do hints actually work when expressing interest in someone?

[E-Squared]

So I recently watched some videos with someone reading Reddit posts and the ones that stood out were when girls give off hints to guys and go unnoticed, even when it was obvious. I remember being told that I have to look closely at the hints but in the past, either I was oblivious or I acted on them only to be dumbfounded when the girl told me she didn't see me that way. Now with MeToo being a thing, it would be impossible for women to try it because...well, you might have an idea what I will say.

Also, guys don't always know if a girl is interested or is just being friendly. I remember an old friend told me that a girl was interested in me in high school because she often talked to me but I didn't see it. The friend also gave me crap about it but I tried to tell him that I didn't see anything like that. Because I have Asperger's Syndrome, it's hard for me to tell.

From personal experience, when I was in 7th grade, I remember this girl I liked flirted with me. She would blow kisses at me and all that. I was catching feelings until I saw her with a guy and they started kissing. I couldn't look her in the eye after that. Not to mention she told me she didn't think of me that way. In hindsight, I wish I would have said, "Then why did you do all that stuff before?" I realized she was being a tease.

Hell, one time I went back to a girl's apartment after we had lunch. All we did was hang out. Nothing happened, though she did show me some stuff and implied other things. In hindsight, I figured she wanted something more than to hang out. I told my ex about this and she gave me crap about it. I even told her that the girl should have made it more clear.

But then I hear that some women still do this in spite of the MeToo movement. I don't know why. Guys aren't mind-readers. Some guys have tried acting on things to negative results.

[smackie9]

IMO you don't wait for hints, you approach one that has caught your eye and show with interest.....that's done with confidence, and confidence like that wins the girl. Girls love a confident/self assured guy as long as you act like a gentleman. 

Edited June 6, 2023 by smackie9

[Wiseman2]

38 minutes ago, E-Squared said:

  I hear that some women still do this in spite of the MeToo movement. I don't know why. Guys aren't mind-readers. 

That's ok. You don't have to be a mind reader or have a crystal ball. All you can do is smile, say hi, be approachable, friendly and make some small talk.

That is being personable and has nothing to do with sociopolitical movements. 

Once you have  made a friendly rapport, you ask them if they would like to go for coffee or something. It's either yes or no. No one is going to scream harassment if you are personable and ask for a cup of coffee.

Try to get your anxiety about dating under better control . Just start by making small talk with women.

[basil67]

MeToo is about women who've been sexually assaulted/raped.  Unless you plan to stick your hand up their skirt without being 100% sure they want it, then you will be fine.   

If you have a good rapport with a woman and would like to see if it could become romantic, ask her out for coffee or a drink.  If she's not interested, but you were respectful, it will just end there with no drama.  That said, I reckon that if a woman is REALLY interested in you, she can ask you out too.  

 

Edited June 6, 2023 by basil67

[Ami1uwant]

I could never read hints on interest. It was to hard to tell if it meant something, her being nice, or her personality.  I would usually watch how she acted with others to see if there was a difference..

I woukd try to talk to her and learn things about her.  If this is someone you work with, as you talk, ask about meeting up for lunch.

[ZA Dater]

Hints are only affective if the person they are directed at can actually understand them, why not just be more obvious about any interest to avoid any sense of ambiguity?

 

[Alpacalia]

It may not be any more or less frustrating when a woman is trying to decipher a man’s level of interest in her than when the opposite is true. To avoid confusion and possible disappointments, it's best to not rely on hints and signals. No one expects another person to have the power to read their mind. If someone thinks a special someone could be the one, it's discouraging to have wasted all that time second guessing.

[glows]

Is there someone specific you’re interested in? 

[Lotsgoingon]

The best way to "read" a hint is to engage the person. Someone throws a hit or more precise, I pick up on my radar that someone is flirting, then I have a chance to respond. I can test and see if they are really flirting. 

Usually if you just keep some conversation going, however awkward, you will get clarity on whether the person is flirting with you. Now, here's the real point. I have to figure out if I'm interested in the flirting. If not, I'll not much engage. If I am interested, I'll return a little flirting myself. Sometimes just talking frankly to someone is the flirting. Just expressing interest in someone (curiosity) can be flirting. 

But you have to engage the flirter to see and confirm what's going on. You also engage the flirter to see if you're interested in engaging the flirter!

Edited June 14, 2023 by Lotsgoingon

[mark clemson]

On 6/6/2023 at 10:07 AM, E-Squared said:

But then I hear that some women still do this in spite of the MeToo movement. I don't know why. Guys aren't mind-readers. Some guys have tried acting on things to negative results.

So I think that, speaking generally, you're right about this.

At the risk of generalizing, IME women have a greater tendency than men to use what you might call indirect communication, "dropping hints" etc. And yes, IME men have a greater tendency than women to be unable to read the cues or uncertain about exactly what some of that (ultimately ambiguous) communication really means. And it's also true that a woman who's genuinely interested may take steps to engineer a situation where intimacy can occur - i.e. figuring out a way for you and her to be alone together.

Certainly there can be significant, sometimes career-ruining, risks for men if they read the hints wrong or the woman was "just flirting but wasn't serious" etc. Of course it's risky for women too - from a humiliating rebuff or being ignored/rejected all the way to being stalked, raped, even murdered if the wrong guy becomes "obsessed" with her, etc. So that definitely goes both ways.

The reality is that, despite how nice it can be when things go well and both partners are civil, "play fair" etc, human reproduction is VERY MUCH a "contact sport." With the number of people living on the planet you can bet your bottom dollar that every minute of every day somebody somewhere is having their life ruined in a way that relates back to sex/relationships/reproduction. That's unfortunately very much the human condition.

Edited June 14, 2023 by mark clemson

[Weezy1973]

On 6/6/2023 at 10:07 AM, E-Squared said:

Because I have Asperger's Syndrome, it's hard for me to tell.

Hints aren’t going to work for you. If you’re interested in a woman, make your interest clear. Either she’ll reciprocate or she won’t.