Dating a woman with a baby

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Corduroy said:

II just feel like I'm being put on the back burner. 

You are. This isn't how an interested woman conducts herself. 

If she truly wanted to get to know you better before going on a date, she'd be trying to do just that. Instead, it's you looking for her. She's lukewarm about you at best, man. She clearly knows you are interested. Step back and observe now. See if she initiates of her own volition. If she doesn't, well, you will know that this vague future date isn't going to happen. 

[Corduroy]

8 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Agree. That's exactly what she's doing. 

If you are "extremely picky", you may end up alone quite a bit. But it does successfully avoid relationships or rejection. 

Reflect if it's better to daydream and not have dates or if it's better to have realistic dates. You can't really hug or kiss online "thirst traps", if they refuse to meet you.

You're right. I have a problem with being shallow, the girls who are actually interested in me, show me attention are not always the best looking tbh. If it's a beautiful woman, who shows me the least amount of interest, and is playing hard to get, that's the one I pursue.

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, Corduroy said:

. If it's a beautiful woman, who shows me the least amount of interest, and is playing hard to get, that's the one I pursue.

So you're avoiding relationships to keep fantasies alive?

[Corduroy]

7 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

You are. This isn't how an interested woman conducts herself. 

If she truly wanted to get to know you better before going on a date, she'd be trying to do just that. Instead, it's you looking for her. She's lukewarm about you at best, man. She clearly knows you are interested. Step back and observe now. See if she initiates of her own volition. If she doesn't, well, you will know that this vague future date isn't going to happen. 

I hear ppl telling me different things, like "you need to step up & initiate something, or you will lose her." I tried that and I'm getting the bare minimum. I'll stop chasing her then, and put her on the back burner. It's on her now. Whatever happens, happens.

[Corduroy]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

So you're avoiding relationships to keep fantasies alive?

My first girlfriend was the Prom Queen in high school. I have a reputation for dating "hot girls" but they all toxic relationships. So yeah, I avoid potential good relationships with homely looking women. 

[ExpatInItaly]

5 hours ago, Corduroy said:

I hear ppl telling me different things, like "you need to step up & initiate something, or you will lose her."

Lose her? You don't have to begin with, Corduroy. 

5 hours ago, Corduroy said:

I tried that and I'm getting the bare minimum

Exactly. It's called a lack of interest. If someone just isn't into you that, "stepping up" isn't going to change a thing. The bare minimum means you need to take the hint and stop looking for reasons and ways to contact her. 

[Alpacalia]

On 6/15/2023 at 1:19 PM, Corduroy said:

Well to be fair, looks like she modeled before from seeing her pics, just trying to find something in common to spark a convo. I'll build it up from here and see where things go. 

Still a creepy comment. Asking her to model for you may still be off-putting to her. I'm not using the word 'creep' to describe you, but it could make her uneasy.

The way this went down is that you asked her on a date, she said yes, but that she'd like to get to know you first. You texted her your phone number and then deleted it and fell back on casual texts. You could have suggested to her that you two chat over the phone and then, during the conversation, suggest meeting up in person.

[Corduroy]

6 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

Still a creepy comment. Asking her to model for you may still be off-putting to her. I'm not using the word 'creep' to describe you, but it could make her uneasy.

The way this went down is that you asked her on a date, she said yes, but that she'd like to get to know you first. You texted her your phone number and then deleted it and fell back on casual texts. You could have suggested to her that you two chat over the phone and then, during the conversation, suggest meeting up in person.

Lol I got the idea from a guy who left a similar comment on one of her pics, she responded "I'd be down"

I come from the art/fashion world, it's not that creepy for photographers/models to ask each other to colab. She see's the models I shot on my instagram, but I get its different because I have romantic interest in her, instead of professional.

[Corduroy]

7 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Lose her? You don't have to begin with, Corduroy. 

Exactly. It's called a lack of interest. If someone just isn't into you that, "stepping up" isn't going to change a thing. The bare minimum means you need to take the hint and stop looking for reasons and ways to contact her. 

I mean there has to be some interest right? If a girl wasn't interested she'd be ignoring me like so many others have done in the past.

