ulka Posted June 16, 2023 Share Posted June 16, 2023 Am I being an a**h*** for asking my boyfriend to cut ties with his ex? My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now. We decided to move in together, and now we are renting a place. It has reached a point where he started talking about buying a place to live together because we both know we want to be together, and our combined budgets would allow us to buy a nice apartment. The only issue is that he owns another house with his ex-girlfriend with whom he has no kids. They bought the house when they were together. Currently, they are renting it and splitting the rent in half. It didn't bother me until now when he mentioned buying a house together while still being tied to his ex through this house. For me having a property with someone is a huge long-term commitment. She texts him at least once per week regarding the house. I trust my bf completely, and I know there is nothing between them, and their relationship is over, but it still makes me feel weird. I shared my feelings with him, but he just mentioned that keeping this house is good for business, and he doesn't want to pay off his ex or have her pay him his half. So, the question is, am I making a fuss about nothing? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 16, 2023 Share Posted June 16, 2023 I advise you not to buy a house with someone you aren't married to. You will regret it. What does this guy do get in relationship to buy real estate? He will probably not want to buy you out either for fiancial reasons if he moves on to a new girl at some point and convinces her to buy a house with him too. He's creating wealth. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 16, 2023 Share Posted June 16, 2023 (edited) So he will be supporting two mortgages? I know what he is doing...he can't afford to buy another place unless he has someone else...and that would be you. How convenient for him. Plus he's probably using the equity in this other house for a down payment. I agree he's creating wealth.... through his GFs. Run for the hills lady, he be shady! I'm sure he made the same promises with his that he did with you, whispering sweet nothings about having babies, and a white picket fence. Edited June 16, 2023 by smackie9 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ulka Posted June 16, 2023 Author Share Posted June 16, 2023 I think I forgot to mention that he bought the house he is co-owning with his ex. He bought it for cash, so no payments are included. Her parents lent him some money to buy the house, which he later paid off from his pocket. Now they split the money from the rent because that was their 'arrangement,' and they are both official owners of this house. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted June 16, 2023 Share Posted June 16, 2023 (edited) 4 hours ago, ulka said: he doesn't want to pay off his ex or have her pay him his half. So, the question is, Sorry this is happening. Way too much too soon. Do not be an investor in his real estate ventures. As you can see he mismanages money and now his ex in house and he refuses settle the deal. Do not make financial investments with him. Rent until the lease is up, then move out on your own.His story is sort of shady. Living with you is a sexual and economic convenience for him. Not a commitment. Edited June 16, 2023 by Wiseman2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 16, 2023 Share Posted June 16, 2023 (edited) 2 hours ago, ulka said: I think I forgot to mention that he bought the house he is co-owning with his ex. He bought it for cash, so no payments are included. Her parents lent him some money to buy the house, which he later paid off from his pocket. Now they split the money from the rent because that was their 'arrangement,' and they are both official owners of this house. OK so it's something that generates actual income. I don't see an issue with this at all TBH. It's a business. No different than being with a guy that shares custody of children. It's just an arrangement with an ex. If I were in his shoes I wouldn't give it up either....not until property values really goes up making it worth it to sell. That's a win win. BUT I wouldn't get involved buying a place with someone unless they were putting a ring on my finger. You have only been with this guy for just over a year...that's hardly enough time to really know if you both can make it for the long haul and make such big investments. You be foolish to do it. Edited June 16, 2023 by smackie9 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted June 16, 2023 Share Posted June 16, 2023 I agree with others, he's building wealth, which isn't necessarily a bad thing because taking care of future finances is a great quality in a partner. However, for me, if some involvement with an ex makes you feel uncomfortable it's a warning sign. I certainly wouldn't be entering into any sort of financial commitment with the person. I'm wondering why a shared investment property would be reason to communicate with the other investor at least once a week. What's to talk about? I would view that as her using it as a reason to maintain ongoing regular contact, and him encouraging it as his way of maintaining a smooth business relationship. It does sound like she's being used by your BF even though she's gaining some benefit from the arrangement, and I would be wary of entering into any sort of financial commitment with someone who operates that way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ageless Wisdom23 Posted June 17, 2023 Share Posted June 17, 2023 I see your point. It would tie him not only in a business like Way, But His and Her History to remain friends. I do not see him giving her up nor the house. Think it over before you commit yourself to something you don't feel right with it🤔. I do believe he still has feelings somewhere that tells me they are still comfortable with each other like an old chair. That kind of relationship with an Ex never goes "Bye, Bye." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted June 17, 2023 Share Posted June 17, 2023 7 hours ago, ulka said: , but he just mentioned that keeping this house is good for business, and he doesn't want to pay off his ex or have her pay him his half. Do they have a mortgage and overhead? It seems like he makes rash decisions such as buying a house with someone and then breaking up and now they're stuck with it. He's trying to spin it as "a business venture", but it seems more like they can't unload it and can't afford to buy each other out. Do not commingle finances with him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 18, 2023 Share Posted June 18, 2023 Well it is what it is. Accept it or dump him. He's already told you he ain't gonna budge on it. Link to post Share on other sites
BrinnM Posted June 18, 2023 Share Posted June 18, 2023 It's paid off and it is a business. No mortgage. Generates income, which indirectly benefits you, too, as his GF. I wouldn't worry about this, as their communication is strictly business. What I would not do is buying property with him. It's still too soon, and you're not married. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted June 19, 2023 Share Posted June 19, 2023 It doesn't look like you have anything to worry about when it comes to them. You say you trust him completely so this is just something you are going have to accept. If you can't, then end it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 19, 2023 Share Posted June 19, 2023 I don't understand OP, if you trust your boyfriend so much, why are you asking him to cut ties with his business partner, who happens to be his ex? Link to post Share on other sites
JakeT Posted June 23, 2023 Share Posted June 23, 2023 This whole house issue is he’s still tied to his ex.. Not any other thing. That his ex has to text, discuss house problems, This is no way to live. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 23, 2023 Share Posted June 23, 2023 On 6/17/2023 at 4:26 AM, ulka said: Am I being an a**h*** for asking my boyfriend to cut ties with his ex? If you ask him to do this outright, I would say yes you are. Especially given that this is an income generating asset, you trust him and it doesn't seem to be causing actual problems. Of course, if you are uncomfortable, it's absolutely OK to tell him how you feel and he might offer to change things around. He may offer to sell. He may offer to limit contact with the ex. But all in all, you shouldn't be telling another grown up what to do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted June 24, 2023 Share Posted June 24, 2023 You can ask him to do anything you want - but that doesn’t mean he will do what you request. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted June 24, 2023 Share Posted June 24, 2023 On 6/16/2023 at 2:26 PM, ulka said: . For me having a property with someone is a huge long-term commitment. Unfortunately for him it's just a "business arrangement". That's what he told you. Believe him. It's really not about their connection. It's about his modus operandi buying houses with women and if it doesn't work out he'll just turn it into an investment property. So if you continue on this trajectory with someone like him, the best you can hope for in the future is being a co-landlord one day because obviously buying a place together is not a commitment for him, just a domestic and economic convenience. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted June 24, 2023 Share Posted June 24, 2023 I’d be wondering why he isn’t a guy who buys property on his own. have you asked him why he seems to buy WITH someone else? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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