Meeca Posted June 29, 2023 Posted June 29, 2023 Hello everyone. I really need your advice. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 8 months, but I’ve had to deal with so much. First he has three children with someone who he claims was just a friend with benefits and that they have never been in a relationship at all. I felt if that was the cast…why would she be so upset or her family be upset if they new about the situation. Then, he has two separate Facebook accounts. One for family and the other just with childhood friends and other people that he grew up with. It’s a private page and he makes up a lot of excuses not to add me on there as well or at least update his relationship status.. and also never added me on his Instagram page either. I was only added to the one just for family, but he’s barely on there. Then he’s very secretive when talking to the mother of his children or even talking to his children. He calls to speak to his children when and calls them at a certain time when I am not around. Te me, I feel that he’s trying to live two separate lives. And whenever I feel a certain way and try to talk to him about how I feel, he shuts down on me or gets extremely upset and annoyed. Should I walk away..? I just don’t know what to do anymore. I feel so alone.
glows Posted June 29, 2023 Posted June 29, 2023 You’re probably sensing right that he leads a double life. Who does he live with or what is his living situation currently? Have you ever seen where/how he lives? 3
MsJayne Posted June 29, 2023 Posted June 29, 2023 Three children with a FWB? No, three children with someone is a family. This guy is indeed questionable. Does the mother of his kids know she's just a friend? Did he very kindly donate his sperm to her each time she wanted a baby because they're such great chums? What a champion. A true humanitarian. Seriously though, he's secretive and gets angry when you question him. He's hiding you from people who are a big part of his life. Just run, don't even bother saying goodbye. 4
JTSW Posted June 29, 2023 Posted June 29, 2023 5 hours ago, Meeca said: To me, I feel that he’s trying to live two separate lives. This is exactly what he is doing. I can guarantee that she is on his non-family Facebook. If there was nothing between him and this woman then he wouldn't need to be secretive. Definitely walk away. You are being played. 1
Wiseman2 Posted June 29, 2023 Posted June 29, 2023 (edited) 7 hours ago, Meeca said: , I feel that he’s trying to live two separate lives. Trust your instincts. It's been 32 weeks dating and a lot of his life is hidden. Cut your losses. There's no future with someone who claims he has 3 children with a "FWB". You must realize this makes no sense. Edited June 29, 2023 by Wiseman2 3
Will am I Posted June 29, 2023 Posted June 29, 2023 7 hours ago, Meeca said: . First he has three children with someone who he claims was just a friend with benefits and that they have never been in a relationship at all. That would explain one child max. The second and third child are a clear indication that he's lying. As for the rest of the picture: he's valiantly holding on to his options to lead double lives as he wants. I don't see how a woman would ever feel safe in a relationship if her man is doing that. I agree with everyone else: cut your losses and walk out before you get seriously hurt. 2
Author Meeca Posted June 29, 2023 Author Posted June 29, 2023 Thanks everyone. I’m starting to feel better now knowing that I wasn’t wrong for feeling this way. He does live alone and children live in a different state. He’s going through a custody battle supposedly with the mother of his children and can’t stand her so much, but then decides to call her back regularly, like nothing happened, to speak with the children. But if you’re only speaking to the children…why aren’t you able to speak to them around me sometimes… It’s crazy how he says that he wants to marry me, but also wants to have a separate life as well to please the mother of his children. 1 1
Wiseman2 Posted June 29, 2023 Posted June 29, 2023 22 minutes ago, Meeca said: It’s crazy how he says that he wants to marry me, but also wants to have a separate life as well to please the mother of his children. Please don't fall for this carrot and stick. His life is a mess and he's not relationship material. Set yourself free for someone who is honest, forthcoming and has their act together. 1
glows Posted June 29, 2023 Posted June 29, 2023 1 hour ago, Meeca said: Thanks everyone. I’m starting to feel better now knowing that I wasn’t wrong for feeling this way. He does live alone and children live in a different state. He’s going through a custody battle supposedly with the mother of his children and can’t stand her so much, but then decides to call her back regularly, like nothing happened, to speak with the children. But if you’re only speaking to the children…why aren’t you able to speak to them around me sometimes… It’s crazy how he says that he wants to marry me, but also wants to have a separate life as well to please the mother of his children. That’s fine. It’s his prerogative. Maybe he doesn’t trust you or believes he will be judged. He may not have the most solid relationships with his kids and thinks you’ll pick up on that. Whatever his reasons you don’t seem comfortable with the state or stage of life he’s in so do both of yourselves a favour and instead of getting annoyed with his secretive ways, end it.
