, but I don't say anything because I don't want to act like a jealous woman depriving him of his life. But it's been tough inside.  I just wanted to find out how others would feel. That's a very good idea you offered me. 

[Jamie92]

Just now, stillafool said:

Are both of you gifted in drawing?

I love drawing too. 

[basil67]

7 minutes ago, Jamie92 said:

 it makes me sad inside because I don't draw other men who ask me too and whom I might know. 

Assuming this would be paid work, do you decline because you're not interested?  Or out of a sense of loyalty to a guy who sounds like he'd be fine if you did it?

 

[stillafool]

4 minutes ago, Jamie92 said:

I agree. I just keep growing very sad and insecure inside, but I don't say anything because I don't want to act like a jealous woman depriving him of his life. But it's been tough inside.  I just wanted to find out how others would feel. That's a very good idea you offered me. 

I completely understand how you feel about not wanting to deprive him but there still needs to be boundaries in your relationship.  Since you never act jealous, bringing up how this makes you feel shouldn't be a problem at all.  You are human after all.  Good luck.

[Wiseman2]

37 minutes ago, Jamie92 said:

 I've been in relationship with my boyfriend for a couple of years. What do you think about boyfriend drawing/painting other girls, also encountered online? 

Is he interacting with these subjects? Likes or messaging, etc.? Does he show you his artwork?  You mentioned they're not inappropriate or sexy?  

[Jamie92]

5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Is he interacting with these subjects? Likes or messaging, etc.? Does he show you his artwork?  You mentioned they're not inappropriate or sexy?  

I think they are chatting and he's sharing the drawings with everyone in online space. They are not inappropriate. 

[Jamie92]

15 minutes ago, stillafool said:

I completely understand how you feel about not wanting to deprive him but there still needs to be boundaries in your relationship.  Since you never act jealous, bringing up how this makes you feel shouldn't be a problem at all.  You are human after all.  Good luck.

Thank you so much. Am I a mean wicked woman by feeling a sinking sadness inside when he keeps painting these girls? I will try my best. I really don't want to deprive him of anything, I just feel very strange. 

[Jamie92]

20 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Assuming this would be paid work, do you decline because you're not interested?  Or out of a sense of loyalty to a guy who sounds like he'd be fine if you did it?

 

I understand if it would be a job. It's not connected with his occupation. I didn't say anything to him, I just feel awkward inside. 

[Wiseman2]

6 minutes ago, Jamie92 said:

I think they are chatting and he's sharing the drawings with everyone in online space. They are not inappropriate. 

Does he know you know about the chatting and drawing? Have you asked him about how he picks his subjects to draw? 

[Jamie92]

2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Does he know you know about the chatting and drawing? Have you asked him about how he picks his subjects to draw? 

He knows. I mean, these are his online friends from social media. I don't feel like I have a right to intrude upon his world, so I'm thinking to leave it myself. I love him. Plus I feel strange. I don't talk about it because I don't want to sound like an insane jealous woman who destroys his life. 

[stillafool]

7 minutes ago, Jamie92 said:

Thank you so much. Am I a mean wicked woman by feeling a sinking sadness inside when he keeps painting these girls? I will try my best. I really don't want to deprive him of anything, I just feel very strange. 

Sweetie if he's your man certain things he will be deprived of if he's with you.  You DO want to deprive him of seeing other girls, don't you?  It's okay not to tie a rope around his neck, but too much rope will hang him.  Don't feel strange or embarrassed, just talk to him.

[Jamie92]

3 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Sweetie if he's your man certain things he will be deprived of if he's with you.  You DO want to deprive him of seeing other girls, don't you?  It's okay not to tie a rope around his neck, but too much rope will hang him.  Don't feel strange or embarrassed, just talk to him.

Thank you so much. Its true, I need to. I feel very sad and awkward inside and I worry it will sound like I'm very bad and jealous. But I think I need to. For one thing, I don't draw other men and don't compliment them.

[Wiseman2]

4 minutes ago, Jamie92 said:

 and don't compliment them.

Is he likening posts of theirs and commenting? Is he chatting with them?

You seem confused about being the "cool GF" and whether he's just another one of these guys who thinks it's cool to have a bunch of attractive women as social media "friends". 

The drawings may not be inappropriate, but you need to decide if him commenting, liking and messaging attractive women on social media all day is appropriate for you.

[Ami1uwant]

38 minutes ago, Jamie92 said:

He knows. I mean, these are his online friends from social media. I don't feel like I have a right to intrude upon his world, so I'm thinking to leave it myself. I love him. Plus I feel strange. I don't talk about it because I don't want to sound like an insane jealous woman who destroys his life. 

Take a step back here…a big step back.

 

many have hobbies they are very good at. Maybe try haven’t started a business in it but possibly could in the future.  My sister has had a long hobby in crafting things and actually started doing this as a small business and has a small business license to sell.  Her work is not in drawings or taking photos.

 

A hobby of mine is photography. I’m not into portrait/ family/ wedding  photography. Mine is more outdoor/ nature/ view of life or in the moment.

 

your issues might not be the drawing but he is socializing with other women and that is making you jealous for some reason. How is this any different from going to work where you have more women employees or his coworkers are many women he talks to?

Edited July 14, 2023 by Ami1uwant

[Lisa]

Thread closed.  OP has multiple accounts