Dont think I can cope no more

[taylor3205]

Well my ex of nearly 7 years left me a month ago. We are both male not that it matters cos it all feels the same. The first week was a blur of being in a heap on the sofa and incessantly ringing everyone I knew including my ex, feeling so lost, and it hasnt really got much better. I am a complete and utter wreck and the best thing in my life, the person that made life worth living has walked out of my life. I have felt anger towards him, even hate.........but at the end of the day I love him with all my heart and soul and allways will. We have had contact and he is soo nice, and he is even trying to help me get through it!!!! That is an absolute killer as I know he is completely over me, the hurt I am going through makes him feel guilty and he truly does care for me, I know he does. I am left with the house we shared for 5 years, and all the memories that go with it not to mention all the bills!! It was at one point a 'home', now it is just a stark reminder of what was once upon a time. I am empty inside. Yes self pity you may say, yes it maybe is but I am sorry I cannot turn my feelings off. Time, time, time, time.......but does it ever really heal? I dont think it does. People may kid themselves that it does by burying their true feelings, but it will allways be there. I can give up or go on, working my way through the grief, trying to be a happier more fulfilled person. But for what? to eventually one day after months of grief, lonely nights and sadness be able to say I dont feel as bad as I once did? Or maybe even meet someone that I love again, only to loose them at some point down the line either through their own actions, mine or death. And to go through the whole process once again. Life is one heartache after another and I am truly contemplating saying goodbye. Selfish? yes it is, but it will be an end to the heartache. I am not the happy go lucky person I once was that took everything in my stride.

 

I have a very supportive family, a few close friends and material possesions. They however do not make me feel as though I am complete. The light has gone out of my life. People say go out for walks in the sunshine, excercise and socialise. These things only remind me of how happy I once was and make me feel my loss even more as I know that if he was in my life I would be truly 100% happy.

 

I have been to the doctor to get anti depressants, I am on a waiting list to see a counselor. People are telling me what a good person I am, I am attractive, I will find someone else. People have offered their support, I have talked it through with family and friends for countless hours. I am told I should be positive and be thankful of what I have ie my health, a roof over my head, family and a few friends............yes I am thankful for having this, but it still does not stop me from feeling the way I do. We all go through hurt through our lives, every single last one of us. I just dont think I can go through anymore, I definitely do not want to go through anymore. There is nothing left.

[brittanyjean259]

im sorry this has happend to you, it hurts like a *itch...trust me i know, i didnt go out with my ex for 7 years but 2 1/2 years is good enough to feel as much pain as you...its very scary but all the advice i get..it really does help

 

alot of other people are worse off than you. Just try to go with the flow of life....somedays i just dont except what has happend and i start to panick but all this is normal there has to be a grieving period, seeing other people honestly it gives me a tingle of happiness...and there could be a 2nd chance with another person one day for you...life is one big heart ache and its so hard to deal with life after love. youll live we all live , i hope things get better for you, and i feel your pain

[taylor3205]

i hope things get better for you, and i feel your pain

 

Thanks brittany.........hope things get better for you too. Just having a really really bad day. He came to see me the day before yesterday [at my request]. I was actually glad to see him, and we had a decent carefree conversation for a while. I actually told him I felt a bit better about it all and he said he was glad that I did. The conversation soon got around to what he had been up to and he told me he had been with 1 person since we split a month ago!!! Well that was it, I was raging and hurt beyond belief. I told him to get out not so politely several times but he wouldnt go. Then after a while I just started to cry, that hurt more than the day he told me it was over. I asked him why did he tell me, he said because I asked and he didnt want to lie to me. He knows how I feel about him and he probably knew how hurtful that was going to be for me before he said it. He said he liked me, he misses some things about us but he wouldnt say what as he didnt want me getting false hope. He said he wants to be friends in time and he will allways care about me. Its just so f*kin hard to hear that coming from someone that has been there for you in every way for 7 years. I ended up telling him that I didnt want to see him for a while, it was way to hard for me to cope with. The jealousy, rage, anger and sadness were just overwhelming.

 

Its over and over for good, and its hard and thats life I guess.

[seachange]

Hi taylor. Maybe I'm in a good position to talk about this:

 

Time, time, time, time.......but does it ever really heal? I dont think it does. People may kid themselves that it does by burying their true feelings, but it will allways be there. I can give up or go on, working my way through the grief, trying to be a happier more fulfilled person. But for what? to eventually one day after months of grief, lonely nights and sadness be able to say I dont feel as bad as I once did? Or maybe even meet someone that I love again, only to loose them at some point down the line either through their own actions, mine or death. And to go through the whole process once again.

 

So here's part of my story, for what it's worth. I found out a few years ago that my husband, whom I had been with for 7 years, was cheating. Our marriage ended - at the same time that I was also changing careers and moving across the country. So I felt completely cut adrift from almost everything that had been central to my life; my only anchor was my family and friends (who are indeed amazing).