Calmandfocused Posted July 1, 2023 Posted July 1, 2023 Let’s say his story is 100 % true (not a chance btw). So you’d want to spend the rest of your life with a man who happily and freely impregnates a woman who he is not serious about? And who he repeatedly impregnates? How many other women has this guy casually impregnated? So apart from concluding that this man does not believe in wearing a sheath (evidently), what does all this information tell you? …. Let me help you out … He’s irresponsible, deceptive, deceitful, and has 0 respect for women. Has it occurred to you that he’s not fully embracing you in his life because he simply classifies you as a FWB? I think so. Wouldn’t surprise me at all if he’s telling everyone that’s who you are to him. Bottom line: he’s not serious about you and he never will be. Finally, it’s up to you to ensure the birth control. He’s not interested in being responsible. 1
introverted1 Posted July 4, 2023 Posted July 4, 2023 On 6/28/2023 at 11:03 PM, Meeca said: he has three children with someone who he claims was just a friend with benefits Come on - it's a decision, not an accident, to have THREE children with a partner. Why do you even want to involve yourself in this guy's mess of a double life? Surely you can do better. 1
spiderowl Posted July 5, 2023 Posted July 5, 2023 On 6/29/2023 at 4:03 AM, Meeca said: Hello everyone. I really need your advice. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 8 months, but I’ve had to deal with so much. First he has three children with someone who he claims was just a friend with benefits and that they have never been in a relationship at all. I felt if that was the cast…why would she be so upset or her family be upset if they new about the situation. Then, he has two separate Facebook accounts. One for family and the other just with childhood friends and other people that he grew up with. It’s a private page and he makes up a lot of excuses not to add me on there as well or at least update his relationship status.. and also never added me on his Instagram page either. I was only added to the one just for family, but he’s barely on there. Then he’s very secretive when talking to the mother of his children or even talking to his children. He calls to speak to his children when and calls them at a certain time when I am not around. Te me, I feel that he’s trying to live two separate lives. And whenever I feel a certain way and try to talk to him about how I feel, he shuts down on me or gets extremely upset and annoyed. Should I walk away..? I just don’t know what to do anymore. I feel so alone. A guy with children is pretty much always living two separate lives, but if you feel he is living two separate lives to the extent that it is making you uncomfortable, then you are probably right. I would trust your instinct on this one. You feel you've had to deal with so much. You feel anxious about not being added to one of his FB pages. He's secretive. He won't discuss it with you and gets angry. You are feeling very alone. None of these feelings sounds very pleasant. You deserve to feel valued and safe in a relationship. Eight months is not very long and you have several red flags there. Ultimately, you are not happy, so you might as well give up on this guy.
spiderowl Posted July 5, 2023 Posted July 5, 2023 Another thought - if he already has three children, he should be paying child support. Child support for three children would be significant. If you ever hope to have a child with a guy, this is not the right guy. He already has too many responsibilities. Apart from anything else, his relationship with the FWB does not make sense at all, as other posters have said. I would not trust him as far as I could throw him!
Weezy1973 Posted July 5, 2023 Posted July 5, 2023 On 6/28/2023 at 8:03 PM, Meeca said: Should I walk away..? Yes. And sooner rather than later.
smackie9 Posted July 5, 2023 Posted July 5, 2023 When they start saying they want to marry you have kids, etc....it's all talk. You'd be naive to think they are promises....people lie to pacify you, to keep you with them...it's a smoke screen.
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