Corduroy Posted June 1, 2023 Posted June 1, 2023 I've recently reconnected with a woman that I knew from the past. Someone who I thought was love at first sight lol, but we lost touch over time. She popped up in my Instagram suggestions and we started following each other. Turns out she now has a 1 year old baby now. We chatted for a bit and I asked her if we could go on a date, which she said "I would love to! ;)" But she told me we should get to know each other first, so I gave her my number. That was a week ago, and I still haven't heard back from her. She posted on her story that her and her baby have been sick, and "it's one thing after another." I get that dating me wouldn't be a priority and her being a mom comes first. Should I just have patience with her? I really don't mind dating someone who has a baby, but I need some insight on this...
glows Posted June 1, 2023 Posted June 1, 2023 Are you sure she’s single? Where is the father? Who looks after the baby if she goes out with you? She could be living with her ex or in a convoluted living situation. She’s seems cautious and understandably so. Who knows. She may not even be able to talk on the phone if she’s still living with the baby’s father.
Author Corduroy Posted June 1, 2023 Author Posted June 1, 2023 5 minutes ago, glows said: Are you sure she’s single? Where is the father? Who looks after the baby if she goes out with you? She could be living with her ex or in a convoluted living situation. She’s seems cautious and understandably so. Who knows. She may not even be able to talk on the phone if she’s still living with the baby’s father. I have no idea about all of that, but I did ask if she's available, and she responded "yes lol" It's something I've been thinking about, but I really don't want to bring it up with her just yet..
Wiseman2 Posted June 1, 2023 Posted June 1, 2023 (edited) 1 hour ago, Corduroy said: She popped up in my Instagram suggestions and we started following each other. she told me we should get to know each other first, so I gave her my number. That was a week ago, and I still haven't heard back from her. Who contacted who? What was the situation before and how long ago was it? Were you dating? Social media friends? How do you know each other from the past? Have you met in person? What does she mean by "we should get to know each other first"? Did you just slide into DMs and ask for a date? Unfortunately she doesn't seem ready willing or able to date right now. You could see if she contacts you or just keep following each other on social media. Edited June 1, 2023 by Wiseman2
ZA Dater Posted June 1, 2023 Posted June 1, 2023 I think in theory there would be a lot of benefit in dating a woman with a baby, particularly if you are looking for something solid but you need to realize that the child will come first and you need to decide if that works for you and also do you like kids?
Weezy1973 Posted June 1, 2023 Posted June 1, 2023 4 hours ago, Corduroy said: .Should I just have patience with her? It’s not whether or not you should have patience, it’s more are you able to accept that her child will always be her priority over you. You barely reconnected and you’ve already started a thread about trying to be patient so I’m not sure this is the right situation for you. 2 1
BaileyB Posted June 1, 2023 Posted June 1, 2023 7 hours ago, Corduroy said: I have no idea about all of that, but I did ask if she's available, and she responded "yes lol" I would say that you need to get more information. I would also suggest that you keep your expectations low…
Gaeta Posted June 1, 2023 Posted June 1, 2023 Aren't you curious how she ended up single with a 1 year old? How old is she? Did she make a baby on her own or this child has a father, where is the father, are they just on a break, etc. Why haven't you made an official invitation yet? You're the one wanting to take her out. 3
BaileyB Posted June 1, 2023 Posted June 1, 2023 4 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Aren't you curious how she ended up single with a 1 year old? No kidding! Most women with one year old children are not looking for dates or serious relationships? I would think that she is still with the child’s father, separated/going through a divorce, or she has had the child on her own. You need to get the answer to that question OP because 2/3 of those answers mean that she is not ready to date you -
