Only have mild interest in her. do I keep going?

[Weezy1973]

Honestly it sounds like a variation on a common theme on these boards: I’m really into someone and they’re not into me therefore they’re a terrible person. 
 

She’s just not into you. Time to move on.

[Scotty Riggs]

37 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

Why are you "guessing" it's all done now, instead of making a clear decision to cut this off? 

  That's fair. By "it" I just mean any interaction whatsoever (i.e. I doubt she'll respond at all now).

13 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

Honestly it sounds like a variation on a common theme on these boards: I’m really into someone and they’re not into me therefore they’re a terrible person. 

Really into someone? That's not the case. The problem is I have a scarcity of social outlets, and this person though it was okay to jerk me around.

18 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Not to get all mother hen on you but being emotionally mature also means cutting off relationships that aren't healthy for you.

Thanks. People on here were encouraging me to not ignore her, but I wasn't going to respond to her without citing my perspective--basically telling her, "Your hot-and-cold behavior is confusing me." I tried to use the most neutral tone possible, but it's impossible to hide my saltiness. I'm good with that. Now I can let it be.

Edited June 24, 2023 by Scotty Riggs

[basil67]

For what it's worth, sometimes I've had texts not arrive either on my phone or someone else's phone.  Or sometimes a person on one end genuinely misses the text.  It happens.

Yes, she may well have chosen to ignore your last text, but if I really liked someone, I'd give them the benefit of doubt and find out if they saw the text before cutting them off or labelling their behaviour.   

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, Scotty Riggs said:

basically telling her, "Your hot-and-cold behavior is confusing me." I tried to use the most neutral tone possible, but it's impossible to hide my saltiness. 

Did she reply or block you? 

[NuevoYorko]

I've concluded that you're REALLY into this woman, and your ego is sore because she can take you or leave you.  You're now trying to spin it like you have "mild interest."  Nobody with mild interest is going to be getting all wound up because the person they're not interested in is also not interested in them.

Bottom line:  As someone else said, she's not interested in you.  Just move on, and also, try to keep your emotions at bay.  Nothing really happened here, so no need to try to paint her with a nasty brush.  It's a bad look on you.

[Scotty Riggs]

 

54 minutes ago, basil67 said:

For what it's worth, sometimes I've had texts not arrive either on my phone or someone else's phone.  Or sometimes a person on one end genuinely misses the text.  It happens.

To be clear, I did not say that exact quote. I said: 

After my last invite went unanswered, I figured you were no longer interested. Whatever the reason, I'd just appreciate some communication.

If she genuinely did not receive the text, which is highly unlikely (the iMessage was "delivered"), she has the opportunity to explain. If she ignored me and thought it was fine to text me two weeks later as if that never happened, that's pretty disrespectful, and I'm not going to put myself into a position to let her do it again.

51 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Did she reply or block you? 

Just silence so far, and that's all I expect.

31 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said:

I've concluded that you're REALLY into this woman.

Sorry, but your conclusion is wrong. I can't make this any more clear: I have little social life, and we all obviously haven't much better to do than discuss this ad nauseum, which is why this thread keeps going. Don't confuse boredom and boundary issues with infatuation.

  

38 minutes ago, S2B said:

When it’s over - most people stop communicating - know that this is what motivates her to keep her distance.

I'm confused. What motivated her?

Edited June 25, 2023 by Scotty Riggs

[Alpacalia]

10 hours ago, Scotty Riggs said:

Thanks. People on here were encouraging me to not ignore her, but I wasn't going to respond to her without citing my perspective--basically telling her, "Your hot-and-cold behavior is confusing me." I tried to use the most neutral tone possible, but it's impossible to hide my saltiness. I'm good with that. Now I can let it be.

It's not surprising that you'd have some saltiness due to the hot-and-cold behavior. In fairness, it wouldn't be fair to expect someone to behave consistently when you haven't yourself. If boredom is the only thing that flames your interest in this person, it's likely they won't take your interest seriously.

You liked her for all the wrong reasons. Then, instead of fixing your boredom within yourself, you express your disappointment that something that once seemed exciting is no longer exciting. A better scenario would be that you are evolving and starting to realize that everything that glitters isn't gold.

[Scotty Riggs]

24 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

It's not surprising that you'd have some saltiness due to the hot-and-cold behavior. In fairness, it wouldn't be fair to expect someone to behave consistently when you haven't yourself. If boredom is the only thing that flames your interest in this person, it's likely they won't take your interest seriously.

You liked her for all the wrong reasons.

I've really appreciated all your advice, but the interpretations people here are making are getting off the rails. There was nothing "exciting" here. I was just trying to get to know somebody in a very relaxed setting, but she pulled away multiple times.

What inconsistency on my part are you referring to? 

