I've figured it out - nice guy POV

[dprelz]

So either I've managed to actually figure out women and coincidently my ex gf or I am so far off the edge that I am going insane.

 

I am a nice guy, I've been that way my whole life. After reading this,

http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/niceguys.shtml

 

I almost completely have to agree. Even though it is almost implying that parts of my personality are in a sense fraudulent, I would rather have the truth now then discover it later.

 

My ex of 3 years left me heart broken and I couldn't understand why. I've analyzed a thousand times and I couldn't understand what type of guy or man she is looking for?

 

I am selfless, kind, sensitive, compassionate, strong, and a million other things but women don't want just that. Those are side dishes, they need to constantly be attracted to assertiveness and be challenged.

 

I treated her with TOO much respect and TOO nicely. She is on a pedestal and it is boring. There is no fun in her life if she can have it her way all the time. If she left me like an idiot and I said it was my fault. **** that. It was her fault, and she knows it. Don't make excuses for her, tell her she's a ****ing idiot for doing that.

 

How do I know this? Because my way DOES NOT WORK. Don't ask me why, but women do not want to be treated like they are better then you. They want to be treated equal. In an ideal world, and especially if it were up to me, everyone would be selfless, because that way love would be just that much more amazing.

 

Example? For some odd reason after 2 weeks of no contact I got drunk after a club and phoned her at 3am and mouthed her off for a good hour saying how stupid she was for leaving me and how much of a selfish bitch she's acting like, etc. Next day, she texts me she wants to go a movie? Completely doesn't make sense.

 

My plan now(since my way is definitely going to fail if i continue) is to not take "no" for an answer and **** the **** out of her whether she says she wants it or not. No, not rape, but I mean be controlling about it and be confident.

 

When I told her "you won't find someone else that will love you like me" and

"if leaving me and finding someone else makes you happy then leave" it is actually telling her that I am not a man. I love this chick. I'm going to be a selfish prick and make her mine, there is no way I’m going to let her walk out of my life.

 

Secretly she is begging for me to do this, but she will never say it.

 

And by posting on this site to "help" me get over this chick and trying to get pity it even further defines me as a nice guy. If i love her so much then why the **** don't I get her? Let her walk away, NO.

[alphamale]

How do I know this? Because my way DOES NOT WORK.

No shyt, Sherlock!

[SmoochieFace]

So either I've managed to actually figure out women and coincidently my ex gf or I am so far off the edge that I am going insane.

 

I am a nice guy, I've been that way my whole life. After reading this,

http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/niceguys.shtml

 

I almost completely have to agree. Even though it is almost implying that parts of my personality are in a sense fraudulent, I would rather have the truth now then discover it later.

 

My ex of 3 years left me heart broken and I couldn't understand why. I've analyzed a thousand times and I couldn't understand what type of guy or man she is looking for?

 

I am selfless, kind, sensitive, compassionate, strong, and a million other things but women don't want just that. Those are side dishes, they need to constantly be attracted to assertiveness and be challenged.

 

I treated her with TOO much respect and TOO nicely. She is on a pedestal and it is boring. There is no fun in her life if she can have it her way all the time. If she left me like an idiot and I said it was my fault. **** that. It was her fault, and she knows it. Don't make excuses for her, tell her she's a ****ing idiot for doing that.

 

How do I know this? Because my way DOES NOT WORK. Don't ask me why, but women do not want to be treated like they are better then you. They want to be treated equal. In an ideal world, and especially if it were up to me, everyone would be selfless, because that way love would be just that much more amazing.

 

Example? For some odd reason after 2 weeks of no contact I got drunk after a club and phoned her at 3am and mouthed her off for a good hour saying how stupid she was for leaving me and how much of a selfish bitch she's acting like, etc. Next day, she texts me she wants to go a movie? Completely doesn't make sense.

 

My plan now(since my way is definitely going to fail if i continue) is to not take "no" for an answer and **** the **** out of her whether she says she wants it or not. No, not rape, but I mean be controlling about it and be confident.

