Fm1234 Posted May 22, 2023 Posted May 22, 2023 Hi all, Thanks in advance for reading. A few months ago I (M, 29) started dating someone (F, 29). We had a great time together, we were both single parents and I spent a lot of time with her and her 11 year old daughter during the two months we were dating. We ended up stopping seeing one another because she felt she wasn’t as excited about the connection as she should have been after the amount of time we’d been seeing one another. She did state this also felt somewhat like it could have been self-sabotage, however, I respected her decision and left things there. Last week however, I decided to message her to ask how she’d been doing. She replied that she’d actually been thinking of me just that morning. A few hours later, and it turns out we’d both been missing one another, and that she has wanted to message me multiple times but didn’t want to mess me about. We’ve agreed to meet for coffee at her place soon. She’s been very clear (she’s a good communicator) that she’s still very indecisive and that she’s not sure what she wants from this, however, she also said she would find it odd not being affectionate with me and that it would be strange trying to be friendly when we’ve not been friends before, stating within the same message that she thinks she would want more. She’s currently away abroad with her daughter and a larger group of her family and she’s been continuing to message me on a daily basis. I asked before she went whether I’d hear from her whilst she was away and she said she wanted to talk to me like normal. And generally things are normal - kind of as though nothing ever changed between us. There have been one or two very slightly flirtatious messages but nothing huge. She’s been sharing intimate details about herself, her daughter, and her best friend. So, I guess what I want to know is, could this go somewhere and she’s just realised over the last few months what she’s been missing, and am I okay to feel slightly optimistic? She knows that I have zero expectation but that equally I do still want to be with her. TLDR: stopped seeing someone two months ago, back in contact, meeting for coffee, have both said we miss one another, could this go somewhere? Thanks in advance!
ShyViolet Posted May 22, 2023 Posted May 22, 2023 You should keep your expectations very low. She already broke up with you once because she was "not excited" about dating you. And now that you've started talking again, she was honest with you and told you that she is "indecisive" about what she may want in regards to the prospect of dating you again. This woman is very lukewarm about you at best. Do you really want to keep trying to date someone who is this unsure about you and not excited about being with you?
Wiseman2 Posted May 22, 2023 Posted May 22, 2023 5 hours ago, Fm1234 said: she felt she wasn’t as excited about the connection as she should have been after the amount of time we’d been seeing one another. Last week however, I decided to message her to ask how she’d been doing. Sorry this happened, however after dating 8 weeks, she was forthcoming that it wasn't working for her. That hasn't changed, otherwise she would have contacted you. What inspired you to contact her at this time, several months later? Step back and see what happens. Try not to pursue again and see what she does on her own accord. That's the only way to tell if you can resurrect this.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 22, 2023 Posted May 22, 2023 (edited) I wouldn't hold your breath, OP. She wasn't the one who reached out again. She is the one who broke up with you. She is still feeling unsure about you. The chances that she is going to suddenly feel something are very low. I would suggest you keep looking, and wait for a woman who's excited about you and knows she wants to date you. This one just isn't that woman. Edited May 22, 2023 by ExpatInItaly
JTSW Posted May 22, 2023 Posted May 22, 2023 7 hours ago, Fm1234 said: She’s been very clear (she’s a good communicator) that she’s still very indecisive and that she’s not sure what she wants from this, however, she also said she would find it odd not being affectionate with me and that it would be strange trying to be friendly when we’ve not been friends before, stating within the same message that she thinks she would want more. This means she just misses the physical aspect and just wants to sleep with you. I wouldn't get your hopes up.
Blind-Sided Posted May 22, 2023 Posted May 22, 2023 If you take your story... and turn in inside-out... and that's where I am. I had a very bad break up, where someone cheated, and lied to both families to cover it, and I was very hurt. SO... I reached out to a bunch of people of my past looking for clarity. One of these people was a GF from 27 years ago. We got together, and we both decided to see where it may go. Well... I could see many of the issues from long ago, (anger, clinginess, and being needy) and I really just wasn't feeling it. BUT... we were friends long ago before dating. I've told her that I wasn't feeling it, and there wasn't a "Spark". After a couple days, we would talk... and while I do like her company, and spending time with her... I don't want her as a LTGF. (I have told her this directly a few times now) The issue is... every time I try to be nice/friendly, she sees this as an opening. I think part if it too is... she is a 47 year old woman, and she is acting like a teen in some respects. In my story... I'm where your girl may be. If you meet up with her... take it as nothing more than a friendly meeting. If you get assertive, or are looking for affection... she may see it as being needy/forward. That is a HUGE turn off. If you want any chance... go slow, and let it evolve. If you can't go at her speed... then just move on. My 2 cents... take it for what it's worth.
Ageless Wisdom23 Posted May 22, 2023 Posted May 22, 2023 (edited) It appears you are more gung-ho than her on this relationship deal. She has already made it clear she is "Not Excited" so I would be cautious now and not too trusting as to what will happen next with her. My advice is to start with a simple friendship and see where it might lead. But I would not be holding back on dating others neither. She is not into anything heavy right now. Edited May 22, 2023 by Ageless Wisdom23
smackie9 Posted May 22, 2023 Posted May 22, 2023 I think it would be best to slow things down. She pulled away because things were moving way too fast which made her feel uncomfortable/made things unbalanced. As the saying goes we desire more what we can't have. It would work better if you were not pushing so hard for a relationship, being too eager. Give her more space/time for her to come to you instead. Kinda do a gentle push pull. Keep things light/easy.
Author Fm1234 Posted May 22, 2023 Author Posted May 22, 2023 Thank you everyone. It is worth pointing out that I’m not pushing for anything… she asked me what I would want out of it so I was honest but otherwise I’ve been communicating with her as I would a friend, and that will continue until such a time she leads me to believe something different would be appropriate (if ever). I’m cool with it not going anywhere; doesn’t mean I can’t hope it does
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