worriedmother Posted November 8, 2005 Posted November 8, 2005 Hi all. I ran into this site as I was looking for answers and advice. My 15 year old daughter has her little heart dead set on this young man of 17. He seems like a nice boy, but he has done "things" 2 years ago with another girl until they were found by her parents. I am trying to take everything into consideration about him. He is very responsible, he has a good job, along with being a senior in high school. I am close friends with his aunt and uncle. (how I found out about his little "deal") What I want to know is. *What do you think? *What would you do in my situation? *Should I not alow them to go out because of his past? *Should I even let her call him? *Should I talk to his parents? *Or should me and my husband talk to him? Thanks all, any advice would be so wondeful
SoccerMom1990 Posted November 14, 2005 Posted November 14, 2005 Dear Worried Mother, After reading your post, I have a few things to say and I hope I can answer your questions. I'm a 43 and a mother of five. Cassidy, is 21, Andrew, is 17, Jack is 13, Addison is 8, and Rich is 4. I've had a lot of dating experience through my two oldest kids. To answer your questions: I think you need to look at your daughter a little more. Let's say your daughter is mature for her age, somewhat responsible, and has good morals. If this is so, I think you should trust her. My daughter was in a similiar experience. She was fifteen also and hopelessly in love with an 18 year old senior in high school. You say he is a nice boy. Ok. That helps. These things you are talking about; I take it that he is a more sexually experienced guy. What were you expecting? A prude 17 year old guy? In a perfect world for our children, I'm guessing that would happen. He is responsible and he has a good job. By the sounds of it, he does seem to be a good guy. If he does act maturely and older for his, and your daughter doesn't, chances are, that boy isn't going to what to be involved with a younger immature girl. I would say, taking these things into consideration, go for it and see how it goes. Your daughter needs to learn what is right and wrong and learn from her mistakes. If you have raised her with good morals, based on your beliefs, hopefully she will follow them. And if she doesn't, she'll learn from her mistakes. You ask what would I do in your situation? We'll I was in your situation... twice. First with myself and secondly with my daughter. When I was fifteen, I feel head over heals in love with an 18 year old high school senior. He was amazing- his musical talent, his personality. My parents were very Christian and very strict. After meeting him once, and heard me talking on and on about him as a friend, they let me go play tennis with him. I did that several times. He went off to college and I saw him all the time over the breaks. When I was in my sophomore year of highschool, I began a long distance relationship with him. My parents were iffy on the subjects. They knew he was a good guy yet older. He was with a girl for 5 years (which I didn't tell them and he wasn't a virgin.) That relationship lasted for my entire high school and college career. I married him the year I graduated from college and had Cassidy that same year. We are still together today. My daughter was in the exact situation. It seems the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. She is still dating him now. For some reason, I have a feeling I'm going to be paying for a wedding in the near future. I would let her date him. I believe that his past is just what it is. In the past. If he was having sex with an ex-girlfriend, that doesn't make him, necessarily, a bad person. He may pressure your daughter to have sex but if you have taught her to say no if she doesn't want something and about safe sex, you shouldn't have to worry...much. People do change. Maybe his experience with "things he's done" has changed his views. Hi all. I ran into this site as I was looking for answers and advice. My 15 year old daughter has her little heart dead set on this young man of 17. He seems like a nice boy, but he has done "things" 2 years ago with another girl until they were found by her parents. I am trying to take everything into consideration about him. He is very responsible, he has a good job, along with being a senior in high school. I am close friends with his aunt and uncle. (how I found out about his little "deal") LET HER CALL HIM! By restricting her from calling him, dating him, or even just seeing him as a friend, will make her want him more. TRUST ME. There is something about a forbidden relationship that appeals to everyone. I can understand your concern. But sometimes, you just have to step back and let your daughter learn. DO NOT TALK TO HIS PARENTS. That will just embarass him and your daughter. That is exactly what you shouldn't do. If you want to talk to someone, talk to your daughter. If part of you thinks he is a good guy for your daughter, don't talk to him about your daughter. He might feel intimidated by you or your husband and completely forget about your daughter. That may sound like a brilliant plan, but it will hurt your daughter in the long run. Based on my experience, let her date him. Look how I ended up. My parents thought my husband was less than perfect for me. Right now, I'm just as in love as I was the day I married him, actually more, my husband and I live very comfortably in a financial sense. Just step back a few and let your daughter learn and love. Hope that helps.
mini696 Posted November 14, 2005 Posted November 14, 2005 *What do you think? I think they are both young and exploring their sexuality. *What would you do in my situation? Talk to EVERYONE involved. *Should I not alow them to go out because of his past? Because of his past? No. But in the end you really wont have that much control over it. *Should I even let her call him? Not in my opinion, but she's 15, you wont stop her if she really wants to. *Should I talk to his parents? Yes. *Or should me and my husband talk to him? Both. Talking to your daughter and explaining that you will love her no matter what is the most important thing. Let her understand you are always there for her to come to. Also explain what you are concerned about, and see if she can convince you about her maturity in the situation. Make sure she knows that she doesn't have to do anything that he pressures her into.
Lil Honey Posted November 14, 2005 Posted November 14, 2005 Okay, he was "doing things" with another girl two years ago. He is 17 now. That means that he was 15 then. What part of that is responsible? What part of that makes you think that he is keeping his hands off your daughter? Simply amazing
SmoochieFace Posted November 15, 2005 Posted November 15, 2005 Okay, he was "doing things" with another girl two years ago. He is 17 now. That means that he was 15 then. What part of that is responsible? What part of that makes you think that he is keeping his hands off your daughter? Simply amazing I find this quite amazing as well. Even more amazing will be the day the daughter announces that she is pregnant by this mature 17-year old. That should be a real gas!
Lil Honey Posted November 15, 2005 Posted November 15, 2005 I said what I said because my daughter just ended a relationship with a loser. I knew he was a loser all along, but she didn't get it. The thing is, she was seeing him for a while and THEN found out that he had messed around with a girl when he (and the girl) where about the same age as those in the OP. When I found that out, I asked my daughter what on earth he was going around making potential babies at that age for. I also wondered where his parents were. All he knows how to do is "it." What a life time achievement that is. Don't kids have other things to learn and do?
a4a Posted November 15, 2005 Posted November 15, 2005 Hey Worried...... No matter how much you monitor your daughter eventually she will have sex! Now may not be the proper time, but calling her dates parents, or not allowing her out of the house is not the way to solve this. Talk to your daughter. She is the person in control of her body. You are going to have to be open and to the point. She may have already had sex with another male? My point is you need to go straight to the source on this..... why dredge up everything else when it only boils down to her saying NO.... not you, not other parents......just her. If you really talk to her she will listen. Listen to what she has to say as well. a4a
worriedmother Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 First off I want to say thank you for all of your advice. Me and my husband decided to let her call him, and they do talk on the phone everyday. We have also decided that he may come over to visit her as long as it is supervised by me, my husband, or her older siblings. We also had "the talk" with her about him, and she sat there and listened, although she didn't want to. We think that dating is not a good idea at the moment, but he comes over every weekend and visits the whole family. It seems to be going fine right now. As we gain trust with him, we will let them date. For now this is enough. Thank you all and I will keep you posted.
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