 

When I told her "you won't find someone else that will love you like me" and

"if leaving me and finding someone else makes you happy then leave" it is actually telling her that I am not a man. I love this chick. I'm going to be a selfish prick and make her mine, there is no way I’m going to let her walk out of my life.

 

Secretly she is begging for me to do this, but she will never say it.

 

And by posting on this site to "help" me get over this chick and trying to get pity it even further defines me as a nice guy. If i love her so much then why the **** don't I get her? Let her walk away, NO.

 

 

Ah yes... the Heartless Bitches site. I remember that one.

 

Here's some advice for you. Stay away from that site and all others related to it. And, for God's sake, do NOT turn into an a**h***! Biggest mistake you will ever make.

 

Let's look at this from a different perspective. Have you ever considered that your GF probably feels that she isn't worthy of a guy who is kind, considerate, etc.? Have you ever considered that perhaps SHE is the one with the issues - not you? Think about it.

 

I went through this phase as well and I came out of it a better person by NOT changing into an a**h***. I realized that it is much better to just be myself AND be confident in who I am rather than put on an act that will ultimately be seen through by women.

 

I am now involved with a wonderful woman who is totally different from those insecure waffling girls who have such low self-esteem that they would find convicts exciting.

 

If you decide to turn into an a**h*** then expect the worst kind of women to come calling. Is that what you REALLY want?

[SmoochieFace]

No shyt, Sherlock!

 

 

Hoorray, Alpha to the rescue! *puke*

[dprelz]

Ah yes... the Heartless Bitches site. I remember that one.

 

Here's some advice for you. Stay away from that site and all others related to it. And, for God's sake, do NOT turn into an a**h***! Biggest mistake you will ever make.

 

Let's look at this from a different perspective. Have you ever considered that your GF probably feels that she isn't worthy of a guy who is kind, considerate, etc.? Have you ever considered that perhaps SHE is the one with the issues - not you? Think about it.

 

I went through this phase as well and I came out of it a better person by NOT changing into an a**h***. I realized that it is much better to just be myself AND be confident in who I am rather than put on an act that will ultimately be seen through by women.

 

I am now involved with a wonderful woman who is totally different from those insecure waffling girls who have such low self-esteem that they would find convicts exciting.

 

If you decide to turn into an a**h*** then expect the worst kind of women to come calling. Is that what you REALLY want?

 

No, I think the key is to have balance. There is no balance with me, I give everything and expect nothing in return. There is no fun for her by herself at the top. I can still be kind, but in proportion to her kindness. I can still be selfless but in proportion to her sacrficies. She doesn't understand why she fell out of love with me, and it's because there is something deep inside of her that wants to be controlled. I need to make the decisions and I need to be the man. Don't get that confused with a complete ass-hole who will just take, screw, and dump women, cuz I can never be like that!

 

Seriously, think about all the poetry out there, written by nice guys, who rarely if ever get the girl they want? All those sad songs written by guys saying 'as long as you're happy, even if its without me'. It's always the same GUY getting screwed because he is secretely scared of women and just wants to be loved TOO much that it soaks through their body. It's actually a turn off and it's too much pressure on the women.

 

When I was dating her I was only happy with her, and I was sad when she was sad. My emotions and life were completely dependant on her, because I gave her EVERYTHING I had. In the end, just like sooo many other nice guys before me, I got my heart ripped apart and pissed on. And Unless I change ASAP It will happen again and again and again.

[SmoochieFace]

No, I think the key is to have balance. There is no balance with me, I give everything and expect nothing in return. There is no fun for her by herself at the top. I can still be kind, but in proportion to her kindness. I can still be selfless but in proportion to her sacrficies. She doesn't understand why she fell out of love with me, and it's because there is something deep inside of her that wants to be controlled. I need to make the decisions and I need to be the man. Don't get that confused with a complete ass-hole who will just take, screw, and dump women, cuz I can never be like that!

 

Seriously, think about all the poetry out there, written by nice guys, who rarely if ever get the girl they want? All those sad songs written by guys saying 'as long as you're happy, even if its without me'. It's always the same GUY getting screwed because he is secretely scared of women and just wants to be loved TOO much that it soaks through their body. It's actually a turn off and it's too much pressure on the women.

