Calmandfocused Posted June 7, 2023 Posted June 7, 2023 No, don’t do it. You are playing with fire. Do you value your job Op? If so I’d think very carefully about what you’re doing before you do it. Never compromise your professional reputation for casual sex. Big big mistake. Have you considered how it looks from a HR perspective? Older colleague taking “sexual advantage” of a younger colleague . Accusations of exploiting the business for your own personal reasons, and violating internal policies and procedures? If you are in a senior position to the girl the latter is especially pertinent. These things can escalate very quickly. Go have casual sex with someone outside of work is my advice. The age is irrelevant all things considered. Remember this saying: “Never go fishing off your company pier” 1
Alpacalia Posted June 7, 2023 Posted June 7, 2023 4 hours ago, Lewis321 said: Well that is what I want right now, to take different women out on different dates and then sex. If at any point I wanted something more serious with this girl or any other one regardless of age I would be happy to make things more serious/official. Is she even aware of your interest in her? Have you expressed to her where you see things going (if anywhere). Why a work acquaintance? You need to weigh the potential consequences if it does not work out, both professionally and personally. Even if you are both on the same page, it is important to think hard about what could happen if things do not end up the way you want them to.
Author Lewis321 Posted June 7, 2023 Author Posted June 7, 2023 12 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: Is she even aware of your interest in her? Have you expressed to her where you see things going (if anywhere). Why a work acquaintance? You need to weigh the potential consequences if it does not work out, both professionally and personally. Even if you are both on the same page, it is important to think hard about what could happen if things do not end up the way you want them to. She isn't aware no so far I've kept it professional. Attraction isn't a choice I guess.
Alpacalia Posted June 7, 2023 Posted June 7, 2023 3 minutes ago, Lewis321 said: She isn't aware no so far I've kept it professional. Attraction isn't a choice I guess. Do you know your employer's policies on fraternization and workplace relationships? There's a chance either or both of you will lose your job. She might not even be interested. If she says no, it cannot be overlooked how awkward that would feel. However, if she says yes, that could present some difficulties for both of you. It isn't anyone's business who you sleep with... how mature are you and your coworker?... will you both act appropriately at work if things do not go well? The world is full of other women. 1
Els Posted June 7, 2023 Posted June 7, 2023 (edited) On 6/6/2023 at 4:39 AM, Lewis321 said: We work together yes. Yikes. This should definitely be in the opening post... Quote She isn't aware no so far I've kept it professional. Attraction isn't a choice I guess. If she's not aware then what makes you think there's "mutual attraction"???? Do you understand what "mutual" means? I'm starting to feel like you purposefully wrote your opening post to sound completely different from the situation at hand, so you can get validation that this terrible idea might be a good one. Edited June 7, 2023 by Els 1
Author Lewis321 Posted June 7, 2023 Author Posted June 7, 2023 13 minutes ago, Els said: Yikes. This should definitely be in the opening post... If she's not aware then what makes you think there's "mutual attraction"???? Do you understand what "mutual" means? I'm starting to feel like you purposefully wrote your opening post to sound completely different from the situation at hand, so you can get validation that this terrible idea might be a good one. Yes I understand what mutual means. No I don't need nor am I seeking validation generally this group has some good advice, has nothing to do with seeking validation. Obviously I know I like her, and she shows clear signs of interest, hence it's mutual, she just doesn't know it yet. I haven't reciprocated any of that yet as I am cautious of taking things further and potentially hurting her feelings. If I came on here saying guys I've got romantically involved with a younger woman from work then that's very different to what I'm asking. Just simply getting other peoples thoughts and weighing up the options before I make a decision.
