JB96x Posted May 2, 2023 Posted May 2, 2023 Hello everyone hope you’re well I’m 26 male. Now what I’m about to say I’m been very open and brutally honest as I know it’s not right and messed up so please be kind as I’m been open. So it’s hard to explain, so basically I’m not sure if it’s a fantasy I have for 3somes or not as when I think of having one with my partner wether it be a male or female I feel very anxious and annoyed as I wouldn’t want anyone near her but also at the same time kind of turned on but it’s just so bloody strange as it literally makes me feel very anxious and annoyed but it’s also as if I have kink for it as It obviously slightly turns me on. Now this is the weird part I constantly try goad my partner(female) into admitting she’d want a 3some when we talk dirty and her to admit it’s her fantasy even though it’s not as she’s already told me she’s not about that and doesn’t even really have any fantasies and it’s just weird and unexplainable it’s as if in my head I want her to admit to she’s into 3somes even though I’ll be honest I know if she seriously told me “Look I really want a 3some with someone” I would absolutely lose my sh*t and go berserk so why on earth do I keep goading her into saying it if it would really upset me like I don’t know myself it’s so strange it’s as if it would slightly turn me on hearing her say it but at the same time absolutely destroy me it’s just so bizarre and I don’t understand it myself like why am I constantly trying to almost force her to say it and force her to have a 3some fantasy when if she did it would destroy me? Any help and advice would be appreciated as I really can’t put my finger on why this is happening in my brain lol.
JTSW Posted May 2, 2023 Posted May 2, 2023 Has someone cheated on you in the past by having a threesome? Are you trying to get her to say it so you will have an excuse to end the relationship? If that is not the case you should consider therapy to try and figure out what your issues are.
Author JB96x Posted May 2, 2023 Author Posted May 2, 2023 1 minute ago, JTSW said: Has someone cheated on you in the past by having a threesome? Are you trying to get her to say it so you will have an excuse to end the relationship? If that is not the case you should consider therapy to try and figure out what your issues are. No I’ve never been cheated on and no absolutely not she’s my life we’re getting married this year. It’s just so strange and I don’t understand it
stillafool Posted May 2, 2023 Posted May 2, 2023 You haven't sowed enough wild oates before you got into a relationship. You should have had a 3 some when you were single. If you and your girlfriend ever break up you can put this on your list. Most people are not comfortable having a 3 that involves their partner because of jealousy so that's not rare. However they still want one.
stillafool Posted May 2, 2023 Posted May 2, 2023 1 minute ago, JB96x said: No I’ve never been cheated on and no absolutely not she’s my life we’re getting married this year. Oh well, it's too late now. Stop trying to make her say she wants one. That isn't fair to her.
Author JB96x Posted May 2, 2023 Author Posted May 2, 2023 3 minutes ago, stillafool said: You haven't sowed enough wild oates before you got into a relationship. You should have had a 3 some when you were single. If you and your girlfriend ever break up you can put this on your list. Most people are not comfortable having a 3 that involves their partner because of jealousy so that's not rare. However they still want one. That’s the thing I already have, twice infact but when I was single obviously with my mates and a girl just having fun it wasn’t anything serious and tbf it wasn’t as if it turned me on it was just a laugh more then anything to me so it’s strange as If it was an actual fantasy it would of got me going.
JTSW Posted May 2, 2023 Posted May 2, 2023 Like I said, seek therapy to try and figure out why your brain wants to sabotage your relationship. 1
stillafool Posted May 2, 2023 Posted May 2, 2023 I agree with JTSW that therapy can help you find the answer to your question.
Alpacalia Posted May 2, 2023 Posted May 2, 2023 It may be that the idea of a threesome is something that arouses you but also makes you feel anxious and guilty. By goading her into admitting that she wants a threesome, you are essentially trying to get her to take responsibility for this desire, thus absolving you of the guilt of wanting it. This could be why the idea of her actually having a threesome would be so upsetting to you. The other thought is that the threesome idea could just be a subconscious attempt to test her loyalty to you? You engage in these 'fantasy conversations' with her to assure yourself of her commitment. It's your mind's way of trying to seek confirmation from her that she doesn't have eyes for anyone else but you. Almost as if you're trying to gauge her true feelings for you by pushing the boundaries of the conversation to see where she stands on the idea of a threesome. Just a guess! Congratulations on your upcoming wedding. Could it be stirring up some stuff for you? There are some anxieties going on, it sounds like, so I think talking to someone (as suggested) about them to help you to uncover and deal with them is a good idea.
Wiseman2 Posted May 2, 2023 Posted May 2, 2023 4 hours ago, JB96x said: it would slightly turn me on hearing her say it but at the same time absolutely destroy me it’s just so bizarre and I don’t understand it myself like why am I constantly trying to almost force her to say it and force her to have a 3some fantasy when if she did it would destroy me? If it's a fantasy it's fine, especially if you don't want to act it out. If it's becoming an obsession, that's something to look into. For example questioning if she's bi:
Jane Cramer Posted May 4, 2023 Posted May 4, 2023 I completely agree with you. Conflicting feelings and desires can be challenging to navigate, especially when it comes to something as complex as threesomes. Communication is key in any relationship, and it's essential to have open and honest conversations with your partner about what you both want and feel comfortable with. It's also important to recognize that everyone has different sexual desires and preferences, and it's okay if you and your partner do not share the same fantasies. It's crucial to respect each other's boundaries and not pressure or coerce your partner into doing something they're not comfortable with. Speaking with a therapist or counselor can be incredibly helpful in exploring these feelings and working towards a solution that feels right for you and your relationship. They can provide a safe and non-judgmental space to discuss your thoughts and feelings, as well as offer guidance and support in navigating this complex issue. Remember, it's okay to have fantasies and desires, but it's crucial to approach them in a respectful and healthy way that takes your partner's feelings and boundaries into consideration. 1
Measure Posted May 12, 2023 Posted May 12, 2023 You said you try to get her to admit it when talking dirty. Are you talking about during sex? If so man, you can’t count anything said during sex as true. As far as this thought that drives you nuts, you really need to get a handle on your thoughts. Especially if you care about your woman. As others have already mentioned, if you even think about the prospect of some other guy with you and your old lady then you are not ready to get married. Besides, I don’t know what the three-some attraction is.
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