Fwb relationship ended

July 2, 2023

Ok you are a few years older than her. Ok this is a slightly odd situation because normally when there are a lot of 'home' dates the older person is more often than not the host. If you offered though and she flat out refused than that's not your fault. It's an issue she has.

We don't know why she refuses to take the dates outside of her home but very likely is a safety issue for her. She wants to maintain control of the situation.

Did she ever talk about her past much with you. Was she ever mistreated by anyone?

July 2, 2023

3 minutes ago, Ric123 said:

Sometimes I wonder if I should just text her and open the game and tell her I really like her and saw us together building a future together or if by saying that I risk that she never reaches out not even for sex in the future ?

You continuing to reach out will only push her further away. In all honesty what brings a lot of these kinds of people back is making them think you aren't available to them anymore. You are a challenge for them.

July 2, 2023

1 minute ago, Sony12 said:

Ok you are a few years older than her. Ok this is a slightly odd situation because normally when there are a lot of 'home' dates the older person is more often than not the host. If you offered though and she flat out refused than that's not your fault. It's an issue she has.

We don't know why she refuses to take the dates outside of her home but very likely is a safety issue for her. She wants to maintain control of the situation.

Did she ever talk about her past much with you. Was she ever mistreated by anyone?

Im preture sure she is a dismissed avoidant. she fears deep connection thats the fact she has never had serious relationships but a high number of partners.

chances are she will never reach out if she is this avoidant, she probably just feels relief. really dont know how to solve this but walk away and have faith I was good for her and treated her well and maybe she will reach out

July 2, 2023

2 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

You continuing to reach out will only push her further away. In all honesty what brings a lot of these kinds of people back is making them think you aren't available to them anymore. You are a challenge for them.

bellow was my last msg to her Thursday... We are now 3 weeks broken up. during this time I broke no contact last Thursday for her birthday and twice trying to convince here to come back a week after the break up.

hi, just wanna wish you happy birthday and a good day. I want to apologize for those silly msgs I sent you last week. You caught me by surprise when you ended things and took me a week to finally accept it. No hard feelings. This is me trying to leave things in good terms with you, I had a lot of fun. Have a nice day! And then she replied. Thanks, no hard feelings. And I replied

im leaving things like this and have faith she will come around

Edited July 2, 2023 by Ric123

July 2, 2023

6 minutes ago, Ric123 said:

She didn't want me to take her out go hang out outside her house. I asked many times and she told me to stop asking. She said the wanted to take things slowly and that was her excuse. She said once she would warm up then yes someday. She was just buying time knowing she would leave me someday. On out first date she said as a joke she doesn't hang out outside with guys she facks.

I didn't do much for her, I gave her one teddy bear which she liked it.

I really dont know what to make out of this,, she wanted casual but she said we were more than that, ibecause she doesnt cook or watch moves with f buddies. she said we were dating. in the end she didn't have feelings for me for more and knowing I had feelings for her making her feel uncomfortable, too much drama I guess.

She told you upfront she sees you as just a sex buddy. She showed you that as well and was consistent in her actions. She does not go out with men she considers fwb. This is crystal clear and her boundaries were set early on. You are living in perpetual denial.

If I had to guess she had some fondness and affection there but she’s not in love with you. You know when someone wants to be with you - they are responsive and available. Not cold like this. She’s not interested. You really need to work on handling rejection and accepting this is over.

6 minutes ago, Ric123 said:

Sometimes I wonder if I should just text her and open the game and tell her I really like her and saw us together building a future together or if by saying that I risk that she never reaches out not even for sex in the future ?

I don’t think you ever had a chance with her or that she ever saw you romantically. Again- handling that rejection. I’d tread carefully and avoid harassing or sending more texts. There’s nothing in this woman’s actions that shows she’s remotely interested in having more to do with you.

July 2, 2023

Ric I'll just say you are 41. You aren't jailbait anymore. You are old enough to where older, smarter, and more secure women will start being interested in you. I am just a couple years older than you and when I was 41 I was involved with a lady who had a daughter the same age as the lady you are talking about........and ooh boy did she treat me well.

Maybe you should retire from having casual relationships with the 20 and 30 something year olds.

.

Edited July 2, 2023 by Sony12

July 2, 2023

2 hours ago, Sony12 said:

This is one of the main reasons I date older women who have been around the block more than ladies like this has.

This one is not that young and sounds like she's circled "the block" quite a few times. If she told you she doesn't get serious in the beginning of your FWB why did you get serious about her and ruin it?

