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Am I wrong for feeling upset that my boyfriend didn't invite me to a family event?

Yellowrose91

By Yellowrose91
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Yellowrose91 Member

Yellowrose91

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My boyfriends sister and her boyfriend came yesterday to visit him for a few days from their country, then they’ll return together in a few days to their country for a few weeks. Last evening , the three of them went out to a restaurant. My boyfriend seemed all excited but he didn’t invite me and I feel abit left out. He texted me from the venue saying how much he was enjoying it. Am I overreacting here?

glows Established Member

glows

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Have you ever had any issues with her? Ask him if you’d be able to meet her next time. 

Edited by glows
Lotsgoingon Established Member

Lotsgoingon

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Very weird to me. 

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Yellowrose91 Member

Yellowrose91

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Just now, Lotsgoingon said:

Very weird to me. 

Do you mean how I feel is weird?

Lotsgoingon Established Member

Lotsgoingon

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That you were not invited is weird.  Sister and HER bf go out, but your bf doesn't invite you. WTF?!!!!

Definitely worth discussing--and that's polite. I would be upset if I were in your place. BF gave you explanation?

Edited by Lotsgoingon
ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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How long have you and your boyfriend been dating?

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Yellowrose91 Member

Yellowrose91

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1 hour ago, glows said:

Have you ever had any issues with her? Ask him if you’d be able to meet her next time. 

Never met her, she seems nice from what I’ve heard

introverted1 Established Member

introverted1

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More info, please.  Does your bf know his sister's bf? Do they speak a shard language you are not fluent in? How long have you and your bf dated? Has bf met any of your family?

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Wiseman2 Established Member

Wiseman2

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2 hours ago, Yellowrose91 said:

. Last evening , the three of them went out to a restaurant.  he didn’t invite me and I feel abit left out. 

He and his family seem quite odd and overattached. You've only been dating 12 weeks and already there are so many conflicts you wanted to break up or go to couples therapy.

He definitely treats you like an outsider without realizing how rude and insensitive he is. Is this the same man?

 

Edited by Wiseman2
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Yellowrose91 Member

Yellowrose91

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9 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

He and his family seem quite odd and overattached. You've only been dating 12 weeks and already there are so many conflicts you wanted to break up or go to couples therapy.

He definitely treats you like an outsider without realizing how rude and insensitive he is. Is this the same man?

 

Yea, he’s the same guy. But since then, we had a serious discussion. Apparently I had misunderstood everything and that he wasn’t telling his parents about our sex life, so I chose to put it behind us

BrinnM Established Member

BrinnM

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If it’s a new relationship, he may not be ready to introduce you to his family. 
He should have explained that to you, though. 

Lotsgoingon Established Member

Lotsgoingon

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OK, this guy ain't working, sounds to me.

Time to go ahead and end this bizarre drama he puts you through. 

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MsJayne Established Member

MsJayne

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It depends on where your relationship is at. If you're still at dating stage and there's been no discussion of mutual commitment then I wouldn't expect to be included in all his family get togethers, but if you have had that type of discussion then I'd be a bit miffed. When a new partner doesn't include you in social things it can be a warning that they're cooling off the relationship and having second thoughts. He texted you during the evening, so he was thinking of you, and that's not the behaviour of someone who's losing interest, so I'd just ask him why he didn't invite you. I would be careful how you word it though as you don't want to come across as complaining or demanding, just curious. 

Alpacalia Established Member

Alpacalia

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Meeting your guy's family is best done when he authentically and sincerely wants you to do so.

It can't be forced and shouldn't be. How long have you been together? Do you know each other's friends? Has he expressed an interest in meeting your family? Some prefer not to meet families until they are in a long-term phase.

Trust, but be smart... How was the previous issue with him telling his family about your sexual life a misunderstanding?

The sister and her boyfriend are spending time with your boyfriend without you present, so if it is an issue you are concerned about, you have two good options. You could begin by assuming that your relationship is solid and trusting it. Maybe they have some things they want to talk about and he doesn’t know how to tell you either of these things. He isn’t ready, but he’ll talk about it when he is. Second, you can ask him about it. You can simply say, “I’d like to meet your sister.”

