Kassieee Posted May 10, 2023 Posted May 10, 2023 This guy I am dating, not my boyfriend, just getting to know has a best friend he seems to really look up to. Before I met him he talked highly of his best friend. I met him and he's a complete jerk. Some weird things he has done to me.. He answered my cell without my permission and asked the person "who is this"? Rudely He told my date that if I get alot of attention from men, then of course im a cheater. While im sitting right there, he talks like im not even in the room. Behind my dates back, he told me not to get with him because he will just bring me down. We actually got into an argument where I left crying....there's other slick things he says to me where you can tell he just doesn't like me. And apparently he didn't like my dates ex too. My date texted me saying that his friend was out of line but obviously I want nothing to do with them. His friend decided he doesn't like me, what's up with him though?
ShyViolet Posted May 11, 2023 Posted May 11, 2023 The issue is not that the friend "doesn't like you". The issue is that the guy you are seeing has a really rude and disrespectful friend. Period. And if the guy you are dating really "looks up" to this friend of his, then I would seriously question his character, and I would seriously rethink this whole relationship. I would never continue dating someone who has a close friend who is utterly rude, disrespectful and treats me very badly. The fact that he said his friend was out of line doesn't help much. I would walk away from this whole mess. The friends that people keep around them say a lot about them as a person. 2
basil67 Posted May 11, 2023 Posted May 11, 2023 While it's good that your date recognised that this guy was out of line, what is he actually doing about it? Whether it's your date's previous girlfriends, you or future girlfriends, I would expect him to address it. Either giving the mate a good talking to and stating that he won't tolerate any further disrespect....or just dumping him - I'd want to see something. How old are your boyfriend and his mate? If they are young, a kick up the rear end could be what he needs. But if they are older I'd expect them to already know how to not to be a d*ckhead. 1
Author Kassieee Posted May 11, 2023 Author Posted May 11, 2023 Just now, basil67 said: While it's good that your date recognised that this guy was out of line, what is he actually doing about it? Whether it's your date's previous girlfriends, you or future girlfriends, I would expect him to address it. Either giving the mate a good talking to and stating that he won't tolerate any further disrespect....or just dumping him - I'd want to see something. How old are your boyfriend and his mate? If they are young, a kick up the rear end could be what he needs. But if they are older I'd expect them to already know how to not to be a d*ckhead. He did make him apologize to me after I started crying. They are in their 20s. His friend warned me not to date him because he will drag me down? But then he himself does nothing but drag me.
Wiseman2 Posted May 11, 2023 Posted May 11, 2023 (edited) 6 hours ago, justaskingok said: This guy I am dating, not my boyfriend, just getting to know Sorry this happened. Huge red flag. If this date sat there on his thumbs while this jerk friend was doing all this, that tells you everything you need to know. Besides rude and exceeding immature, keep in mind the adage "birds of a feather". Tell this man you're not a match and delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. There's no point carrying on with someone who thinks it's fun for his friends to harass you. Edited May 11, 2023 by Wiseman2 1
JTSW Posted May 11, 2023 Posted May 11, 2023 Stand up to him. Ask him what his problem is. Make him see and understand that you wont take any crap from him. I've spent far too much of my life keeping my mouth shut to those who treated me bad in the past. 2
stillafool Posted May 11, 2023 Posted May 11, 2023 5 hours ago, JTSW said: Stand up to him I completely agree. Why haven't you defended yourself against this guy? Tell your bf you do not want to be around his friend and to please let you know if his friend will be over his place when you're coming over, so you won't come.
smackie9 Posted May 11, 2023 Posted May 11, 2023 Dump your date simple as that. Whatever dynamic he has with his friend, it is unhealthy because he keeps tolerating his friend's behavior. A talking to, a lashing out, setting boundaries, giving you an apology doesn't fix anything. The guy is toxic. They obviously come as a package deal so it's time to punt both of them to the curb.
