boak1 Posted June 27, 2023 Posted June 27, 2023 I’ve been with this guy for about 5 months, we had a rocky start as we previously dated a couple of years ago but got over those insecurities and were really happy. I found a message on his phone from a girl he went on a date with the year before (before we were together) and discovered they had exchanged a few messages over the time we had been together about planning drinks but mainly consisted of him cancelling on her all the time. We ended and he pleaded he’d never see her and would never, that he would make it up to me. He started doing this and we went back to being amazing but soon he seems quiet again. I can’t get it out of my head everytime he’s on his phone that he’s doing something and he gets angry when I accuse or ask him. I’m nervous to bring anything up because he can’t take criticism and it escalated into an argument. He’s going through a lot at the minute, really struggling with his mental health and work and is really stressed. I’m not sure whether this is all down to this but 90% of the time we are amazing and can’t stop laughing but his temper and lack of being able to deal with my anxiety is getting to me. I don’t know what to do
Weezy1973 Posted June 27, 2023 Posted June 27, 2023 3 minutes ago, boak1 said: but his temper and lack of being able to deal with my anxiety is getting to me. I don’t know what to do Kind of buried the lead on this one… His temper is his responsibility and your anxiety is your responsibility. He doesn’t have to deal with your anxiety and you don’t have to deal with his temper. Be aware that a temper in the early stages doesn’t bode well for the relationship. It doesn’t magically get better. He needs to acknowledge it and actively do things to get better at dealing with his anger. 6
JTSW Posted June 27, 2023 Posted June 27, 2023 If you don't feel you can trust him then you need to end it.
Wiseman2 Posted June 27, 2023 Posted June 27, 2023 1 hour ago, boak1 said: I’ve been with this guy for about 5 months, we had a rocky start as we previously dated a couple of years ago. his temper and lack of being able to deal with my anxiety is getting to me. What happened a couple of years ago when you broke up? How long were you together at that time? Who contacted whom about getting back together and why? Unfortunately it seems all the issues are still there. Keep in mind on/off relationships are fraught with unresolved incompatibilities and conflicts combined with an unhealthy attachment and lack of other opportunities. Even though you seem to have some good times and get along sometimes, the relationship seems to be taking a toll on you. Reflect if getting back together was a good choice and more importantly reflect why you broke up the first time and why you wanted to try this again.
Ageless Wisdom23 Posted June 27, 2023 Posted June 27, 2023 Aside from his mental issues and his anxiety he is dealing With, You can never really trust him now WHO is speaking to on the phone or if he even Grows.....Silent. If he is not telling you when you would Ask, Who it is? With him having been in touch with her after their last date, You will have trust issues now because it will be hard to leave your head. You both need to talk it out. More so.
glows Posted June 27, 2023 Posted June 27, 2023 I can understand when a partner is going through a tough time. But what’s going on with his work and why are you spending time with him if he’s on his phone that often or when he’s so out of it he’s showing his temper to you? Gurl. My advice. Get it together- don’t depend on him to make you feel good because he nearly went out with someone else while together. The guy has already displayed questionable thought processes. Are you seriously expecting him to care what you think or feel at this point? Pick up your self esteem from the gutter and do better. It doesn’t matter why he is the way he is anymore if he’s not meeting you halfway or can’t even communicate. Not to mention you have already broken up once. Why are you attracted to men like this? 2
Gaeta Posted June 27, 2023 Posted June 27, 2023 (edited) 6 hours ago, boak1 said: he’s on his phone that he’s doing something and he gets angry when I accuse or ask him This little bit here says a lot. It says he doesn't care that he broke your trust and he intent on doing nothing about it. When we broke someone's trust it's our job to fix it by being an open book and reassuring our gf that this is something we will not do again. boak1: You are with the wrong man. A man that cares for you will respect you by not entertaining other women on text. A man that cares will give you no reason to feel anxious & needy. I don't believe you are 90% fine when your boyfriend gets angry, is under stress, has a bad temper, you're afraid of bringing anything up, etc. You need to be super honest with yourself here. This is not a good relationship. A relationship isn't good because when he's in a good mood he makes you laugh, a good relationship is for both to be able to communicate openly, honestly, in respect, in consideration, it's not happening here. I will never understand why women that fear cheating will go ahead and date players. You know you need a better man! You need one that has nothing to hide, one that makes you feel secure, loved, and one that communicates with respect. Go get yourself one, stop dating <boys> that thinks it's ok to chat other women while in a relationship. Edited June 27, 2023 by Gaeta
introverted1 Posted June 27, 2023 Posted June 27, 2023 11 hours ago, boak1 said: his temper His issue 11 hours ago, boak1 said: my anxiety Your issue It's not your job to fix his anger, and it's not his job to assuage your anxiety. If you can't each work on or resolve your issues such that they are not impacting each other, it's time to take a break. 3
basil67 Posted June 27, 2023 Posted June 27, 2023 12 hours ago, boak1 said: I’m nervous to bring anything up because he can’t take criticism and it escalated into an argument. Why do you need to criticise him? Can you give me an example of the last time you criticised him and how you worded it? I ask because I wonder if your delivery needs work. Does he have a temper only come out when you criticise him...or is he a hot head in general?
justwhoiam Posted June 29, 2023 Posted June 29, 2023 Is this the same guy you talked about in one or more previous posts on here?
ExpatInItaly Posted June 29, 2023 Posted June 29, 2023 Look, you've tried dating him twice now. It hasn't worked well either time, has it? Think about what that tells you.
smackie9 Posted June 29, 2023 Posted June 29, 2023 And there's the hook...he's amazing when he is on his best behavior, but once things get comfortable out comes his ugly side. That's a pretty big warning. All that amazingness will fade, and you will find yourself in a bad place again.
Alpacalia Posted June 29, 2023 Posted June 29, 2023 Anger aside, which is a big red flag, he is also still communicating with a woman that he pursued during the months that you were together and is still in contact which tells me that he isn't taking your relationship seriously. His behavior is a warning sign. If he was serious about your relationship, he would have cut off contact with the other woman and focused on the relationship he had with you. He reneged on his promise and still talks to her. He's not going to get help, or if he does he'll only pay lip service to it rather than deeply and seriously committing himself to not talking to her and his anger issues like he should. This goes beyond maturity. His acceptance of responsibility is evident in his words. You say he apologizes, and you say he says sorry and that he'll "make it up to you." "I'm sorry" does not constitute an apology. It's an attempt to avoid responsibility.
Recommended Posts