He rejected me but we hooked up?

[RennerReiner]

My male friend has refused a relationship with me. I met him when I began dating my ex in 2019, who is one of his close friends. However, our relationship became LDR since 2021 but we were still together till August 2022 until I found out he was cheating on me with a local model in the Egypt.

 

I bullied him off instagram which led to him deleting his account and the new girlfriend also stopped posting. I also posted tons of stories and some photos with his friend/my friend.

 

I invited him to lunch and dinner so many times., at my house or restaurants. He came to picnics with me. We texted a lot, almost daily. I also invited him to my graduation party and actual ceremony as my plus one.

I invited him to my Syrian society event as well. He also took me to meet a few acquaintances and we met up for drinks, coffee etc.

 

He did offer support during my break up with my ex. However, he's still in touch with my ex and they do talk once in a while. We hooked up a few times too.

 

However, once I told him I liked him more than a friend, he became quite distant in his attitude. Earlier, he was always patting me on my shoulder, being friendly and helpful but his entire demeanor had changed once I mentioned. He also got really worked up when I tried to tell him that I liked him and wanted more. 

 

He told me he's not ready, has viewed me as a friend, has a lot on his plate than a relationship and can't date me as he doesn't feel the same way. He got angry a few times too until I understood he had plenty of reasons to not be with me. 

 

Why wont he get together with me , I can't understand???

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, RennerReiner said:

.I bullied him off instagram which led to him deleting his account and the new girlfriend also stopped posting. I also posted tons of stories and some photos with his friend/my friend.

Sorry this happened. Unfortunately all he seems to be offering is FWB. 

It may be best to delete and block your ex and this man and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

Just walk away in dignity and find local caring men who want what you want.

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, RennerReiner said:

Why wont he get together with me , I can't understand???

Because his friend (your ex) means more to him than you do.  Also because most men don't like to make a woman their gf if their friend(s) have had sex with her.  They don't mind giving you sex but that's as far as they will go.  Also you kicked up quite a fuss by bullying your ex and his new gf.  He knows you don't mind doing drama and men don't like that either.

[ExpatInItaly]

9 hours ago, RennerReiner said:

Why wont he get together with me , I can't understand???

 Sometimes we're attracted to people but not enough to date them. He doesn't see you as girlfriend material for him. You're also his friend's ex so the likelihood of this developing has always been very low. 

It's time to call this all off. It's already getting too messy and it's not going to go further than it is now. A waste of your time, in other words. 

 

[JTSW]

10 hours ago, RennerReiner said:

Why wont he get together with me , I can't understand???

Because he doesn't feel the same way you do.

You need to accept that and cut this thing off with him.

Don't push him on it because it will just make it worse.

Be an adult and walk away gracefully.

Don't bully him the way you did your ex (even though your ex deserved it).

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, RennerReiner said:

I bullied him off instagram which led to him deleting his account and the new girlfriend also stopped posting. I also posted tons of stories and some photos with his friend/my friend.

If possible, remove the bullying content asap. 

Please read the terms of service for your social media. Most sites have steps to take regarding cyber bullying:

"Report harassment or bullying on Instagram if an account is established with the intent of bullying or harassing another person or if a photo or comment is intended to bully or harass someone, please report it."

Edited April 25, 2023 by Wiseman2

[RennerReiner]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

If possible, remove the bullying content asap. 

Please read the terms of service for your social media. Most sites have steps to take regarding cyber bullying:

"Report harassment or bullying on Instagram if an account is established with the intent of bullying or harassing another person or if a photo or comment is intended to bully or harass someone, please report it."

I have removed it. The new gf stopped posting for 3-4 months and my ex still didn't reactivate his account

[RennerReiner]

2 hours ago, JTSW said:

Because he doesn't feel the same way you do.

You need to accept that and cut this thing off with him.

Don't push him on it because it will just make it worse.

Be an adult and walk away gracefully.

Don't bully him the way you did your ex (even though your ex deserved it).

But he was coming to see me each time. Whenever I called him. 

[RennerReiner]

3 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

 Sometimes we're attracted to people but not enough to date them. He doesn't see you as girlfriend material for him. You're also his friend's ex so the likelihood of this developing has always been very low. 

It's time to call this all off. It's already getting too messy and it's not going to go further than it is now. A waste of your time, in other words. 

