buzzie2 Posted November 8, 2005 Posted November 8, 2005 My boyfriend acts like a boy scout when he's around me, but I get the feeling that he is putting on an act. For instance, I found out that he has a secret stash of mariyauna and he likes to get high when he's with his friends. I also found out that likes to go to the porn shops and he's done some pretty wild things with his friends. They go out drinking some nights , and according to a source they (he and his friends) were just sloshed and then they'll drive home on their motorbikes. I don't drink and I hate drugs and pornography. He tells me he hates all these things too but then I find out what he's really like from one of his friends. I'm really upset. I thought I knew my boyfriend but now i find out he's someone completely opposite from who I thought I loved. What should I do?
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 8, 2005 Posted November 8, 2005 Have you talked to him about this? Break up with him - seriously. You have this false image of him in your heart and mind, and your relationship will always suffer because you will never be able to reconcile who you thought he was with who he really is. No sense in dating a guy who doesn't really exist. I expect you could try to make him change, but trust me when I tell you that when a person changes just for someone else's sake, they generally end up reverting or at the very least continuing on as usual behind their back. Unless your boyfriend wants to change these things in his life for his own sake and entirely under his own direction, there is no chance that he will really change at all.
Mz. Pixie Posted November 8, 2005 Posted November 8, 2005 He's a typical young guy living in 2005. I don't condone drug use but in reality, most young guys try it in their lives.
Walk Posted November 8, 2005 Posted November 8, 2005 Sounds to me that he said all these things because he wanted to be with you. Maybe. But it isn't who he is, and he shouldn't have lied about it. From my view point, it does sound like he's pretty normal. And I don't think there's anything wrong with the occasional pot use with friends. I don't do it and don't touch the stuff. But I don't see it as any different then alcohol use on a social level. But if you do feel very strongly against these activities, then you have to be strong enough to stand up for what you believe. That means cutting him out of your life. He shouldn't have lied about these things. You need to do what is best for you. If they go against your morals and beliefs then don't condone it by staying. I have a lot of respect for a person who can do that. On the other hand. I think you're being closed minded, naive, and welcome to the real world. And you're going to have to find out sooner or later that men want a Lady on their arm, and a wild woman in the bedroom. If this is the worst of his problems, you're one very lucky woman.
eff Posted November 8, 2005 Posted November 8, 2005 I agree with the later two posts. Yes he may have lied, but he lied to make you happy. Trust me I know more about my GF then I want to know. If I knew everything, I would probably have a much different perspective of her. Likewise if she new things I had done the same would be true. And while recreational drugs may be illegal, if he's doing them in such moderation that you just found out, it's probably not a problem. Most people have experiemented with them at one time or another and if there is no real problem, why worry about it. As for going out with his friends, You have to let a guy be a guy, within reason. Every guy needs a break from the boy scout routine.
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted November 8, 2005 Posted November 8, 2005 You have to understand that most people drink, do drugs, and watch pornography. Maybe they are things that don't always make for the best characters, but I've yet to meet any guy in my life that doesn't do at least one of the three. The fact that he hid this stuff from you is a little sketchy, though. Talk to him.
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