basil67 Posted June 7, 2023 Posted June 7, 2023 3 hours ago, Lewis321 said: Obviously I know I like her, and she shows clear signs of interest, hence it's mutual, she just doesn't know it yet. How do her signs of interest differ from regular friendliness? And if she is interested and would have you as a boyfriend, how will you approach wanting just casual without making her feel like a piece of meat? And if you do make her feel like a piece of meat and reports you for sexual harassment, how will you deal with that? 1
Sony12 Posted June 8, 2023 Posted June 8, 2023 5 hours ago, Lewis321 said: Yes I understand what mutual means. No I don't need nor am I seeking validation generally this group has some good advice, has nothing to do with seeking validation. Obviously I know I like her, and she shows clear signs of interest, hence it's mutual, she just doesn't know it yet. I haven't reciprocated any of that yet as I am cautious of taking things further and potentially hurting her feelings. If I came on here saying guys I've got romantically involved with a younger woman from work then that's very different to what I'm asking. Just simply getting other peoples thoughts and weighing up the options before I make a decision. Well Lewis if the girl doesn't yet know how you feel about her I suggest you keep it that way. The people on here suggesting it is ok to go for it don't seem to be taking into account that she is someone you work with. Looking for casual relations amongst people you work with is a no no. If casual is what you are after it's best to look for that with someone who isn't part of your every day life. Probably best you join a dating site for that or at least go meet women at the bars. Asking for casual relations amongst people you know from real life will turn people off real quick. 2
Alpacalia Posted June 8, 2023 Posted June 8, 2023 (edited) 7 hours ago, Lewis321 said: Obviously I know I like her, and she shows clear signs of interest, hence it's mutual, she just doesn't know it yet. I haven't reciprocated any of that yet as I am cautious of taking things further and potentially hurting her feelings. How do you figure whether this colleague has feelings for you or shares your fantasy of hooking up? I don't know how these things work having no prior experience being in a romantic relationship with a co-worker (albeit I went out for coffee once with a person from a school program) but it seems that it takes more than mutual attraction to make a work-related relationship work. You sought advice first which shows that you were exercising caution. We can't tell you what to do but you're already concerned about potentially hurting her feelings or making her feel uncomfortable. In that case, it's best to take a step back. Instead of putting yourself in an awkward position or chasing after something that may not even exist, you can pursue other fantasies outside the workplace. You may never know if the colleague has similar feelings, but based on your caution it seems that the best way forward would be to not act on the fantasy and move on. Because, if she does not appear to reciprocate your feelings, it's best to step away from the situation. Don't be controversial. Don't make her feel uncomfortable in her work environment. Choose a new fantasy and let her work without any unease. Edited June 8, 2023 by Alpacalia
Sony12 Posted June 8, 2023 Posted June 8, 2023 (edited) 1 hour ago, Alpacalia said: How do you figure whether this colleague has feelings for you or shares your fantasy of hooking up? I don't know how these things work having no prior experience being in a romantic relationship with a co-worker (albeit I went out for coffee once with a person from a school program) but it seems that it takes more than mutual attraction to make a work-related relationship work. You sought advice first which shows that you were exercising caution. We can't tell you what to do but you're already concerned about potentially hurting her feelings or making her feel uncomfortable. In that case, it's best to take a step back. Instead of putting yourself in an awkward position or chasing after something that may not even exist, you can pursue other fantasies outside the workplace. You may never know if the colleague has similar feelings, but based on your caution it seems that the best way forward would be to not act on the fantasy and move on. Because, if she does not appear to reciprocate your feelings, it's best to step away from the situation. Don't be controversial. Don't make her feel uncomfortable in her work environment. Choose a new fantasy and let her work without any unease. It isn't uncommon for coworkers who spend time around one another on a daily basis to develop some feelings for each other and for some flirting to begin to occur. Even people who are married probably have an occasional small crush on someone they work with. After all it makes complete sense as most of us try to give good impressions while at the work place (and those that don't try to leave good impressions probably have difficult times maintaining jobs) and that does often start attracting people to you. However with that said choosing to take it further than just an innocent crush is a completely different story and is something most would be apprehensive about doing even if there were feelings there on their end. It's completely plausible that the person Lewis is talking about does have some feelings for him. However as far as we know she hasn't asked him out or given much indication that she wants to see him outside of the office. So we don't really know how receptive she would be to actually getting involved with him and given what he admits he is looking for at this time it's best he lives out that fantasy on plenty of fish. Tell your coworker friends about the girls you take home for the night. Don't have one of your coworker friends be one of the girls you take home for the night unless she confesses that she wants to be one of those girls. Edited June 8, 2023 by Sony12 1
Ageless Wisdom23 Posted June 8, 2023 Posted June 8, 2023 This is not a bad age gap. I have a relative who is 35 and her Partner is 50. As long as you both have something i common and good Communication, I'd ask he rout. Go slow.
Ami1uwant Posted June 9, 2023 Posted June 9, 2023 22 hours ago, Sony12 said: It isn't uncommon for coworkers who spend time around one another on a daily basis to develop some feelings for each other and for some flirting to begin to occur. Even people who are married probably have an occasional small crush on someone they work with. After all it makes complete sense as most of us try to give good impressions while at the work place (and those that don't try to leave good impressions probably have difficult times maintaining jobs) and that does often start attracting people to you. However with that said choosing to take it further than just an innocent crush is a completely different story and is something most would be apprehensive about doing even if there were feelings there on their end. It's completely plausible that the person Lewis is talking about does have some feelings for him. However as far as we know she hasn't asked him out or given much indication that she wants to see him outside of the office. So we don't really know how receptive she would be to actually getting involved with him and given what he admits he is looking for at this time it's best he lives out that fantasy on plenty of fish. Tell your coworker friends about the girls you take home for the night. Don't have one of your coworker friends be one of the girls you take home for the night unless she confesses that she wants to be one of those girls. from my experience with worksite dating. if it’s just a job and not their career and they are under 30 they are likely going to be more open to dating people they meet at work many employers have policies against dating in the workplace. for me personally…I’d never date an immediate coworker in the office I worked or in a different office where we worked a lot together on projects. I work for a large employer so I am open to meet/ date peop,e I might get to know more casually like 1. we worked together on a unique project. Project is done we would probably not see each other other than random events like we happen to be at the same lunch spot at same time. 2. in some large companies there might be various company committees you are involved in. At these you might meet someone. You woukd not cross paths if not for this committee
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