 

But there are people who dated each other's BFF exes and stuff?

[ExpatInItaly]

2 minutes ago, RennerReiner said:

But there are people who dated each other's BFF exes and stuff?

Ok, so then you need to assume he just into you enough to date you. 

That's all. It's just some physical fun for him. 

[JTSW]

11 minutes ago, RennerReiner said:

But he was coming to see me each time. Whenever I called him. 

Doesn't mean anything.

11 minutes ago, RennerReiner said:

But there are people who dated each other's BFF exes and stuff?

He is not one of them.

He's happy to hook up but that's it.

He doesn't want anything more than that.

Accept it.

[RennerReiner]

6 minutes ago, JTSW said:

Doesn't mean anything.

He is not one of them.

He's happy to hook up but that's it.

He doesn't want anything more than that.

Accept it.

He came to my society event , he came to my graduation ceremony and after party, so many tines outside. Even asked me to accompany him to a picnic with a couple of students he didn't know very well.

[RennerReiner]

18 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Ok, so then you need to assume he just into you enough to date you. 

That's all. It's just some physical fun for him. 

He said he likes petite women but I'm an inch taller and a bigger girl

[JTSW]

25 minutes ago, RennerReiner said:

He came to my society event , he came to my graduation ceremony and after party, so many tines outside. Even asked me to accompany him to a picnic with a couple of students he didn't know very well.

Again, it doesn't mean he is interested in a relationship with you.

He is doing what friends do and that's it.

He told you straight that he only likes you as a friend. 

What are you not getting?

[ExpatInItaly]

34 minutes ago, RennerReiner said:

He said he likes petite women but I'm an inch taller and a bigger girl

Well then, even more reason to get rid of him. 

Find a guy who is into you in all ways and wants to be with you for a relationship. My guess is you're still hurting from your ex cheating, so this new rejection stings even worse. But people have all sorts of preferences. There is a man out there who will be crazy about you, just as you are. 

I would look outside your ex's friend group and date a man who is not connected to him whatsoever. Start fresh. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, RennerReiner said:

But he was coming to see me....

That's ok. You don't need to worry about what other people do or if he was nice to you in the past. Things have changed and it's best to just walk away from all these people and date local interested men who want a committed dating situation.

1 hour ago, RennerReiner said:

But there are people who dated each other's BFF .....

 

[RennerReiner]

31 minutes ago, JTSW said:

Again, it doesn't mean he is interested in a relationship with you.

He is doing what friends do and that's it.

He told you straight that he only likes you as a friend. 

What are you not getting?

He would keep patting me on the shoulder

[JTSW]

1 minute ago, RennerReiner said:

He would keep patting me on the shoulder

AGAIN, does not mean he is interested in a relationship with you.

You need to stop and let this go.

You are getting very obsessive about this.

Seek therapy because you seem a little messed up from both him and your ex.

[Wiseman2]

14 hours ago, RennerReiner said:

 Earlier, he was always patting me on my shoulder, being friendly and helpful but his entire demeanor had changed once I mentioned that I liked him and wanted more. 

 

He told me he's not ready, has viewed me as a friend, 

He was quite clear about not wanting a relationship. Being empathetic about your breakup and dating exclusively is not at all related. Try to forget about him. 

[RennerReiner]

2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

He was quite clear about not wanting a relationship. Being empathetic about your breakup and dating exclusively is not at all related. Try to forget about him. 

 

12 minutes ago, JTSW said:

AGAIN, does not mean he is interested in a relationship with you.

You need to stop and let this go.

You are getting very obsessive about this.

Seek therapy because you seem a little messed up from both him and your ex.

But does patting on shoulder mean more?

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, RennerReiner said:

But does patting on shoulder mean more?

 He explained that he doesn't want a relationship and was just being a friend.

[JTSW]

7 minutes ago, RennerReiner said:

 

But does patting on shoulder mean more?

No, it doesn't. It means nothing.

[JTSW]

Let it go OP.

[RennerReiner]

32 minutes ago, JTSW said:

No, it doesn't. It means nothing.

I mean wasnt it a romantic touch?

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, RennerReiner said:

But he was coming to see me each time. Whenever I called him. 

Men will typically respond for easy sex.  The problem is you want more and he does not.