chicky2006 Posted November 7, 2005 Posted November 7, 2005 This is kinda confusing. I've been with my boyfriend for over 5 years (we have a 2yr old son together) We split up once because he told me he was confused and didn't know what he wanted anymore. He got over that and i guess realized what he had before he lost it, so we got back together. He has this friend that has been interested in me (he has a girlfriend and 2 older kids) He told me that he never cheated on his girlfriend nor have i on my boyfriend. Now things are a little weird because I am interested in him but I feel alot of weird feelings about the whole situation. I love my boyfriend (although i am thinking it's more like a love for a friend these days) but at the same time I am excited when I am alone with the other guy, my heart races when I think of him. I spend all my time thinking about him before bed, in my dreams all the time. I even get butterflies in my stomach when he's around. He gave me his number for me to call him from work (since that the only place where i would never get caught) I want to call him but want some opinions. I hope to speak to someone that has been in this position or is in the same position
glittergurl Posted November 7, 2005 Posted November 7, 2005 You know, that's the nice thing about marriage. You have that ring and those vows that remind you just a little more that you're in a comitted relationship. Nevertheless, you have a child. Would an affair with this dude have any impact on you, your "boyfriend", and your family's life? Yes. Maybe not right away, but it will backfire sooner or later. He has children and a girlfriend. Do you not mind ruining these people's lives? This dude is obviously being extremely selfish there, and you still have the choice to say no. Some self-control does wonders, you'd be surprised. I would never cheat, my child would come before ANYTHING else, and I'd want to be their number one role model. A cheater is lame and weak, and a pretty pathetic example of human nature's worst sides. I would never want my children to witness such mediocrity from me.
Author chicky2006 Posted November 7, 2005 Author Posted November 7, 2005 Thanks glittergurl!!! the thing is I know it's wrong. I wouldn't want to be the reason that the other kids or mine don;t have a two parent home. I also don't want to be in my relationship unhappy. But am I really unhappy or just hyped up over the attention thing. I have never cheated before and never even expected to be thinking about it. But why I am feeling so emotional about it. I can't concentrate on things, I even have a hard time sleeping because i think about it. The question I have now is how to get over it? I see this guy everyday of my life. We make each other very happy just having each other in our lves without having to do anything about out emotions. we talk about our relationships with our spouces together. Anyway I know it has to end but I would really like to keep the friendship that we have, do you think this is possible? Also have you been in this situation before?
glittergurl Posted November 7, 2005 Posted November 7, 2005 Well, I've never been in the exact same situation. But I did have doubts and thoughts about a past crush in the beginning of my relationship with my husband. However, I knew that was all it was: fantasies that would only ruin my life with my husband and break my husband's heart (and probably mine too). I think we all go through this phase at some point. The thing is; these kind of stories hardly have a happy ending. It's okay to have fantasies. It's not okay to try to make them real. I believe the best way to control yourself and keep your head cool about it was to cut contacts. At least for a while. Because it is truly impossible to manage if you see that person often; and I can only imagine what it must be like if it's on a daily basis. If you're not happy with your boyfriend, you have to work things out first. Either go to counselling and try to make it work, or separate with tact for your child's sake. Only then, you'll be able to focus on a new healthy relationship with somebody else; which will cause way less pain and bitterness from your child's and boyfriend's side, than if you start something now. I do not think any new relationship (if you ever get to that point) should be with this man. He has a girlfriend and two children, and this is just wrong. Is it really necessary for you to see him every day? At least try to take your distances if you think you won't be able to manage it the way it is. Also, make it clear to him that you do not want to get intimate. It's basically all up to you. Good luck!
Author chicky2006 Posted November 7, 2005 Author Posted November 7, 2005 you seem like you know what you are talking about, i was wondering if maybe you can e-mail me i have a ton more questions that maybe you can help me with. My e-mail address is [email protected] Hope to hear from you soon
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