Did I do something wrong at this singles event?

May 3, 2023

I went to a singles event at a restaurant where they give you a ticket for a drink and have some food available and there is a bar area, a few booths and tables next to each other. As I walked in there was someone who was friendly and I talked to her for a while and then we started talking with another 2 guys and then just 1 other guy. After that conversation kind of wound down I saw a woman sitting by herself and went up to her and we talked for a bit and she gave me her business card with an instagram account.

Then I walked around and didn't see anyone by themself and that the bar area was rather filled, but saw a man and woman sitting side by side and a lot of empty space next to them. So I sat down and said something like "mind if I join in?" and the guy said they were talking about yoga and I actually knew something about that and he left pretty quickly after that.

Then right after he left the woman says "I want to get something from the bar" and leaves me alone there. So I was thinking is she going to come back, is that a way to say she doesn't want to talk to me? After she didn't come back in a minute or so I got up and started to walk around when I bumped into her and I asked her about yoga her interests and felt like she really didn't like me and didn't follow up with anything so I said nice talking to you and walked away.

Was sitting down when she was with the other guy a problem? I don't understand why she gave me these negative feelings like she wanted to get away.

Should I go up and try to join in at the bar conversations instead? I don't know how to operate with an event like this

May 3, 2023

Why did you think it was a good idea to interrupt what they had going? I have never been to these events but for sure I would never impose myself in between a man & a woman that seem to have connected.

Obviously she didn't like it, maybe someone else wouldn't have been bothered but she was, so next time don't do that.

May 3, 2023

yeah. that was definitely awkward and no feel at all on your part. just learn from it and try again.

May 3, 2023

1 hour ago, max3732 said:

I sat down and said something like "mind if I join in?" and the guy said they were talking about yoga and I actually knew something about that and he left pretty quickly after that.

You did fine. You need a think skin at these events. Yes, next time talk to someone who's free rather than "joining in".

May 3, 2023

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

Why did you think it was a good idea to interrupt what they had going? I have never been to these events but for sure I would never impose myself in between a man & a woman that seem to have connected.

Obviously she didn't like it, maybe someone else wouldn't have been bothered but she was, so next time don't do that.

I agree.

You could have sat down, just for the sake of sitting.... but you shouldn't have interrupted. That in of itself was probably a turn-off for that girl.

May 3, 2023

2 hours ago, max3732 said:

saw a man and woman sitting side by side and a lot of empty space next to them. So I sat down and said something like "mind if I join in?"

This was not a great move.

They were obviously trying to talk to each other, and likely didn't appreciate the interruption. Next time, avoid couples sitting by themselves.They're trying to connect and it would be best for you to keep moving.

May 4, 2023

Yeah she was likely annoyed that you interrupted her time with that other guy.

May 4, 2023

This was a singles event not a social. The agenda was to find someone to date right? Those two should have been left alone. So ya don't be a butt-inski next time.

May 4, 2023

19 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

This was a singles event not a social. The agenda was to find someone to date right? Those two should have been left alone. So ya don't be a butt-inski next time.

Right, but the whole room is filled with people talking. So if you're not talking to someone you have to jump into someone else's conversation or else just sit there looking at a wall waiting for someone else to show up or break away from their conversation.

That's what made me feel awkward. So only jump into another conversation if it's 3+? Or what am I supposed to do? When I was talking to someone before someone else sat down and started talking with us and she didn't leave.

May 4, 2023

7 minutes ago, max3732 said:

Right, but the whole room is filled with people talking. So if you're not talking to someone you have to jump into someone else's conversation or else just sit there looking at a wall waiting for someone else to show up or break away from their conversation.

You being alone will give a woman a chance to go say hello. Be comfortable with sitting by yourself, it won't kill you.

May 4, 2023

22 hours ago, max3732 said:

So I sat down and said something like "mind if I join in?" and the guy said they were talking about yoga and I actually knew something about that and he left pretty quickly after that.

They were talking and trying to make a connection. And then out of the blue you come and start butting in. For whatever reason, that guy loses interest in that particular lady (may or may not be related to you) and leaves. And the lady is upset and blames you for that guy leaving. OK, why did you butt in into the first place if you saw then talking to each other? If this was some sort of a business gathering, mingling and talking to different people (and butting in on the discussions) would be totally fine. But since this is a singles even, you should have left them alone.

May 4, 2023

3 hours ago, max3732 said:

So only jump into another conversation if it's 3+? Or what am I supposed to do?

Well, you asked us if you goofed here. And yes, the majority are trying to tell you that you did.

So yes, in the future, approach smaller groups. Or sit on your own for a bit looking welcoming. But don't butt into a conversation between just two people who are obviously trying to get to know each other.

May 4, 2023

You have no business interrupting a conversation between a man and woman at a singles event.

Talk to anyone else who isn't engaged in a conversation or just hang at the bar keeping your eyes open for an opportunity.

May 4, 2023

8 hours ago, Gaeta said:

You being alone will give a woman a chance to go say hello. Be comfortable with sitting by yourself, it won't kill you.

