malachai Posted November 8, 2005 Posted November 8, 2005 So, I have a question(s) for the women on this board. If you meet a guy that you are interested in, and go out with him a couple/few times, and find out that he has little or no social life, will that make you lose interest or be a deal-breaker? I'm talking about a guy that has 0 or maybe one friend, and, aside from going out on the weekened maybe once or twice every month/6 weeks, generally spends his time alone. Be completely honest please, and if you can, try to imagine yourself in that situation. I know it's easy to answer that with what "sounds right", but I'd like to hear what people really feel. Also, if anybody has been in a relationship like this, I'd love to hear experiences and how that went.
Outcast Posted November 8, 2005 Posted November 8, 2005 Different people have different social needs. If someone's an intravert, being with people can wear him out and he may prefer to spend more time alone. If you are an extravert who loves having lots of people around and going out a lot, then maybe the man's not for you. OTOH, I knew a couple like that once. He was perfectly happy staying home while she attended events and she was perfectly happy having him to go home to. It's all in how you two manage the situation.
Lishy Posted November 8, 2005 Posted November 8, 2005 Ok to be honest if i met a guy who didnt go out much that wouldnt be the end of the world for me - If I met a guy who didnt have any friends and he wasnt living in a new area then that would make me think about WHY he didnt have friends!!!!!! It would probably put me off him a bit as i would ASSUME that there was a reason that he didnt have friends. 'Assuming' is a bad thing but I hate surprises and as I have lots of friends it would be too weird for me to be with a guy who has none.
Outcast Posted November 8, 2005 Posted November 8, 2005 There's nothing to assume. There are introverts and extroverts in this world. It's not 'wierd' to be one or the other, it just is. I'm so sick of people saying 'anybody not exactly like me is wierd/gross/freaky etc etc etc.' People are not 'wierd', just not all exactly like each other.
SmoochieFace Posted November 8, 2005 Posted November 8, 2005 It would probably put me off him a bit as i would ASSUME that there was a reason that he didnt have friends. 'Assuming' is a bad thing but I hate surprises and as I have lots of friends it would be too weird for me to be with a guy who has none. What sort of things would you assume about a guy who has no friends? I am curious as I happen to be one of *those* guys and it would be interesting to understand what people are thinking when it comes to this issue.
Lishy Posted November 8, 2005 Posted November 8, 2005 There's nothing to assume. There are introverts and extroverts in this world. It's not 'wierd' to be one or the other, it just is. I'm so sick of people saying 'anybody not exactly like me is wierd/gross/freaky etc etc etc.' People are not 'wierd', just not all exactly like each other. That was just MY personal opinion!! That is what was asked for wasnt it? I could have been politically correct and said that all people are different and that there is someone for everyone - But i would find it strange to be with a man with no friends. Sorry if you got offended!!
Lishy Posted November 8, 2005 Posted November 8, 2005 What sort of things would you assume about a guy who has no friends? I am curious as I happen to be one of *those* guys and it would be interesting to understand what people are thinking when it comes to this issue. Smoochie I wouldnt assume he was a weirdo or a freak I would just wonder WHY he didnt have friends - You see I have a big circle of friends and i once dated a guy who didnt have many friends and i soon found out why!! He was a complete a**h*** when he was drunk and would cause rows and act like a complete jerk! He was also really needy and didnt want me to do anything with anyone but him as he had no one to do things with. So maybe its just a case of once bitten twice shy! I am NOT judging people who dont like to have friends or have just not met people who they want to be friends with. I am just saying that I would not be comfortable with it! That is not to say that you would not meet lots of people who would have no problem with it at all.
JS17 Posted November 8, 2005 Posted November 8, 2005 I'm with Outcast. Everyone has different needs. I dated a guy who was too social for me and I couldn't handle having to make constant appearances. I also didn't like ALWAYS having to share him with his friends. We went away for a romantic weekend and his friends were there. I wouldn't date anyone that social again. Some women would love to have someone that social. It's all about what your own personal needs are.
Lishy Posted November 8, 2005 Posted November 8, 2005 I'm with Outcast. Everyone has different needs. I dated a guy who was too social for me and I couldn't handle having to make constant appearances. I also didn't like ALWAYS having to share him with his friends. We went away for a romantic weekend and his friends were there. I wouldn't date anyone that social again. Some women would love to have someone that social. It's all about what your own personal needs are. There is a fine line and I also would hate to have to share everything with my guys friends!! I also would not expect my friends to be there all the time with him!! Oh I am just gonna shut up now hahahhaha
SmoochieFace Posted November 8, 2005 Posted November 8, 2005 I am just saying that I would not be comfortable with it! First off, why the defensive posture here? Secondly, like it or not, you ARE judging. You would be uncomfortable based on that one experience you had. It certainly would not be right to allow that experience to influence your opinion of all guys who do not have friends. That isn't fair. I do not have any friends mainly because it is very difficult to find people with whom I can relate. I am not into this *fast* life that most people in my area are into. It just doesn't appeal to me. I am more down to earth and serious than most guys my age... well *beep* of ALL ages! LOL! So should that make me *undesirable* to you or to any other woman? Hmmm?
JS17 Posted November 8, 2005 Posted November 8, 2005 There is a fine line and I also would hate to have to share everything with my guys friends!! I also would not expect my friends to be there all the time with him!! Oh I am just gonna shut up now hahahhaha No Lishy, you're entitled to your opinion. If being with someone who is anti-social doesn't work for you then you're allowed to not date them. shocking. Just as I couldn't date anyone again that had to be the most popular guy around.
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted November 8, 2005 Posted November 8, 2005 It would depend if he was always whining about having no friends/no life, or is he was comfotrable and happy with it. Though me personally, I like my boyfriends having a different perspective on me and the relationship from an outside party who cares about him and is really looking for his best interests. Also, it's fun to double-date and hang out with other people along with your boyfriend!
Author malachai Posted November 9, 2005 Author Posted November 9, 2005 thanks for all the input... Lishy, i'm glad you answered honestly, that's what i was asking for i guess i have this fear/dread that after a while whoever i'm with will get sick of the situation, and think it's too abnormal to deal with (yes i am pretty nuerotic ) i'm not quite an introvert and not quite an extrovert, maybe a mixture. and i am one that likes going on double-dates with other people, hanging out with other people. i just don't have my own social network. and i am not clingy or possessive. my ex who just broke up with me 3 weeks ago, seemed perfectly ok with it, but of course since we are no longer together, it obviously crept into my mind. i would hope there are other people that could live a life with someone like that, who would not eventually leave just because their partner didn't have friends. any other thoughts?
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