Set some standards, and find someone who meets them, or is close enough to them to compromise healthily to meet.

glows Established Member

glows

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2 hours ago, Yellowrose91 said:

Never met her, she seems nice from what I’ve heard

Ok so ask him if you can join next time. Yes, I do think you’re overreacting a tad here. After the last series of arguments and your displeasure about his parents’ involvement he might have (stupidly) assumed you’re not interested. Talk about it and see where it leads.

basil67 Established Member

basil67

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5 hours ago, Yellowrose91 said:

Yea, he’s the same guy. But since then, we had a serious discussion. Apparently I had misunderstood everything and that he wasn’t telling his parents about our sex life, so I chose to put it behind us

You were very clear in your last post about the fact he told you that he was telling them about your sex life.  How exactly could you have misunderstood this?  It doesn't make sense.

I think he's gaslighting you, and the reason you're not meeting his family is because they know all about your sex life.

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Ageless Wisdom23 Established Member

Ageless Wisdom23

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I can see one night of the three of them being together.  It is his sister and her boyfriend.  But I think it would be nice if he would invite you thence after to another meal deal.  I am hoping he did this?  If Not, I find  this unfair to you and you should feel left out.😒

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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Oh god, this werid guy?

You didn't misunderstand anything, OP. He very inappropriatelty shared your sex life with his parents, and now you're being excluded from getting to know his family. Why are you still in this strange relationship?

4 hours ago, basil67 said:

the reason you're not meeting his family is because they know all about your sex life.

Bingo. 

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BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

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Oh wow, I would NOT be interested in meeting my boyfriend’s family after he told them about our sex lives. This is beyond crossing appropriate boundaries - why do you stay in this relationship OP?

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Alvi Established Member

Alvi

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Why on earth would you want to meet relatives of a grown up man who keep a track of his sexual progress? God knows, what he tells them about you. This is a guy, who discussed your private body parts with his mother without your permission, after all. 

20 hours ago, Yellowrose91 said:

Apparently I had misunderstood everything and that he wasn’t telling his parents about our sex life, so I chose to put it behind us

How did you come to the conclusion that you misunderstood everything? OK, OK, maybe a thing or two but everything? Unless you are a 100 percent paranoid person, no way. He is more than likely gaslighting you and you are falling for his make belief fairy tale words. 

Ask him why he didn't invite you to meet his sister. Be honest, and say that you want to meet his relatives and see what he says. There might be a reason for him not inviting you. Or maybe he didn't think it was a big deal or that it was "that" important to you. While you are all torn and conflicted he more than likely doesn't even realize that this is an issue at all. This is why communication is important. But on the other hand, there is something very off about this guy and his family.

ShyViolet Established Member

ShyViolet

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20 hours ago, Yellowrose91 said:

Yea, he’s the same guy. But since then, we had a serious discussion. Apparently I had misunderstood everything and that he wasn’t telling his parents about our sex life, so I chose to put it behind us

This makes absolutely no sense.  The way you described the situation in your previous posts, he had clearly said that he told his parents lots of things.  Now he's saying he didn't and telling you that you "misunderstood" everything.  You are letting him gaslight you.  I don't like to throw around the term "gaslighting" because it is grossly overused these days, but this is a legitimate situation of gaslighting.

You were given a lot of good advice in your previous posts about this relationship that you should end it.  You chose to ignore that advice and now are coming here with even more problems in the relationship.  A relationship of only 3 months shouldn't have this many problems.  You even said in one of your previous posts that you were considering going to couples counseling with him.... an absolutely ridiculous thing to do with someone you have only been dating 3 months.  It's weird that you haven't ended it already.  I am going to suggest again that this relationship is bad and you should walk away.

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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21 hours ago, introverted1 said:

Do they speak a shard language you are not fluent in

That's my thinking too. They are from another country and they might not speak English so OP would stand there smiling at nothing and boyfriend would feel bad. 

JTSW Established Member

JTSW

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This guy is completely and utterly clueless when it comes to your relationship.

You didn't misunderstand about what he told his parents, because he told you straight what exactly he tells them.

As for this post, if his sisters bf went along why couldn't you?

I don't know if he is actually aware that he's being a disrespectful douche but he definitely is.

You are doing too much rug sweeping.

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Yellowrose91 Member

Yellowrose91

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Believe me I am utterly clueless how I misunderstood, but this is what he told me and he’s a very honest guy 

Wiseman2 Established Member

Wiseman2

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1 hour ago, Yellowrose91 said:

Believe me I am utterly clueless how I misunderstood, but this is what he told me and he’s a very honest guy 

Are you and your BF from the same culture or speak the same native language? Is he on a student visa or returning to where his parents live? Is he scheduled for an arranged marriage back in his home country? It's fine to be upset that you weren't invited. Did he explain why?

Edited by Wiseman2
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