Next time that's what I'll do.

I felt a bit uncomfortable/awkward sitting there by myself and just wanted to do something. Live and learn

May 5, 2023

9 hours ago, max3732 said:

Right, but the whole room is filled with people talking. So if you're not talking to someone you have to jump into someone else's conversation or else just sit there looking at a wall waiting for someone else to show up or break away from their conversation.

That's what made me feel awkward. So only jump into another conversation if it's 3+? Or what am I supposed to do? When I was talking to someone before someone else sat down and started talking with us and she didn't leave.

This is called interrupting. You did not know these people, and you butted in. That's what children do when they need attention. I can feel just from the way you respond that you are very impatient.

Most women are attracted to someone that is self assured.... but not rude. So, because of that... what you did was a big turn-ff to that girl. It's that simple. Trying to debate that point with this board won't change the outcome.

Since this was a planned mixer... I would have simpely gotten a drink... waited a few minutes, and then made my rounds again to find someone who was available.

May 5, 2023

I have a slightly different take. I think the woman was into the guy she was first talking to, so your interruption was unwelcome to her. The guy, on the other hand, saw your presence as a way to exit the situation; perhaps he was less interested in her than she was in him and you made his exit possible. She then left (in a huff?) because it was easier to blame the guy's loss of interest on you than on the fact that he wasn't too keen to begin with (or he'd have stayed).

Unless you are really adept at small talk/flirting/casual chit chat, I'd say that an event like this is probably not a great idea.

May 5, 2023

16 hours ago, Blind-Sided said:

This is called interrupting. You did not know these people, and you butted in. That's what children do when they need attention. I can feel just from the way you respond that you are very impatient.

Most women are attracted to someone that is self assured.... but not rude. So, because of that... what you did was a big turn-ff to that girl. It's that simple. Trying to debate that point with this board won't change the outcome.

Since this was a planned mixer... I would have simpely gotten a drink... waited a few minutes, and then made my rounds again to find someone who was available.

How can you tell who is available at an event like this? Finding someone sitting by him/herself was rather rare. I just lucked out that I walked by as this one guy got up from talking to another woman. I sat by myself for a bit observing people and noticed people coming up to others by the bar and introducing themselves all the time. They'd walk in the door and

Is there something different about people seated vs. standing at the bar? Unless you happen to talk to someone right as she's walking in how else am I supposed to talk to anyone?

I'm actually extremely patient, but at an event like this also feel rather uncomfortable/awkward trying to figure out how to conduct myself. Hence why I asked on here.

In thinking about the event I was standing by myself and looking at a room filled with singles talking to each other. You're saying I should get a drink and stand by myself near the bar where everyone is and not speak to anyone unless they speak to me first or notice they're also not talking to anyone? Or I should take my drink and sit by myself at a table and watch everyone else talking? When I'm by myself at that event I felt pretty uncomfortable.

1 hour ago, introverted1 said:

I have a slightly different take. I think the woman was into the guy she was first talking to, so your interruption was unwelcome to her. The guy, on the other hand, saw your presence as a way to exit the situation; perhaps he was less interested in her than she was in him and you made his exit possible. She then left (in a huff?) because it was easier to blame the guy's loss of interest on you than on the fact that he wasn't too keen to begin with (or he'd have stayed).

Unless you are really adept at small talk/flirting/casual chit chat, I'd say that an event like this is probably not a great idea.

That could be too. The guy was actually much more friendly that she was. He said something like "we were talking about yoga poses and cobra" and I replied that I knew about that as part of a comprehensive fitness program I did and he said he was rather impressed. I told him I was just discussing photography with someone else and the federal reserve action with another person so it's fun to talk about different topics at this event. The woman just mentioned something about a yoga studio and when the guy left immediately went to leave ("to get a drink") without ever talking to me. When I tried talking to her it was like pulling teeth.

From what I could tell she was definitely not my type and just because she didn't at least attempt any kind of pleasant conversation like I did with women I wasn't interested in.

I'm definitely not adept at small talk/flirting/casual chit chat, but am trying to get out of my comfort zone and try new things. That experience left a bad taste in my mouth though

May 5, 2023

1 hour ago, max3732 said:

From what I could tell she was definitely not my type and just because she didn't at least attempt any kind of pleasant conversation like I did with women I wasn't interested in.

OK, why did you approach her if she wasn't your type? I mean, if this was a business event or something like that, yeah, by all means approach a group of people who are chatting. But why waste her time or rather yours if this thing was clearly a dating event. Especially, if a woman, whom you don't find physically appealing, is talking to another guy. Seriously, this was going to end up being a failure to begin with. Nothing wrong with saying a friendly hello, I guess, if she was standing alone but they were talking already. And again, she was not your type so why butt in?

May 5, 2023

1 hour ago, max3732 said:

How can you tell who is available at an event like this?

Everyone is available. That's the whole point.

