ExpatInItaly Posted June 2, 2023 Posted June 2, 2023 I don't think this woman has time to date at the moment. You shot your shot, OP. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to have gone very far. I would not reach out again, nor bother to speculate how you handle dating a woman with a young child. Cross that bridge only if you come to it.
JTSW Posted June 2, 2023 Posted June 2, 2023 At the end of the day anyone can make assumptions about her intentions, but we don't know her. She sounded interested in getting to know you again. Yes, having a child is very time consuming but she could have a great support system behind her. She could be on good terms with the child's father. My point is that we know nothing of what goes on in her life so it wouldn't be fair to make assumptions. She and her child have been sick so don't dismiss her over that. Shoot her a text and ask how they are feeling. It couldn't hurt. 2
glows Posted June 2, 2023 Posted June 2, 2023 Do you have her contact? My impression is you gave her your number/didn’t get hers and she didn’t reach out to you. If you’ve added each other on social media then send her a message there. After seeing that you don’t mind being a “part time bf” and like your freedom it sounds like you’re quite flexible. To each their own. 1
Author Corduroy Posted June 3, 2023 Author Posted June 3, 2023 On 6/2/2023 at 5:41 AM, glows said: Do you have her contact? My impression is you gave her your number/didn’t get hers and she didn’t reach out to you. If you’ve added each other on social media then send her a message there. After seeing that you don’t mind being a “part time bf” and like your freedom it sounds like you’re quite flexible. To each their own. I sent her my number, but I deleted it after so she didn't see the message. I didn't want to come off to pushy. She's rarely on Instagram but we had a few interactions this past week. Maybe I will send a message later on. I am flexible for now, but down the line if things were to get serious, then I'd be more present.
Gaeta Posted June 5, 2023 Posted June 5, 2023 On 6/3/2023 at 3:44 PM, Corduroy said: I sent her my number, but I deleted it after so she didn't see the message. I didn't want to come off to pushy. She's rarely on Instagram but we had a few interactions this past week. Maybe I will send a message later on. I am flexible for now, but down the line if things were to get serious, then I'd be more present. How is sending your number being pushy? It's a normal act of interest. Women like being pursued when they have interest in a man. We like seeing a man is making his interest clear, he's making steps toward us, and he's not just talk. This woman is not interested in you. I don't buy she is too busy to check her messages. I bet you she chitchats with her bff every day.
Author Corduroy Posted June 12, 2023 Author Posted June 12, 2023 (edited) I've been showing interest, but like literally our only way of communicating is through Instagram, she's never on. I started using online dating again, and she popped up. I'm thinking about just sending her a message. What should I say? Edited June 12, 2023 by Corduroy rephrase
Wiseman2 Posted June 12, 2023 Posted June 12, 2023 41 minutes ago, Corduroy said: . I started using online dating again, and she popped up. She unfortunately doesn't seem ready willing or able to date you at this time. If she's on the dating app she's still browsing and not contacting you. Try to step back. Why not take this opportunity to start messaging and meeting more available and interested women?
Author Corduroy Posted June 12, 2023 Author Posted June 12, 2023 30 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: She unfortunately doesn't seem ready willing or able to date you at this time. If she's on the dating app she's still browsing and not contacting you. Try to step back. Why not take this opportunity to start messaging and meeting more available and interested women? I don't know if she's even active on there, just saw her profile. I want to take a step back, but I have this huge crush on her lol. Everyone tells me to forget about her, and they're probably right. I have been meeting/ talking to other women, but just been getting disappointed. I should just give dating a break right now
Alpacalia Posted June 12, 2023 Posted June 12, 2023 She suggested taking the time to get to know each other. She is not responding to your attempts to connect. It would be best to move on and devote your energy to those who have a more eager interest in becoming acquainted with you. Don't continue to bombard her with messages. Let her take the lead on when and if she wants to reach out.
