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My ex dumped me over awful rumours spread by my ex male friend

Gloriousdays

By Gloriousdays
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Gloriousdays Member

Gloriousdays

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As the title says I’m  really struggling to come to terms with being dumped by my ex due to the awful rumours spread by a male ex friend. So I met my ex in January this year and we were very happy together until end of April when he broke things off with me at that time I thought everything was good and we had made so many plans and we were so happy together. I later found out that he dumped me because my ex male friend had hacked my phone and contacted him saying a lot of awful things behind my back and this had been going on since mid March and I had no idea ( even though I felt something was off) until when I realised that my ex friend had hacked my phone and was spreading awful rumours about me to even my colleagues. I’m hurt, devastated and upset. My ex always said that I was a kind and a good person so I don’t understand why he couldn’t come and talk to me ( the person that he was in a relationship with) but rather believe my ex friend who I had a  nasty fall out with and has done nothing but cause me psychological pain. To make things worse my ex invited me to his family home during Easter holidays and he never told me about this!!!…The whole hacking thing and my ex friend issue is another whole story (I have a lot of mental health issues because of this hacking and all these rumours reaching my workplace). Does anyone have any advice on how I can handle the situation?? ( I’m in a very bad place mentally and I can’t afford therapy right now since I haven’t been going to work as my mental health has been severely compromised).

Wiseman2 Established Member

Wiseman2

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11 minutes ago, Gloriousdays said:

 April when he broke things off . my ex male friend had hacked my phone and contacted him saying a lot of awful things behind my back and this had been going on since mid March and I had no idea 

How does this friend have access to your phone or contacts? Please take the device in for service to see what is going on. You'll need to check for malware or however he accessed your phone.

What the friend did may be illegal. In the meantime, delete and block the friend and all his people from ALL your social media, messaging apps, devices and contact lists. Change all your passwords. 

Also delete and block the ex BF. It's unclear why he kept this communication secret from you, but that's a huge red flag. You dodged a bullet if he was carrying on this communication secretly for  months. 

Edited by Wiseman2
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Gloriousdays Member

Gloriousdays

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3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

How does this friend have access to your phone or contacts? Please take the device in for service to see what is going on. You'll need to check for malware or however he accessed your phone.

What the friend did may be illegal. In the meantime, delete and block the friend and all his people from ALL your social media, messaging apps, devices and contact lists. Change all your passwords. 

Also delete and block the ex BF. It's unclear why he kept this communication secret from you, but that's a huge red flag. You dodged a bullet if he was carrying on this communication secretly for  months. 

Oh apparently he got someone to hack my phone. Hacking is indeed illegal and it is a criminal offence ( it’s under cyberstalking). The problem is that I have a lot of mutual friends with my ex male friend since we went to  the same high school  and also he was able to access my contacts without my knowledge until much later ( even though I had my suspicions). I did have strong passwords and apparently hacking is quite simple as long as you know how to do it. 

Tbh I have a lot of resentment towards my ex like how could he even invite me to his family house whilst talking to the person tarnishing my name  and not only that he told me during that trip how he felt so lucky to have met an amazing woman like me. I always thought he was an honest guy but the day that I found the truth I was extremely hurt and i felt betrayed. I haven’t spoken to him since he dumped me but part of me really wanted to message and let him know that I’m aware of what he did behind my back ( I only found the truth after me and him had broken up )

Honestly my mental health has taken a bit over this as I feel violated, humiliated and embarrassed ( and this is even an understatement on how I truly feel over the situation). This is not only about my ex but my job as well, I haven’t been able to work since i discovered this whole mess because I have severe depression over the situation.

mrs rubble Established Member

mrs rubble

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I think you should sue the ex-friend for slander and defamation, as well as having him charged for hacking. As for the ex, if he wants to believe untruths about you without even asking he's not worth your time of day.

My ex slandered me to anyone who would listen, one friend actually questioned the stories as she knew that there was no way it could be true, and then she told me what he was saying, that is what your ex should have done if he was smart.

basil67 Established Member

basil67

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Your previous thread also involves a hacking - that time it was your email.   Doesn't make sense that one person gets hacked twice in rapid succession...are you sure it was hacking?  

Is the guy in this old thread also the ex you mentioned here? 

 

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Gloriousdays Member

Gloriousdays

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2 hours ago, basil67 said:

Your previous thread also involves a hacking - that time it was your email.   Doesn't make sense that one person gets hacked twice in rapid succession...are you sure it was hacking?  

Is the guy in this old thread also the ex you mentioned here? 

 

No no no I actually I forgot to come here with an update, in October last year I received the same email and when I responded I ended up exchanging numbers with the wife and she was telling the truth!!! I was dating a married man and she told me she saw my email address when she went to his iPad and she saw some emails that me and him had exchanged previously so the answer is ( no she didn’t get my information through hacking and I never even mentioned hacking here ) and also as you can see I even mentioned that I had ended it with my ex last year September and I even mentioned it in this post that I met my recent ex in January so these are totally two different guys with totally two different situations 

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Gloriousdays Member

Gloriousdays

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4 hours ago, mrs rubble said:

I think you should sue the ex-friend for slander and defamation, as well as having him charged for hacking. As for the ex, if he wants to believe untruths about you without even asking he's not worth your time of day.

