I think I cheated on my bf but it was with a woman, does that count too?

[Rosie349]

About two weeks ago, I've made out with someone else and we spent the night hugging and watching a movie. Though it was with a man. I've always been bi and it was with my good friend Anna. How does anyone feel about this? Would it hurt you just as badly as if it would've been with the opposite gender? My bf knew I was bi when we met but I've chosen to be with him. I don't recall we've ever spoken about including other girls. 

I mean I would never betray my bf with another man and haven't. Though my bi curiosity took over me and the fact that we've been having feelings for each other before too. Does that also count as cheating though? If a woman gets intimate with another woman and not a guy?

Edited May 29, 2023 by Rosie349

[glows]

It does constitute as cheating if the act or behaviour is something you have to hide or feel your partner disagrees with. In other words you’re not entirely honest and open about who you are or what you’re up to. 

My idea of relationships is including someone to share life with. If you feel you’re being duplicitous or having to hide anything it makes being in a relationship pointless.

No one here can speak for your boyfriend. I suggest you speak with him about it or end it with your female friend. Whenever you’re sexually active with another party you also want to be thinking of STDs and transmission to other partners. You said you made out but that’s quite vague.

Edited May 29, 2023 by glows

[ExpatInItaly]

  On 5/29/2023 at 2:07 AM, Rosie349 said:

Does that also count as cheating though?

Expand  

Yes. I can't see why it wouldn't. 

You are behaving in a way that compromises your relationship, and your boyfriend doesn't know about it. That is cheating. I assume he believes you are in a monogamous relationship, so you are lying to him by not honouring that. 

It's time to break up. 

[Wiseman2]

  On 5/29/2023 at 2:07 AM, Rosie349 said:

. I've always been bi and it was with my good friend Anna. My bf knew I was bi when we met but I've chosen to be with him. I don't recall we've ever spoken about including other girls. 

Expand  

How long have you been dating? It seems like it's time to have the talk about open relationships and threesomes. As long as you're not leading him on and he's aware that you're still with others, you may be able to work something out.

[smackie9]

Yes it is cheating. You are seeking intimacy with another person. 

[stillafool]

  On 5/29/2023 at 2:07 AM, Rosie349 said:

Does that also count as cheating though? If a woman gets intimate with another woman and not a guy?

Expand  

Women are falling in love and marrying each other and having families.  Of course it's cheating.

[Calmandfocused]

Ask yourself how you would feel if your boyfriend made out with another man? 

Would you shrug your shoulders and say “no problem, it was with a man so it doesn’t count” without a care in the world? …. 
 

I highly doubt it. 
 

So on the assumption that you are in a committed monogamous relationship - why “doesn’t it count” for you? 
 

Being bisexual does not give you a free pass to infidelity. If you are in a relationship you are in a relationship. The rules don’t change. Period! 
 

Being intimate with someone else (which includes passionately kissing) is cheating. You need to accept that. 
 

Please enlighten your boyfriend so he can make an informed decision about what he’d like to do. 

 

 

[JTSW]

It doesn't matter if it is a man or a woman.

It's cheating 100%.

[Rosie349]

  On 5/29/2023 at 8:15 AM, Wiseman2 said:

How long have you been dating? It seems like it's time to have the talk about open relationships and threesomes. As long as you're not leading him on and he's aware that you're still with others, you may be able to work something out.

Expand  

We've been dating for a year now. No he doesn't know I've developed feeling for Anna and when we made out, it was more than just the physical contact. While loving my bf, I have a connection with her too. 

[Rosie349]

  On 5/29/2023 at 4:11 PM, Calmandfocused said:

Ask yourself how you would feel if your boyfriend made out with another man? 

Would you shrug your shoulders and say “no problem, it was with a man so it doesn’t count” without a care in the world? …. 
 

I highly doubt it. 
 

So on the assumption that you are in a committed monogamous relationship - why “doesn’t it count” for you? 
 

Being bisexual does not give you a free pass to infidelity. If you are in a relationship you are in a relationship. The rules don’t change. Period! 
 

Being intimate with someone else (which includes passionately kissing) is cheating. You need to accept that. 
 

Please enlighten your boyfriend so he can make an informed decision about what he’d like to do. 

 

 

Expand  

You have a point. This can sound like a double stardard but but some reason, more people react negatively towards two men together vs two women together. It seems that some people think that just because I also like women, that I like every woman and only into short-term orgies. The thing I also have preference for women and by the time I got intimate with Anna, it wasn't just pure physical, we shared feelings too. 

[Wiseman2]

  On 5/30/2023 at 8:18 PM, Rosie349 said:

We've been dating for a year now.  While loving my bf, I have a connection with her too. 

Expand  

Talk to your BF about an open relationship or polyamory.  

[introverted1]

If you are in an exclusive, monogamous relationship it is cheating.  Period, end of.

[Alvino Martins]

Cheating is cheating, regardless of gender or orientation. Your  behavior is a serious breach of trust and boundaries. It's important to prioritize everyone's well-being and have an honest conversation about the state of your relationship. Seek support from loved ones or professionals if needed. Remember, all deserve respect and honesty in a relationship.

[Jesslyn]

  On 6/16/2023 at 5:28 PM, Alvino Martins said:

Cheating is cheating, regardless of gender or orientation. Your  behavior is a serious breach of trust and boundaries. It's important to prioritize everyone's well-being and have an honest conversation about the state of your relationship. Seek support from loved ones or professionals if needed. Remember, all deserve respect and honesty in a relationship.

Expand  

Funny how most people don't get this