livingalife2009 Posted April 24, 2023 Posted April 24, 2023 Last week I had my first date with a man who claimed to be very attracted to me. It seems that he is more in to me than me into him. He drove a few hours to meet me, he has made plan for our second date and 3rd date, again driving to me for both. I like him but I am not looking for a relationship. This morning he wrote, that he is very attracted to me, he wants to see me as much as possible. He hopes that our second date is the beginning of us spending many many times together. I don't think I am that attracted to him but I do want to have fun and be intimate with him. I plan to pay my fair share of our dating expenses so money is not the problem. But is it fair for me to continue to go out with him without an intention to date him long term?. How do I tell him that I don't intent to be with him long term but would like to hangout with him for as long as things work out?
Ami1uwant Posted April 24, 2023 Posted April 24, 2023 There is nothing wrong in this being just casual and not be that serious. You can just say that to him that you are just looking for fun dating and not a serious relationship. 2
Weezy1973 Posted April 24, 2023 Posted April 24, 2023 As long as you’re honest with him about that it’s okay. He can decide for himself if he wants to continue. However, are you not interested in a long term relationship at all, or just not with this man in particular? If you want a long term relationship, but this isn’t the guy for you, I’d suggest foregoing the fun as to not waste either of your time. 1
Author livingalife2009 Posted April 24, 2023 Author Posted April 24, 2023 Just now, Weezy1973 said: As long as you’re honest with him about that it’s okay. He can decide for himself if he wants to continue. However, are you not interested in a long term relationship at all, or just not with this man in particular? If you want a long term relationship, but this isn’t the guy for you, I’d suggest foregoing the fun as to not waste either of your time. I am not ready for a long term commitment.
Weezy1973 Posted April 24, 2023 Posted April 24, 2023 5 minutes ago, livingalife2009 said: I am not ready for a long term commitment. Then full honesty is the best you can do. If he gets attached after knowing where you’re at, that’s on him. Going on casual dates can be fun and it’s not leading him on as long as you’re honest. If you want things to escalate to sex, and he’s attracted to you, he’ll probably be more than happy to oblige.
smackie9 Posted April 24, 2023 Posted April 24, 2023 He's getting attached so it's time to break the news to him.
Wiseman2 Posted April 24, 2023 Posted April 24, 2023 1 hour ago, livingalife2009 said: . How do I tell him that I don't intent to be with him long term but would like to hangout with him for as long as things work out? He seems enthusiastic and that's nice. If you feel he's coming on too strong, let him know you're only looking for casual right now. Yes play it by ear. It's only been 1 date. How far is the distance? How viable are things?
basil67 Posted April 24, 2023 Posted April 24, 2023 (edited) Did you meet him on a dating site? If so, what did you say you were looking for? All in all though, the time to manage his expectations would have been when he told you that he wants to see you as much as possible. But you could still tell him now. The sooner the better Edited April 24, 2023 by basil67
stillafool Posted April 24, 2023 Posted April 24, 2023 5 hours ago, livingalife2009 said: I am not ready for a long term commitment. Then just tell him this. Tell him you'd love to go out with him to have fun, perhaps physical intimacy, but you're not ready for a relationship.
Lotsgoingon Posted April 25, 2023 Posted April 25, 2023 You need to drop a direct dime on this guy---really blunt words to tell him you are NOT on the same page as he is. Hi, got your text. I'm flattered. I have to tell you I am not looking for a long-term relationship. I don't think I am looking for any kind of serious relationship right now. And I am certainly not planning to spend more time together than we are already spending. Honestly, this guy is so off the hook serious about you that I don't think you can just have fun and be casual with him. Nope. Can't do it--he's going to keep falling in love. Any fun will be deposited in his growing love account for you. 2 1
ShyViolet Posted April 25, 2023 Posted April 25, 2023 You need to run... don't walk.. from this guy. He is getting way ahead of himself and love-bombing you. It's not normal behavior to tell a woman, after one date, that he wants to spend as much time with you as possible and have many, many more dates with you. It's too much. This guy is already showing you that he's going to be clingy and hard to get rid of. And since you know that you are not that attracted to him and not looking for a relationship (at least not with him), you should not go any further with this guy. You need to be honest with him now and tell him you aren't interested in him. 2
BaileyB Posted April 25, 2023 Posted April 25, 2023 6 hours ago, livingalife2009 said: But is it fair for me to continue to go out with him without an intention to date him long term? Certainly not if you are not attracted to him and you are not on the same page in terms of your expectations Ie. casual or serious long term relationship. 6 hours ago, livingalife2009 said: How do I tell him that I don't intent to be with him long term but would like to hangout with him for as long as things work out? Exactly this, you are not looking for a serious relationship - rather, something more casual. Just tell him what you have told us and let him decide if he wants to continue seeing you or not.
JTSW Posted April 25, 2023 Posted April 25, 2023 13 hours ago, livingalife2009 said: I am not ready for a long term commitment. Then you need to tell him this because he's becoming very attached to you. Tell him before he drives down for the 2nd date. Be honest about your intentions with him. Being intimate with him is not a good idea. It wont be fair to him.
ExpatInItaly Posted April 25, 2023 Posted April 25, 2023 Yes, you need to tell him right away that you don't want a relationship. Given how much he seems to like you already, I would also advise you not to keep him around just for casual fun. It doesn't appear he's the type to handle it well, or do so without secretly harbouring a hope you will change your mind in time.
flow28 Posted April 25, 2023 Posted April 25, 2023 You have to let him know that you're looking for something more casual. Tell him you're not looking for a long-term relationship and then see what he says. Just communicate what you want because if you don't then you may be leading him on while he possibly wants LTR.
Alpacalia Posted April 25, 2023 Posted April 25, 2023 20 hours ago, livingalife2009 said: I don't think I am that attracted to him but I do want to have fun and be intimate with him. I plan to pay my fair share of our dating expenses so money is not the problem. But is it fair for me to continue to go out with him without an intention to date him long term?. How do I tell him that I don't intent to be with him long term but would like to hangout with him for as long as things work out? Is it worth engaging in sexual intimacy with someone you're not attracted to? It's like eating a delicious meal with no appetite. Intimacy is about more than just physical attraction. It's ultimately up to you, but as long as you consider the possible emotional, mental, and physical consequences of engaging in sexual intimacy with someone you're not attracted to, then you should be okay. To respond to your initial question, keep the tone light and casual, while still being clear about your intentions. Listen to his response and be open to his perspective as well.
NuevoYorko Posted April 26, 2023 Posted April 26, 2023 Just tell him you 're not looking for the same thing and move on. The world is bursting with men who would like to have casual sex with women who are not looking for committed relationships. Find them. It's easy.
Lotsgoingon Posted April 27, 2023 Posted April 27, 2023 And OP, you were need to put on some dark glasses here. Because when we go casual with someone who is on the love page, things don't go well. The other person can feel painfully betrayed and lash out at you. So you want to tell this guy exactly and honest where you are--in order to protect yourself down the line from a nasty backlash.
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