My ex slandered me to anyone who would listen, one friend actually questioned the stories as she knew that there was no way it could be true, and then she told me what he was saying, that is what your ex should have done if he was smart.

Yes, yes and yes… it hurts a lot when I think of everything but hey that’s people for you. Surprised not but I’m heavily disappointed. If he had any doubts about me then he should have never even invited me to his family home dir If Easter… I’m just mentally exhausted by all this and unfortunately today is my birthday and my life is a mess. I can’t wait till I leave this world 

ShyViolet Established Member

ShyViolet

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If you hadn't built a level of trust and respect with your bf where he would believe you and be on your side through this, then you're better off without him.  It sounds like he wasn't even interested in hearing your side or supporting you through this.  He had no respect for you.

Wiseman2 Established Member

Wiseman2

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59 minutes ago, Gloriousdays said:

 my birthday and my life is a mess. I can’t wait till I leave this world 

Happy birthday. Sorry all this is happening.

First step is to call a mental health hotline. They will listen to you and help you find some support and resources. 

Make an appointment with your physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health. Get some tests done. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support.

The next step is to secure your devices and find ways to avoid people hacking into your accounts. It's unusual that you've had this happen twice. So something is up in terms of your accounts and devices being hacked this frequently.

Unfortunately you'll need to go through your social media and contact lists and clean out the dead weight if you claim this ex friend is connected to you through others.

Do you know why this ex friend would waste their time going through the trouble of contacting people to discredit you?  

As far as the recent BF, it seems odd he would be paying any attention to what sounds like a scammer or lunatic running around discrediting you to random people.

What exactly, did this ex friend say to the ex BF? Keep in mind the BF could have broken up with you for any number of reasons, but it's odd he would maintain communication with someone he doesn't know who is supposedly on a smear campaign against you.

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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You need to go to the police, OP.  Your former friend is breaking the law. Let the correct authorities handle it. 

And your ex-boyfriend, well, it is strange that he chose to believe these rumours rather than talk it through with you. Something is off there. You're apparently better off without him. 

  • 2 weeks later...
Ageless Wisdom23 Established Member

Ageless Wisdom23

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I am so sorry this has happened to you.  When someone backstabs you to this evil Extent, It can surely cause pain and heartache in your life.  Even Now, To the Point, Where your EX has left you over believing such trash.  He knew at Easter and didn't utter a word so you could defend yourself.  Then left you because he chose to believe your back stabbing Ex buddy.  At this Point, I'd have to say you are better off without either one of them.  As far as the water cooler ones at work who still believe what they are hearing from this Guy, All you can do is ignore them and hope eventually the Talking and Squawking dies down and they find something and someone else to gossip about in the lunch room.  I would have thought you still have someone or a few who wouldn't believe any of this Stuff, But Instead, Have your back.  Please, Don't give them the satisfaction of staying home.  Pick yourself up and hold😊 your head high at work so they don't have to find other things to wag their tails about.  Don't allow them to  have the upper hand in destroying your income and your self esteem.  You are stronger than you think.  I can feel it.  No need for therapy.  Consider our society Today, my Friend.

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Gloriousdays Member

Gloriousdays

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Thank you all so much for your kinds words and words of encouragement, trust me this doesn’t go unnoticed… this former friend “enemy” even created a what’s app group just to talk bad about me! Well tbh I feel so disconnected to everything now and today will be my last posting on this board. I have heard things about my looks, my wigs, my body odour, bullying, it’s a lot and I could  go on and on ( and it’s even worse than that)… Apparently I’m the worst person to ever exist mind you this person is the same person who came to me to ask me for money so that he could get a legal stay and I did and till now he hasn’t paid me back except for (70 quid) … I wrote letters to the home office for this man and lent  him over a thousand of pounds ( I’m based in the UK) and this is the thank you I get, I despise him to say the least and tbh I’m leaving this world later on today. I know there are other kinds people out there but the fact that there is a WhatsApp app group with majority of people being over “30” listening to this guy talking bad things about me is disturbing….  He is doing this because he said I told my ex that he tried to rape me ( something that I never did and I told him countless times) and the ironic thing is that he is the one who told people  (years ago) that I slept with him (I’m very liberal) and tbh sex is normal for adults however him saying that I slept with him when I didn’t is very weird….I’m tired of this world and I want out , once again thank you everyone for your kind words… My biggest mistake in this lifetime was being “friends” with this man…. I loathe him with every fibre of my being and that’s even putting it mildly.

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Gloriousdays Member

Gloriousdays

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And also I want to thank you all for the support you gave me last year with what happened with my then ex of two years…  life hasn’t been very kind to me lately but it’s okay…. I do wish sometimes I had never been born!!! Things haven’t been that great  for me recently and my mental health has suffered a lot because of these recent events… I’m just tired of everything and trust me you don’t know even half of what I have been through ( this is my safe space as I’m anonymous here) … 

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