flight E Posted July 13, 2023 Posted July 13, 2023 met a girl about 8 years ago. She was very pretty and 17 years younger than me. Nevertheless I liked her and asked her out. unfortunately she was getting over a breakup and nothing happened over the years we have been in and out of contact until late last year when she tried to friendzone me and I refused to be friendzone. She got in touch after a month and we started dating. Everything was fine. She was happy and I was too. She called me 95% of the time and everyday and we were cool. Until about a month ago, she didnt reach out for 4 days, I didnt reach out either. She called on the 4th day and was angry I didnt reach out. We managed to resolve that the another time she didnt reach out for 2 days and I did this time cos I didnt want it to turn to a contest. Again, She did same and didnt reach out for 2days and I reached out but there was a tone to her voice which sounded triumphant and as if she was indifferent to me. I have a social anxiety disorder. That call just made me feel its all over. what do you guys think.
Wiseman2 Posted July 13, 2023 Posted July 13, 2023 17 minutes ago, flight E said: about a month ago, she didnt reach out for 4 days, I didnt reach out either. She called on the 4th day and was angry I didnt reach out. How often do you see each other in person? 1
basil67 Posted July 13, 2023 Posted July 13, 2023 (edited) If you want a relationship, you need to do your share of reaching out...and we're talking 50% here. How do you not know this?? I expect it is over now. No woman is going to continue with a guy who sees pulling his own weight as "a contest" Edited July 13, 2023 by basil67 1
Author flight E Posted July 13, 2023 Author Posted July 13, 2023 we see each other 1 in 3 months we like 900kms apart
Author flight E Posted July 13, 2023 Author Posted July 13, 2023 i do most of the finances cos she is out of work now so I think the least she can do is manage the communicatiion, she knows I care about her, she didnt mind calling everyday for the past 3months until about 3weeks ago when all this started
basil67 Posted July 13, 2023 Posted July 13, 2023 (edited) 8 minutes ago, flight E said: i do most of the finances cos she is out of work now so I think the least she can do is manage the communicatiion, she knows I care about her, she didnt mind calling everyday for the past 3months until about 3weeks ago when all this started She eventually got fed up with your attitude. If she wants someone who will share contacting first, that's her prerogative And given the distance, doing your share of contacting is even more important. Edited July 13, 2023 by basil67
Author flight E Posted July 13, 2023 Author Posted July 13, 2023 4 minutes ago, basil67 said: She eventually got fed up with your attitude. If she wants someone who will share contacting first, that's her prerogative And given the distance, doing your share of contacting is even more important. well then will try to move on.. really liked this girl and didnt want to mess it up, but it is what it is
Wiseman2 Posted July 13, 2023 Posted July 13, 2023 15 minutes ago, flight E said: iwe see each other 1 in 3 months we like 900kms apart. i do most of the finances cos she is out of work now so I think the least she can do is manage the communicatiion, Unfortunately she seems to be losing interest. Long distance relationships are difficult and lonely. It's possible she found a local man. How does she support herself?
basil67 Posted July 13, 2023 Posted July 13, 2023 If you really liked her, why did you refuse to contact her??? Kindly, if you take the "I pay/you contact" attitude to your next relationship, you're going to mess that up too. Alternately, if your refusal to contact was related to resentment over paying all the time, next time, find a woman who has a job. 1
Author flight E Posted July 13, 2023 Author Posted July 13, 2023 2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Unfortunately she seems to be losing interest. Long distance relationships are difficult and lonely. It's possible she found a local man. How does she support herself? yea, i think so too. she does little biz here and there but i basically support her
Author flight E Posted July 13, 2023 Author Posted July 13, 2023 2 minutes ago, basil67 said: If you really liked her, why did you refuse to contact her??? Kindly, if you take the "I pay/you contact" attitude to your next relationship, you're going to mess that up too. Alternately, if your refusal to contact was related to resentment over paying all the time, next time, find a woman who has a job. you are obviously female. anyways i thought is neccesary to keep her attracted. I do love her but..... well i did my best... now its to get over it and move on
Author flight E Posted July 13, 2023 Author Posted July 13, 2023 it sure hurts like crazy,..... thought i will never be in this situation again
stillafool Posted July 13, 2023 Posted July 13, 2023 Why do you have to financially support her? Is she disabled? Never pay a womans bills unless you're married to her. As you can see it doesn't get you points.