 

When I was dating her I was only happy with her, and I was sad when she was sad. My emotions and life were completely dependant on her, because I gave her EVERYTHING I had. In the end, just like sooo many other nice guys before me, I got my heart ripped apart and pissed on. And Unless I change ASAP It will happen again and again and again.

 

 

I agree, there should be a balance but you are making it sound like you should do a complete 180 and be a total asswipe. That is NOT what *real* women want - only the insecure flighty girls want that *beep*. Yes, tone down the mushy *beep*, grow a backbone, quit being emotionally dependent on women, set boundaries, and above all BE YOURSELF and be confident in who you are.

 

Follow the above and you will be fine.

[Hot Coco]

Smoochie is right. Don't do a 180 but don't be a doormat either. You be well-balanced and you'll get a healthy, level-headed, balanced girl. If you're too much one way or the other you will get girls with issues. Trust me, don't do it. Be true to who you are (a nice guy) but just tweak yourself a little...wait, that didn't come out right! Ok, you know what I mean!

[SmoochieFace]

Be true to who you are (a nice guy) but just tweak yourself a little...wait, that didn't come out right!

 

 

Yeah, we don't want him tweaking his boys... I'm sure he'll want to keep his current vocal pitch!

[dprelz]

yeah I gotta be careful not to go overboard and be a total dickhead, LOL.

 

No but seriously I told her im taking her out for dinner today. I'm not taking no for an answer. Doesnt really matter how the evening turns out because in essence this will show her UNPREDICATIBLITY and she will think ' hey there is more to this guy then he showed me'.

 

Nice guys finish last because they don't even start the damn race. They don't even get in the car because they think racing is stupid and they want to show people that and take a stand, be selfless. Well I got in my car and I'm driving straight between her legs.

[blue16]

Since when is a guy considered 'nice' just because he supplicates towards women?

 

This trend is really tiresome. "Nice guy" is insecure and puts the girl on a pedestal, and things don't work out. Then to compensate, the guy says "BEING A NICE GUY IS NOT WORKING SO I'M GOING TO BE AN a**h***." If a guy is truly nice, then why would he change his personality to be an a**h***? I thought a nice guy is simply...nice.

[Aimée]

I am selfless

It gives me the creeps when someone advertises himself as 'selfless'. There are some things, the moment you speak them out people will know that you're not any of them. Their presence or absence is confirmed through actions but never through this kind of self-advertising.

 

And blue16 is spot on. A really nice guy with sincere intentions would never make this 180 degree turn and proclaim that from now on it's his turn and that women just like jerks. I really like the nice gentle guys who are understanding and patient and I do abhor these passive-aggressive bullies who force you to like them because they made all these sacrifices for you. If I had wanted to be nice and had always given in when someone demanded to have a relationship with me because he was doing things for me, I'd probably have a harem by now. If I should not reject you, because you're so nice to me, then I should not reject other people as well. Linking self-less love with expectations and using it as a mean to blackmail people into relationships with you is by defitnion just not self-less love anymore. Love should be presented as an offer and not as a bundle of demands and expectations.

[dprelz]

First, you took that completely out of context and used it like I was blackmailing my ex. Truth is, I am a decent, kind person at heart but over time I realized that she doesn't want and need what I was giving.

 

Second, this isn't like some 2 or 3 week fling or some ego type thing where I am listing my characteristcts to try and sway her to go out with me. I dated her for 3 years and it was serious. She fell in love with me before she knew all these things.

 

Last, It is not a complete 180, because I will never be able to undo all the morals and values that were hammered into my head as a child. Fact is, I am kind and honest. You are making it seem like I am completely changing my personality and now I'm going to be a jerk. Not true. I am saying that I need to get what I want and be more assertive, aggressive and confident. Not mean, selfish and cocky.

 

Thanks for trying to generalize me into some kind of confused guy with no real personality. All from 2 paragraphs you've completely figured me out!