July 2, 2023

4 hours ago, Ric123 said:

What now? No contact until she reaches out?

What makes you think that she is going to reach out again?

She told you upfront how this was going to go down. It played out exactly as she said it would. She has likely moved on to her next FWB now. And, you should really do the same…

July 2, 2023

3 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

What makes you think that she is going to reach out again?

She told you upfront how this was going to go down. It played out exactly as she said it would. She has likely moved on to her next FWB now. And, you should really do the same…

why would she need to move to the next FWB, I did all for her in bed and more. She moved on because she saw I liked her? we stopped meeting 3 weeks now since she ended it, I dont think there's anyone yet,. she told me she didn't have anyone for 6 months plus before she met me, I dont think there's anyone yet

Edited July 2, 2023 by Ric123

July 2, 2023

5 minutes ago, stillafool said:

This one is not that young and sounds like she's circled "the block" quite a few times. If she told you she doesn't get serious in the beginning of your FWB why did you get serious about her and ruin it?

Because she said we were dating and started to send me selfies saying "im your girl" and emoji kisses and acted like my girlfriend and she said we were exclusive. eventually she went cold. I ruined it because her concept of FWB wasn't seeing twice a week, maybe once a week if im lucky and I dont want that. what's the point to have sex with someone 2 or 3 times a months, and then spend 27 days a month anxious and eager to see her again?

Edited July 2, 2023 by Ric123

July 2, 2023

... she is 35 and never had a single serious relationship just fwb type of relationships and short ones. She pointed out all guys that fell for her eventually she ghosted them.

She told you her pattern right here--apparently at the start. Let me guess! You thought you were going to break the pattern? That you were special in some kind of way? She did with you exactly what she told you she does with others. She didn't tell you she was intent on changing her pattern.

I don't see what the agony is here. Your story has as much insight as someone seeing a tall reinformed brick wall who then bangs his head against the wall and is shocked when the wall doesn't fall.

You had two options for responding to her. You could have run. Or if you had super thick skin and wanted some sex, you would proceed knowing that at any point you could be cut off.

I'm trying to figure out what you are confused about.

July 2, 2023

6 minutes ago, Ric123 said:

Because she said we were dating and started to send me selfies saying "im your girl" and emoji kisses and acted like my girlfriend and she said we were exclusive. eventually she went cold. I ruined it because her concept of FWB wasn't seeing twice a week, maybe once a week if im lucky and I dont want that. what's the point to have sex with someone 2 or 3 times a months, and then spend 27 days a month anxious and eager to see her again?

This woman is a player. She probably was already seeing another guy during the time she wasn't seeing you. She likes the new and as soon as it gets too familiar she wants a new experience. You need to go NC so you can heal and get over her. Maybe you're not cut out for FWB relationships.

July 2, 2023

13 minutes ago, Ric123 said:

She moved on because she saw I liked her?

She moved on because she has a problem staying in relationships that require more than no strings attached sex from her. Her decision to end this has everything to do with her, nothing to do with you.

July 2, 2023

1 hour ago, Ric123 said:

Im preture sure she is a dismissed avoidant. she fears deep connection thats the fact she has never had serious relationships but a high number of partners.

chances are she will never reach out if she is this avoidant, she probably just feels relief. really dont know how to solve this but walk away and have faith I was good for her and treated her well and maybe she will reach out

You already know that - so why ask the question…

July 2, 2023

Ric I also think you might be misjudging how important the sex was to her. Men and Women tend to view sex differently. For a lot of men sex is the cake. But for women sex is often just icing on the cake. The time you spend together when sex isn't happening is often even more important to women as the sex is (even in casual dating scenarios where long term isn't on the table).

You mentioned she would cook dinner for you. How good was your communication while you were having dinner? Did you make her laugh a lot? Was there a natural flow to your conversations where you seemed to have a lot in common outside of simply being physically attracted to one another? I don't care what types of physical features a lady says she likes she will almost always be more into your eyes and smile and in how much you make her smile and laugh than she will be your tattoos or motorcycle.

She can find.a guy with tattoos and a motorcycle anywhere. Just like the older women I go out with can find a young cute guy whose size she enjoys anywhere.

What will really make you stand out from everyone else is the kind of communication and chemistry you have when sex isn't happening.

Edited July 2, 2023 by Sony12

July 2, 2023

15 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

Ric I also think you might be misjudging how important the sex was to her. Men and Women tend to view sex differently. For a lot of men sex is the cake. But for women sex is often just icing on the cake. The time you spend together when sex isn't happening is often even more important to women as the sex is (even in casual dating scenarios where long term isn't on the table).