Author flight E Posted July 13, 2023 Author Posted July 13, 2023 2 minutes ago, stillafool said: Why do you have to financially support her? Is she disabled? Never pay a womans bills unless you're married to her. As you can see it doesn't get you points. i knew it wont get me any points and that wasnt the idea anyways. We were close and I could help. I didnt think it could make her stay with me forever
Author flight E Posted July 13, 2023 Author Posted July 13, 2023 Just now, flight E said: i knew it wont get me any points and that wasnt the idea anyways. We were close and I could help. I didnt think it could make her stay with me forever I leave in africa its not easy to get a job...not like she is lazy or anything like that
basil67 Posted July 13, 2023 Posted July 13, 2023 20 minutes ago, flight E said: you are obviously female. anyways i thought is neccesary to keep her attracted. I do love her but..... well i did my best... now its to get over it and move on Yes, I am female. And if this is 'doing your best', you have to start doing much better. Generally speaking, women want a guy who puts in as much effort as she does. It's about making her feel like you value and appreciate her. In this situation, she started to feel like she was the only one who cared enough to reach out, so she backed off to see if you'd step up. And you actively refused to do so. Why did you object so strongly to making an effort to contact a woman you really cared about?
Author flight E Posted July 13, 2023 Author Posted July 13, 2023 7 minutes ago, basil67 said: Yes, I am female. And if this is 'doing your best', you have to start doing much better. Generally speaking, women want a guy who puts in as much effort as she does. It's about making her feel like you value and appreciate her. In this situation, she started to feel like she was the only one who cared enough to reach out, so she backed off to see if you'd step up. And you actively refused to do so. Why did you object so strongly to making an effort to contact a woman you really cared about? i believed it will make me attractive to her 20 minutes ago, flight E said: i knew it wont get me any points and that wasnt the idea anyways. We were close and I could help. I didnt think it could make her stay with me forever I leave in africa its not easy to get a job...not like she is lazy or anything like that
basil67 Posted July 13, 2023 Posted July 13, 2023 1 minute ago, flight E said: i believed it will make me attractive to her You believed that having her make all the contact would make you attractive to her? Even when her absence made it clear that she wanted to see if you cared enough to make an effort?
Author flight E Posted July 13, 2023 Author Posted July 13, 2023 i think her absence has to do with her losing attraction than me not calling
basil67 Posted July 13, 2023 Posted July 13, 2023 (edited) 4 minutes ago, flight E said: i think her absence has to do with her losing attraction than me not calling She lost attraction to you because you refused to call!!! It made her feel like you didn't care about her Edited July 13, 2023 by basil67
Author flight E Posted July 13, 2023 Author Posted July 13, 2023 i tell her i care ofteni treat her well. ....what more could i do. she was happy until this drama started.... maybe she just met another guy
basil67 Posted July 14, 2023 Posted July 14, 2023 (edited) 18 minutes ago, flight E said: i tell her i care ofteni treat her well. .... Saying 'I pay, therefore she should be in charge of communication' is not treating her well. Quote what more could i do. You could have started calling her when it became apparent that this is what she needed. I still don't understand why you chose to risk the relationship rather than calling her or sending a text Quote she was happy until this drama started.... maybe she just met another guy Yeah, lack of effort on your part will leave her more open to meeting others. Edited July 14, 2023 by basil67
JTSW Posted July 14, 2023 Posted July 14, 2023 11 hours ago, flight E said: really liked this girl and didnt want to mess it up But you did mess this up by not putting in any effort in communication. She deliberately didn't reach out to see if you would, and you didn't. To her that show's you don't care enough.
Ageless Wisdom23 Posted July 14, 2023 Posted July 14, 2023 Perhaps she had a problem getting over her break up and was not ready to be a steady. I also see a lot of communication problems. Inconsistent ones. Move on. You both are not in my own cards.
Author flight E Posted July 14, 2023 Author Posted July 14, 2023 2 hours ago, Ageless Wisdom23 said: Perhaps she had a problem getting over her break up and was not ready to be a steady. I also see a lot of communication problems. Inconsistent ones. Move on. You both are not in my own cards. dont understand this
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