 

Seven years is a long time - and it was at least two months before I began to have an appetite again, could wake up in the mornings occasionally with some other thoughts in my mind, could think of my ex without feeling sick to my stomach, could sleep more than 3-4 hours a night. In short, I was devastated. I felt as you do. When you go through that kind of trauma, why would you even consider getting close to it again?

 

But time does help. It really does. My life went on. I was unhappy, then less so, went back and forth for a while, spent a lot of time exercising and in the company of family and friends, went to therapy, and just made it through day by day. I even dated a bit, though I wasn't really ready for a while.

 

Then, a year later, I met someone new. It was a different kind of relationship - I fell harder than I ever had before. But I had only a temporary position in his city, and then I moved to another job hundreds of miles away. We broke up due to the distance (and other stuff that's a whole other story). I was heartbroken in a completely different way.

 

But the thing is, as painful as that breakup has been, I'm not the same person as I was after my marriage ended. I can feel the difference - maybe it's as simple as that I made it through that awful period, and though I have very difficult days still, I know that there's a survival core in there that I didn't know I had before. I don't know if it's that time is "healing", but it does change you - perhaps parts of you that were more pliant become firmer, and parts that were brittle become more flexible.

 

You too have that survival core - you can't rush yourself through the pain, but you can accept that this is painful, and that you do have the strength to get through it. And that yes, it will get better, you will love again, and it will be worth it to try. It really will.

[chocolate_boy]

You have to go NC now hun, it is very tough but it will fix your heart in time.

[brittanyjean259]

My mom tells me take it day by day, and she hates to see me go through this...it just breaks her heart...it is very difficult to wake up...because it hits you all over again and its so hard to get out of bed...its terrible...but i guess thats what a heart ache does...and the only hope you can hold done to is that it will get better:)...i guess we cant always be happy in life

 

 

hang on even though its hard to:-/

[taylor3205]

Thanks for your replies. Yes NC is going to be V V hard to do, I just hope I can keep it up, I want to do NC for the sake of my health and wellbeing, but I also want to talk to him. Id like to still think we will get back together at some point in the future even if everything thats happened and is happening says otherwise. Im probably in denial, I just cant give up hope. The truth is I cant and dont want to let go. He says he enjoys talking to me but when anything intimate is said then he gets uncomfortable and I feel rejected. Absolutely EVERYTHING I do reminds me of him. Driving home the other night I was remembering that I had driven down this road plenty of times knowing he was in the house waiting for me or a phonecall would not be far away and on that night I was going back on my own to be on my own. I got dragged out the house by my parents the other day, ended up in mcdonalds and all I could think about was the last time I was there I was with him.

 

The hardest part is knowing he is out there meeting people and getting intimate with them. That is a killer. In fact the whole situation is from start to finish. Would be great if people could be as happy on their own as they are when they are in a loving relationship with sum1. I would stay single till the day I died if that was the case!!!!...........well if my ex didnt take me back that is!

[escapesher]

Hey honey. I am a lesbian and my girlfriend broke my heart about 4 months ago after 2 years of a relationship and 4 years (before that) of friendship. It kills, I know.

 

Let me remind you how incredibly lucky you are to have a good support system. Unfortunately, my ex-girlfriend's family was 100% unsupportive of her being with another girl and they (essentially) really helped to ruin our relationship.

 

I am blessed because my family and friends are so supportive of me being with another girl. Just remember how lucky we are for that, because so many people in lesbian/gay relationships have to suffer so much extra pain just because they love someone.

 

Hang in there. It will take a lot of time to feel like yourself again, but just keep things in perspective.

[brittanyjean259]

it really does suck, sucks a milions because its so incredbily sad to have some one you care about so deeply...just give up on you i was with some1 since i was 14...now im almost 18--and its been 3 months...every thing just feels like a daze to me right now...im not my happy self of course..i wake up with hurtful feelings in my heart....and you feel like you can never love again

 

i honestly dont know how im going to get through it, it hurts my soul deeply...but you have a support system here, you have your family to get you through a hard time...dont worry though because i cant let go...i havent really excepted it yet...bc when i do thats when it hurts the worst

 

ive taken all the advice i could, and you will eventually get so much advice...and the same things over and over again...and than from there on its up to you...

 

i meen doesnt every one go through this once in their life atleast? dag i know its hard kiddos

[brittanyjean259]

and the funyy thing is( well its not really funny)...but all the songs you here now, the lyrics actually meen something...it feels like they were written for you...why?...because they have gone through it too...it makes you a deeper person and stronger....even if at the time you feel so weak

[scobro]

We have had contact and he is soo nice, and he is even trying to help me get through it!!!! That is an absolute killer as I know he is completely over me, the hurt I am going through makes him feel guilty and he truly does care for me,

 

My ex did this and it drove me nuts they are nice because they feel guilty,I feel for you because when it first happened to me the light in my soul went off and it killed me.Reading your post made me realise everyone goes through similar thoughts and feelings whether black, white ,gay ,straight doesn't matter it hurts so bad and some people really cannot deal with it and it ends tragically.