[SmoochieFace]

First, you took that completely out of context and used it like I was blackmailing my ex. Truth is, I am a decent, kind person at heart but over time I realized that she doesn't want and need what I was giving.

 

Second, this isn't like some 2 or 3 week fling or some ego type thing where I am listing my characteristcts to try and sway her to go out with me. I dated her for 3 years and it was serious. She fell in love with me before she knew all these things.

 

Last, It is not a complete 180, because I will never be able to undo all the morals and values that were hammered into my head as a child. Fact is, I am kind and honest. You are making it seem like I am completely changing my personality and now I'm going to be a jerk. Not true. I am saying that I need to get what I want and be more assertive, aggressive and confident. Not mean, selfish and cocky.

 

Thanks for trying to generalize me into some kind of confused guy with no real personality. All from 2 paragraphs you've completely figured me out!

 

 

Well, your original post made it sound like you WERE gonna do a 180.

[Aimée]

First, you took that completely out of context and used it like I was blackmailing my ex. Truth is, I am a decent, kind person at heart but over time I realized that she doesn't want and need what I was giving.

Good to know you realized this. You made it sound as if she got bored with you because of the fact that you were a nice person. That's wrong though, it was the lack of assertiveness and that's what you didn't seem to understand as you criticized women for wanting men who possess assertiveness.

 

I am saying that I need to get what I want and be more assertive, aggressive and confident. Not mean, selfish and cocky.

Ok, that's the way to go.

 

Thanks for trying to generalize me into some kind of confused guy with no real personality. All from 2 paragraphs you've completely figured me out!

Well, I tend to pick up fast on passive-aggressive behavior, even though I admit, you seem to have understood somewhat that you need to make some changes about yourself.

 

Good luck.

[Nur]

That article wasn't about nice guys at all. That article was about insecure, whimpering wussies.

 

There really is no mystery about this. People are not correct, however, when they say that in order to keep a girl, a guy has got to be indifferent or uncaring or hard-to-get. Games like that aren't it at all.

 

A self-confident girl will look for a guy who is the same. He MUST be "nice" in that he is caring toward others, well-mannered, considerate, and respectable. He must also, however, not let others push him around and be firm when he means "no."

 

A self-confident girl will look for someone who DOES express her importance to him, but avoids saying things like, "I need you" and "You are my life." That smacks of insecurity. What worthy guys should say are things they admire or appreciate about her personality, creating an atmosphere of mutual respect, not neediness. She doesn't want to feel a sense of obligation to him, that dating him is a favor.

 

A self-confident guy will find a balance between meeting her emotional needs and clinginess. He will open about his emotions, and sensitive to hers. His gifts will be out of genuine thoughtfullness, not because of trying to impress her, and he will treat her with all of the kindness that she deserves, but will not put up with being treated like a second-best or a doormat.

 

She must WANT to stay with him. She must know that if she takes him for granted, he will be fine without her. Being with him should make her feel special and bring out the best in her, and should bring out the best in him as well. She must know, also, that she will be able to get along without him, but appreciate the happiness having him in her life brings her.

[I Luv the Chariot OH]

It's a shame that nice guys (who are generally very rare) fail once and assume every girl is out to get them, then they turn evil. I've seen it happen amongst my own friends.

 

There are some genuinely nice girls out there, too, who would have appreciated you.

[SmoochieFace]

People are not correct, however, when they say that in order to keep a girl, a guy has got to be indifferent or uncaring or hard-to-get. Games like that aren't it at all.

 

 

I suppose we are conveniently leaving out the *hot*, party-loving, jerkaholic women from the general population when we are saying this, right?

[meltwithme]

Dprelz, I started to realize our breakup wasn't all my fault and I did alot of the same stuff you did so I was thinking about bitching my ex out but thought "naw that's not me" but then I saw my cousin and she just got cheated on also. Well long story short she suggested that I call up and just tell her I hate her and let it all out and not give a **** because it would make me feel better. Well I did and I doubt it's going to change anything, but I'm actually not feeling empty inside for the first time in a while. I don't even really miss her much anymore. Woohooo I think I'm finally getting over it!