Tilt_T Posted June 30, 2023 Posted June 30, 2023 (edited) My girlfriend and I broke up last week after 18months of dating. We both have jobs where our shift patterns don't coincide and no matter how much we have tried we were like passing ships in the night. All avenues have been exhausted and last week she finished with me, which in all honesty made sense. We had tried our hardest but it became very hard to maintain a healthy relationship. She was very very upset when she broke it off and said she still loved me, she even had a mild panic attack. We were both very upset but I know it's for the best. Part of me wants to check that she is OK due to how upset she was, I hated seeing her like that. Although it was a difficult decision for her to make, it was the correct one. I care a lot for this woman however I don't want to prevent her from healing. I told her I loved her too as I left her house, so I know it ended on good terms. I've typed out a message so many times but keep deleting it, my head says no but my heart says check on her. I just want her to know that I care but I don't want to upset her more. Seeing her that upset has been on my mind all week. Please can someone put me right!!! Edited June 30, 2023 by Tilt_T
Wiseman2 Posted June 30, 2023 Posted June 30, 2023 2 hours ago, Tilt_T said: . We had tried our hardest but it became very hard to maintain a healthy relationship. She was very very upset when she broke it off and said she still loved me. Sorry this happened. It's still very fresh. Please allow some space and time for both of you. You ended on good terms so she knows how to contact you if she needs to. 1 1
Author Tilt_T Posted June 30, 2023 Author Posted June 30, 2023 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: Sorry this happened. It's still very fresh. Please allow some space and time for both of you. You ended on good terms so she knows how to contact you if she needs to. You're right, I kinda wished it hadn't ended so amicably Thank you 1
Sony12 Posted June 30, 2023 Posted June 30, 2023 She's the one that ended it with you so just let things sit for awhile. She had probably thought this decision out for awhile anyways. You contacting her now would probably make you appear a little needy in her eyes and perhaps even unwilling to respect her decision. Also keep in mind she very well might be interested in someone else and that could have been part of the reason she decided to end it. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted June 30, 2023 Posted June 30, 2023 You don't need to check on her. Let her have some breathing room now. If she were that distressed over ending it, well, she wouldn't have done so. Keep in mind, this is what she wanted. 1
glows Posted June 30, 2023 Posted June 30, 2023 No, don’t contact her. Try finding another outlet or journal your thoughts if you need to get it out somewhere. 1
smackie9 Posted June 30, 2023 Posted June 30, 2023 I agree there needs to be some distance because things will still be a little raw emotionally. Let her reach out to you when she's ready to. 1 1
Gaeta Posted June 30, 2023 Posted June 30, 2023 I may be off topic but, if you both are in love, and you spent 18 months together, why didn't you bring this relationship to the next level and move in together? Why no attempt to change shift at work? or change job? We just got one life to live. When I met my ex-husband I left everything behind to follow him around the country, it's a matter of how much you love. Sounds like you both did not reach 'that' kind of love so....do not contact her. 2
Author Tilt_T Posted June 30, 2023 Author Posted June 30, 2023 (edited) 5 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I may be off topic but, if you both are in love, and you spent 18 months together, why didn't you bring this relationship to the next level and move in together? Why no attempt to change shift at work? or change job? We just got one life to live. When I met my ex-husband I left everything behind to follow him around the country, it's a matter of how much you love. Sounds like you both did not reach 'that' kind of love so....do not contact her. Because we both have children and 18 months is too soon to blend families. The children need more exposure to each others children, myself and her. It's too soon to take it to that level. Edited June 30, 2023 by Tilt_T 1
Author Tilt_T Posted June 30, 2023 Author Posted June 30, 2023 53 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I may be off topic but, if you both are in love, and you spent 18 months together, why didn't you bring this relationship to the next level and move in together? Why no attempt to change shift at work? or change job? We just got one life to live. When I met my ex-husband I left everything behind to follow him around the country, it's a matter of how much you love. Sounds like you both did not reach 'that' kind of love so....do not contact her. Also re jobs, due to the work we both do, it's not that simple. All avenues have been exhausted. It just wasn't mean to be. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted June 30, 2023 Posted June 30, 2023 (edited) It's condescending to think you have to help her. She's an adult and if you don't think she's a real adult who can survive a breakup then you don't respect her, and you shouldn't have dated her in the first place. You should have simply called her parents and said she needs supervision. I know I'm being tough. But the truth is no, you don't want to call her. And she will do just fine reaching out to friends and family and whoever. And she will need to start that process of de-coupling from you--the process of not looking to you for support--right now. Your impulse to "check on" her is your anxiety at work, not hers. Nothing fatal about a panic attack. there are medications for that and various thinking and breathing exercises. Panic attack might be what she goes through when making a big change. I'm sure she's not in a panic attack right now and if she is, she needs to go get help for that--and not get help from you! You should just confuse and muddle matter. Yes, it is jarring that when we break up, we it’s pretty much a 100 percent drop in “checking on them.” On the other hand, why the heck are you not focused on your own pain? Why are you focusing on her? That’s a terrible relationship strategy and a terrible breakup strategy. You are doing the rescue thing and the rescue move will undermine your growth and your life. Guaranteed, people in rescue mode are thinking about others and their own lives are sinking. Get your own life together. How about go grieve for yourself. Didn't she dump you? Edited June 30, 2023 by Lotsgoingon 1
ShyViolet Posted July 1, 2023 Posted July 1, 2023 It's not your job to check on her. You are her ex. She is going through the process of moving on from the breakup with you. Why would she want YOU to check on her, the person she is trying to move on from? If she is going through a rough time, I assume she has other people in her life she can talk to. Those are the people who should be there for her right now. Not you. It's your job to give her space and let her move on. 1
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