Having friends in 'high places' or just being friends with them to your benefit?

[Chloeflowers]

Do some people just make friends to what will benefit them or if they are rich/have connections? When I was in 8th grade, I became friends with my next door neighbor-we were in the same grade and I guess b/c our parents were kinda friends, me and her became friends. She was friends with all the cheerleaders/popular kids-sometimes she invited me out to hang with them-but I ignored and she seemed to forget about it.  She noticed that the friends I had weren't popular and to her -they were low class-had no money, etc. One day she called me out on it and asked me, "Why are you friends with low people?" Because all the people she hung out with lived in big houses, dressed rich. One of the popular gals started talking to me only because I was friends with her-before that she never bothered with me. I mean, I was friends with the "low people" as she would say because I seemed to click with them and they were nice to me. I didn't really think any thing of it until now.

Then it dawned on me, was she right? Into adulthood, making friends with affluent people, careers, connections, having a beachhouse, or a boat to ride on the weekend or the designer clothes they have will benefit a person and thats the only reason why people make friends with certain people? I mean, a person living in section 8 housing -living in a bad neighborhood, poor will only attract their kind. Was my so called friend right or was she being a snob? 

[Weezy1973]

Your friend was in high school and acted like it. In adulthood friendship doesn’t have anything to do with what someone can offer in a material sense. It has to do with connection, shared values and shared interests. And while this things will mostly happen with people in similar socioeconomic backgrounds, it doesn’t always.

[basil67]

9 hours ago, Chloeflowers said:

Do some people just make friends to what will benefit them or if they are rich/have connections?

Sure they do.   I know a handful of people who sent their kids to private schools for the connections and the whole nepotism thing.  But I think the far majority made this choice for things related to what they believe is a better environment for learning

9 hours ago, Chloeflowers said:

Then it dawned on me, was she right? Into adulthood, making friends with affluent people, careers, connections, having a beachhouse, or a boat to ride on the weekend or the designer clothes they have will benefit a person and thats the only reason why people make friends with certain people? I mean, a person living in section 8 housing -living in a bad neighborhood, poor will only attract their kind. Was my so called friend right or was she being a snob? 

Now you've dropped the word "some" and have fallen into repeating vastly inaccurate cynicism spouted by a 13yo with zero life experience.   Not being rude about your friend - I was a sh*thead when I was 13yo too.  Thankfully most of us grow out of it.   

40 years later, I live in a relatively wealthy area, and have friends who own expensive houses. I also have friends who have regular houses, friends who rent and friends who live in social housing.   But even with the odd friend who does have a boat or a holiday place, we don't use them.  And I'm not sure how someone's designer clothing will be of benefit to me haha.  We just go out for dinner or lunch or do a pot luck at someone's home like any other group of friends.

That said, it's also true that many of us tend to have friends who are in the same socio economic but that's because we live and work in the same areas and these are the people who's paths we are statistically more likely to cross.  We are also more likely to relate to them because of shared life experience.

Do you have any friends?  Do you use them for their assets?  If not, there is the answer to your question.

Edited June 5, 2023 by basil67

[Chloeflowers]

I don't use friends for their assets-never thought about that way. Just if our personalities click and we have similar interests. But I get how someone would prefer to befriend someone that has money. 

[BrinnM]

5 minutes ago, Chloeflowers said:

But I get how someone would prefer to befriend someone that has money. 

I find rich people exhausting, TBH. 

[MsJayne]

Depends on what sort of person you are. If you place a lot of value on material trappings and want to be seen as "better than" then yes, you'll probably try to associate with people who reflect your aspirations of social superiority.  If you value more spiritual things you'll probably choose friends based on how they make you feel rather than what they own.  Your friend sounds like she had unhealthy attitudes and values instilled in her.  Referring to people as "low class" based on their lack of material wealth is just ignorant and pretentious, but she was a misguided  teenager so we'll let her off.  There's nothing wrong with valuing financial security and material comfort, but if you think driving an expensive car, wearing expensive clothes, or living in a huge house makes you superior to other people, no, it doesn't work that way. A gronk driving a Lamborghini is still a gronk, and if someone made friends with the gronk just so they could be seen in the Lamborghini, you'd have two gronks in a Lamborghini. 

[mark clemson]

On 6/5/2023 at 6:00 AM, Chloeflowers said:

Do some people just make friends to what will benefit them or if they are rich/have connections?

Yes, it certainly appears some people do. It's not always "what you know" in life (although that's important too), often enough it's "who you know" as well. So, certainly there are those who see social connections as a way to further their ambitions.

 

19 hours ago, Chloeflowers said:

I don't use friends for their assets-never thought about that way. Just if our personalities click and we have similar interests.

IMO that's positive. Generally I've found "sincere friendships" to be more rewarding ultimately. But everyone's different, and I suppose I might feel differently if a "friend" had ever let me into a situation where I'd made 100's of millions on stock or similar. Perhaps one of the reasons most of us don't typically have access to friends like that is because the competition for their time is so intense AND from their perspective you probably normally need to bring something of value to the table (beyond simple "friendship").

I suspect some celebrities and business leaders have some folks they consider their "real people" friends where the friendship is without ulterior motives. And probably there are some who don't and don't care to. C'est la vie.

[justwhoiam]

Do some people just make friends to what will benefit them = Yes, they are called opportunists.

Do some people just make friends if they are rich/have connections? = Same as above.

""Was she right? I mean, a person living in section 8 housing -living in a bad neighborhood, poor will only attract their kind. Was my so called friend right or was she being a snob?" I think a good person and friend shouldn't be such a calculator. If you get along well and are on the same wavelength with somebody, his or her status shouldn't matter.

That said, neighborhoods can be a factor. I tend to stay away from certain neighborhoods, because the people living there are often no good. Once, my son - who was then attending kindergarten - asked me to be taken to one of his buddies for his birthday party. The boy was staying at his grandparents in a rundown building (housing project) after school. I was not all that excited about it, but I knew they were good people and took him there. As soon as I started walking up to the building entrance, I saw a bullet hole in the glass door and I was in shock. I had to keep that to myself and smile, as I didn't want to scare my son (he didn't even notice). But I didn't feel comfortable leaving him there unsupervised. After that, I was mainly making excuses so that the boy could come to our place instead of taking my son there.

[Wiseman2]

On 6/5/2023 at 9:00 AM, Chloeflowers said:

Because all the people she hung out with lived in big houses, dressed rich. 

 Trust your own instincts. There's really no value in being a sycophant or wannabe.