dreaming4ever Posted November 8, 2005 Posted November 8, 2005 I think this is really messed up but I was crazy in love with my ex when we were still together and for some reason I loved him more than he loved me and he said he didn't know why, that's just how it was, which obviously frustrated the hell outta me, especially since I would have done ANYTHING for him and I DID do anything for him.... Well, anyways, now I'm with a new guy that I've been with for a couple months and I really liked him and stuff but now he's completely nuts about me and all of a sudden I'm not as interested in him. He even did some grand romantic gesture for me and everything and is trying extra hard to communicate with me and I just don't get it....I should be ecstatically happy right now, especially since he just told me he loves me and he's being way more open. But now I just feel blah.....like it's obvious he cares about me now way more than I care about him and I am just so frustrated because I can't get to where he is.....like I'm TRYING SO HARD to make myself feel the same but I just don't. Yet he's incredibly sweet..... So this is messed because it's like as soon as one person is super interested the other person gets less interested....is that normal? Because if you ask me that's just not fair. And no this is not about me not being over my ex because I got over him a long time ago, I was just using him as an example of where I felt the other way.....let me know if you guys think this is normal and what I should/can do about it
slubberdegullion Posted November 8, 2005 Posted November 8, 2005 ...he's completely nuts about me and all of a sudden I'm not as interested in him. He even did some grand romantic gesture for me and everything and is trying extra hard to communicate with me and I just don't get it.... <snip> So this is messed because it's like as soon as one person is super interested the other person gets less interested....is that normal? Happens all the time. The "thrill of the chase" vanishes. And this is exactly why many (most?) men would be much better off by not pandering to every woman's wants. They - the guys - become viewed as syncophantic puppies without a backbone. It works the other way too, but in my experience much more rarely.
monkey00 Posted November 8, 2005 Posted November 8, 2005 I agree with slubber. It happens because the thrill of the chase is gone or isnt as exciting. I go through this with women all the time, i find this to be fun actually. but in the end it just gets pointless, because we never get pass that part (or nothing happens from it). When theyre interested im not as much. When im interested, theyre not as much. like an evil cycle. Anyway in your case, i think the guy's just being a little too predictable. Unpredictability can be something that makes the chase interesting as well. its not your fault, attraction isnt something logical.
Author dreaming4ever Posted November 8, 2005 Author Posted November 8, 2005 Ok, So the "thrill of the chase" caused me to not feel the same as I did before for him....so what do I do now? Will my feelings come back? Should I ask him to tone it down a bit? It seems like the answer is to get him to treat me like a bit of a jerk or something when that's not what I want at all....I just don't get what the solution to this is.
Walk Posted November 8, 2005 Posted November 8, 2005 Okay... try this. (not saying it'll work) Go out of your way for him. Do something really sweet and loving just for him, with no benefit to yourself. If you have a lot of reservations on doing this, or don't want to, then you have a real problem. And it may be more then that the "thrill of the chase" is missing. Can also create more of a bond between the two of you, which could re-establish those feelings for you. Sometimes we feel less in love with the other person because of outside influences and stress. Sometimes when we only recieve we start to take the other person for granted. We feel that they'll always be there and the feelings start to lessen for them. It's not you, just the way we're built. So my suggestion is to turn the tables. Do something for him. Try to reconnect that way.
Lishy Posted November 8, 2005 Posted November 8, 2005 I bet if he backed off and went a bit cold you would be like "WTF I want him now" Its how we work - We want what we cant have with a passion and what we can have whenever we want doesnt hold the same excitement. Maybe you are just not that into him. If so then let him go he sounds like a real sweetie and he deserves to have his love requited!!!!! Good luck hon
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