quinn83 Posted November 8, 2005 Posted November 8, 2005 Hey Everyone, I'll try and keep this short.... I've been in a relationship with my SO on and off for 2.5 years. We broke up recently for 4 months, and then got back together just the past month. Anyway to sum things up, she was very abusive to me both physically, emotionally and mentally for a good year of our relationship. I was no saint, by that I mean I said stupid things like any guy would sometimes, but I was never abusive in any way. But in comparison to her the deterioration of the relationship was definetely mostly on her part. We talked after 4 months of NC, vented much to each other said some mean things and finally got back to normal speaking terms. We agreed we would take things slow and that whatever happens atleast we would still be friends because we were not angry anymore. We also agreed that we could hang out with other people of the opposite sex, and if it got serious or feelings developed with someone else obviously we would be obligated to tell each other to avoid hurt. Anyway It's been a month and she's made alot of progress, she's very insecure, paranoid, has confidence issues, she was very mentally ill last year. Anyway she says she loves me more than anything and is willing to do whatever it takes to win me back and to keep me forever. She is absolutely sure that I'm "The One" for her. I know she loves me...but we have alot of obstacles to get past, our parents both disapprove of us being together so we are doing this under the radar so to speak. The problem is as much as we have grown and things have gotten better, I am not sure if she is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with... I mean I've never dated anyone except her, she was my first kiss, first everything pretty much. Anyway I know right now I'm happy with her but I don't know if two weeks from now I might meet someone who I click with more. I do have strong feelings for her, but I also do want time on my own to see whats out there, so I can be sure. So my question is, if I met someone, and and got along with them and clicked and asked for their number or email address or whatever and we started talking, should I be obligated to tell my SO right away, or is it big deal? I mean obviously if serious feelings developed I would tell my SO right away before anything happened, I am not a cheater. But just talking to someone I met like people can do that can't they? It's not cheating, I am not married or anything. Again I don't even know that I will meet anyone better than her, I just feel im at a point in my life where I can't tell her that shes the one because I honestly don't know and that's what ive told her that I don't know for sure that we will work out and that we might not be suited for each other after all the problems weve had. I'm going back to school for a few years, shes working now who knows what will happen in those years.!!! Am I being selfish here? Let me know guys thanks
Walk Posted November 8, 2005 Posted November 8, 2005 So, basically you have an open relationship at this time? Can date other people? I'm personally against having open relationships if two people are trying to get back together. I think it's wishy-washy. Not that I don't understand your position. If I was who I'd like to to be, I wouldn't do that. Can cause a lot of pain for everyone involved. So you meet another girl who you click with and want to know better. What do you say about your ex/current gf? Nothing? Or tell this other girl and potentially ruin your new relationship? It's a bad situation. I think you're trying to have your cake and eat it too. You're afraid to lose the current girl, but have an eye out for the next. You can't do that for long. You're going to break your girls heart, and you're probably putting her through a lot of pain telling her you don't know about the two of you. I have a feeling if you broke it off with her this time so that you could freely explore other possibilities, then it's probably over for good. At least I would hope the girl would be that strong. But, I think you already decided where your heart is, and it's not really with this girl. You like the comfort, you care for her, you like that she loves you, and it's a boost to know she loves you. It's scary being out in the dating scene alone again. There's no one to tell you you're the greatest in the world. So you have a girl who's telling you she thinks you walk on water, and you get to scout out other woman too. For the sake of your ex/current gf, please be a man and break it off with her. I don't hear anything in your post of how you really want to be with her, or work this out, or even that you'll have a future together. I understand your hesitancy over this because of the past. But I still don't hear you saying you Want to be with only her. I think you're confusing your feelings. I think you do care for this girl. But I don't think you are in a place right now to be deeply in love with this girl, or really put your full effort into making it work again. Seems as if you are still emotionally hurt by her, and are trying to keep some distance emotionally. Dating other people will only make this worse for both of you. Completely up to you. I don't know the full dynamics of your situation. This is how I view it though.
Recommended Posts