Author Corduroy Posted June 1, 2023 Author Posted June 1, 2023 7 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Who contacted who? What was the situation before and how long ago was it? Were you dating? Social media friends? How do you know each other from the past? Have you met in person? What does she mean by "we should get to know each other first"? Did you just slide into DMs and ask for a date? Unfortunately she doesn't seem ready willing or able to date right now. You could see if she contacts you or just keep following each other on social media. I contacted her first. We met in through a mutual friend about 5 years ago, then matched on a dating site about two years ago. We really didn't know each other and nothing ever came to be when we matched on the app. I just slid in her DM's asking if we've met before. Honestly she didn't remember me, but was happy to "meet" me again. I brought up that we matched on the app, and she said she's the worst when it comes to online dating. I deleted the message giving her my number because I don't want to be pushy. Yeah she doesn't seem she's ready to date at them moment. At least she agreed to date in the future and I'll just settle for online friends for now 1
Author Corduroy Posted June 1, 2023 Author Posted June 1, 2023 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: Aren't you curious how she ended up single with a 1 year old? How old is she? Did she make a baby on her own or this child has a father, where is the father, are they just on a break, etc. Why haven't you made an official invitation yet? You're the one wanting to take her out. Of course I would like to know all that, she said she wants us to get to know each other better but she's rarely on Instagram to respond to my messages
BaileyB Posted June 1, 2023 Posted June 1, 2023 2 minutes ago, Corduroy said: Of course I would like to know all that, she said she wants us to get to know each other better but she's rarely on Instagram to respond to my messages Well then, that tells you a lot about her availability to date and her interest. Keep in mind, people who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. When you are first getting to know someone, you should be able to ask these kind of questions - if she is not forthcoming, that is another big clue that something is amiss…
Gaeta Posted June 1, 2023 Posted June 1, 2023 55 minutes ago, Corduroy said: Of course I would like to know all that, she said she wants us to get to know each other better but she's rarely on Instagram to respond to my messages You did not ask her her phone number?
Gaeta Posted June 1, 2023 Posted June 1, 2023 59 minutes ago, Corduroy said: Of course I would like to know all that, she said she wants us to get to know each other better but she's rarely on Instagram to respond to my messages May I ask how old you are? Because this is not how a woman wants to be pursued, even the younger women. You have to materialize your interest by calling her and asking her out for a coffee, a walk, an ice cream, what ever. She said she wants to get to know you - how would she like that to happen? if you don't know then ask her directly, don't go fishing, just be polite and ask clear and direct questions. If she is wishy-washing then she's not interested, she's just wanting some random attention. 1
Els Posted June 1, 2023 Posted June 1, 2023 No single parent of a 1-yo will have time to date in any way, shape or form. Either there's something dodgy going on here, or you're signing yourself up for once-a-month dates. 1
Alpacalia Posted June 1, 2023 Posted June 1, 2023 Dating a single mom takes a lot of patience and consideration of what you want. Initially, you mentioned falling in love with this woman at first sight, suggesting that it might be too soon to be talking about dating her. You should take some time to get to know her and her lifestyle better, so that you can make an informed decision. Some benefits would be that she does not have a biological clock to compete with and does not need to rush into anything, has a lot of cool toys around and is independent. Also don't expect that every single mom has her crap together. There are a lot of women in that situation, either by choice or by circumstance, who aren't competent adults.
smackie9 Posted June 1, 2023 Posted June 1, 2023 Don't get so invested. You gave her an invitation to go out, and she has her number. She's on the list, but don't let that stop you from meeting/dating others. Just leave it, without giving it much more thought. Carry on. 4
Calmandfocused Posted June 1, 2023 Posted June 1, 2023 Having had 2 babies myself I can tell you straight up that the chances of you successfully being able to date this lady is a bit fat 0. Having time to even go to the bathroom is a luxury, never mind going on a date. She’s properly focusing all her energy on juggling work and being a mother. It is hard. Really hard when children are that young. The demands are enormous. Double those demands if she’s parenting on her own. She may even still be breastfeeding. She’s not to going date you. She isn’t going to leave a baby that young to go on a date with you. Move on is my advice.