You mentioned she would cook dinner for you. How good was your communication while you were having dinner? Did you make her laugh a lot? Was there a natural flow to your conversations where you seemed to have a lot in common outside of simply being physically attracted to one another? I don't care what types of physical features a lady says she likes she will almost always be more into your eyes and smile than she will be your tattoos or motorcycle and in how much you make her smile and laugh while she is talking to you.

She can find.a guy with tattoos and a motorcycle anywhere. Just like the older women I go out with can find a young cute guy whose size she enjoys anywhere.

What will really make you stand out from everyone else is the kind of communication and chemistry you have when sex isn't happening.

I would swear she was falling for me man. She would sit on my lap for hours just staring at my eyes and talking, she said I wasn't boring compared to the other guys she met in the past. im foreigner btw. We would kiss and cuddle non stop, she said she loves cuddling. Last time I saw her 6th June everything was perfect, one of our best times. Then Thursday, I called her twice she didn't pick up and replied she was busy doing shopping. then I called her again 2 times in the evening no reply and left 2 msgs. She replied the msgs very angry saying wtf is this, for f*** sake stop blowing up my phone blalbalb. next day she sent me a long msg, saying I want this more then her and is starting to be a problem, because she cant promise me we can always meet twice a week that she needs her own time alone and family time and friends and this is who she is and she doesn't think she can change in the relationship. next day we talked and we plan to meet Tuesday as usual, but Sunday she called to end things. She didn't say much, she said something you come here to my place twice a week and I can feel youre always wondering and anxious to when is the next time we meet again, but I am not like that. I think she was trying to hint she goes about her life and isn't really worried when wet meet next.

But about our connection she said many times she feels super comfortable with me etc. Honestly man I have no words, she just did a 180 and vanish.

I think this comes down to the fact she had no romantic feelings for me and was just interested in the sex and eventually I became a nuisance

Edited July 2, 2023 by Ric123

July 2, 2023

2 hours ago, Ric123 said:

talking about my feelings and future and completely turned her off

Then what would make you think the below is a good idea?

2 hours ago, Ric123 said:

I wonder if I should just text her and open the game and tell her I really like her and saw us together building a future together

She doesn't want a future with you. She knows how you feel Ric, but she doesn't feel the same way. It's very clear based on your posts that this started to unwind quite a while before she actually pulled the plug.

18 minutes ago, Ric123 said:

So many compliments and she walks away like that? I did turn her off with so may texts, chasing, always up her ass

The bolded is the reason she walked away. You were too much and she lost physical attraction. And look, I am not saying that you're not attractive or not good in bed, but a woman who's been with many men also knows exactly what to say to a guy to make him feel like a king. She knows what to say to keep a man coming back for more - until she's done.

I am sorry you're struggling but the probability that this woman was going to be your girlfriend was always nearly zilch. It's not how she operates and not what she was looking for. There's nothing to fix or solve here. Whether she's avoidant or just a woman who enjoys casual encounters is irrelevant. She's living her life the way she wants, and she was not the woman for you.

July 2, 2023

15 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Then what would make you think the below is a good idea?

She doesn't want a future with you. She knows how you feel Ric, but she doesn't feel the same way. It's very clear based on your posts that this started to unwind quite a while before she actually pulled the plug.

The bolded is the reason she walked away. You were too much and she lost physical attraction. And look, I am not saying that you're not attractive or not good in bed, but a woman who's been with many men also knows exactly what to say to a guy to make him feel like a king. She knows what to say to keep a man coming back for more - until she's done.

I am sorry you're struggling but the probability that this woman was going to be your girlfriend was always nearly zilch. It's not how she operates and not what she was looking for. There's nothing to fix or solve here. Whether she's avoidant or just a woman who enjoys casual encounters is irrelevant. She's living her life the way she wants, and she was not the woman for you.

We met like 20 times in 3 months physical attraction or sex isn't the problem obviously, otherwise we wouldn't meet this much.. But yes, I started to be too much and she cut me off, she probably wanted something super casual and with msgs only to plan dates. The way I see it is if she was in fact smothered but she liked me she will come back for more once she no longer feels suffocated. But if she didn't really care for me I wont see her again.

A week after she left me, I told her if we could try things slow, meet once a week or less, texts only to plan dates and take it slow. She said she thinks it wont work out with me anymore and is not about to try it, that things went too serious too soon and she doesn't want that...how meeting twice a week is too serious too soon?