Alpacalia Posted May 11, 2023 Posted May 11, 2023 Can you imagine yourself dating someone and surrounding yourself with his friends, even if you are only dating casually? When my boyfriend's mother insulted me, I was relieved that he stood up for me. My initial response was to decline any one-on-one time she offered. I did that because I didn't want to subject myself to potential comments or to saying something I would regret. Things improved significantly and she apologized. The man you're casually dating chooses to hang out with people with a bad attitudes towards women. Yes, his friend's friend is a bad influence and more disturbing is that the man that you're casually dating thinks it's OK. 1 1
Lotsgoingon Posted May 11, 2023 Posted May 11, 2023 (edited) If someone brings a stupid and immature friend out to meet you and then doesn't chase stupid friend away when he insults you, that means your date is as stupid and immature--perhaps more so--as his friend. Close friends (especially those who bring to meet dates) reflect who we are. An apology afterwards means nothing! But it gets worse. In a crazy and stunning irony, stupid friend warned you that your stupid date will only bring you down. That has a ring of truth to me--because I don't see what stupid friend gains from telling you this. You are young and still developing your dating awareness, so here's a tip to advance your skill. Anytime you cry on a date because you were insulted, the date is over, period. You IMMEDIATELY get up and go to the bathroom. You call an uber or a good friend (you say it's urgent) to pick you up. You hang out in the bathroom as long as possible before the ride arrives and you walk out without saying a word to the date, the only exception you can say is "I'm leaving." You get home, give yourself lots of outrage and compassion. Call up a close friend to get help with some clarity and tenderness. You then block the date for eternity. That’s what you want to do. You do not explain and do not negotiate with idiots who bring idiot friends who insult you. Does that make sense? Edited May 11, 2023 by Lotsgoingon 2 1
Gaeta Posted May 11, 2023 Posted May 11, 2023 I wonder why your date thinks so highly of this friend? Sounds like the friend doesn't want your date to have a gf. What did your date do while all this is happenning? Before you cried. And when you left in tears your date did not follow you?? There is nothing good at the end of that rainbow. A date/bf is suppose to be **protective**, he failed that test miserably. Don't stay with a man that doesn't have a protective instinct, he will never be there for you, he'll never have your back.
Author Kassieee Posted May 12, 2023 Author Posted May 12, 2023 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: I wonder why your date thinks so highly of this friend? Sounds like the friend doesn't want your date to have a gf. What did your date do while all this is happenning? Before you cried. And when you left in tears your date did not follow you?? There is nothing good at the end of that rainbow. A date/bf is suppose to be **protective**, he failed that test miserably. Don't stay with a man that doesn't have a protective instinct, he will never be there for you, he'll never have your back. He didnt do anything. He just let his friend be disrespectful until I said something back to him- that's when I started crying...and he made him apologize. His other friend was kind enough to drive me home after that, didn't hear from my date for the rest of the night. He just texted me the next day. His friend is on a serious high horse...I should've put him in his place when he answered my phone....we don't even know eachother like that. He answered my phone like a controlling boyfriend and he runs everyone in the room
Gaeta Posted May 12, 2023 Posted May 12, 2023 16 minutes ago, justaskingok said: His other friend was kind enough to drive me home after that, didn't hear from my date for the rest of the night. He just texted me the next day. You won't see this guy again right? I can't beleive he did not leave with you and continued enjoying himself the rest of the night!' There are soooo many *better* young men out there! Don't hesitate to pass on this one.
Measure Posted May 12, 2023 Posted May 12, 2023 Well, a lot of people in their 20s have stupid friends. It sounds like his friend is jealous. If you really like this guy you should tell him that you don’t want to associate with his friend. You’ll hang out with him but not if his friend is around since he is a total tool and doesn’t know how to be respectful of women. You can reconsider later if he ever learns to grow up.
ShyViolet Posted May 12, 2023 Posted May 12, 2023 16 hours ago, justaskingok said: He didnt do anything. He just let his friend be disrespectful until I said something back to him- that's when I started crying...and he made him apologize. His other friend was kind enough to drive me home after that, didn't hear from my date for the rest of the night. He just texted me the next day. His friend is on a serious high horse...I should've put him in his place when he answered my phone....we don't even know eachother like that. He answered my phone like a controlling boyfriend and he runs everyone in the room This is not about the friend really, this is about your bf. Or whatever he is, the guy you are seeing. If the guy you are seeing didn't stand up for you, allowed this and sat idly by doing nothing, then that should be the last time you hang out with him. If he thinks it's fine to have friends like this and accept this, then he either has really poor character or he's really immature. This is not someone you want to keep seeing.
Wiseman2 Posted May 12, 2023 Posted May 12, 2023 16 hours ago, justaskingok said: when I started crying... This should be a deal breaker for you. If his friends are rude dorks, this guy is bad news.
Ageless Wisdom23 Posted May 23, 2023 Posted May 23, 2023 If he has this obnoxious friend who acts like this and treats your date's other ex(s)like This, I am hoping your date is nothing like him. Tell him you'd prefer not to hang out with this guy. And while you are at It, Tell him to tell this schmo to mind his manners. You don't put up with that kind of boyish behavior.
Author Kassieee Posted May 24, 2023 Author Posted May 24, 2023 3 hours ago, Ageless Wisdom23 said: If he has this obnoxious friend who acts like this and treats your date's other ex(s)like This, I am hoping your date is nothing like him. Tell him you'd prefer not to hang out with this guy. And while you are at It, Tell him to tell this schmo to mind his manners. You don't put up with that kind of boyish behavior. Haven't spoken to this guy since. 1
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