I never said boredom and excitement lead my interest in her. I said the boredom has let my frustration linger (and everyone that keeps this thread going, I assume). I discussed before about how I live in a town with few solid friends

Serious question: Am I wrong to feel frustrated at having someone not respond to my invitation, then two weeks later reach out to me and still not acknowledge my last text? This of course came after pulling away and apologizing a few weeks prior, which I forgave.

Edited June 25, 2023 by Scotty Riggs

[Weezy1973]

3 hours ago, Scotty Riggs said:

Am I wrong to feel frustrated at having someone not respond to my invitation, then two weeks later reach out to me and still not acknowledge my last text?

If you genuinely weren’t interested in her, you wouldn’t feel frustrated or much of anything really. You’d just move on. But you didn’t just move on. You’re still ruminating and have created a fairly lengthy thread on an anonymous forum about this woman. And you’ve acknowledged finding her attractive and feeling the two of you got along well together.

 

Theres nothing about this that seems to indicate a lack of interest on your part. Besides you claiming you’re not interested, and I strongly suspect that’s just an ego defense mechanism on your part. People don’t go on and on about folks they’re not interested in. Bored or otherwise.

Edited June 25, 2023 by Weezy1973

[ShyViolet]

9 hours ago, Scotty Riggs said:

Serious question: Am I wrong to feel frustrated at having someone not respond to my invitation, then two weeks later reach out to me and still not acknowledge my last text? This of course came after pulling away and apologizing a few weeks prior, which I forgave.

It's not "wrong" but you don't really have a right to complain when you allowed this to continue.  If you don't like this and know it's not working for you, then the mature thing to do is walk away and be done with it.  Some part of you wanted (or maybe still wants?) to leave the door open to let her contact you again and keep this dynamic going.  You have chosen not to definitively cut this off.  

[ExpatInItaly]

11 hours ago, Scotty Riggs said:

 Am I wrong to feel frustrated at having someone not respond to my invitation, then two weeks later reach out to me and still not acknowledge my last text?

You're not wrong to be frustrated. 

However, it makes zero sense that you would then still be interested in being "friends" with her. It makes zero sense that you would want anything to do with her at all or invite her to communicate what she wants. 

If someone ignored me for 2 weeks, I would write them off altogether. 

[Alpacalia]

12 hours ago, Scotty Riggs said:

Serious question: Am I wrong to feel frustrated at having someone not respond to my invitation, then two weeks later reach out to me and still not acknowledge my last text? This of course came after pulling away and apologizing a few weeks prior, which I forgave.

It's totally natural to want to have a romantic connection with someone. It's an exciting prospect when the potential is there, but you can choose to focus on finding someone with whom you feel a strong connection and genuine compatibility. Don't let go of the idea completely, but rather be patient and take the time to build a real and natural connection with someone.

That's when real dating happens.

And while it might not be this person, it may be another person that you meet.

Don't use someone else as a crutch or a way to fill an emotional void--take time to be alone and enjoy being single. If your feelings towards a woman are lukewarm but you're still investing energy into pursuing her, it can be confusing to both of you.

Perhaps use your free time to assess what it is you want and need from a relationship.

And mini golf. 

Edited June 25, 2023 by Alpacalia

[BrinnM]

 

23 hours ago, Scotty Riggs said:

 The problem is I have a scarcity of social outlets, and this person though it was okay to jerk me around.

 

OK, so it looks like you wouldn't mind having her as a buddy to hang out with occasionally, because there aren't many other friends that are available, and that's a fair approach. Nothing wrong with that.

But if this is your approach, I don't understand how you get so upset, if she's not in constant or regular contact. If she sees it the way you see it (i.e. there's nothing romantic going on, no relationship, just hanging out, etc.), then it will happen from time to time that she won't get back to you until later, even if you make a suggestion about an event or whatever. I sometimes don't get back to my friends, either, and vice versa, and this can have many reasons. One might be that I am simply not interested in the suggested event, and I want to reply no, but then I simply forget to reply at all. I have been on the receiving end of this as well, no problem, can happen, and then I either ask somebody else, or I call the person who is not replying, because I just want an answer quickly, e.g. for planning purposes.  

I don't think it's necessarily a fair assumption to say she's "jerking you around."

 

 

And in one of your earlier replies you said this, which I also don't understand:

 

On 6/22/2023 at 2:32 PM, Scotty Riggs said:

 

I'm tempted to leave the door open by texting:

"Respectfully, your sparse communication hasn't felt reciprocal. You're attractive and fun to hang with, and I welcome you to communicate what capacity or type of engagement you're open to. Maybe we can find a good medium. But I felt ignored in not hearing back from you on my last invite, and I don't wish to continue that dynamic."

 

 I know you didn't send this, but why did you consider mentioning that you find her attractive? What's the point here? Makes little sense to me.

Edited June 25, 2023 by BrinnM

[Lisa]

Thread closed as the question has been thoroughly explored