[ExpatInItaly]

58 minutes ago, Corduroy said:

I mean there has to be some interest right? If a girl wasn't interested she'd be ignoring me like so many others have done in the past.

Not necessarily, no. 

I am a woman too. Lots of us have difficulty directly saying, "no, thank you" to a guy we're not into. So we'll be "nice" to him but dodge attempt to date. You need to get better at reading between the lines. 

[Jesslyn]

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Not necessarily, no. 

I am a woman too. Lots of us have difficulty directly saying, "no, thank you" to a guy we're not into. So we'll be "nice" to him but dodge attempt to date. You need to get better at reading between the lines. 

 

2 hours ago, Corduroy said:

I mean there has to be some interest right? If a girl wasn't interested she'd be ignoring me like so many others have done in the past.

You're absolutely right, and I can relate to that struggle as well. Many of us have difficulty being upfront and saying "no, thank you" directly when we're not interested in someone. Instead, we try to be "nice" and find other ways to dodge their advances. But here's the thing, it often leads to misunderstandings and unnecessary anxiety.

Overthinking can consume us when we're left guessing and reading between the lines. That's why it's important to encourage open and honest communication. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but being candid and expressing our feelings directly can save us from unnecessary stress and confusion. Let's strive for more clarity and straightforwardness in our interactions—it can lead to healthier and more authentic connections.

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, Corduroy said:

 she'd be ignoring me like so many others have done in the past.

Why have "so many others" ignored you? 

Please get a good profile and pics on quality (paid) dating apps and carefully select your screening and matching criteria.

Some relationship based apps have more women than men members, however free hookup apps have over 75% males so maybe you're making yourself just another entity in the crowd by making cheeky remarks based on looks an randiness. Why she hasn't blocked you, who knows, but she's not agreeing to meet either.

The key in OLD is to prevent burnout by narrowing things down to desirable and mutually interested. 

Start messaging and meeting women. After a couple of messages suggest meeting in person for a coffee. If they don't respond to messages or won't meet in person in a timely manner, just move forward. 

Unfortunately you seem burned out from going after longshots and unavailable women.  You're not going to find women to date by chasing the uninterested ones. 

Edited June 17, 2023 by Wiseman2

[Corduroy]

On 6/17/2023 at 3:31 AM, Wiseman2 said:

Why have "so many others" ignored you? 

Please get a good profile and pics on quality (paid) dating apps and carefully select your screening and matching criteria.

Some relationship based apps have more women than men members, however free hookup apps have over 75% males so maybe you're making yourself just another entity in the crowd by making cheeky remarks based on looks an randiness. Why she hasn't blocked you, who knows, but she's not agreeing to meet either.

The key in OLD is to prevent burnout by narrowing things down to desirable and mutually interested. 

Start messaging and meeting women. After a couple of messages suggest meeting in person for a coffee. If they don't respond to messages or won't meet in person in a timely manner, just move forward. 

Unfortunately you seem burned out from going after longshots and unavailable women.  You're not going to find women to date by chasing the uninterested ones. 

I have a lot of matches, literally over 1000 on Hinge, and it’s usually the “hot” ones who ignore me. They match with me, but never respond. The unattractive ones are always the interested ones in me. It’s like in Seinfeld when George said “when I like them, they don’t like me. When they like me, I don’t like them.”
 

I replied to her message today saying “I can be shy too, I usually don’t offer photo shoots to ppl, let alone ask women out on dates through Instagram.” She replied saying “Hahaha, well I feel honored.”

 

 

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Corduroy said:

I replied to her message today saying “I can be shy too, I usually don’t offer photo shoots to ppl, let alone ask women out on dates through Instagram.” She replied saying “Hahaha, well I feel honored.”

Are you going to leave it be, now?

She is not really into this. That's very clear. 

[Alpacalia]

2 hours ago, Corduroy said:

It’s like in Seinfeld when George said “when I like them, they don’t like me. When they like me, I don’t like them.”

Very common in the dating world. People often like what they can't have. Right now you view this as a woman that is difficult to attain so it makes her more desirable. You like the "challenge" element, which is part of human nature. It's a natural instinct to want something that is hard to get. That's not so much about really liking her though, is it? It's more about the thrill of the chase.