May 5, 2023

1 hour ago, max3732 said:

How can you tell who is available at an event like this? Finding someone sitting by him/herself was rather rare. I just lucked out that I walked by as this one guy got up from talking to another woman. I sat by myself for a bit observing people and noticed people coming up to others by the bar and introducing themselves all the time. They'd walk in the door and

Is there something different about people seated vs. standing at the bar? Unless you happen to talk to someone right as she's walking in how else am I supposed to talk to anyone?

I'm actually extremely patient, but at an event like this also feel rather uncomfortable/awkward trying to figure out how to conduct myself. Hence why I asked on here.

In thinking about the event I was standing by myself and looking at a room filled with singles talking to each other. You're saying I should get a drink and stand by myself near the bar where everyone is and not speak to anyone unless they speak to me first or notice they're also not talking to anyone? Or I should take my drink and sit by myself at a table and watch everyone else talking? When I'm by myself at that event I felt pretty uncomfortable.

You said it was singles mixer.... so they are all available. (So to speak) Learn to read the room. If 2 people are talking directly, and there is smiling, playing with her hair, touching... so on.... then they are not "Open" to having someone joining in the conversation. If there is looking around, no real smiles.... then you may be able to start talking with them. BUT... listen to the conversation first, and interject something that is relevant. But even then.... that can be seen interrupting. But in the case of a mixer... it's not as bad.

I've never been to a singles mixer, but anytime I'm travelling for work... I'm normally alone at dinner time, and I will sit at the bar to eat. Some of the properties I'm at are VERY busy at that time, especially if it's a convention hotel. A lot of times, I will simply sit next to someone, and I always enter into the conversations around me. BUT... if it's a girl-guy beside me, and a back is slightly turned towards me... I will stay out of it.

A couple weeks ago... I was invited out with a few of my female friends... and I went up to the bar to get a beer. I purposely flagged the bartender down between two girls. (Bar was full) so, when the bartender came over, I asked what the one girl was drinking.... and I said "That sounds good, give me one of those". (It was a dark beer) So, I stood and talked to her for a few minutes. (She was there talking with another girl, so I figured she was single)

So, there are tactful ways of starting to talk with people... but simply waking up and saying "Mind if I join in" isn't one of them. Personally... knowing it was a mixer... that feels a little desperate.

Edited May 5, 2023 by Blind-Sided

May 5, 2023

16 minutes ago, semble said:

Everyone is available. That's the whole point.

Yes this is what singles events are all about,so it's a matter of finding an opening. Smile, be approachable, walk around, make random small talk as @Blind-Sided suggested.

Edited May 5, 2023 by Wiseman2

May 7, 2023

On 5/5/2023 at 2:15 PM, max3732 said:

How can you tell who is available at an event like this? Finding someone sitting by him/herself was rather rare. I just lucked out that I walked by as this one guy got up from talking to another woman. I sat by myself for a bit observing people and noticed people coming up to others by the bar and introducing themselves all the time. They'd walk in the door and

Is there something different about people seated vs. standing at the bar? Unless you happen to talk to someone right as she's walking in how else am I supposed to talk to anyone?

I'm actually extremely patient, but at an event like this also feel rather uncomfortable/awkward trying to figure out how to conduct myself. Hence why I asked on here.

In thinking about the event I was standing by myself and looking at a room filled with singles talking to each other. You're saying I should get a drink and stand by myself near the bar where everyone is and not speak to anyone unless they speak to me first or notice they're also not talking to anyone? Or I should take my drink and sit by myself at a table and watch everyone else talking? When I'm by myself at that event I felt pretty uncomfortable.

That could be too. The guy was actually much more friendly that she was. He said something like "we were talking about yoga poses and cobra" and I replied that I knew about that as part of a comprehensive fitness program I did and he said he was rather impressed. I told him I was just discussing photography with someone else and the federal reserve action with another person so it's fun to talk about different topics at this event. The woman just mentioned something about a yoga studio and when the guy left immediately went to leave ("to get a drink") without ever talking to me. When I tried talking to her it was like pulling teeth.

From what I could tell she was definitely not my type and just because she didn't at least attempt any kind of pleasant conversation like I did with women I wasn't interested in.

I'm definitely not adept at small talk/flirting/casual chit chat, but am trying to get out of my comfort zone and try new things. That experience left a bad taste in my mouth though

For me innthus situation I need something to talk about. Not idle chit chat.

I’m trying to envision the situation. I might go and sit down like you did but I’d probably mind my own business unless thry were talking about something I knew and maybe make a comment on something I herd.

her response I wouldn’t have cared less and not have this affect on you.

I’d assume everyone there were single and wanted to meet people…but here might be a few there who were not because they were there with a friend who went there looking.

Sign In

Did I do something wrong at this singles event?

Recommended Posts

max3732

Gaeta

ccas93

Wiseman2

Blind-Sided

ExpatInItaly

JTSW

smackie9

max3732

Gaeta

Alvi

ExpatInItaly

semble

max3732

Blind-Sided

introverted1

max3732

Alvi

semble

Blind-Sided

Wiseman2

Ami1uwant

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...