You have to realise that once you go through the stages of grief it does subside to a degree.What you are going to experience is relationship withdrawal god I had it so bad I lost 20 pounds(which i did not want to lose) couldn't eat for days at a time and would shake and sweat and be sick and feel nautious(sp?)every second of the day.I had to take off work but I refused to take meds just on principle that I would not let someones actions drive me to need medication.

I cried and wept like a baby.Part of me died with my marriage just like part of you has died with the ending of your relationship but I won't be one of those people that say give it time because all time does is bury feelings you need to properly grieve like your ex has died and that takes some know how.The grief recovery handbook helped me.All keeping busy does is exhaust you it does not make the feelings go away.Nothing will mend your broken heart other than grieving properly which is healing.I am so sorry you are hurting I still hurt bad too this is the worst thing that has ever happened in my life and effected me so badly.Be strong there will be better days ahead right now focus on you and healing and cry if you feel like crying and yell when you are angry at your ex let out your emotions,Sorry for your pain good luck.

[scobro]

Taylor you there? how are you coping?

[brittanyjean259]

scobro-you say that time doesnt heal? or did i mis read that just wondering because if time never healed i dont know how much i could go on

[In Sync]

taylor3205

It breaks my heart to know you are going through so much pain. I wish I could make it all better for you. But from this day forward, you cannot subject yourself to communicating with the ex. No ,atter how much he extends his friendship. No matter how well meaning he is..it's too much for you. You want to be with him and he wants to just be your friend and he will continue going out here living his life separtely from you meeting and being with others. You can not handle this emotionally. It will tear you apart.

I am equally going through a withdrawal symptoms (was tempted to call my ex prior to reading your post) and then I came to my senses. It hurts like hell but he is simply not there for me. SO why put myself through the agony. Why put yourself through the agony.

 

Keep writing here because people who aren't going through this intensity are not going to fully understand...they too mean well family friends,but no here expects you to snap out of it quickly and it's the best place at 2am or 4am in the morning to write. We're here for you.

[taylor3205]

Hi everyone

 

Brittany: You are so right about the songs. The words have so much meaning right now. I just cant bare to listen to half of them at the moment.

 

Escapesher: I guess we are lucky in that respect, in fact I know we we are. My family have been there for me through this ordeal.

 

Scorbro: Yep I have and still am weeping like a baby, being physically sick and generally cracking up. I did honestly think I was stronger than this. Still not coping well.

 

Insynsc: Thank you for the post, I am glad my post stopped your temptations. And thanks for the kind words. This forum has been a source of strength for me over the last few weeks. I have spent countless hours reading and re-reading posts trying to make sense of it all. Your right about people who are not going through this intensity not understanding. People are now telling me I should snap myself out of it. I blew up at someone yesterday for saying that to me, I mean if I could, I would, but.....I cant.

 

Well I phoned his mothers earlier to pass a message on to him that I am thinking of getting rid of the dogs in week or so. He asked me to let him know so I did. However he answered the phone (he dont even live there). So we were on for about an hour. No arguments or nastiness, just a lot of talking. He said if he were to come back then it wouldnt be to the person I am now although he was not implying that he would if I wasnt, he said to concentrate on myself and make myself happy. He said he did want to come round and he did want to be friends and that he cared for me and I do truly believe this. He also thought it was too soon for this and I agreed.

 

The thing is I was quite posessive in our relationship and I think he felt boxed in sometimes. I said I would change and that I am seeing a counsellor sometime soon. He said he couldnt say that there would be a chance for us in the future as if he did then I would make all the changes I am making just to get him back and not for myself. He wasnt too keen on the idea of me getting rid of the dogs and offered to help pay for dog food for now and have a think about what should be done with them and get back to me. He also said he doesent want to be in a relationship right now. He said he only told me about him kissing that bloke just in case I heard off someone else and that he was pissed and it meant nothing at all. He is not looking for a relationship with me or anyone right now, nor is he wanting or looking for just sex, he wants it to mean something.

 

I felt better after talking to him, but only cos I want to believe that there is hope. He promises me that there is no one else. I asked him how can he be 100% sure that he wouldnt miss me in a few months and his feelings would change and he said that he couldnt be.

 

I feel a little better right now, but god knows.......Ill feel like crap again soon.