glows Posted June 13, 2023 Posted June 13, 2023 3 hours ago, Corduroy said: I've been showing interest, but like literally our only way of communicating is through Instagram, she's never on. I started using online dating again, and she popped up. I'm thinking about just sending her a message. What should I say? Given that your platform has always been Instagram when you reconnected (this being someone from your past) and she hasn’t responded on IG, I’d leave it here. Not sure why you deleted your message with your number as that is not forward. People reconnect and exchange details all the time. No, I would not reach out on the dating app if you haven’t heard back on IG.
basil67 Posted June 13, 2023 Posted June 13, 2023 On 6/1/2023 at 2:58 PM, Corduroy said: We chatted for a bit and I asked her if we could go on a date, which she said "I would love to! ;)" But she told me we should get to know each other first, so I gave her my number. That was a week ago, and I still haven't heard back from her. Given she said that she wants to get to know you first, is there any reason you didn't just send an opening chatty message on IG? If you're keen to date her, then you're the one who needs to take more initiative.
Author Corduroy Posted June 13, 2023 Author Posted June 13, 2023 6 hours ago, glows said: Given that your platform has always been Instagram when you reconnected (this being someone from your past) and she hasn’t responded on IG, I’d leave it here. Not sure why you deleted your message with your number as that is not forward. People reconnect and exchange details all the time. No, I would not reach out on the dating app if you haven’t heard back on IG. We didn't match on the dating app, not yet at least. Our last interaction was last week, I sent a heart emoji to her selfie and she liked it. IDK why I deleted the msg with my phone number either, I felt it might be too desperate.
Author Corduroy Posted June 13, 2023 Author Posted June 13, 2023 5 hours ago, basil67 said: Given she said that she wants to get to know you first, is there any reason you didn't just send an opening chatty message on IG? If you're keen to date her, then you're the one who needs to take more initiative. I guess I'm afraid of rejection, but then again she agreed to a date... So I guess I'm the one who has to get the ball rolling
glows Posted June 13, 2023 Posted June 13, 2023 5 minutes ago, Corduroy said: We didn't match on the dating app, not yet at least. Our last interaction was last week, I sent a heart emoji to her selfie and she liked it. IDK why I deleted the msg with my phone number either, I felt it might be too desperate. Did you swipe right on her profile? I’d ask her how she’s doing on IG if you haven’t already since she’s been sick. Please jog my memory. What was the last correspondence?
BaileyB Posted June 13, 2023 Posted June 13, 2023 (edited) Did she actually agree to date though? Or, when you asked her to go on d date, did she say “I’d love to” in the way that people respond when you throw out a “we should get together again” - “I’d love to!” Until you communicate regularly and you actually have plans to see this woman, I would not assume that she is actually planning to date you. The fact that she is rarely on instagram and you haven’t really communicated since this conversation indicates to me that she is busy with other things and not really serious about going on a date with you. The fact that you took what may have been a passing comment as a commitment to date concerns me. When the words and actions don’t match up, believe the actions. This woman isn’t investing any time into getting to know you - it’s time for you to move on and let go of this crush… Edited June 13, 2023 by BaileyB
Author Corduroy Posted June 15, 2023 Author Posted June 15, 2023 So she's been traveling a lot these past couple of weeks with family. She posted a thirst trap, and I commented "Would you ever model for me?" because I'm a photographer. She replied "possibly, believe it or not, I'm actually a shy person ;)" So I call this progress. Knowing she's shy explains why we hardly talk?
Alpacalia Posted June 15, 2023 Posted June 15, 2023 It could be helpful to start with something more casual and build up the conversation bit by bit, rather than jumping straight into something like asking her to model. Having said that, this is going slower than a snail stuck in molasses. She said she was open to the idea of getting to know you first; should you proceed, slow down, or drop the idea altogether? To find out, it's a good idea to ask her if she's open to chatting by phone. If she says yes, good. If the answer is no, then it's best to accept it and move on.