Edited July 2, 2023 by Ric123

July 2, 2023

2 hours ago, Ric123 said:

I get women easily,

Ok, then go out and do that rather than hang on to a go-nowhere situation. She's just not interested anymore.

July 2, 2023

Yeah Ric if it truly isn't that difficult for you to get women than this one shouldn't be that difficult to get over and to move on to someone else.

The way you have described her within this thread she honestly doesn't sound like that much of a catch.

July 2, 2023

3 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

Yeah Ric if it truly isn't that difficult for you to get women than this one shouldn't be that difficult to get over and to move on to someone else.

The way you have described her within this thread she honestly doesn't sound like that much of a catch.

I suffer from anxiety probably one of the reasons I pushed her way and im have obsessive personality. I know I will be stuck on her for a while. Every day is an urge to reach out. Every day new thoughts come to my head, I compose texts in my head to text her but then I restrain myself and dont send anything. I wish io could talk to her face to face. I asked her top meet up to take a week after she ended it but she doesn't want. She just said I dont think it is gonna work out slow or not slow, we wont sit and talk. I dont understand how she was so attracted to me and then pufff lost all attraction and left

Edited July 2, 2023 by Ric123

July 2, 2023

6 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

Yeah Ric if it truly isn't that difficult for you to get women than this one shouldn't be that difficult to get over and to move on to someone else.

The way you have described her within this thread she honestly doesn't sound like that much of a catch.

My last mshg to her last Thursday, today is 3 weeks after the break up

hi, just wanna wish you happy birthday and a good day. I want to apologize for those silly msgs I sent you last week. You caught me by surprise when you ended things and took me a week to finally accept it. No hard feelings. This is me trying to leave things in good terms with you, I had a lot of fun. Have a nice day! And then she replied. Thanks, no hard feelings. And I replied

July 2, 2023

30 minutes ago, Ric123 said:

I suffer from anxiety probably one of the reasons I pushed her way and im have obsessive personality. I know I will be stuck on her for a while. Every day is an urge to reach out. Every day new thoughts come to my head, I compose texts in my head to text her but then I restrain myself and dont send anything. I wish io could talk to her face to face. I asked her top meet up to take a week after she ended it but she doesn't want. She just said I dont think it is gonna work out slow or not slow, we wont sit and talk. I dont understand how she was so attracted to me and then pufff lost all attraction and left

Well what I do when I am slightly disappointed something ended is to think of the positive experiences I had with the person. She wouldn't have had sex with you as much as she did if she wasn't really attracted to you. Focus on that instead of the disappointment of an FWB situation ending. After all it's not like she ever told you that you were her dream come true or anything like that. You knew what this situation was from the get go. You had lots of sex with her. Focus on those memories and take what you learned from this situation so you can become even more attractive to the next person.

Women aren't going to be attracted to the attitude you are displaying now at all. If you are finding it difficult to move on than perhaps you need to see someone about some things.

Edited July 2, 2023 by Sony12

July 2, 2023

2 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

Well what I do when I am slightly disappointed something ended is to think of the positive experience I had with the person. She wouldn't have had sex with you as much as she did if she wasn't really attracted to you. Focus on that instead of the disappointment of an FWB situation ending. After all it's not like she ever told you that you were her dream come true or anything like that. You knew what this situation was from the get go. You had lots of sex with her. Focus on those memories and take what you learned from this situation so you can become even more attractive to the next person.

Women aren't going to be attracted to the attitude you are displaying now at all. If you are finding it difficult to move on than perhaps you need to see someone about some things.

thanks you a lot that was really nice msg. I wont reach out again to her. I know reaching out is a turn off to her for sure

July 2, 2023

51 minutes ago, Ric123 said:

I suffer from anxiety probably one of the reasons I pushed her way and im have obsessive personality. I know I will be stuck on her for a while. Every day is an urge to reach out. Every day new thoughts come to my head, I compose texts in my head to text her but then I restrain myself and dont send anything. I wish io could talk to her face to face. I asked her top meet up to take a week after she ended it but she doesn't want. She just said I dont think it is gonna work out slow or not slow, we wont sit and talk. I dont understand how she was so attracted to me and then pufff lost all attraction and left

You were an fwb. She’s not interested. As an aside I’m fairly sure she must have picked up on this obsessive compulsive trait and it was a major turn off. She’s indicated to you she isn’t interested in you as a person. I would work on your self-esteem here and take a big step back. If you need constant validation that someone is into you rejection can be even harder to handle. How you feel about yourself is way too dependent on what she thinks of you.

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