[brittanyjean259]

yeah there are some songs right now, i would not be able to listen to at all, they all just give me this werid , sad, depressing feeling...so havent been listenting to my good music lately....switched to rap, stuff that can pump me up haha

 

 

im really sorry 7 years is a very long time and with how your feeling its normal..people tell me to snap out of it, they usally hit me in the head when they know im thinking about it.......but you cant pretend to be happy that just hurts even worse, you cant help how you feel....you will be able to help it eventually though....life is one big heartache.........

[scobro]

taylor be careful it sounds like you are holding on to some form of hope and I would hate to see you go through all this a couple of months from now.Try to move forward with the outlook it's over not there might be a chance if I change.

[taylor3205]

taylor be careful it sounds like you are holding on to some form of hope and I would hate to see you go through all this a couple of months from now.Try to move forward with the outlook it's over not there might be a chance if I change.

 

Yep your right scobro, I just cant wait until I am over this......If ever, or at least until I dont feel like my heart has been shredded everyday of the week.

 

About the songs theres one I really really could NOT listen too and that is 'R Kelly - The Storm is over'.

 

Well I am going to go out and buy a nice big bottle of vodka and go round my friends and get obliterated. I need to do something to take my mind off this and get out. Gonna start the gym soon too I think, well my home made one.

 

Be thinkin of you all on this saturday night and I hope you all dont have such a bad one ;0)

[brittanyjean259]

its so good that your going to go out, and start going to the gym...its really normal to just isolate your self...or to feel no motivation....doing that is a head start woman

 

take it day by day,and later you wont let your self get to the point where you have pity parties...

 

i my self finally got out of being in the" lazy mode"...and had fun last night, get a little bit angry to...it really helps.

[brittanyjean259]

The Storm Is Over Now"

 

I was in a tunnel

And couldn't see the light

And whenever I'd look up

I couldn't see the sky

Sometimes when I'm standin'

It seems like I done walked for miles

And my heart could be cryin'

Dead in the middle of a smile

 

But then I climbed the hills

And saw the mountains

I hollered help 'cause I was lost

Then I felt the strong wind

Heard a small voice sayin'

 

The storm is over

(The storm is over now)

And I can see the sunshine

(Somewhere beyond the clouds)

I feel Heaven, yeah

(Heaven is over me)

Come on and set me free, whoa

 

Now in the midst of my battle

All hope was gone

Downtown in a rushed crowd

And felt all alone

And every now and then

I felt like I would lose my mind

I've been racin' for years

And still no finish line, oh

 

But then I climbed the hills

And saw the mountains (Mountains)

I hollered help 'cause I was lost

Then I felt the strong wind

And then a small voice sayin'

 

The storm is over

(The storm is over now)

And I can see the sunshine

(Somewhere beyond the clouds)

I can feel Heaven, yeah

(Heaven is over me)

 

Come on and set me free

 

Somehow my beginning stepped right in (Right in)

Then faith became my friend (My friend)

And now I can depend

On the voices of the wind

When it's sayin' (Sayin')

 

The storm is over

(The storm is over now)

And I can see the sunshine

(Somewhere beyond the clouds)

I can feel Heaven, yeah

(Heaven is over me)

 

Won't you come and set me free

Won't you set me free

 

The storm is over

(The storm is over now)

And I can see the sunshine

(Somewhere beyond the clouds)

I can feel Heaven, yeah

(Heaven is over me)

Won't you come and set me free

 

 

 

 

....if you cant sing it, im sure you can read it and know that what your going through wont last forever....do you think this song is from going through a heartache? just wondering

[taylor3205]

....if you cant sing it, im sure you can read it and know that what your going through wont last forever....do you think this song is from going through a heartache? just wondering

 

Hi brittany.....I think the song is about going through bad times whatever they may be and seeing light at the end of the day. It just reminds me of better times and I cant listen to it. Well got drunk last night, just dragged myself outa bed to feed my dogs and let them out and Im going str8 back to bed again. Empty, empty, empty. Everything is one big major effort!!

[brittanyjean259]

i know, but it will get easier as time goes by you know?...its dreadful knowing how long it will last, but it lasts us all a while to get through it .

so your not the only one

 

good luck though

[doubleint]

Im so sorry to hear about what happened to you. Im going through the same exact thing. These forums help alot though, makes you feel not so alone on all this. You know what helps me a slight bit? Thinking that it could be alot worse, I mean, atleast he didnt cheat on you, yah know? All your feelings, I feel that same way, everything reminds me of my ex. I look at anything and think about how we were together, and what that meant to me at that time, and how much I miss it. It hurts, I know. Im hurting really bad too.

 

It seems like time heals the heart, atleast thats what I heard. I too do not think time is working. But whatever you do man, dont kill yourself. I thought about that, almost did it. But I snapped out of it, and realized that I would be a stronger person dealing with it head on. Its hard for me to even tell you what you should do, because I myself dont know what to do either. We all need to stick together though, because talking about it is the only thing that makes me feel slightly better, knowing that other people are going through the same thing. We will be here for yah!