bairdzo Posted November 8, 2005 Posted November 8, 2005 My wife and I have been married for 3 1/2 years and have been together for 10, we are both 32. We are 21/2 weeks into a verbal seperation and have been to a couselour once. THe MC told us to see each other before she left town to NYC probably knowing that this trip could be the end all. I spoke to her today about our dog that had poked his eye out (sad). THe conversation was short and she said she loved NYC and was having lots of fun. THe bad part is she said she wanted to change her ticket to stay a few more days, UGhh. Our dog is hurt and we just started counseling, I'm dying to work on our marriage and she out having fun and doesnt want to come home, after this I sank into a sea of depression and booked an appointment to see our MC tomorrow. Her whole thing is she wants time to look at our marriage and get some perspective, which is fine but I feel like she is drifting futher away. I'm scared to lose her! I have to admit I've taken my marriage for granted and could of done things a lot better, but I wish she could see that I have hit rock bottom and have been giving this 110%. How long does it take for women to come around and see the effort? I just want my wife back. I'm afaid that she may have met someone else. I have been talking with friends and her family for weeks now but she isnt talking to any of them, not even her parents. THis worries me, she has to be talking to someone! She is so cold about this. How can someone you love turn soooo cold, just tears me up when I'm crying to her and she is rock solid.
bkz Posted November 8, 2005 Posted November 8, 2005 Well if you are crying to her as you stated in your post? You need to stop that right away, thats definatley not gonna help but WILL hurt chances of reconcilliation and probley push her away. You dont want her to see youve hit rock bottom either, you want to start making possitive changes and have her see that instead. Also I wouldnt talk to her family or freinds, last thing you want to do is use them as a sounding board or for info as it'll probley piss her off (among other reasons) if she finds out. If you havent get the book "Love Must Be Tough" by James Dobson, this is a great book and will tell you not to do some of the things your doing right now, its a must read. If your dying to work on your marriage than you should start by working on YOU. Your wife is more likely to want things to work out if she sees an indapendant, confidant, healthy person who isnt needing her for himself to be happy. I did this and it help me feel better about ME and soon my wife saw the changes and began treating our sitch. differantly. Plus it made feel stronger and more in control, also more prepared in case things didnt work out. Hope this helps some as I dont know your whole sitch. but just going off what you posted here it seems you need to start taking care of yourself a bit, im sure you'll feel better when you do.
Author bairdzo Posted November 8, 2005 Author Posted November 8, 2005 THanks for the reply. I'm slowly moving in that direction, getting more cofident by the day. I'm sure most guys have made the early mistakes that I've made so far but I can tell you that thats changing. I will try my best to work on myself, just went to my MC this morning and that helped a ton. I'm getting stronger by the day. Do I really have to have her in my life to be confident and successful, NO. I want her bad badly but hey she doesnt know what shes missing. I'm working on myself and I'm getting a lot better but it will take time. I hope she doesnt choose to move on, definately a diamond in the rough! I just didnt know how to express myself to her and treat her like the way she should have been treated but its all coming to the surface.
fomerlyniceguy Posted November 8, 2005 Posted November 8, 2005 I am in the same situation only a little farther along. What has helped me is a book called "No more Mr. Nice Guy." By Robert A. Glover. He has a website too. You will be amazed what doing for yourself will do to your relationship.
bkz Posted November 8, 2005 Posted November 8, 2005 I just didnt know how to express myself to her and treat her like the way she should have been treated but its all coming to the surface. Dang that sounds familier!!!! I was the same way and really feel like I took my family for granted, its pretty easy to get complacent I guess. Ive allways thought my wife was the most buitiful woman ive ever known and allways appritiated the things she does for me and the kids. I allways bought her flowers and did nice things for her thinking that was enough. Thing is I never really TOLD her how I felt! Soon as I started expressing my feelings towards her in a possitive, supportive way verbally, it made a huge differance and ive continued to get better at it. Another great book that ive read through a couple times lately and has helped in this aria tremendously is Gary Chapmans "The Five Love Languages". Cool thing is I gave it to my wife this morning and she said shed read it too. Also the councelling thing. I started going on my own (combined with us going togeather) quite a bit durring our sitch and it helped me a great deal to learn how to handle things a bit better and just gave me a outlet to talk about some of my feelings. It really is a roller coaster ride, just hang in there!!!
Scott S Posted November 8, 2005 Posted November 8, 2005 Another great book that ive read through a couple times lately and has helped in this aria tremendously is Gary Chapmans "The Five Love Languages". Cool thing is I gave it to my wife this morning and she said shed read it too. That is an interesting book. A caution, however. In reading though it, we learn that people have different love languages, & that your significant other's may not be the same as yours. So the need for accomodation & good communication still remains.
bkz Posted November 8, 2005 Posted November 8, 2005 I couldnt agree more Scott. Thing that helped me most is I realized by giving her gifts and doing things to express my love for her I wasnt speaking her love language. My wifes love language is Words of Affirmation and mines Physical Touch wich im sure she'll figure out quickly when she starts reading it. Soon as I started TELLING her how I felt and how much I appritated her she began to see and feel that I really loved her. After she finnishes the book we plan to start talking about it and hopefully have a better understanding for each others needs.