Step back and assess if this person is really someone you want to pursue and if it is worth your time and energy.

[basil67]

5 hours ago, Corduroy said:

I have a lot of matches, literally over 1000 on Hinge, and it’s usually the “hot” ones who ignore me. They match with me, but never respond. The unattractive ones are always the interested ones in me.

Ah, the lament of the shallow.  We see this a lot from people who only consider dating the "hot" ones.   Truth is, if they aren't interested in you, then you're punching above your weight when it comes to looks.  Either change your approach to dating or get used to grasping at straws for a date with an attractive woman.

 

Quote

It’s like in Seinfeld when George said “when I like them, they don’t like me. When they like me, I don’t like them.”

The irony being that it wasn't true.  George actually dated 47 women during the series and sabotaged almost all within two or so episodes.   One really liked him, but she died.

Edited June 19, 2023 by basil67

[JTSW]

5 hours ago, Corduroy said:

I have a lot of matches, literally over 1000 on Hinge, and it’s usually the “hot” ones who ignore me. They match with me, but never respond. The unattractive ones are always the interested ones in me. It’s like in Seinfeld when George said “when I like them, they don’t like me. When they like me, I don’t like them.”

You clearly have a preference.

Women have to be hot for you to be interested.

Rather shallow.

Ever think that the less attractive ones might just have a wonderful personality and are very loving?

I guess not.

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, Corduroy said:

I have a lot of matches, literally over 1000 on Hinge, 

"Matches" doesn't mean anything. If you contact someone and they agree to meet in a timely manner, that's all you should pay attention to.

Using dating apps as a video game for entertainment isn't going to get you any closer to a real-life date. How many so-called "matches" you have means nothing. It's a computer algorithm. It doesn't mean they're interested.

Keep in mind, unavailable people choose other unavailable people. So by chasing uninterested women you can safely avoid real life dating.

Once you're really ready willing and able to date, exchanging cheeky remarks with women who refuse to meet you will lose it's appeal.

[BaileyB]

10 hours ago, Corduroy said:

I replied to her message today saying “I can be shy too, I usually don’t offer photo shoots to ppl, let alone ask women out on dates through Instagram.” She replied saying “Hahaha, well I feel honored.”

I’m sorry, but this is cringe worthy. She doesn’t feel “honoured” - this is a polite response to something that has made her uncomfortable with the hope that you will get the hint that she is not reciprocating and go away…Women don’t generally like to be sexualized by strangers who message them on the internet…

Edited June 19, 2023 by BaileyB

[Corduroy]

Believe it or not, we’re actually having a solid conversation now, getting to know each other. I’ll continue to see where this goes, but still not put all my eggs in one basket

[basil67]

1 hour ago, Corduroy said:

Believe it or not, we’re actually having a solid conversation now, getting to know each other. I’ll continue to see where this goes, but still not put all my eggs in one basket

It doesn't really count until she makes time to meet you

[Alvi]

2 hours ago, Corduroy said:

Believe it or not, we’re actually having a solid conversation now, getting to know each other. I’ll continue to see where this goes, but still not put all my eggs in one basket

Just ask her out. Don't waste time chit chatting. Ask her when she is free and ask her meet you. She is either going to say "Yes" or is going to come up with any reason as to why she cannot meet you.  You are going to have your answer in either case.

[Gaeta]

12 hours ago, Corduroy said:

Believe it or not, we’re actually having a solid conversation now, getting to know each other. I’ll continue to see where this goes, but still not put all my eggs in one basket

What a woman with a baby needs is an understanding man. It's not always easy to find a babysitter, especially within a few days, keep that in mind when you make an invitation. Also aim at spending time with her where she can bring her child along like a walk in a park, the water park, ice cream places, etc. If she is avoiding that then she's not interested in real-time with you, she's just looking for a chat buddy. 

[Alpacalia]

Oh. You're both back to more talking again. Good. I guess that means I'm getting my money's worth out of you two. 

[Corduroy]

Sooo, we agreed to go out this Saturday lol & her mom will watch the baby. We actually live pretty close to each other too. Maybe I just been overthinking this whole thing