Wiseman2 Posted June 15, 2023 Posted June 15, 2023 47 minutes ago, Corduroy said: . She replied "possibly, Have you tried asking her out?
Author Corduroy Posted June 15, 2023 Author Posted June 15, 2023 2 hours ago, Alpacalia said: It could be helpful to start with something more casual and build up the conversation bit by bit, rather than jumping straight into something like asking her to model. Having said that, this is going slower than a snail stuck in molasses. She said she was open to the idea of getting to know you first; should you proceed, slow down, or drop the idea altogether? To find out, it's a good idea to ask her if she's open to chatting by phone. If she says yes, good. If the answer is no, then it's best to accept it and move on. Well to be fair, looks like she modeled before from seeing her pics, just trying to find something in common to spark a convo. I'll build it up from here and see where things go.
Author Corduroy Posted June 15, 2023 Author Posted June 15, 2023 2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Have you tried asking her out? I did, she agreed, as I said before, once we get to know each other.
Alvi Posted June 16, 2023 Posted June 16, 2023 4 hours ago, Corduroy said: I did, she agreed, as I said before, once we get to know each other. Are you meeting other women or are you only talking to her? I don't think that she realizes that you are "That" interested in her. She is going to pile you in a pen-pal category if you don't do something. Do you have her phone number yet? If not, ask her number. Ask her out for something casual, such as meeting for a cup of coffee or something once you get her number. Don't waste your time with the meaningless chit-chat thinking that it's going to lead to anything. Not in this case, at least since she is not going to pursue you. Stop messaging her and move on if she says no to meeting you. 1
Wiseman2 Posted June 16, 2023 Posted June 16, 2023 7 hours ago, Corduroy said: I did, she agreed, as I said before, once we get to know each other. Ok, try to keep the chats respectful if you actually hope to meet in person. Asking to take her pics after posting photos that turned you on is a bit creepy. Maybe the trick is not to try to impress her, but trying to not mess up your chances with overly cheeky or randy remarks.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 16, 2023 Posted June 16, 2023 12 hours ago, Corduroy said: She posted a thirst trap, and I commented "Would you ever model for me?" Eh, not a great line. It comes across as a little sleezy. 12 hours ago, Corduroy said: She replied "possibly, believe it or not, I'm actually a shy person ;)" So I call this progress. Knowing she's shy explains why we hardly talk? It's not progress, OP. It's just her responding to your comment. She also doesn't sound shy if she's posting thirst-traps online. I think she's just trying to bat you away a little, because your question was quite forward. It's going to best if you don't put all your eggs in this basket. I don't get the impression she's anywhere near as interested as you. 1
Author Corduroy Posted June 16, 2023 Author Posted June 16, 2023 5 hours ago, Alvi said: Are you meeting other women or are you only talking to her? I don't think that she realizes that you are "That" interested in her. She is going to pile you in a pen-pal category if you don't do something. Do you have her phone number yet? If not, ask her number. Ask her out for something casual, such as meeting for a cup of coffee or something once you get her number. Don't waste your time with the meaningless chit-chat thinking that it's going to lead to anything. Not in this case, at least since she is not going to pursue you. Stop messaging her and move on if she says no to meeting you. I am meeting a lot of other women, I'm extremely picky though. They also live hours away, and just do not want to do long distance again. I don't think she realizes how I feel either. I told her I saw her on the dating app, and how she hates using it, but still hopes to find the one someday. She hasn't said no to meeting me, I just feel like I'm being put on the back burner.
Wiseman2 Posted June 16, 2023 Posted June 16, 2023 11 minutes ago, Corduroy said: , I just feel like I'm being put on the back burner. Agree. That's exactly what she's doing. If you are "extremely picky", you may end up alone quite a bit. But it does successfully avoid relationships or rejection. Reflect if it's better to daydream and not have dates or if it's better to have realistic dates. You can't really hug or kiss online "thirst traps", if they refuse to meet you.
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