Author bairdzo Posted November 9, 2005 Author Posted November 9, 2005 OK now she asked me to pick her up at the airport, might be because I told her that I needed to show her how to take care of our dogs eye, not sure though. I'm picking her up in a few hours and looking for advice on how to handle it. I don't want to blow it again by sobbing or something, need to be strong. Also, the house I'm staying at is now in a fight because his girl has seen all the effort I'm putting into my relationship and is mad at her partner, oops. I might need to stay at our house tonight, should I ask and just stay out of her way, I don't want to be a burden on my friends situation.
JBhurt Posted November 9, 2005 Posted November 9, 2005 Hey Bairdzo, You know there is at least one more person on this earth who is experiencing the same as you are, but worse off. That person is me. I know EXACTLY what you feel! I have taken myself to the point of suicide. But, there is hope. There is always hope. First thing, you must understand your woman. Secondly, you two are separated and not officially divorced. I envy you! Trust me when I say this, if you divorce your emotions are going to run wild! You think you're depressed now, just wait. So, Number one, DON'T GET A DIVORCE. Divorce is not an option. If you love her. I bet you don't know understand it. Go to your bible. I Cor 13:4-8 is the meat but read the entire chapter. If you LOVE your wife, you WILL follow this scripture. I have found that all though I loved my wife... now my ex-wife, I drifted away from this scripture. You have to seek spiritual councelling in order to rid the problems of your marriage. I AM PRAYING AND HOPING FOR A MIRICLE IN MY LIFE. GETTING MY PRECIOUS WIFE BACK OR LEARNING TO DEAL WITH WHAT HAS HAPPENED. It's worse as a death in the family when you divorce and regret what you've done. DON'T DO IT! Now if you suspect her cheating, then you have a choice. Either get proof or forget it! Maybe it's something you are not doing correctly... Go back to the scripture! I guarantee you, a woman will love you for life if you LOVE her first! It's up to us men to be men! God fearing men! Keep God in the equation! I let Satan talk me into divorcing my lovely wife. She is very career oriented and loves kids. She's serious when it comes to money and credit. I was blessed to find her when I did. Now I am begging to come back home. She still loves me, but she's needing her time to separate what she feels is important so she can decide for herself. The process is depressing and scary, because you feel like she won't give. But I pray for strength!!! TRUST ME DUDE, THERE'S IN NOTHING GREATING ON THIS EARTH THAN SHARING YOUR LIFE WITH THE ONE YOU LOVE. BELIEVE IN THAT AND YOU ALL WILL BE FINE. Sorry about the dog, but you have a relationship to salvage. Study the scripture and BUILD your life again. Don't attend any pitty parties!!!! Stay in touch!!!!!!!!! My wife and I have been married for 3 1/2 years and have been together for 10, we are both 32. We are 21/2 weeks into a verbal seperation and have been to a couselour once. THe MC told us to see each other before she left town to NYC probably knowing that this trip could be the end all. I spoke to her today about our dog that had poked his eye out (sad). THe conversation was short and she said she loved NYC and was having lots of fun. THe bad part is she said she wanted to change her ticket to stay a few more days, UGhh. Our dog is hurt and we just started counseling, I'm dying to work on our marriage and she out having fun and doesnt want to come home, after this I sank into a sea of depression and booked an appointment to see our MC tomorrow. Her whole thing is she wants time to look at our marriage and get some perspective, which is fine but I feel like she is drifting futher away. I'm scared to lose her! I have to admit I've taken my marriage for granted and could of done things a lot better, but I wish she could see that I have hit rock bottom and have been giving this 110%. How long does it take for women to come around and see the effort? I just want my wife back. I'm afaid that she may have met someone else. I have been talking with friends and her family for weeks now but she isnt talking to any of them, not even her parents. THis worries me, she has to be talking to someone! She is so cold about this. How can someone you love turn soooo cold, just tears me up when I'm crying to her and she is rock solid.
scobro Posted November 9, 2005 Posted November 9, 2005 I let Satan talk me into divorcing my lovely wife. How is Satan doing?What did you two talk about to have him talk you into divorcing your wife.Did you guys meet at a bar or did he come to your place? please give me a friggin break ....everybodys got to pass the buck.....own up to it don't blame Satan:mad:
bkz Posted November 9, 2005 Posted November 9, 2005 How is Satan doing?What did you two talk about to have him talk you into divorcing your wife.Did you guys meet at a bar or did he come to your place? please give me a friggin break ....everybodys got to pass the buck.....own up to it don't blame Satan:mad: Well looking at the divorce rate in this country and seing its even higher amoung Christians, id say he's doing pretty good!!! You need to stop spamming your anger on threads when you have no constructive imput to add.
scobro Posted November 9, 2005 Posted November 9, 2005 Well looking at the divorce rate in this country and seing its even higher amoung Christians, id say he's doing pretty good!!! You need to stop spamming your anger on threads when you have no constructive imput to add. Ok then, I will ask Santa, The Tooth Fairy ,and the Easter Bunny what to do then we can all get together at Baby New Years house and talk about marriage and divorce.Come on, "Satin talked me into divorcing my wife" geez should have asked him for the winning lotto numbers when he was finished. Religion is such a crutch for people to lay blame elsewhere instead of owning up and accepting their own actions.
Recommended Posts