lilmoma1973 Posted November 7, 2005 Posted November 7, 2005 How many women out there think that all men are good for is sex and bringing home a paycheck? The reason i ask is because women do pretty much everything around the house with the kids and housework!!! They might do the cars after we have bitched and nagged at them after 3 mths has gone by it will get done.. They might mow the lawn after it has grown a jungle . Most men will do only what benefits them !! How many women are sick of this type of thing going on and feel why they even here? I am at this point now and ready to be by myself!!
Author lilmoma1973 Posted November 7, 2005 Author Posted November 7, 2005 Most men may not be like this but right now this is my feelings on my h and having to bash men sorry:)
Hot Coco Posted November 7, 2005 Posted November 7, 2005 That's sad that you think that way, lilmomma. Maybe you're not with the right man. My H is more than a paycheck and a sexual toy for me. He's my friend, my companion, my partner through life. We have dreams and goals together. He takes care of the cars and the yardwork without complaints or any prodding from me. In fact, I often tell him to slow down and let this or that go so that he can relax a little. I don't think most men will do what benefits them...well, at least not any more than women. Not all men are like what you describe...just the bad ones. Maybe you should let it be known that you expect more. If you expect more, you will very often get more. You can't whine or nag though. You have to be prepared to leave though if you're not happy...otherwise if you're going to stay, you should keep it to yourself and not say anything. Do you see what I mean? You have the power to change your circumstances.
glittergurl Posted November 7, 2005 Posted November 7, 2005 Oh, I couldn't live without my husband; it would be like dying. Well, half dying He is so much fun and makes me laugh all the time. We keep having new projects to look forward to; which I think is what many couples lack (especially after a few years): plan stuff together, even if it's something crazy, and even if it takes years to achieve.
Yamaha Posted November 7, 2005 Posted November 7, 2005 I have a friend who felt the same way. He worked and did all the chores around the house while his wife laid in bed until she went to work as a hair stylist. He had a kid from another marriage and he took care of him by himself. Needless to say the resentment kept building until they grew so far apart that divorce was the only option. Don't let your resentment build until there is no other option. Talk to him about how you are feeling. He may not know it bothers you so much. Swallow your pride and let him know you need some help. You'd be surprised how much a change it might make and if it doesn't then he isn't worthy of you.
Author lilmoma1973 Posted November 7, 2005 Author Posted November 7, 2005 Thanks Hot coco.. Yeah im noticing that maybe my h just don't care about my feelings about what he does.. I don't bitch and nagg till it has been months and nothing is done .. I always ask my h nicely never is he forced but it ticks me off that it takes an act of congress to get him to do anything!! The only thing that never gets put aside is his band he makes sure that is taken care of first .. It is never put on the back burner for nothing or noone!! When they have a gig he is always making banners and putting out flyers well before time not that way here always done day of knowing months in advance !@! I guess it is all in what you want to do!!
Author lilmoma1973 Posted November 7, 2005 Author Posted November 7, 2005 I have a friend who felt the same way. He worked and did all the chores around the house while his wife laid in bed until she went to work as a hair stylist. He had a kid from another marriage and he took care of him by himself. Needless to say the resentment kept building until they grew so far apart that divorce was the only option. Don't let your resentment build until there is no other option. Talk to him about how you are feeling. He may not know it bothers you so much. Swallow your pride and let him know you need some help. You'd be surprised how much a change it might make and if it doesn't then he isn't worthy of you. I have let him know how i feel by making comments how his band members wife is tired of the same thing!! He asked me what i would like him do and i tell him and he will do it a day or so then it like he forgets and goes back to the same way he was before!! I think it is all in what you want to do and it is obvious that he don't care about this marriage and how he isn't doing his part .. i am tired of giving and all he is taking and not giving nothing in return .. i RESPECT THAT HE WORKS AND WORKS HARD !! But being a stay at home mom and taking care of our daughter and his son that now is a teenager is a two jobs and i work as hard as he does the only difference is i don't get a paycheck !!! I would like a lot more respect and appreciation than i get which isn't a hell of alot is that asking so much from a person!!
Shelly118 Posted November 7, 2005 Posted November 7, 2005 Have you all been to counseling for all this? If not then maybe thats the best route right now. If you have been and things haven't changed, and you have communicated to your hubby over and over again how you feel, then there comes a time when you must ask yourself, why am I still in this situation? I understand people stay for diiferent reasons, but that doesn't make it right nor can it be healthy. Are you staying for kids sakes? Are you co-dependent? Do you feel this is what you deserve? Sounds like hes not really willing to change. Hopefully he will but, if he doesn't how does that make you feel? Do you have any self worth or has it been shot all to peices and you feel trapped or that this is what your life is supossed to be like? If you are really that sick and tired of it, and have enough and no one is willing to change, then move on. I have seen to many people gripe and complain, bitch and nag about their situations even after they have tried various things, only to continue to stay in them. If its a crappy life like it seems like, then get out of it. If you're not willing too, then stay in and live life the best you can.
Lil Honey Posted November 8, 2005 Posted November 8, 2005 Lilmoma: I have never thought of men as good only for sex and a paycheck. I do understand how you feel. I would ask my H to do something, but I would only ask twice. I figured any more than that was nagging and I didn't want to be thought of that way. I would then do those things myself. Doing it all is easier than asking over and over, getting "those looks," and having to hear complaints. Unfortunately, when a spouse is "doing it all," they other gets used to not having to do it. Then, resentment builds. I got a divorce, because I was tired of feeling angry, feeling like a doormat, and like I was the last priority. I let him know what the problems were, but it fell on deaf ears. The part that I have to take responsibility for is the fact that I ALLOWED him to treat me like a doormat, etc. I don't recall how old your daughter, is but I think it's time that you start doing things for yourself, instead of everyone else. You need to get away from family (since you have them around 24 hours a day). Can you get a part-time job? Can you join a club, a gym or a hobby circle? You need to remember that this is YOUR life. I value men. I would never look at my man as anything other than a wonderful part of our relationship. If I didn't feel that way, things would have to change. A relationship, IMHO, is made up of two people working together toward common goals and helping each other grow.
Author lilmoma1973 Posted November 8, 2005 Author Posted November 8, 2005 i said the reason i feel that men are good for a paycheck and sex is because most of the time that is all they usually give to an relationship!! Not meaning all men but some !! Yes i do have an outlet i exercise at home 2 hr a day at my home and it is a stress reliever.. I do this before i have to pick my daughter up from school !! I love to exercise only thing in life im enjoying lately besides my daughter!!! I think my h is just selfish and inconsiderate of anyone's feelings all he thinks about himself here lately and his band making it !! It will never happen with the band members he has they make it a game not anything but !! My h eats sleeps and breathe his band and im sick of it!! Just wish he would make our marriage work like he does with his band and as i said before i guess its all in what you want !!
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