MsJayne Posted June 1, 2023 Posted June 1, 2023 Ask yourself if you would be happy always being second, would you always be OK with that third person being the priority in your relationship, and how would you feel about the probable impact of the baby's father always being in the background of your lives? Imagine this scenario......you have a weekend away planned, you've made all the bookings and paid for everything, she's arranged a relative to look after the baby, but then the night before you leave the baby gets sick, (just a sniffle, nothing serious), your partner over-reacts and refuses to go away as planned. Are you OK with it? Or, you're looking forward to a quiet weekend snuggled up watching the footy, just you and your partner because the baby's off to the father for the weekend, but the father's flaky and regularly cancels access visits at the last minute - are you OK with that? Or this, and this one's a biggie in the long term..... your partner tends to spoil the child and the kid's becoming a pain in the butt, you have no say in how the child is being raised and have had a gutful of the kid being rude and disrespectful towards you but your partner refuses to acknowledge it, how are you going to handle it? And all of this is only if you actually ended up in a relationship with her, before that happened you'd probably go through the bit where she doesn't want to introduce you to the baby until your relationship is solid, so you're held at arms length for so long that you feel like an outsider even when you're finally allowed inside. Sometimes blended families work well, some people can take on another person's child and love the kid like their own, get along with the other bio parent like a house on fire, and everyone lives happily ever after, but it's far more common for there to be a toxic element to this type of relationship, so I would be asking lots of questions before I even considered dating someone who has young children. Unless of course all you actually want is casual dating, in which case I would say go for someone who is properly available and has the same freedom you do. 1
Author Corduroy Posted June 1, 2023 Author Posted June 1, 2023 Come to think of it, this would be the third woman I’ve dated with kids. The first one we went on a first date with her toddler to Disneyland, and everything went great. That was 10 years ago and she’s like part of my family now even though we broke up. The second one was difficult, because she had a one night stand with the baby daddy and he’s ghost. It was hard dating because her parents resented her for having to watch the baby all the time, and we had to cancel dates all the time. With this new girl, idk her situation but I do know she has her hands full. Honestly I wouldn’t mind being a part-time boyfriend because I do enjoy my freedom, but would be ready to settle down if things go that way with her 2
Ageless Wisdom23 Posted June 1, 2023 Posted June 1, 2023 (edited) She may have realized with giving it some more Thought, With losing touch over the Years, There was a purpose behind it and it affects the way she thinks now with going out with you. I believe, Too, She may be looking for a guy who already has kids and can relate to her baby and herself. It sure is a lot of added responsibility when someone gets involved with someone with a Babes in Toyland. Edited June 1, 2023 by Ageless Wisdom23
Alvi Posted June 2, 2023 Posted June 2, 2023 Well, we know what her situation is. But you haven't exactly asked her out so far. Why are you taking a passive approach if you want to find out more about her? It is highly unlikely that she is actually is going to message you first. The date is not going to materialize unless you take a step and do something about it. Message her and ask if she would like to go out with you ask her when she is free. Hopefully she replies and says "Yes" along with a timeframe when she could meet. And if so, come up with a time/date/place to meet. Choose something simple such as meeting for a cup of coffee at quiet place where two of you could talk. Let it go completely if she doesn't reply or says anything but "Yes" to meeting you.
Author Corduroy Posted June 2, 2023 Author Posted June 2, 2023 18 minutes ago, Alvi said: Well, we know what her situation is. But you haven't exactly asked her out so far. Why are you taking a passive approach if you want to find out more about her? It is highly unlikely that she is actually is going to message you first. The date is not going to materialize unless you take a step and do something about it. Message her and ask if she would like to go out with you ask her when she is free. Hopefully she replies and says "Yes" along with a timeframe when she could meet. And if so, come up with a time/date/place to meet. Choose something simple such as meeting for a cup of coffee at quiet place where two of you could talk. Let it go completely if she doesn't reply or says anything but "Yes" to meeting you. I already asked her out and she said yes. But she said we need to get to know each other beforehand.
Alpacalia Posted June 2, 2023 Posted June 2, 2023 (edited) It all boils down to how she expresses her desire to get to know you better. In other words, if she appears genuinely interested, engages in asking questions, and actively participates in the process of getting to know you, then that is indeed a positive sign. Her child is sick right now so it may be difficult to make time for a conversation. I would suggest that you reach out to her in a few days and ask her when would be a good time for the two of you to have a conversation. Give her the freedom to choose a time that works best for her and her family. Edited June 2, 2023 by Alpacalia 1
Wiseman2 Posted June 2, 2023 Posted June 2, 2023 6 hours ago, Corduroy said: I wouldn’t mind being a part-time boyfriend because I do enjoy my freedom. Interesting. Unavailable people choose other unavailable people. If you're looking for casual or hookups, that's fine. However the important thing to note here is that she's not getting back to you. It's not about dating single mothers, it's about dating women who are interested in dating you. Try to be more selective about the women you ask out. Whether it's casual or hoping for a relationship the minimum requirements should be that she's interested and ready willing and able to date you. 1
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