Ghosted

[nox3000]

I recently got ghosted by a guy I met through a dating app and im having a hard time coping.

 We had been talking for a month. We called many times and our calls lasted hours and we went on two dates. Both dates seemed to go well. On the second date we spent the entire day together. A few days after our second date he asked me out on another date but said he wasn't sure when exactly it would be because he was very busy with school. Two days later I tried to send him a message asking how he was and I noticed my message wouldn't deliver. I then sent a message on discord asking if everything was alright and then he deleted me on there as well.

I keep trying to figure out what I might have said or done to make him want to leave without saying why. I don't understand why he would tell me he felt like we had a  connection, ask me on another date and then ghost me two days later. I feel ugly and worthless right now

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, nox3000 said:

I said he wasn't sure when exactly it would be because he was very busy with school. Two days later I tried to send him a message asking how he was and I noticed my message wouldn't deliver. I then sent a message on discord asking if everything was alright and then he deleted me on there as well.

Sorry this happened. The dates went well so it doesn't seem like anything you did or said. Don't take it personally.

It's possible he's on/off with someone or talking to an ex. The sudden disappearance indicates something is up with him.

Actually it seems like you dodged a bullet if he's got stuff going on or is too flakey. 

[ShyViolet]

I'm sorry you are having a rough time with this.  But you let yourself get way, way too invested in a guy who you were talking to for a month and you barely knew.  This guy was a virtual stranger to you.  Two dates is not a relationship.  That early in dating, things fall through all the time for all sorts of reasons.  You will never find out the exact reason, so stop analyzing this  to death and trying to figure it out.  The reason might have had nothing to do with you, it could be that he met someone else.

[semble]

On the second date you told him something he didn't want to hear. To you it was innocuous, to him it was a deal breaker.

I've been on dates like that, I can recall one in particular. After she spoke I said to myself I'll never see this woman again.

[stillafool]

Why do you feel ugly because he ghosted you?  It had nothing to do with your looks unless you use a old photo on your profile.

[smackie9]

You are an option in a sea of opportunity. You have to realize people will be dating others, talking to others, having sex with others and liking someone else more. Just because they talk to you, shouldn't be regarded as an investment in you or be counted as dating. You had two OK dates...it didn't pan out.These days people are so passive they would rather just disappear rather than saying sorry there won't be another date. This shouldn't be a reflection on who you are. You know you are great and you will meet someone that will appreciate you. You have to not be so invested. The proof is in the dates and the actual effort they put into it. Texting is not an effort...it's all lip service. An interested man will plan, set up a date and time with no excuses like "I will be busy with...." If he is into you he wouldn't say anything discouraging or put you on hold. So listen and watch carefully.

[ExpatInItaly]

10 hours ago, nox3000 said:

I feel ugly and worthless right now

This tells me you were far too invested in this, and attached to you much of your own value to a random guy you don't know well.  That is what I find most concerning about the situation. I would take a step back and ask yourself why you are using this guy as a measuring stick of your self-worth. 

You are also assuming it's something about you. It could be anything. Maybe he wasn't single. Maybe he met someone else and didn't have the courage to tell you. Maybe an ex popped back up. 

It sucks to go through this, no doubt. But I also see an opportunity here to learn more about yourself and better temper your involvement in the future when you barely know the other person. 

[Weezy1973]

Yup, agree with the others. You were too invested too early. It’s a tough lesson but is just a good rule to follow for online dating. Getting invested so early is going to lead to emotional burnout. Who knows why he ghosted? It doesn’t really matter. He’s not the guy for you. There are plenty more…

[Gaeta]

I am sorry this happenned to you. It happenned to a lot of daters. Let this be a learning experience. It's a hard way to learn l know.

A man that only sees you twice in a month isn't free, no matter how busy he says he is. He enjoyed the attention on the phone that's about it. 

You did not see this man often enough to build an opinion of him so your brain compensated by creating beautiful images of what it could be. This is a phenomenon you have to keep in mind while dating.

So, now you know this man probably was not free, probably was not sincere, probably was nothing like your brain made him to be...why let him make you feel ugly? He's the ugly one! You are a beautiful woman with a sincere heart looking for love, don't let insignificant online joe blow destroy that so easily. 

[George81]

Something similar happened to me.  I know how you feel and it sucks.  Im new to dating again and learning its a whole new world to navigate.  Would say to just try and learn from this and keep working on being the best person possible.  It still hurts me but im trying to keep my chin up.

[JTSW]

I can guarantee that you weren't the only one he was talking to.

You were likely just one of many.

He obviously just met someone he really likes and brushed you off.

It's nothing you've done.

It's a shame he couldn't be respectful enough to tell you straight.

Count yourself lucky because he sounds like an ass.

[flow28]

Anyone who ghosts you like this should be out of your head immediately. He's obviously not into you, he didn't even have the courtesy to say it and he's an a**h***. It doesn't matter why. Men on dating apps are like buses, another will arrive. Just meet as many guys as possible and you won't care if one ghosts you because you have ten others lined up. Nothing is wrong with you, it's not your business that he didn't see your value. His ghosting may have nothing to do with you either but more with his expectations, maybe he sensed you won't quickly get physical with him so he's now looking for someone 'easier'. Maybe his girlfriend found out. It doesn't matter if it seemed to be going well if he ghosted you after that. It's his loss not yours, you should be happy that the trash took itself out.