flyjetjay Posted November 7, 2005 Posted November 7, 2005 My new girlfriend, who I was with before has a BIG situation that she is so stuck with! She had this guy living with her that is the father of her one child. This guy is a lazy bum and refuses to work. He has no money and doesnt and never helped with anything! He says he will work, and he will for a day or two, then he quits. He is a big time loser!! She has told him that they are done and that she is in love with me, that we are soul mates. I love her dearly and I have a real good job and I can provide for and care for her and give her what she needs. Heres the thing, HE RUFUSES TO LEAVE HER HOUSE!!!! He doesnt think she is serious! She has told him to pack his stuff and get out and he wont go! She has told him that she will go and marry me so he will get the clue, which we plan on doing anyhow, but not for that reason. The house is in HER name alone, bills are in her name alone. He has nothing! How can she get him removed from her house? She is so stuck, he basicaly threatens her and constantly argues with her and I just want to help her get him out, but not be the one to do it. So I thought I would post on here to get some help and advice for her. We live in Pennsylvania, if anyone knows laws here. I appreciate any and all help!! Thank You!!
slubberdegullion Posted November 7, 2005 Posted November 7, 2005 Call the cops. The dude is trespassing. Let them deal with it.
mazza32cott Posted November 7, 2005 Posted November 7, 2005 Have they been together for a while? I agree get the police involved if need be. Be careful though, could get dangerous... Have you met him?
Author flyjetjay Posted November 7, 2005 Author Posted November 7, 2005 They were together for like 3 years, and he kept giving her the same song and dance, the ol Ill change Ill work , Ill BS!! She is tired of it and wants him out! I have met him... not worried about him with me, just her! I told her to either go for a PFA or a restraining order, but around here they arent inforced that well.
upsetnhurt Posted November 7, 2005 Posted November 7, 2005 This is a defining moment in your relationship with her and her actions will dictate just how real the both of you are. Take her in the car with you and go directly to the cops and file a report and whatever else they feel is warranted. Watch her actions in doing this. The reason I say that is I dated my ex for a year plus all while an ex of hers (dated for 4 years) stalked us both. I pushed for the cops to be involved and each time she said all the right things. The moment that the cops mentioned that his actions merited the potential of a felony she backed off and said that she can't go through with it and that she still cared for him. Told me a lot as to where her priorities are. This after having paint thinner poured on my car, my home door locks glued twice, harrassing emails to my work and being consistently followed and scared for my life. Be careful here. Sounds as if something is wrong in that she can't get him out of her house.
Author flyjetjay Posted November 7, 2005 Author Posted November 7, 2005 We have been talking about getting the police involved, she was just unsure of what all her legal boundries are. She is a great person with a big heart and she does everything not to hurt people, but she is so confused on what to do because he keeps filling her head with crap and saying real off the wall stuff! He thinks he is smart, but I am fairly knowlegable on legal aspects of some things. I know for a fact though she did file papers against him through domestics for child support last week. She submitted the first step with the expense sheet. She is under so much stress from this dead beat loser! She even had to go get a part time job because of his immaturity. He says she is making a mistake and she is ruining her family. The only way she will ruin her family would be staying in the situation she is in.
mazza32cott Posted November 7, 2005 Posted November 7, 2005 I had the same problem with my ex husband for 18 years. He wouldn't move out either. Eventually he did but then I didn't have another man wanting to get in so to speak. I can understand that she doesn't want to upset him too much. I didn't want to upset my ex too much. Getting the police involved when you still have feelings for someone is not good. It's not that I still loved my husband but we had a past and I didn't want to see him hurt. I do feel however, that you are best to keep out of it. Maybe tell her that she needs to sort her problems out. You can't help her. Let her know you love her but that you can't continue this relationship until it's sorted. Then sit back and see what happens. As hard as it is I think this is the only way to get some action happening. If her love for you is strong, it will be sorted out quickly. Maz
Author flyjetjay Posted November 7, 2005 Author Posted November 7, 2005 See... I did that back in June... and now this is where I am at today. She is just unsure of what she can do legaly to get him removed. ANd she doesnt have anyone else to basicaly talk to about her problems, so I did a google search and found this site. So I could get some more thoughts, ideas and insight to what to do. Thank you for all who are replying!!!
upsetnhurt Posted November 7, 2005 Posted November 7, 2005 Fly..... You can't be her savior here. I realize you care for her, even love her....yet this already has the makings for a unhealthy relationship and future. You both are being defined by this guy and you need to establish a life outside of it together to be successful. You will be the one who ends up heartbroken when nothing changes ever. As much as you care for her, you need to look out for yourself first. She needs to recognize that if she wants you in her life she has to take some action today regarding him. The sad thing is that he will always be involved one way or the other as I think you mentioned that there is a child involved. You mentioned that you talked to her in June......what did you say? Did you let her know that you should walk away while she deals with her problems? If so, why are you still involved? Unless you do it she will always think she can carry on as of the present state. I don't want to place all the blame on her as he is being a prick about it yet he is not your problem, she is.
morrigan Posted November 7, 2005 Posted November 7, 2005 She needs to contact attorneys in your state and find one with experience in housing/eviction laws. If her ex threatens her or their child, she needs to call the police on him every time it occurs, and possibly seek some type of a restraining order against him. There's really nothing you can do about what is essentially her problem, if she takes no further legal steps to deal with it. This ex isn't planning on moving out until he's legally obligated by a court to do so.
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