wyldflower Posted November 7, 2005 Posted November 7, 2005 Observation time. I came to this website because I needed to know what other women in similar situations were going through. Everyone was so supportive and thoughtful... when my MM was out of reach. Now that he is by my side, I am copping this (see thread I got My Man)?! Negativity?! Judgement of my man?! Assumptions that he is a BAD person?! I thought we were open minded here. If things fall apart for me, these negative comments have stopped me from ever seeking support from here again. To those of you who have offered kind thoughts... thank you very much.
whichwayisup Posted November 7, 2005 Posted November 7, 2005 If you need to leave LS because you feel you aren't getting the support, then go. But letting afew opinions get to you and put you off is the wrong reason to leave. Take the bad with the good - like everything else in life. Sorry if I offended you, I guess I've just read enough posts to see the aftermath and help others through there messes, even OW who have gotten their man. You have him now...That is great! The key is to make it last and be happy. Love and trust eachother - Build a life together. What I think or anybody thinks here shouldn't matter enough to you to ruin it. There are many helpful people, even if the advice is harsh, it's given and people care enough to tell you how they feel about your situation. Don't take it too personally, but take it with a grain of salt. Best of luck.
Author wyldflower Posted November 7, 2005 Author Posted November 7, 2005 Thanks WWIU. You have been open minded and supportive and I don't mind hearing opinions when they are spoken tactfully, as you always do.
newbby Posted November 7, 2005 Posted November 7, 2005 Probably because the majority here are ow who have had bad experiences with mm, and they are sceptical about the chances of things working out. It was also mostly people who are married who have given you the negative comments on your first thread, or people who have grown up around infidelity, it is always worth reading previous posts by all advice givers before taking advice to heart. However, there are a couple of people who have given advice who have a good reputation for excellent insight, namely lb and oe. I am in no position to advise on this as I have not experienced first hand this situation. However, I have read enough threads by ow who's mm did leave for them only to return. I think oe in particular is the best person to seek advice from, and perhaps you need to heed her advice and stand still firm, until divorce is finalised.
Outcast Posted November 7, 2005 Posted November 7, 2005 You're mistaken if you think any forum is exclusively for support. In point of fact, you didn't get 'your' man, you got someone else's man and people who are the BSs are unlikely to cheer for you. Nor are people who think affairs are low.
seachange Posted November 7, 2005 Posted November 7, 2005 wyld - I'm happy that you're happy again, but honestly, I think the title of your other thread, and the opening remarks, are not designed to foster good feeling. "Got my man" and "the sweet smell of victory" sound pretty self-satisfied and kind of insensitive, though you later said you're not so cruel as not to recognize his wife might be in some pain after all this heartache. I realize you were conflicted about hurting your boyfriend before, when you broke up with him for this man, and that perhaps you do have an inkling of the unhappiness that his wife might be feeling. But truly, from this post, you don't sound like you care all that much about anyone's happiness but your own (and possibly "your" man). It sounds gloating. That's not to say you aren't aware of others' feelings. But I'm also not surprised that your post ruffled a few feathers.
Art_Critic Posted November 7, 2005 Posted November 7, 2005 What seaexchange said.. I also would like to add that now you start another thread looking for more attention.. If you don't like advice that people give you then ignore it.. On a forum you get such a wide diverse view of people that it would be impossible to get only great advice.. And if you are looking for a pat on the back ( as your last post stated ) then don't expect to get it from everyone
JayKay Posted November 7, 2005 Posted November 7, 2005 I think a lot of the pointers people gave you in the earlier thread were right on; there is a high statistical probability that the relationship will not work out....or be bumpy at best. I'm sure no one wishes you ill will (though some might...this is the internet after all, you have to take your lumps when you post publicly). In truth, I found 'Got My Man' a rather insensitive title. It sounds like you snatched him from someone else's clutches... As I read further I realized that the breakup of his marriage seems to be best for both parties concerned and I stopped reading into 'Got My Man' so much. The OW/MM relationship is fraught with complications; I would proceed with caution. Just my 2 cents
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