Early Stages Dating Someone

[Liliana09]

5 hours ago, glows said:

Yes, it’s a lot of overanalyzing. He’s not as interested. Busy. Whatever it is just not around as much as you’d like. He lives with a sick ex. 

At this point the situation is so riddled with frustration, jealousy, anger and confusion that it’s best canned asap. You’re really driving yourself into the ground and wasting your time. 

Imagine all the free space and time you could have kicking this dude out of your life by blocking and deleting. He should be paying rent for the amount of time he’s been sitting in your mind like an idle block of nothing over the past two months. It’s ok to feel upset but change. You have to be the one to change to move this in a different direction. 

It was a very, very slim chance he had anything to offer. I think the underlying issue is you’re not honest enough with yourself about why you feel afraid meeting people or new people in a timely manner. It’s become a perfect way to keep things going on a text/remote dating basis just like how you’re still not willing to block and delete this guy for good. Nothing much has changed since weeks ago…. End it so you can spend time doing other things and meeting new people. 

 

He's now gotten in contact. Saying he'll be away for a few weeks. I am focusing on myself.

[Wiseman2]

14 minutes ago, Liliana09 said:

He's now gotten in contact. Saying he'll be away for a few weeks. I am focusing on myself.

That's good. It's time for him to move along with his life and not string you along. Please delete and block him and try not to contact him.

You may believe spamming him was forgiven, but it seems he's afraid to just end things with you cleanly because of what you might do. Perhaps he figures tiptoeing out with the "busy" excuse seems like a safer option for him?

[Weezy1973]

59 minutes ago, Liliana09 said:

He's now gotten in contact. Saying he'll be away for a few weeks

Although you’re choosing to ignore the red flags in him, luckily he seems to be paying attention to the red flags in you…

Edited June 20, 2023 by Weezy1973

[Gaeta]

1 hour ago, Liliana09 said:

He's now gotten in contact. Saying he'll be away for a few weeks. I am focusing on myself.

Block and delete. This is a ONE month relationship ( all the sweet talking before meeting doesn't count). At one month we don't confront, or negotiate, or complain. If it doesn't work at one month it's because one of the 2 isn't genuine or there are major incompatibilities so you abort and you move on to a better prospect. 

Delete him from your life and move on, it's a one month affair, in 3 weeks you'll be dating someone else. Stop using bad online stories to justify dating this guy or justify not moving on. Just do your thing, be cautious and if ever you're being charged wrongly on your credit card you report the transactions, you're protected for that. I have always paid for online dating and over 3-4 years I was never frauded or my identity stolen, Heck! my identity has already been stolen at my bank, and other reputable financial institutions, my last worry is to get my ID stolen on a dating site. 

 

[Liliana09]

47 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

Although you’re choosing to ignore the red flags in him, luckily he seems to be paying attention to the red flags in you…

I don't have red flags 

[Gaeta]

14 hours ago, Liliana09 said:

 I spammed his inbox with junk. 

That's a huge red flag. Only people out of control do things like that. It falls in the 'crazy girlfriend' category. My teen daughter wouldn't even do that. 

[Versacehottie]

7 hours ago, glows said:

I think the underlying issue is you’re not honest enough with yourself about why you feel afraid meeting people or new people in a timely manner.

this ^^^^^

[Versacehottie]

33 minutes ago, Liliana09 said:

I don't have red flags 

Trying not to kick you while you are down but I'm sorry. This is not an accurate assessment of how you have managed yourself during the course of these few months. 

I would say if you mismanaged here with him and to this extent then yeah you have a few things to work ont. 

With the email spam....you are a little fuzzy on all that...but you didn't just mean that you yourself spammed him with a bunch of messages from yourself...I got the underlying gist of things--you either signed him up to a bunch of spamming type websites. I can only imagine what those are. That is not a stable, healthy response to not getting your way. Not to mention you shouldn't have been as invested as you were at that point. If you don't have self-esteem, these problems and insecurity will follow you around--it doesn't matter even if you get a much better guy, you will likely sabotage it if you can regulate your emotions and self-assurance.

[ShyViolet]

6 hours ago, Liliana09 said:

I don't have red flags 

Yes you do.  Your self-awareness could use a lot of improvement.

This would be a great time for some self-reflection and working on yourself.

[Lisa]

Thread has been closed as it's running in circles.  Thank you all for your participation

[Liliana09]

Ok I'm sure some of you remember me from " Early Stages of Dating" , I guess this is sort of still following on from that. 

I am focusing on myself, exercising more and  filling my time up with other stuff and  hobbies etc .

However I sent the guy a message telling him how I felt messed around by him ,and also explaining to him that I don't have time for mind games etc.

 

It has now been a  whole month with no contact . I know I should take that as a big deafening silent indicator that he's not interested anymore. But I still don't understand why he's done this. 

It literally feels like he's disappeared from planet earth or died , it's the weirdest most bizarre behaviour. This isn't normal behaviour . 

 

Why do guys act really keen and invested ,and then one day they start to have " personal issues" and start ghosting . 

Edited July 21, 2023 by Liliana09

[Wiseman2]

31 minutes ago, Liliana09 said:

 It has now been a  whole month with no contact . I know I should take that as a big deafening silent indicator that he's not interested anymore. But I still don't understand why he's done this. 

Unfortunately it seems he lost interest and moved on. It may have nothing to do with you. Is this the same man?:

 

[Liliana09]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

Unfortunately it seems he lost interest and moved on. It may have nothing to do with you. Is this the same man?:

 

Yeah it's the same guy ,the last message I got from him was June 20th ...which was  literally 1 month ago . And I haven't heard anything from him since. His last message was about  him moving back to his mum's house,and how  he's in a " predicament" . And how he's " sorry for lack of contact" , and how " things aren't good at the moment". 

Judging by what  he said , it felt like a temporary break he needed from talking. But he hasn't been using his phone.

 

Like I said it's not normal behaviour . I keep thinking he was just making excuses or that something else has happened that he's not telling me.

 

[Weezy1973]

2 hours ago, Liliana09 said:

Like I said it's not normal behaviour . I keep thinking he was just making excuses or that something else has happened that he's not telling me.

You barely knew the guy. What’s not normal is you still thinking about it enough after a full month  of no contact to create another thread . You’re mental energy would be better spent elsewhere.

[Ageless Wisdom23]

Could be they are talking to someone else or are feeling things are getting too serious and they ghost a girl.  You never know about Today's guys.  Move on and find someone who is more deserving of you.

[BrinnM]

3 hours ago, Liliana09 said:

His last message was about  him moving back to his mum's house,and how  he's in a " predicament" . And how he's " sorry for lack of contact" , and how " things aren't good at the moment". 

 

That’s more of an explanation than many get after only a month. 

[Liliana09]

33 minutes ago, BrinnM said:

That’s more of an explanation than many get after only a month. 

We were talking since End of March , then we met begining of May. Then after that in total we met a few more times. But now I haven't seen him for 5 weeks or more, and he hasn't spoken to me for a month. 

I feel like he's just making up excuses. No matter what issues or problems he's going through, I deserve a proper explanation. 

[Liliana09]

54 minutes ago, Ageless Wisdom23 said:

Could be they are talking to someone else or are feeling things are getting too serious and they ghost a girl.  You never know about Today's guys.  Move on and find someone who is more deserving of you.

I don't feel like finding anyone else. Dating is too much stress and time consuming. I browse here and there ,but my heart isn't in it anymore. It's too difficult now....too many players and time wasters ,ghosters  & catfish . 

[basil67]

5 hours ago, Liliana09 said:

However I sent the guy a message telling him how I felt messed around by him ,and also explaining to him that I don't have time for mind games etc.

It has now been a  whole month with no contact . I know I should take that as a big deafening silent indicator that he's not interested anymore. But I still don't understand why he's done this. 

He's done this because of your previous behaviour of spamming his inbox and now telling him that he's playing mind games

5 hours ago, Liliana09 said:

It literally feels like he's disappeared from planet earth or died , it's the weirdest most bizarre behaviour. This isn't normal behaviour . 

Why do guys act really keen and invested ,and then one day they start to have " personal issues" and start ghosting . 

His behaviour of cutting you off is not weird or strange.  What I find weird is that you seem to have no understanding of how others will react to your behaviour.

[Wiseman2]

42 minutes ago, Liliana09 said:

. Dating is too much stress and time consuming.

Unfortunately so is this situation. All you need to do is rule out red flags such as "lives with ex" from the start.

[Weezy1973]

48 minutes ago, Liliana09 said:

I feel like he's just making up excuses. No matter what issues or problems he's going through, I deserve a proper explanation. 

You aren’t entitled to any explanation at all. He gave you one. And whether it’s a lie or the truth is completely irrelevant. Again, you barely even knew each other. Next!

[BrinnM]

6 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

You aren’t entitled to any explanation at all. He gave you one. And whether it’s a lie or the truth is completely irrelevant. Again, you barely even knew each other. Next!

Right. Many just ghost these days without any explanation at all. Which isn’t cool, but seems to be the standard MO nowadays ……….. Do people deserve explanations? Probably - that would be nice; but it’s not always happening unfortunately …….. 

[Alpacalia]

It's on you to not pursue someone that has been quite clear with his actions that he's not interested.

That's not to suggest that being treated unkindly is okay but he owes you nothing.

His job is to be who he is and your job is to see if what he does is what you want.

[Liliana09]

13 hours ago, basil67 said:

He's done this because of your previous behaviour of spamming his inbox and now telling him that he's playing mind games

His behaviour of cutting you off is not weird or strange.  What I find weird is that you seem to have no understanding of how others will react to your behaviour.

I'm not to blame for his flaky weird behaviour, ok I shouldn't have done what I did . But he was already a walking red flag .

 

Plus he made out he was ok after that. So this ghosting has come out the blue , he is either fobbing me off or he has far too much baggage and issues . 

[Liliana09]

3 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

It's on you to not pursue someone that has been quite clear with his actions that he's not interested.

That's not to suggest that being treated unkindly is okay but he owes you nothing.

His job is to be who he is and your job is to see if what he does is what you want.

You might think he owes me nothing, but to waste someone's time like that...and make them think they like you and want to continue seeing you ,is another level of messed up . 

I don't understand what the point is in playing these games. Especially as we get older. This isn't school or college, why can't people grow up.